This Just In: UN Warns Global Warming Makes Statues Come to Life

From October 23, 2016

See what happens when we don’t pay carbon tax?

The United Nations Special Panel of Smart People has brought forth evidence that Climate Change is causing statues all over the world to come to life and scare people.

“This here is a genuine consequence of Global Warming,” said Special Secretary Smart Guy Harry Hairball, “and it sure ain’t going to stop unless all them folks is throwed into jail for Climate Change Denial. Now do you believe us when we say you got to pay new taxes? Or would you rather some big old statue come busting down your door?”

Hairball said “We got lots of video proving that statues they are coming to life all over the place, and it’s all on account of Global Warming and anybody who don’t say so, they better watch out because Loretta Lynch has got her eye on them.”

Hairball added that no journalists will be allowed to view the video unless they swear an oath to preach Man-Made Global Warming.

Very nearly all journalists have already done so.

‘Vintage Fake News: the Ford Pinto Scandal’ (2016)

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Manufactured nooze

A lot of you are too young to remember this–the exploding Ford Pinto scandal of the 1970s. Fake nooze with a capital F.

Vintage Fake News: The Ford Pinto Scandal

The Ford Pinto was supposedly a death-trap: the least little bump, and it would burst into the flames. So said the noozies, and they had the video to prove it.

Eventually it came out that they were faking–planting bombs in the car, drilling holes in the fuel and brake lines, and other little tricks that they never learned in journalism school. To this day I wonder why the whole mob of them weren’t packed off to jail.

Next up: Dan Rather visits Afghanistan–NOT.