Yeasterday we hadded a spacial Lexture in Nothing Studdies abote Dieits and “Haow” yiu shoodnt “eeat” nothing whith Attems in it! Becose themb Attems thay gett “mixed” tagether “and” That maikes themb into Mollycules and thenn Anny Thing it Can “hapen” jist abote al of It all Bad!!!!
It terns Out thare “are” Mollycules in Meet and Vejtibbles and themb Mollycules thay are watt maikes yiu Fat and maikes yiu aslo Whatch Fox News!!! Butt i was Feeeling Releaved becose yiu can stil eet jim sox and hankerchiffs thare isnt no Mollycules in thare!!! But then the Lexturer she sayed “i Hait to telll yiu this butt thare is Attems in pracktally Evry Thing and Attems thay meene Mollycules!!”!
and then somb Eaval whyte Soupremassist he wispered “O Yeah?? then how comb she her is so freekin Fatt??? she must waigh 3 hunderd powneds!!! butt” we herd himb so six of us wee beet himb up!!! Aslo now he hasto “go” to Sencertivatty Traning becose he is Aginst Divercity!!!!! We try not to lett enny Fashists into Nothing Studdies but thay “keep” sneeking “in”!” and maiking biggit speach!!!
Wel somb of Us we was whirryed yiu coodnt “eat” nothing at al becose amlost “Evvry” Thing its got Attems in “it” but that is OK afteral becose The Lexturer “she” toled us she cood cell us “theese” hear Pills witch yiu can take and “thay” “pre-vent” the Attems fromb buntching tagether “And” maiking Mollycules!!! So natcherly we al byed themb Pills so now we are “Saif” fromb Mollycules!!!!! It was a Close Cawl thuohgh!!!!!!
It would be less disrespectful to us, the defenseless taxpayers of New Jersey, if they raked all our money into a pile and set it on fire. But instead they use it to fund Rutgers.
My old alma mater, the state university, covered itself with yet more academic glory a few days ago. A Rutgers professor of Women’s and Gender Studies and Africana Studies–you already know where this is going, don’t you?–in an interview on NPR, where else, declared that “white people own time” (https://www.thecollegefix.com/rutgers-professor-even-the-concept-of-time-is-racist/).
According to this racist nitwit, “white people” invented the whole idea of time, so that makes time Racist, I guess if you peek at your wristwatch to see if this broadcast will be over soon, that makes you a White Supremacist Slave-Holder or something. “But we,” she added, meaning “we proud African people,” blah-blah, “treat time as though it is timeless.”
What a load of crap.
Does this have anything to do with why recent college graduates have so much trouble showing up for work on time? That is, if they work at all.
It distresses me that money that I work for goes to pay this jidrool’s salary, not to mention spectacular benefits that real people who don’t work for the state of New Jersey can only dream about… and pay for.
Defund the colleges now. Before it’s too late.
We’ve been hearing a lot about supposedly “worthless” college degrees in “ridiculous” subjects like Intersectional Feminist Literary Theory or Superhero Studies. But I’m Dr. Credulous, and I’m here to tell you that your “worthless” college degree is money in the bank!
What if your employer needs to know whether a new sales policy he’s contemplating is suitably intersectional, contributary to Social Justice, subtly microaggressive, or insufficiently non-transactional? Who’s he gonna call–some know-nothing IT guy? Heck, no–he’s gonna call you!
Today’s college graduates are tomorrow’s Democrat voters! Today’s college grads are tomorrow’s societal influencers!
So be proud of your master’s degree in Gender Studies! After all, it took you seven or eight years to earn it, not to mention that crushingly massive student debt. Be proud of being part of the wave of the future!
I’m Dr. Credulous, and I know about these things.
Boy is Collidge hard some times!! it is “using” Up “all” my Brane Powwer!
I sined up for a coarse In Femmanist Jograffy becose i am “taking” al themb Moth Hoarmoans to make me Into A Wimmin and than i Whill Be a reel Femmanist but it is sooo “hard” becose now thay are Moving “all the plaices” aruond to Other Plaices!!!
Like Jepan for instants! Jepan it is in Ohio butt now i has to lern it is Somware Elsse!!! In Femmanist Jograffy now Jepan it is in Arrazona and Arrazona thay moved It to Affricka!! This hear it is dun becose of Femmanist Apissta-Mollajy and yiu has to be Inter-Sexional to unnerstand Waht “that” “meens”!!! My hedd it is pownding!!
The Prefesser she tolled us yiu has “got to” go Beeyond Gender and i gess i Whas Rong becose i dint Know “thare” was a Beeyond Gender ennything!!
