humor – Page 2 – Lee Duigon

An Additional Word from Violet Crepuscular REPRINT

leeduigon(patty)August 2, 2026

4,698 Happy Hamster Stock Photos, Pictures & Royalty-Free Images - iStock

She’s not yet done with us. Ms. Crepuscular wishes me to add this message to her public:

“I was going to write about Lord Jeremy Coldsore’s expedition to Hamster Island, but readers’ brusque and ungrateful response to my literary marvels totally distracted me and made me lose the thread of my plot!

“Well, readers, you’ve only cheated yourselves! How you would have been delighted and fascinated by a visit to Hamster Island! Where hamsters have gotten entirely out of hand! Where they dominate every other form of life–and exercise on the hamster wheel is a Mandate!”

She has left the door open, just a crack, for a vast outpouring of apologies and sympathy from readers wishing to appease her.

But there’s nobody out there but impossible-to-please malcontents.

Byron and His Mom REPRINT

leeduigon(patty)July 25, 2026

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From May 29, 2019

Lee is outside writing The Wind from Heaven, his new book, and he said I could post one more picture here–but just one, he doesn’t want the whole family album.

This is me and my mom. Her name is Francesca. That used to be Robbie the cat’s name, but she didn’t want it so my mom took it. I am supposed to be learning how to run this blog when Lee’s not here. My mom says she always wanted me to be a blogger. A lot of quokkas have blogs, but not many people know that. You’d be surprised how many famous blogs are really quokka blogs.

I guess I will take a break now and see if there are any french fries available.

Climbit Change Causes Monsters! REPRINT

leeduigon(patty)July 24, 2026

From February 23, 2020

This was going to be an emergency bulletin from Joe Collidge, but he is currently prostrated with fear and unable to write coherently. Also some gym socks he ate for breakfast have disagreed with him.

It seems there’s a growing rumor of giant crabs depopulating islands and dragging whole coastal villages into the deep, all because of Climate Change and Greta Thunberg. Back in 1957, this was cleverly disguised as a science fiction movie. But in 2020, it’s a grim reality.

Or so we’re told. By college professors. So you know it’s got to be true.

Only world government, open borders, and real high taxes can stop the giant crabs.

Honest!

Byron’s TV Listings, Feb. 5 REPRINT

leeduigon(patty)July 18, 2026

From February 5, 2022

TV Guide 10-16 September 1966

G’day! Byron the Quokka here, with the best TV you’ll see all week! People are dyin’ to know where we get these shows! I wish I could tell you, but I don’t want to suddenly disappear… if y’know what I mean. Anyhoo, here’s a sample of this weekend’s revels:

7:30 P.M. Ch. 08 PRESIDENT FOR LIFE!–Drama

So you think it’s easy, being dictator? Gen. Buckethead (Edward Platt) needs a special march for his death squads (“Like the goose-step, only higher–much higher!”), while Mrs. Buckethead (Nancy Pelosi) can’t decide whose scalp to wear to the annual Diversity Ball. Who will be led out and shot this time? Suck-up News Anchor: Dan Rather.

Ch. 10 SAMMY THE GIANT JELLYFISH–Children’s Science Fiction

It takes a lot of jellyfish to make the high seas safe for multi-family housing; but Sammy (Sidney Toler) is a lot of jellyfish! This week: Mr. Bigsheets (Sal Hepatica) need’s Sammy’s help when his Floating Apartments keep sinking for no apparent reason. Sally the Giant Sea Cucumber: Julie Andrews

8:00 P.M. Ch. 18 HOME RUN DERBY–Game Show

Can they still hit home runs if they’re 80 years old, up against a near-sighted pitcher who throws heat–and wearing an oversized derby instead of a batting helmet? Heck, the freakin’ thing keeps slipping down over their eyes just as the ball is released! Host: Noam Chomsky. Tonight’s contestants: Shotgun Shuba, Bob Allison, Elio Chacon. First one hit into the seats wins everybody else’s personal belongings.

