Shocking Video That’ll Turn You into a Monster

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

Oops, I lost that story. But why let a good headline go to waste? Anyhow, I have another story.

My wife takes surveys on the Internet. Today she took a survey on a new ad for a credit card company. The ad featured a woman rejoicing deliriously in all the great boons that were going to come her way, now that she has such-and-such a credit card. Don’t ask me exactly what she said: I can’t listen as fast as she was talking.

Then came the survey part.

“Do you think this is the kind of ad that people will talk about?”

When was the last time you invited a bunch of friends and family over to talk about commercials? Is there really anyone as benighted as all that? Get a life.

“Do you feel this ad was sincere?”

If your mind just naturally associates words like “sincere” and “commercial,” you probably need a lot more supervision than you have.

“Your responses indicate you found this ad annoying. What about it did you find annoying?”

My helpmeet simply answered “everything.” Shakespeare would have said, “How do I detest thee? Let me count the ways.” Commercials are by nature annoying. If the ads are the best thing about the show you’re watching, you need to be watching something else. All right, the ad is better-acted and better-written than a soap opera. It’s less irritating than a heavy nosebleed. But that hardly makes it a thing of beauty and a joy forever.

The ad’s hook is that this woman calls the credit card’s customer service, and–voila! The person who answers the call looks exactly like the caller!

And they call me a fantasy writer.

 

Oh, No! It’s Columbus Day!

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

This is the day when libs ‘n’ progs of all stripes lament and bewail Christopher Columbus‘ discovery of America in 1492. Teachers’ unions make sure the kiddies learn what a total calamity this was. Oh, alas! If only the Aztecs and the Mayas could have gone on doing human sacrifices! Oh, if only there were no United States! You’ve heard it all before.

Then again, maybe a great Chinese fleet discovered America in 1421, as described in a book titled 1421, by Gavin Menzies. His findings are controversial, but it could’ve happened. Chinese ships of that era made it to East Africa and Europe; they could’ve reached America.

On the other hand, since 1964, Oct. 9 has been officially recognized by the U.S. government as “Leif Erikson Day.” Oops, it slipped past me this year. Around 1000 A.D., Icelander Leif Erikson, son of Eric the Red, visited a place he called “Vinland.” Archeologists have found the remains of Norse settlements in Newfoundland.

There is no day to celebrate Some Poor Devil of a Carthaginian Mariner Who Got Blown Off Course and Wound Up Here, circa 300 B.C.

The point is, America was probably discovered more than once; and even if it hadn’t been, it would have been discovered eventually. And pinhead college professors and other left-wing dummkopfs would still be crying their eyes out.

I have no problem with that. Whatever makes them cry, has got to be good.

 

Bombs Away!

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

I like to write outside. It’s especially nice in the Fall. Except there’s one little problem.

Black walnut trees–there are at least three of them right outside our door. The nearest one produces big green nuts as big as baseballs, thousands of ’em. And all week long, the tree has been dropping them. You should hear it when the wind blows: it sounds like D-Day.

So I’m sitting in my chair, trying to write, and these large, hard nuts are falling all around me. Maybe I ought to get a batting helmet.

Are they edible? Sure–and black walnuts ain’t cheap, either. To get at the nut, first you have to get through the green skin and the green insides, which will stain you brown for weeks, no way to wash it off; and then you come to the actual nut shell, which is as hard as a rock. Inside that is a small, edible nut which will have cost you much more labor than it’s worth.

This year’s crop is infested with white worms that eat the yellow stuff between the outer skin and the inner shell. They make no contact with the edible nut, but the sight of them is not appetizing.

Meanwhile, it’s still “Bombs away!” out there. You can hardly walk across the yard for all the nuts, but the tree isn’t out of ammo yet. I dassn’t sit down to write without first offering up a prayer that I don’t get beaned.

So far, so good.

P.S.–The link to “white worms” has absolutely nothing to do with the worms you find in these walnuts. The Wikipedia article has to do with “white worms” used to feed aquarium fish. My white worms are merely disgusting.

‘Our Conservative Movement,’ LOL

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

I keep getting calls from assorted politicians’ fund-raisers asking me to give them money “to keep up the momentum of our conservative agenda.”

What? What momentum? What has anybody been conserving lately? Have I slept the sleep of Rip Van Winkle, or is someone pissing on my leg and telling me it’s raining?

We’ve got a Marxist “community organizer” (translation: drone) in the White House, our courts are dismantling marriage and the family and trying to erase Christianity from public business, half the churches have bent themselves all out of shape trying to be conformed to this wicked world–what in the world do these people think they’re conserving?