Evin Wurst! That thare coarse in Femmanist Jograffy it “costs” a Extra $Thowsend Dolars pur Samester and yiu “know” i hasnt got that kyned of Muney!!!!! so i has got to Pay by “beeing” “the prefesser’s Serphent!! i has to Go to her Appartamint and whash disshes and vacume and duo her lawndry and ohboy i dont “Know How” to fix lawndry and her cloths thay Came Out all torn and derty whith Goofy Colores i dont know “watt” she is goingto Say wen she fines Out!!! So i had had to Hyde themb clothes Under the Bedd and hoap she dont See “themb”!! and aslo i kep getting The “whashing masheen mixed” up whith the Stoave and then there whas a reely bad Fyre!!! lucky four me she wasnt hoam!!! Wauter wauter evryware,, bye the Time i “put” it out!! Butt usully she is Hihgh on somthing so she dont “knotice” a Lot of things!!!
Anyboddy whoo thinks “being” a Interllectural it is Eazy, thay are krazy!!!!!!
How come it’s so easy for frogs, but not for people?
Some of our great colleges and looniversities are trying to find out what an “adult” is (https://www.campusreform.org/?ID=11710). Nobody seems to know. There appears to be a lot of tension. At what point, exactly, does one become an “adult”? And how do you get out of it?
Is it when you can drink adult beverages and watch adult movies?
“You know, that’s a pretty good answer!” says Dr. Emmet Landfill, department head of Nothing Studies at Wrongful Death University. “If they sell you the booze and let you in to see the movie, you’ve made it!”
But other academics, equally learned and wise, disagree.
“At no point in life does any human person ever become an adult!” asserts Professor Gertrude Windex, dean of fuzzy puppies at East Pakistan Teachers College. “For pete’s sake, why do you think we’ve invented the term, adulting? Adulting is a process, man! Like a Monopoly board with an infinite number of squares! And anyone who says otherwise should be expelled!”
So no one agrees. In fact, the only thing the the professors all agree upon is that everyone should go to college and stay there for as long as possible.
I has been “Thinking” i has aught to Chainge my Majer becose Gender Studdies it is jist so hard!!! It is reel “hard” to rember al the Diffrint Genders that wasnt thare last weeek!
So i was reel hapy wen I founed out our Collidge it is offring a new Majer in Nothing Studdies!!! This is jist purfict!! It gots lots “of” coarses In it thay are fastinating!! i cant hardly “whait” to take Them!
Neckst semmestar i amb “goingto” sine Up for Beeyonsay Studdies jist like thay has “at” Ruttgers, and Whaching Car-Toons on TV, and Play Doh and Pickup Stix and Protesting Evry Thing, and aslo Callecting Ear Whax and Roling It Into “a” Big Ball!! I amb aslo Intrested in a coarse in Master Baiting,, i whunder waht It is!!!
The grate Thing abote it is,, yiu are Garinteed to “Get” yore deegree & al yiu has to doo is Pay “fore” it!!! How grate is that??? Ok, thare “is” one promble= my fambly thay has “kicked” me Out and i hasnt got “no” munny!!! But somb of the Stodents thay Are all-reddy Pan Handling and My Plan it is to Pan Handel offf themb!!!
I reely got to get my deegree Sune so i “can” be an Offisul And Bone Affied Introllectural!!!! becose us interllecturals we has got to Run the Contry!! Ordrinary dum peple thay “are” Jist two dum to do it whith-out Us!!
Campus Reform has listed the top five looniversities in America for Far Left Crazy bias (https://www.campusreform.org/?ID=11556).
San Diego State offered a course on “removing Trump from office.” Amazing, what you can get academic credit for, these days.
University of Minnesota-Twin Cities hired an abortionist to “train” others. Public outcry has made them back off on the actual hiring. Your tuition dollars at work!
At the University of Michigan, a professor refused to recommend a student for a program of study in Israel… because he doesn’t like Israel.
University of Southern Maine gave academic credit to students for traveling to Washington, D.C., to “protest” Brett Kavanagh’s appointment to the Supreme Court. I wonder if they offered extra credit for clawing and banging on the Supreme Court’s door while the justice was being sworn in.
University of California-Berkeley “disavowed” a Student Senator for citing her Christian religious beliefs as the reason for her unwillingness to support the “transgender” movement. The usual round of groveling afterward didn’t save her.
America has too many colleges and universities, too many students wasting four to six years of their lives in classrooms, too many Far Left Crazy wackos “teaching” them, and way, way, way too much money being squandered on tuition and fees. We are “educating” ourselves to death. These institutions desperately need to be fully defunded. Let them survive in a free market–if they can.
There are those who say that Garden Gnomes with pointy red hats are an unrecognized, under-reported, clear and present danger.
Usually they just stand there in the garden–when you’re looking at them, that is. You don’t see what they get up to when you’re not looking at them.
Here, in this offishul police video, we encounter some Garden Gnomes who had stolen a car and done a spot of joy riding. Watch what happens when the officers try to investigate!
Obviously this means our colleges and universities must, with all possible speed, establish degree programs in Garden Gnome Studies.
Their numbers are growing, and it’s only a matter of time before they… Well, I don’t know what they’ll do, but it’s bound to be bad.