Tooday we hadded “a” meating of The Stodent Soviet to de-manned fromb nowh “on” thare be Nothing butt Reel Eezy Corses hear at Collidge so evry One thay can Gradurate!!!
Al the collidge it has to Do “is” drop al themb Hard Corses! I knowed a gye he “was” taking Allergebra and it was jist Awffle!!! It was tooo hard! Thare shoodnt be “no” Math in collidge becose Math it “is” ownly For no good stinkin wyte Peple!! And yiu know watts wrong whith “it???” Yiu woont beleave it!!! Thay keep sayin thare is A Rihght Ansir to evry Promble! And al the Otther Ansirs thay “are” Wrong!!! This is Racist!!!
Butt wee aslo deamanneded thay get Ridd “of” Histary becose its Old! and get ridd of Englisch becose its jist wyte Privlidge! Al themb Ackadimmick corses thay are ownly “in” thare to maik stodents feeel Bad!!! Themb proffs thay jist caint whayt to Flunk yiu!!!!
Constaquintly becose of al themb Hard Corses thare “are” Stodents who cant gradurate “And” thay dont get no Deegree or nothing!!! Lasst yeer we jist fowneded Out that our Graduration Rayt “it was” ownly Nineteeen 19 Parsent!!!! That is unconsional!!! The Rayte it shood Be One hunderd 100 parsent!!!
I amb luccky i amb majering In Nothing Studdies and noboddy thay nevver Flunks Nothing Studdies!!!! Acksipt for this one gye he Flunkeded the Fynal becose he eated The Test and thenn got Sick alll Over “the” prefesser’s Desque!!!!!! Butt evry Boddy elst we al getted Strait As!!! Al we got “to Do” is keep paiying “the” Tution and in Fyve 5 oar Sicks 6 Yeers we gets our Deegree!!!
And yiu sea that oncet Evry Boddy thay all gets Strait As,, then Evry Boddy thay “are” Eaquol!!! Eaquolitty it “is” Goood!!!!!!!!!!
Yeasterday in Nothing Studies “the” prefesser she assined us To Wreite a Termb Payper on “”Whom is Yore Favret Super Heero?””! It “is” doo by the End of “the” Smester and It whil cownt fore Haff our Grayd!!! But That it is “no” promble Becose she is goingto Give us All A’s annyhow,, it wood Be “a” Micro Grecian iff she gived us anny thing but a A!! She sayed this hear payper it “is” a Extrasize in Crickle Thinkking!!!!
Wel i was reely Stuck! Haow do yiu pick yore Favret Super Heero wen thare “is” so Menny Of “themb” and yiu Lyke themb alll??? SupraMan and BahtMan and Aqwavellva Man to saye Nothing “of” Wolfereen and the Blak Pander and Speiderman!!
Butt finely i desiddid my Favret Super Heero of themb “all” it is Wouldy Wouldpecker!!!!!!
Crimbinols and Climbit Chainge Denyars and Haters thay alll gives up and cry wen “thay” here Wouldy Wouldpecker lauhght!!!! Ha-ha-ha-ha!!!!! Wen thay here that they know thay Are finnish!!
And gee wow!!! I jist reelyzed “that” i can jist hand “in” this hear Post and that “whil” be my Termb Payper and i woont has to doo anny moar Work “on” it!!!!!!!!!!
Man i amb reely Geting “the” Hang of Collidge!!!
(Thanks to Susan for the nooze tip)
Okay, who’s surprised about this? A study shows that Far Left college professors outnumber conservatives, 12-1 (https://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2016/oct/6/liberal-professors-outnumber-conservatives-12-1/). The researchers surveyed 40 “leading universities” and found the faculty voter registration figures to be about 3,600 Democrat to only 300 Republican. It sounds like Thermopylae.
Why the huge disparity?
The researchers reasoned–rather shrewdly, I thought–that the main cause of this has been academic disciplines “branching out” into Silly Studies–women’s studies, gender studies, Everything Is Racist studies, and all the rest of it–that no conservative professor could ever bring himself to “teach.”
