Sometimes the reason people act like they have no brains is because they have no brains.
But the serious point is that we have way too many colleges and universities, with way too many young (and not-so-young) students warehoused in them, “learning” way too many stupid things from way too many daft professors, it costs way, way, way too much money–and it’s strangling our country.
Thare is jist “no” end to the Interllecturalniss we get hear at Collidge!! Tooday in Nothing Studdies thay teached us “how” “to” play whith Dolls!!!
Theese hear dolls thay “are” Gender Floowid! That meens thay “can” be mail Or feemail Or neether!!! All yiu got “to” “do” “to” chainge thare Gender is,, yiu put diffrint clothes on themb!!! and aslo do thare hare diffrint!! Its “that” eezy!!!!!
Thenn thay shoowd us “a” Moovie butt i allreddy seed “it” wen i was Majering in Gender Studdies it is caled How Floowed Is Floowed?? and Tomb Hancks he is “in” it!!! At leest i thinked its Tomb Hancks maby it “is” sum one Elss! Itis al aboat How yiu “can” be al sortce of diffrint Genders whith all sortce of Diffrint Pro-nowns and iff sum Biggit Hater he dont use the “rihght” Pro-nown that yiu whant,, yiu can “get” himb Arestid and throwed in Jale!!!! How grate “is” That???
Unfortchinitly thay dont “let” us “taik” the Gender Dolls back to the Dorms whith us becose thay cost tooo Expensif but i dont has a Dorm roomb becose I still spleep in my Prefesser”s Twool Shed so i thawt it “wood be” alrihght iff i taked my Doll back thare but thay woodnt “let” “me” “do” that ether!!
To-marrow our prefesser she is goingto teetch “us” “how” to maik a Ball out of Play-Doh and role it all arowned!! Thare is awlyays sum Thing “new” “to” lern!!!!!!
It is so Hard to tern into a wimmin! Themb Moth Hormoans thay shot me “up” “whith” all thay done “was” give me “theese” hear Moth Antenners and maiked me look goofy!!!
But its a Good Thing i amb hear in Collidge becose “in” collidge “we” has got So Manny Interllecturals thay can alyaws “think Up” a noo whay to do jist abote Any Thing!!!
So now we got “a” noo Coarse it is jist “starting” Up this Simmester,, it is a Coarse in Bellie Dantsing!! and I sined Up “for”: it!! and now i whill be lerning How To Bellie Dantse and that wil “Hellp” me tern into a wimmin “at Last”!!!!! and If i Passe it then i wil Get Three (3!) Ackadimmick Creddits!!!!! i cuddnit Affourd the Oficile Bellie Dantsing Cosstomb thouogh so i whil has to Bellie Dantse in my Undies!!!
And wood yiu Beleave “it??? some biggit he sayed i am Growtesk!!! and that he got Nite Mares from jist “looking” at me doing Bellie Dantsing,, he got Dizzy fromb see-ing my Moth Antenners “spin” arownd and arownd wile i dantsed!!! It maiked me Cry!!! Butt that is OK becose Crying “it” “Is” alloud in this hear Class!!! and aslo I re-Portid him to the Collidge Buyas Responts Teem and nowh he Must go inter Sensertivvaty Traning!! and aslo i let the aire Out “of” his tyres wen he wazznt Looking!!
I amb aslo sined “up” fore Play-Doh Modling 202 it is “the” Advantsed Coarse and i whil lern How To yuze a pentsle to poak Holes in a bawl of Play-Doh “to” Maik ayes and a Nose,, witch maikes it into A Fayce!!!!! It is reel Skullpture!!!
Bob Hope hits the bullseye.
Yes–now you can go to collidge, and run of a $150,000 debt, to study… zombies.
The fact that there’s no such thing as zombies doesn’t seem to deter anyone. College students study a lot of things that don’t exist and never have. Unless you define “white privilege” as the privilege of being blamed for everything and having to pay for entitlements to Democrat voting blocs.
Our universities–making America dumber by the day.
Yeasterday we hadded a spacial Lexture in Nothing Studdies abote Dieits and “Haow” yiu shoodnt “eeat” nothing whith Attems in it! Becose themb Attems thay gett “mixed” tagether “and” That maikes themb into Mollycules and thenn Anny Thing it Can “hapen” jist abote al of It all Bad!!!!
It terns Out thare “are” Mollycules in Meet and Vejtibbles and themb Mollycules thay are watt maikes yiu Fat and maikes yiu aslo Whatch Fox News!!! Butt i was Feeeling Releaved becose yiu can stil eet jim sox and hankerchiffs thare isnt no Mollycules in thare!!! But then the Lexturer she sayed “i Hait to telll yiu this butt thare is Attems in pracktally Evry Thing and Attems thay meene Mollycules!!”!
and then somb Eaval whyte Soupremassist he wispered “O Yeah?? then how comb she her is so freekin Fatt??? she must waigh 3 hunderd powneds!!! butt” we herd himb so six of us wee beet himb up!!! Aslo now he hasto “go” to Sencertivatty Traning becose he is Aginst Divercity!!!!! We try not to lett enny Fashists into Nothing Studdies but thay “keep” sneeking “in”!” and maiking biggit speach!!!