If we lose our Christian faith and Christian culture, if we lose marriage and the family, our republican institutions, and government subservient to God’s laws and the Constitution, there won’t be anything left of America that’s worth conserving.

The next time one of these characters phones you, just as you’re sitting down to supper, try this. Ask them, “Just what is it that you guys think you’re conserving? It sure ain’t marriage, the family, our national identity, or Christianity. If you can’t save those, what good are you?”

Let us know if you ever get an answer that amounts to anything.

More Books to Rot Your Teen’s Mind

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My local library is going to host a talk by a certain author of Young Adult fiction. And the high school has assigned one of his novels to be read by two of the English classes.

This particular novel is about a boy who shows up to high school wearing lipstick. Once upon a time, if some freak tried that, he would’ve been sent straight home with a sharp letter to his parents. He would not have been allowed to ponce around all day, creating a disruption. But of course now everyone else is required to endorse his loony lifestyle.

The purpose of these novels, we are told, is to “confront issues all teens face on their journey to adulthood.” Huh? Could it be that “all teens” have to “confront” these issues because certain adults are obsessed with shoving them under young people’s noses? In some public school districts, “gender education” starts as young as kindergarten.

Hey, check out the International Reading Association‘s 2013 Young Adults’ Choices Reading List (it’s a pdf file on their website). These are the books the IRA deems the cream of the crop. What’s your pleasure? Sexual anarchy, witchcraft, paganism; abortion, morbid obesity, early death–it’s all here, waiting to be shoved into your teenager’s brain by the friendly folks at IRA and your local teachers’ union.

And to the parents who let them do it, a single question–

Why?

 

Doubling Down on Global Warming

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The Associated Press and the Los Angeles Times are again beating the drum for Global Warming. We’ve only got till the year 2047, the AP babbled yesterday .Then the temperature’s gonna shoot up and we’re all gonna die.

Following one of the coolest summers ever recorded, the revelations of “Climategate” which revealed the massive lying and cheating indulged in by “climate scientists” to make their point, and the outcry by hundreds of real scientists that this is all humbug, Global Warming has fallen upon hard times. No one with any sense believes in it anymore.

When, then, is the Hard Left doubling down on it?

This is what you need to understand, so you can explain it to your friends who get all their “news” from the B.S. media.

They can’t give up on Global Warming because it’s just too good a gig for them. It’s the “open, sesame” to unlock an undreamed-of wealth of tyranny. Pay us higher and higher taxes, give up more and more of your freedom, give us power over every aspect of your lives–or else you’re all dead kippers. We, the experts, are your only hope!

The beauty of it is that, if we give them all that they demand, and nothing happens–and it bloody well isn’t going to happen, because it’s all a hoax–they can say, “See? It worked–we saved you!”

But if we all do start to fry, they can always say, “Oh, no–you didn’t give us enough power and money! You gotta give us more!”

I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to have to live like the poor souls in The Hunger Games just on their say-so.

 

Shock! Justice Scalia Believes in the Devil!

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On Free Republic this morning we read that a CNN reporter was flummoxed recently when Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia revealed, just in passing, that he believes in the existence of Satan.

You could’ve knocked her over with a feather. Imagine that–a grown man believing in the Devil! Why, no one in the CNN newsroom does! Shouldn’t he be impeached or something? I’ll bet he believes in God, too! Does Justice Ginsburg know about this? Oh, the scandal!

I would like to ask what left-wing noozie Beltway cocktail party-goers believe in. What do they hold sacred? What would they defend as fiercely as a mother bear defends her cubs?

Let’s see… (Examines check list) Abortion. Homosexuality. Evolution. Atheism. Gun control. Islam, for some strange reason. Alternative families, whatever they’re supposed to be. The public schools. Attack any one of them, and see what happens. If you were to defend the Christian religion with the same maniacal zeal with which a prog will defend any one of these, you would be termed a religious fanatic: a real nut case.

Believing in Satan is nowhere near as silly as believing that high taxes will stop Global Warming, Big Government can and should enforce “income equality,” life on earth just sort of created itself by chance, the human race should be ruled by an elite class of Experts, or any of the other childish absurdities unquestioningly embraced by Leftist chowderheads.

But the funniest part of it all is that although they say they don’t believe in Satan, they live and breathe to serve him.

 

The Biggest Schmuck in Canada

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

I want to say a few things that my friends in Canada can’t say without incurring the risk of being persecuted by the nearest “human rights” tribunal.

