‘The Killer Cats of Britain’ (2017)

Image result for images of monster cat

(Not actually a giant cat that can eat you)

Zero comments, zero likes, zero hymn requests–an ideal time to contemplate the overgrown killer cats that have terrorized Britain since the early Middle Ages.

The Killer Cats of Britain

Professor Kefoozelum says the killer cats were actually armadillos. Dr. Krimp just sits there and cries: someone please remove him.

Why are there so many ancient (and not so ancient) stories of big cats haunting Britain? There are native wildcats, but they’re only little things–hardly likely to bump off 180 armored knights.

Too bad the cryptozoologists are so busy, these days…

All About Those Weird Knuckle-Bears

Here’s everything you ever wanted to know about those strange animals called “knuckle-bears” (because they walk on their knuckles)–plus some stuff that you can just ignore, about evolution and jillions of years, etc.

These were once found all over the world, but now they’re supposed to be extinct. If you read Bell Mountain, you know they’ve reappeared in Lintum Forest, venturing out at night and silently returning in the stillness of the dawn. Not even Helki knows where they sleep and bear their young.

It seems the Lord Our God was particularly creative when He made these. What are they? They seem to be a jumble of all these other animals–horses, bears, gorillas, tapirs, rhinos, and sloths… Don’t believe anyone who says Science has nailed down the chalicotheres’ place in the animal kingdom.

If you’re one of the few who’ve been to Lintum Forest and actually seen the knuckle-bears, you won’t even try to pin them down.

A True Monster Story (Maybe)

Image result for images of giant fossil shark jaws

These fossil shark jaws just might have been big enough to fit the creature described below.

Once again we go Down Under, via Richard Ellis’ The Book of Sharks, for what has got to be the all-time whopper of a shark story (pages 75-76).

But this one might be true. Here it is, as published:

“The men had been at work on the fishing grounds which lie in deep water–when an immense shark of almost unbelievable proportions put in an appearance, lifting pot after pot containing many crayfishes [lobsters], and taking in, as these men said, ‘pots, mooring lines and all.’ These crayfish pots, it should be mentioned, were about 3 feet 6 inches in diameter, and frequently contained from two to three dozen crayfish, each weighing several pounds. The men were all unanimous that this shark was something the like of which they had never dreamed of. In company with the local Fisheries Inspector I questioned many of the men very closely and they all agreed as to the gigantic stature of the beast. But the lengths they gave were, on the whole, absurd. I mention them, however, as an indication of the state of mind which this unusual giant had thrown them into. And bear in mind that these were men who were used to the sea and all sorts of weather, and all sorts of sharks as well. One of the crew said the shark was ‘three hundred feet long, at least!’ Others said it was as long as the wharf on which we stood–about 115 feet! They affirmed that the water ‘boiled’ over a large space when the fish went past. They were all familiar with whales, which they had often seen passing at sea, but this was a vast shark. They had seen its terrible head which was ‘at least as large as the roof of the wharf shed at Nelson’s Bay.’ One of the things that impressed me was that they all agreed as to the ghostly whitish color of the fish.”


What are we to make of this story? We know there’s no such thing as a shark 115 to 300 feet long, don’t we? So why did these men say they saw one?

Could they have been lying? Yes.

Or might they have seen a shark so abnormally, unnaturally large that the sight of it reduced them to near-hysteria?

That’s what I think happened. But how big would a shark have to be, to freak out these fishermen and make them tell such a crazy story–and to a fisheries inspector, no less?

You don’t need a fantasy writer to tell you there’s some mighty funny stuff that goes on in this world.