Ch. 41 MOVIE–Historical Epic

In “Hercules vs. the Bugs of Babylon” (Finnish-Ethiopian, 1987), Sunu Huutuala, “the Steave Reaves of Helsinki,” stars as the legendary strongman who must save Babylon from an invasion of shield bugs. Evil mastermind: Arnold Stang. Loola the Slave Girl: Helen Hayes. Babylonian goon squad: the June Taylor Dancers.

8:08 Ch. 37 UNSOLVED PARANORMAL LOTTERY NUMBERS–Utter Ca-Ca

Emcee John Kerry (wooden puppet) unwinds the convoluted excuses of self-taught experts whose fool-proof systems… fail. This week: “Bigfoot changed my numbers”: 14 guests from all around the country tell their stories. Featuring Mr. Clean and his orchestra. (Yes, the real Mr. Clean from all those old commercials!)

Well, me hearties, cruise through the weekend on a sea of great TV! Blimey! Have I just made a metaphor? This job is getting to me!

Quokka: [PHOTOS] This wildlife photographer's love for Quokka has made the animal an Instgaram famous star | Trending & Viral News

Animals Protect Their Babies REPRINT

leeduigon(patty)July 6, 2026

From June 2, 2018

To this video I must add a small tribute to the mother wolf spider, who carries her eggs until they hatch into tiny spiders the size of a pin-head, then carries the babies until they’re old enough to take care of themselves. If one of the multitude of babies falls off her back, she knows it instantly–don’t ask me how!–and will search until she finds it and returns it to its place.

As Rev. D. James Kennedy used to say, “Ain’t chance grand?”

God’s stuff always works.

‘Oy, Rodney’ Gets Mushy REPRINT

leeduigon(patty)July 5, 2026

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From January 21, 2018

I am tempted to pass over Chapters CXX and CXXI of Violet Crepuscular’s epic romance, Oy, Rodney because they are intolerably mushy. Ms. Crepuscular acknowledges that. “You may find these next two chapters intolerably mushy,” she warns.

Lady Margo Cargo, the richest widow in Scurveyshire, is prepared to marry Lord Jeremy Coldsore and the American adventurer, Willis Twombley, who thinks he is Sargon of Akkad. Twombley has convinced her that he and Lord Jeremy are one and the same person. But the wedding was disrupted and has not yet been rescheduled: Lady Margo thinks she might have a touch of leprosy.

“It’s only wind, you silly old bat,” says her crusty old butler, Crusty.

Then the mush creeps in as Lord Jeremy renews his wooing, this time in person.

“Madam, as soon as the vicar gets over his conniptions, we must be wed,” says Jeremy. They are having rock-hard biscuits baked by Lady Margo’s lunatic aunt. In the opulent comfort of Lady Margo’s parlor, her pet crayfish, Oswin, sulks in his aquarium.

“I love you so much, I could plotz,” says Jeremy. “Your ears are like prize cabbages.”

“Eh?” Those ears do not always function as they should.

“Your hair–” a wig, actually–“is as soft as yogurt,” Jeremy continues. This goes on for the whole two chapters.

Meanwhile, the whole village is startled out of sleep one midnight by horrible groans and shrieks issuing from under the wading pool in the vicar’s back yard. A crowd of peasants armed with scythes and torches descends upon the scene, but then goes home because no one dares lift up the pool and look under it. Constable Chumley reassures them: “‘Tis only yair fickling rawstie,” he explains. This gives them something to think about for the rest of the night.

Special! Quokka Video REPRINT

leeduigon(patty)July 4, 2026

From June 15, 2020

G’day! Byron the Quokka here, with a special quokka video. This is my cousin Brando, named for his uncanny resemblance to Marlon Brando. “As alike as two peas in a pod!” his mother said, after she saw Mutiny on the Bounty.

Brando is well-known for his flawless table manners, which you can easily see as he chows down on a leaf. What style! And he chews with his eyes closed, just to show you he can do it.

Letting the Cat into the Bag REPRINT

leeduigon(patty)June 29, 2026

From October 11, 2017

Yeah, you’re not supposed to let the cat out of the bag–but what about letting the cat into the bag in the first place? And any old kind of bag will do–paper bag, luggage, handbag, gym tote. This video stars cat video celebs Cole and Marmalade, plus a mysterious stranger from Oy, Rodney.