Wel somb of Us we was whirryed yiu coodnt “eat” nothing at al becose amlost “Evvry” Thing its got Attems in “it” but that is OK afteral becose The Lexturer “she” toled us she cood cell us “theese” hear Pills witch yiu can take and “thay” “pre-vent” the Attems fromb buntching tagether “And” maiking Mollycules!!! So natcherly we al byed themb Pills so now we are “Saif” fromb Mollycules!!!!! It was a Close Cawl thuohgh!!!!!!
It would be less disrespectful to us, the defenseless taxpayers of New Jersey, if they raked all our money into a pile and set it on fire. But instead they use it to fund Rutgers.
My old alma mater, the state university, covered itself with yet more academic glory a few days ago. A Rutgers professor of Women’s and Gender Studies and Africana Studies–you already know where this is going, don’t you?–in an interview on NPR, where else, declared that “white people own time” (https://www.thecollegefix.com/rutgers-professor-even-the-concept-of-time-is-racist/).
According to this racist nitwit, “white people” invented the whole idea of time, so that makes time Racist, I guess if you peek at your wristwatch to see if this broadcast will be over soon, that makes you a White Supremacist Slave-Holder or something. “But we,” she added, meaning “we proud African people,” blah-blah, “treat time as though it is timeless.”
What a load of crap.
Does this have anything to do with why recent college graduates have so much trouble showing up for work on time? That is, if they work at all.
It distresses me that money that I work for goes to pay this jidrool’s salary, not to mention spectacular benefits that real people who don’t work for the state of New Jersey can only dream about… and pay for.
Defund the colleges now. Before it’s too late.
We’ve been hearing a lot about supposedly “worthless” college degrees in “ridiculous” subjects like Intersectional Feminist Literary Theory or Superhero Studies. But I’m Dr. Credulous, and I’m here to tell you that your “worthless” college degree is money in the bank!
What if your employer needs to know whether a new sales policy he’s contemplating is suitably intersectional, contributary to Social Justice, subtly microaggressive, or insufficiently non-transactional? Who’s he gonna call–some know-nothing IT guy? Heck, no–he’s gonna call you!
Today’s college graduates are tomorrow’s Democrat voters! Today’s college grads are tomorrow’s societal influencers!
So be proud of your master’s degree in Gender Studies! After all, it took you seven or eight years to earn it, not to mention that crushingly massive student debt. Be proud of being part of the wave of the future!
I’m Dr. Credulous, and I know about these things.
Boy is Collidge hard some times!! it is “using” Up “all” my Brane Powwer!
I sined up for a coarse In Femmanist Jograffy becose i am “taking” al themb Moth Hoarmoans to make me Into A Wimmin and than i Whill Be a reel Femmanist but it is sooo “hard” becose now thay are Moving “all the plaices” aruond to Other Plaices!!!
Like Jepan for instants! Jepan it is in Ohio butt now i has to lern it is Somware Elsse!!! In Femmanist Jograffy now Jepan it is in Arrazona and Arrazona thay moved It to Affricka!! This hear it is dun becose of Femmanist Apissta-Mollajy and yiu has to be Inter-Sexional to unnerstand Waht “that” “meens”!!! My hedd it is pownding!!
The Prefesser she tolled us yiu has “got to” go Beeyond Gender and i gess i Whas Rong becose i dint Know “thare” was a Beeyond Gender ennything!!
Evin Wurst! That thare coarse in Femmanist Jograffy it “costs” a Extra $Thowsend Dolars pur Samester and yiu “know” i hasnt got that kyned of Muney!!!!! so i has got to Pay by “beeing” “the prefesser’s Serphent!! i has to Go to her Appartamint and whash disshes and vacume and duo her lawndry and ohboy i dont “Know How” to fix lawndry and her cloths thay Came Out all torn and derty whith Goofy Colores i dont know “watt” she is goingto Say wen she fines Out!!! So i had had to Hyde themb clothes Under the Bedd and hoap she dont See “themb”!! and aslo i kep getting The “whashing masheen mixed” up whith the Stoave and then there whas a reely bad Fyre!!! lucky four me she wasnt hoam!!! Wauter wauter evryware,, bye the Time i “put” it out!! Butt usully she is Hihgh on somthing so she dont “knotice” a Lot of things!!!
Anyboddy whoo thinks “being” a Interllectural it is Eazy, thay are krazy!!!!!!
How come it’s so easy for frogs, but not for people?
Some of our great colleges and looniversities are trying to find out what an “adult” is (https://www.campusreform.org/?ID=11710). Nobody seems to know. There appears to be a lot of tension. At what point, exactly, does one become an “adult”? And how do you get out of it?
Is it when you can drink adult beverages and watch adult movies?
“You know, that’s a pretty good answer!” says Dr. Emmet Landfill, department head of Nothing Studies at Wrongful Death University. “If they sell you the booze and let you in to see the movie, you’ve made it!”
But other academics, equally learned and wise, disagree.
“At no point in life does any human person ever become an adult!” asserts Professor Gertrude Windex, dean of fuzzy puppies at East Pakistan Teachers College. “For pete’s sake, why do you think we’ve invented the term, adulting? Adulting is a process, man! Like a Monopoly board with an infinite number of squares! And anyone who says otherwise should be expelled!”
So no one agrees. In fact, the only thing the the professors all agree upon is that everyone should go to college and stay there for as long as possible.