Quokka U. Calls Time Out from Nooze

Ethical animal tours: Quokka selfies, Thailand elephants — what to avoid |  escape.com.au

G’day! Byron the Quokka here, and that’s one of my baby pictures with Mom and a nice, tasty leaf. I thought it’d make a nice change from the nooze.

As you know–well, you’d know if you were paying attention!–Quokka University is now without a Philosophy Dept. How do we fill the void?

Well, our Quokka U. Pick-Up Sticks team has stepped into the breach! Really, you can’t go wrong with pick-up sticks–especially once you’ve quickly whipped up a course on Philosophy and Pick-Up Sticks 101!

Pick up Sticks Images, Stock Photos & Vectors | Shutterstock

Believe it or not, there’s all sorts of life lessons you can learn from pick-up sticks. Like, when to grab for something and when to leave it alone. Isn’t it just awful when you try to grab something that you ought to have left alone, and leave something alone that you ought to have grabbed? As one of our great poets once said, “Learn the tricks of pick-up sticks!” T.S. Eliot, I think.

So lay off the nooze for the rest of the day! Have a bloomin’ Klondike Bar. Watch Attack of the Crab Monsters (we’re going to have a course in that movie, once we get going). Jump around a bit. Dig nice holes in the ground. You can always go back to the nooze tomorrow. It’ll still be there.

Take it from a quokka–pick-up sticks keeps you from burning out. This is why there are no crazy quokkas.

Quokkas on the Job

What a cute little Quokka family this is... Rottnest Island WA ...

G’day! Byron the Quokka here–and as you can see in the picture, we’re all working like galley slaves to try to fix this blog. July really clobbered it, what with all those internet outages and such.

Here at Quokka U., we’re toiling behind the scenes to try to breathe life back into this blog. I could tell you about some poor blighter whose blood pressure monitor gave up the ghost this morning, but he told me not to mention it, so I won’t.

At the highest level, the thinking is that if there were more on this blog about pick-up sticks, it’d keep viewers coming back for more.

It’s hard, though, to get proper pick-up sticks video. This one comes with a clumsy human who wouldn’t last five minutes in a game against a quokka.

There’s also some support for upping the stakes in the comment contests–like that time we gave away the Mona Lisa as a prize. It wasn’t my fault we had to give it back.

Well, we’ll just have to come up with something!


Quokka U. to Join NCAA?

Everyone can learn lessons in gratitude from these little ones ...

G’day, folks, Byron the Quokka here! The quokka in the picture is Handy, the captain of Quokka University’s pick-up sticks team. Somebody’s giving him a twig. Handy sometimes forgets just what kind of sticks you’re supposed to pick up in pick-up sticks. The picture below is a reminder, in case he’s reading this.

Pick-up-sticks Images, Stock Photos & Vectors | Shutterstock

Now, a lot of us thought we ought to join the NCAA so we could contend for an international collegiate pick-up sticks championship. But first we find out they want, like, a zillion dollars’ membership fee, right up front; and then we find out they don’t even have a pick-up sticks conference!

College! They don’t have pick-up sticks, but they’ve got Beyonce studies. Well, we guess Quokka U. is just going to have to blaze a trail, aren’t we? Our motto isn’t Ipso loquitur mannimota for nothing! Meanwhile, would you believe it, a newborn baby Quokka has been named Ipso! Let’s see Hambone University top that–even if they’re in the NCAA and we aren’t.

We’ve got to find some pick-up sticks teams that we can play against. They have one in Canberra, but it’s just a bunch of clumsy humans who get silly after 15 minutes of it.

If your town or school or college has a pick-up sticks team that wants to come to Rottnest Island for a match, please contact the Quokka U. Athletic Dept., care of Mrs. Wanda Nichols, Kookaburra Heights Caravan Park, Hellzapoppin, W. Australia.

Quokka U. Progress Report: 2 More Celebrities Aboard!

Quokkas Are So Cute People Can't Believe They're Real - UNILAD

I can’t believe I forgot to tell you this yesterday. We’ve lined up two more fantastic celebrities as guest lecturers for the opening semester at Quokka University!

No, that’s not them up there in the pictures. It’s just me, Byron the Quokka, posing for the university yearbook.

Who are these fantastic celebrities, you ask? I hope you’re sitting down!

Celebrity No. 1 is none other than Bruno Pong, the Official World Champion of Underwater Chess! How we ever got him, I don’t know. Underwater chess is hard because the pieces keep floating up from the board, it takes an incredible amount of skill just to get a game started. And the fish are always trying to eat them. Plus you’ve got to hold your breath!

As for Celebrity No. 2, hang onto your hats! I don’t know a quokka who hasn’t read Mrs. Kate Rochemotel’s immortal novel of romance, drama, and corruption in the world of pick-up sticks–I mean, this is, like, the War and Peace of pick-up sticks! I guess that’s why its title is The War and Peace of Pick-up Sticks. I love the audiobook version read by that British actor who screams the whole thing at the top of his lungs. I’m sure Mrs. Rochemotel will have some cool stories about him!

We can hardly wait for the semester to get started. Ipso loquitur mannimota!

Quokka U.’s School Song

Suzana Paravac on Instagram: “Quokkas are nature's happiness ambassadors  ❤️😊 @rottnestislandwa #quokka #quokkas #perthlife #quokkalove #amazing #b…  (With images) | Cute animals

G’day, a day late! Byron the Quokka here; and I never made it to the blog yesterday because we were all busy putting the finishing touches on our 100% original new school song for Quokka University! It was composed by a committee, so you know it’s bound to be good. Here’s the first verse: you’ll have to imagine me singing it. If you can’t, then imagine Pavarotti. Next best thing.