Job One for our colleges is to crank out more Far Left crazies. Job Two is to expand perpetually, so as to find jobs for as many of these chowderheads as possible. That a vast swath of them are totally unemployable even by colleges is of no concern.
Public schools, teachers’ unions, our grotesquely overgrown “higher education” system–kill these, and Far Left Crazy dies. In America, at least, what we laughingly call “education” is leftism’s life support system.
That alone is ample reason to defund it.
Sometimes the reason people act like they have no brains is because they have no brains.
But the serious point is that we have way too many colleges and universities, with way too many young (and not-so-young) students warehoused in them, “learning” way too many stupid things from way too many daft professors, it costs way, way, way too much money–and it’s strangling our country.
Thare is jist “no” end to the Interllecturalniss we get hear at Collidge!! Tooday in Nothing Studdies thay teached us “how” “to” play whith Dolls!!!
Theese hear dolls thay “are” Gender Floowid! That meens thay “can” be mail Or feemail Or neether!!! All yiu got “to” “do” “to” chainge thare Gender is,, yiu put diffrint clothes on themb!!! and aslo do thare hare diffrint!! Its “that” eezy!!!!!
Thenn thay shoowd us “a” Moovie butt i allreddy seed “it” wen i was Majering in Gender Studdies it is caled How Floowed Is Floowed?? and Tomb Hancks he is “in” it!!! At leest i thinked its Tomb Hancks maby it “is” sum one Elss! Itis al aboat How yiu “can” be al sortce of diffrint Genders whith all sortce of Diffrint Pro-nowns and iff sum Biggit Hater he dont use the “rihght” Pro-nown that yiu whant,, yiu can “get” himb Arestid and throwed in Jale!!!! How grate “is” That???
Unfortchinitly thay dont “let” us “taik” the Gender Dolls back to the Dorms whith us becose thay cost tooo Expensif but i dont has a Dorm roomb becose I still spleep in my Prefesser”s Twool Shed so i thawt it “wood be” alrihght iff i taked my Doll back thare but thay woodnt “let” “me” “do” that ether!!
To-marrow our prefesser she is goingto teetch “us” “how” to maik a Ball out of Play-Doh and role it all arowned!! Thare is awlyays sum Thing “new” “to” lern!!!!!!
It is so Hard to tern into a wimmin! Themb Moth Hormoans thay shot me “up” “whith” all thay done “was” give me “theese” hear Moth Antenners and maiked me look goofy!!!
But its a Good Thing i amb hear in Collidge becose “in” collidge “we” has got So Manny Interllecturals thay can alyaws “think Up” a noo whay to do jist abote Any Thing!!!
So now we got “a” noo Coarse it is jist “starting” Up this Simmester,, it is a Coarse in Bellie Dantsing!! and I sined Up “for”: it!! and now i whill be lerning How To Bellie Dantse and that wil “Hellp” me tern into a wimmin “at Last”!!!!! and If i Passe it then i wil Get Three (3!) Ackadimmick Creddits!!!!! i cuddnit Affourd the Oficile Bellie Dantsing Cosstomb thouogh so i whil has to Bellie Dantse in my Undies!!!
And wood yiu Beleave “it??? some biggit he sayed i am Growtesk!!! and that he got Nite Mares from jist “looking” at me doing Bellie Dantsing,, he got Dizzy fromb see-ing my Moth Antenners “spin” arownd and arownd wile i dantsed!!! It maiked me Cry!!! Butt that is OK becose Crying “it” “Is” alloud in this hear Class!!! and aslo I re-Portid him to the Collidge Buyas Responts Teem and nowh he Must go inter Sensertivvaty Traning!! and aslo i let the aire Out “of” his tyres wen he wazznt Looking!!
I amb aslo sined “up” fore Play-Doh Modling 202 it is “the” Advantsed Coarse and i whil lern How To yuze a pentsle to poak Holes in a bawl of Play-Doh “to” Maik ayes and a Nose,, witch maikes it into A Fayce!!!!! It is reel Skullpture!!!
Bob Hope hits the bullseye.