For one thing, libel law in Canada makes free speech dangerous–unless you belong to one of the “protected classes” who enjoy superior rights. If you don’t, you may be held criminally liable for saying anything–and I do mean anything–which a member of a coddled “minority” objects to, for any reason under the sun. Canadian courts have held that truth is no defense. If you tell the truth, and a gay activist or a Muslim doesn’t like it, welcome to the wonderful world of perpetual prosecution.

Then there’s Richard Warman, perpetual plaintiff. More than half of the free speech-killing actions taken by the “human rights” bodies have been instigated by him. The decisions of these kangaroo courts–where normal rules of evidence do not apply, and the defendant is always guilty (not a figure of speech: the accused really is always found guilty)–have put a lot of money into Warman’s pocket.

Last week a court found the owners of the Free Dominion website guilty of libel against Warman: for calling him names that every public figure in America simply has to live with every day. So if you live in Canada, you dare not speak of Richard Warman unless you’re praising him.

So let me, as an American, say some things that can’t be said in Canada anymore.

*Richard Warman is a bubo on the body politic, and has done much to make a great nation contemptible.

*Richard Warman is a fascist bully.

*He is a liar and a fraud. In 2009, the Canadian Human Rights Tribunal criticized him for posting “hate speech” comments on a website and then filing complaints against the site owner for having those comments on the site. They didn’t punish him for it, of course. Without him, they have no reason for existing–at the Canadian people’s expense.

*Richard Warman is living proof that the Western nations erred when they abolished dueling.

*Richard Warman is the biggest schmuck in Canada.

I don’t expect any comments from readers in Canada. It wouldn’t be safe for them to comment–and that is no exaggeration.

British TV’s War on Christians

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

I’ve been watching a lot of British TV on youtube lately. In fact, it’s the only TV I get.

More and more, I’ve been seeing an awful lot of anti-Christian bigotry in British cop shows. The actors, speaking the lines written for them by the screenwriters, routinely mock Christians and their faith. The “Christian” characters are uniformly depicted as liars, hypocrites, perverts, criminals, and idiots. I read of (but didn’t see) a show in which a Christian minister was a murderer, a child abuser, and even drowned his son’s poor dog. I’ll bet he didn’t recycle, either.

It has given me a taste of what Jewish people have had to put up with; and I don’t like it.

But for the analogy to be exact, we have to imagine a country where Jews are the great majority of the population–say, Israel–and where all the TV productions wallow every day in antisemitism. No such country exists.

Most people in Britain still call themselves Christians. So why do the BBC and ITV treat them as a despised minority? Queen Elizabeth’s job description includes the title, “Defender of the Faith.” Has anyone seen her defending it? And there sits the Church of England like an empty can of floor wax–not a peep out of Canterbury.

If it’s hateful and racist and wrong to vilify minorities, why is it just hunky-dory to spit on the majority?

And we might also ask when the majority in Britain is going to start acting like a majority.

 

The Mystery of the Ringing Rocks

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

Here I am again as Mr. Nature, to tell you about a rare and mysterious aspect of God’s creation. It’s possible you’ve never heard of it before.

What would you think, if you tapped a good-sized rock with a hammer and instead of going “clunk” or “clack,” it rang out with a nice, musical “ting”–just like a bell? Is that cool, or what? I’ve done it. Wow!

They’re called “ringing rocks,” and can only be found at seven sites in all the world: one each in England, Scotland, Australia, and Mexico, one in Montana, and two in eastern Pennsylvania.

At Ringing Rocks Park in Pennsylvania, you find several acres of land covered with boulders. When I went there, years ago, you were allowed to climb and walk around on them. I don’t know if you still can. But the big thing is the way a rock will sound a musical note when you hit it–not all of them, but many. If you had the patience and the time for a trial-and-error search, you could play “Happy Birthday” on a series of boulders.

What makes the rocks ring? After a hundred years of study, nobody knows. Something inside the rock, some kind of energy, makes it ring when struck. If you break the rock, neither piece will ring anymore. It’s like something spilled out when you broke it. The rocks in one of the fields won’t ring individually if you remove them from the field; but this is not true of the rocks in the other field a few miles away.

What makes them ring? We dunno. Why is this so rare? No way to answer that. You never quite get to the bottom of anything that God has done.

I think He did it that way on purpose.

P.S.: The link I gave you only provides an aerial map of the Ringing Rocks Park area, and no further information. Grrr! Look up “ringing rocks” on Wikipedia.