At Quokka University we laugh at all adversity!

We never bother with degrees, or courses, grades, or manatees!

We know the tricks of pick-up sticks, our team contains no lunatics–

Ipso loquitor mannimota! We’ve never been to South Dakota!

Some quokka named Foozle who hangs around with goanna lizards and has been influenced by their way of thinking says that last line is totally weak. “What in the world does South Dakota have to do with it?” I don’t like the face he makes when he says something like that. Well, the committee voted to keep the line, so there! If a couple of us do wind up visiting South Dakota (we hear it’s very nice!) we’ll just change the words to something else that rhymes: quota, iota, whatever.

And now I’ve got to go round up some popcorn, because before you know it, it’ll be Oy, Rodney time; and even a nit like Foozle won’t want to miss that.

Quokka to the Rescue!

Basil Zempilas: What the quokka we so excited about? Let's not ...

G’day! Byron the Quokka here–as “troubleshooter,” if you can believe it.

This blog is barely limping along, lately, and I’m supposed to do something about it. Like I haven’t got enough to do, founding Quokka University! I mean, we just found out the NCAA doesn’t have anything for pick-up sticks–how dumb is that?

Right! We’re playing to an almost empty house, Byron to the rescue, all hands on deck, etc., etc. And we just had a comment contest (he hasn’t yet mailed out the prizes–I hope there’s nothing wrong with him), so we can’t immediately have another one.

How about a contest to think up a really interesting contest that’ll get readers excited all over the world?

That’s my suggestion!

Consider the trouble shot.

Quokka U. Cheerleaders

Chloe the Quokka on Twitter: "We're excited because we published ...

G’day, everybody! Byron the Quokka reporting.

Y’know, we’re tryin’ to found a college here, and Lee wants me to run another comment contest. And make readers’ birthday announcements! Crikey, I’m glad to do those things, but I think I need an assistant.

Meanwhile, Quokka University is growing by leaps and bounds. See that thing in Cousin Zoozie’s hand? That’s our official and bona fide waddayacallit for our Q.U. pick-up sticks team! Our cheerleaders will wave these and pump up the crowd to sing The Quokka Fight Song, which will intimidate and demoralize our opponents.

Go, Quokkas, fight, fight, fight! Punch and pummel, kick and bite!

Sing no lullabies, tell no lies–

And a hey-na-nonny and a ha-cha-cha!

You’d never believe that was written by anybody but a genius, would you? And what’s a university without a fight song? We haven’t decided whether to offer any courses at our college, but we’ve got a Latin motto and now a fight song, and we’ve hired a couple of deans, so we’re just about ready to open for business.

Will human students need dorms? We’ll be researching that all week. Although why anybody would need anything nicer than a snug nest in the grass, beats me.

P.S.> Here at Quokka U., anyone who wants to be a cheerleader can be one. We don’t care. The more, the merrier!

Wanted: A School Song for Quokka U.

Image result for images of quokkas singing

Tuning up to sing our school song–once we decide what it is

G’day, everybody! Byron the Quokka here, with the latest on Quokka University.

We’ve been so busy appointing deans and such, we almost forgot one of the most important things for any college–a school song! We’re going to vote on it, and here are the top three candidates so far:

“I’m an Old Cow-Hand from the Rio Grande”

“The Ants Go Marching One by One” (my favorite!)

“I’ve Got Sixpence”

Aunt Feezy is still holding out for “How Much Is That Emu in the Window?”, but she’s the only one. There’s also some support for this old Simon & Garfunkel song, “I am Iraq, I am an Ireland,” but that one doesn’t make much sense to me. There’s a group of tuataras over in New Zealand who sing it really well, but it’s just not a quokka song.

Image result for Images of singing tuatara

Besides, I think tuatara-singing is an acquired taste, and I have not acquired it yet.

Well, if any of you humans out there want to vote on our school song, please go right ahead. Maybe you can suggest a great song we haven’t thought of yet.

The school song will be sung at half-time during all our pick-up sticks matches.

I has A new Majer!!

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I has been “Thinking” i has aught to Chainge my Majer becose Gender Studdies it is jist so hard!!! It is reel “hard” to rember al the Diffrint Genders that wasnt thare last weeek!

So i was reel hapy wen I founed out our Collidge it is offring a new Majer in Nothing Studdies!!! This is jist purfict!! It gots lots “of” coarses In it thay are fastinating!! i cant hardly “whait” to take Them!

Neckst semmestar i amb “goingto” sine Up for Beeyonsay Studdies jist like thay has “at” Ruttgers, and Whaching Car-Toons on TV, and Play Doh and Pickup Stix and Protesting Evry Thing, and aslo Callecting Ear Whax and Roling It Into “a” Big Ball!! I amb aslo Intrested in a coarse in Master Baiting,, i whunder waht It is!!!

The grate Thing abote it is,, yiu are Garinteed to “Get” yore deegree & al yiu has to doo is Pay “fore” it!!! How grate is that??? Ok, thare “is” one promble= my fambly thay has “kicked” me Out and i hasnt got “no” munny!!! But somb of the Stodents thay Are all-reddy Pan Handling and My Plan it is to Pan Handel offf themb!!!

I reely got to get my deegree Sune so i “can” be an Offisul And Bone Affied Introllectural!!!! becose us interllecturals we has got to Run the Contry!! Ordrinary dum peple thay “are” Jist two dum to do it whith-out Us!!