Yes–now you can go to collidge, and run of a $150,000 debt, to study… zombies.
The fact that there’s no such thing as zombies doesn’t seem to deter anyone. College students study a lot of things that don’t exist and never have. Unless you define “white privilege” as the privilege of being blamed for everything and having to pay for entitlements to Democrat voting blocs.
Our universities–making America dumber by the day.
Yeasterday we hadded a spacial Lexture in Nothing Studdies abote Dieits and “Haow” yiu shoodnt “eeat” nothing whith Attems in it! Becose themb Attems thay gett “mixed” tagether “and” That maikes themb into Mollycules and thenn Anny Thing it Can “hapen” jist abote al of It all Bad!!!!
It terns Out thare “are” Mollycules in Meet and Vejtibbles and themb Mollycules thay are watt maikes yiu Fat and maikes yiu aslo Whatch Fox News!!! Butt i was Feeeling Releaved becose yiu can stil eet jim sox and hankerchiffs thare isnt no Mollycules in thare!!! But then the Lexturer she sayed “i Hait to telll yiu this butt thare is Attems in pracktally Evry Thing and Attems thay meene Mollycules!!”!
and then somb Eaval whyte Soupremassist he wispered “O Yeah?? then how comb she her is so freekin Fatt??? she must waigh 3 hunderd powneds!!! butt” we herd himb so six of us wee beet himb up!!! Aslo now he hasto “go” to Sencertivatty Traning becose he is Aginst Divercity!!!!! We try not to lett enny Fashists into Nothing Studdies but thay “keep” sneeking “in”!” and maiking biggit speach!!!
Wel somb of Us we was whirryed yiu coodnt “eat” nothing at al becose amlost “Evvry” Thing its got Attems in “it” but that is OK afteral becose The Lexturer “she” toled us she cood cell us “theese” hear Pills witch yiu can take and “thay” “pre-vent” the Attems fromb buntching tagether “And” maiking Mollycules!!! So natcherly we al byed themb Pills so now we are “Saif” fromb Mollycules!!!!! It was a Close Cawl thuohgh!!!!!!
It would be less disrespectful to us, the defenseless taxpayers of New Jersey, if they raked all our money into a pile and set it on fire. But instead they use it to fund Rutgers.
My old alma mater, the state university, covered itself with yet more academic glory a few days ago. A Rutgers professor of Women’s and Gender Studies and Africana Studies–you already know where this is going, don’t you?–in an interview on NPR, where else, declared that “white people own time” (https://www.thecollegefix.com/rutgers-professor-even-the-concept-of-time-is-racist/).
According to this racist nitwit, “white people” invented the whole idea of time, so that makes time Racist, I guess if you peek at your wristwatch to see if this broadcast will be over soon, that makes you a White Supremacist Slave-Holder or something. “But we,” she added, meaning “we proud African people,” blah-blah, “treat time as though it is timeless.”
What a load of crap.
Does this have anything to do with why recent college graduates have so much trouble showing up for work on time? That is, if they work at all.
It distresses me that money that I work for goes to pay this jidrool’s salary, not to mention spectacular benefits that real people who don’t work for the state of New Jersey can only dream about… and pay for.
Defund the colleges now. Before it’s too late.
We’ve been hearing a lot about supposedly “worthless” college degrees in “ridiculous” subjects like Intersectional Feminist Literary Theory or Superhero Studies. But I’m Dr. Credulous, and I’m here to tell you that your “worthless” college degree is money in the bank!
What if your employer needs to know whether a new sales policy he’s contemplating is suitably intersectional, contributary to Social Justice, subtly microaggressive, or insufficiently non-transactional? Who’s he gonna call–some know-nothing IT guy? Heck, no–he’s gonna call you!
Today’s college graduates are tomorrow’s Democrat voters! Today’s college grads are tomorrow’s societal influencers!
So be proud of your master’s degree in Gender Studies! After all, it took you seven or eight years to earn it, not to mention that crushingly massive student debt. Be proud of being part of the wave of the future!
I’m Dr. Credulous, and I know about these things.