Tag: “social distancing”

This Just In: Sex and Social Distancing

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

Insane Man Images, Stock Photos & Vectors | Shutterstock

Emboldened by the fact that he wasn’t dragged out of the governor’s mansion by an angry mob with torches, California Governor Gavin Noisome has issued another mandate–hot on the heels of his admonition to the public to keep their face masks on “in between bites” while eating.

“I almost forgot to mention that social distancing, six feet apart at least, must continue to be practiced by couples having sex,” he declared. “I realize this might be difficult for some, but where there’s a will, there’s a way! Step-ladders and flexible rubber tubing spring to mind.”

The governor added that his latest social distancing mandate “might go national” if Joe Biden is elected president.

“Remember,” he added, “we only control your lives because we know what’s best for you.”

 

Should Pottos Be Admitted to Quokka University?

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

Image result for images of potto

Hardly anybody’s here today, so I guess it’s safe to discuss a burning issue that threatens to tear the world of higher education right down the middle.

Should they let pottos take courses at Quokka University?

Opinion is divided between “What’s a potto?” and “Who cares?” Which camp do you belong to?

Important question for any readers who might show up this morning:

Is it okay now for people who are not in the NBA to play basketball, provided they wear masks and observe Social Distancing? True, it would make playing defense virtually impossible; but who bothers to play defense anymore?

‘Social Distancing’… Forever?

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

Pickup Basketball Etiquette | Learnivore

I don’t know about you, but I thought we already had more “social distancing” than was good for us before the Chinese Communist Death Virus hit us. Did we even know the names of all our neighbors? Did we pass by the same people every day and never say hello? Did we take each other for granted?

Oh, but that was not enough! Other people carry germs! Back off, back off! Come no closer than six feet, please!

Well, hang it all, I want to hug somebody! I want to shake hands. I want to pat somebody on the back. We are human beings, not robots. We are mammals, warm-blooded: from time to time we need a cuddle. I want to bang around with my friends on the basketball court.

Once upon a time they used to quarantine the sick. Now we quarantine the healthy. What sense is that?

Once upon a time we had laws–publicly proposed, publicly debated, openly voted upon by our chosen representatives. Now we get “mandates” handed down by whoever’s king or queen for the day.

It’s time for America to go back to being America.

Please don’t settle for anything but the real thing!