Your Public Schools at Work… Again

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

Girl with Zombie Hunter toy gun. I thought only zombies were supposed to be afraid of this.

Free Republic this morning carried the story of a 12-year-old kid in Virginia Beach, VA, who has been suspended from school for playing with a plastic toy gun… at home. In his front yard. In fact, school officials are thinking of expelling him for the rest of the year.

The plastic gun is boldly labeled “Zombie Hunter.” I don’t think Smith & Wesson makes that model.

In my generation practically every boy, and most of the girls, played with toy guns. Unlike the current generation of the publicly schooled, we never picked up real guns and massacred our classmates.

So are the “educators” in Virginia Beach so daft, so stupid, as to believe a child with his Zombie Hunter is a threat to public safety? And if they are as moronic as all that, why does anyone send a child to be “educated” by such boobies?

J’accuse… American parents would send their kids to school at Rahway State Prison, to be instructed by the inmates, if it was the only “free” school around. If it’d keep the kids out of their hair for the day. As it is, they send ’em to public schools run by atheists, commies, sexual predators, and idiots.

There may even be a few zombies running the schools in Virginia Beach.

A Progress Report

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

I hate to tear myself away from Bell Mountain #7, The Glass Bridge. I thought I might have started writing it in late March or early April, but my notebook tells me May 2.

At the rate it’s going–despite tons of interruptions–I can expect to be done before the leaves fall. And yet as fast as I’ve been going, every step forward has been a step into the unknown. I say a prayer, sit down with my pen and legal pad, and trust in God to give me the story, bit by bit.

I have also discovered that I’ll need a Book #8 to finish all that business with the Thunder King. And then what? Stop?

Well, I hope not. This is the work I love best. I’ve got a whole fantasy world to explore: my books so far have only scratched the surface.

Unlike Democrats and other left-wing jidrools, I don’t expect you to actually believe my fantasies and take action based on that belief. Unlike their fantasies–e.g., redefining marriage won’t hurt our culture one little bit–mine are clearly understood to be products of the imagination.

And I’m pretty sure my fantasies can’t hurt you.

 

Anybody There? Hello?

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What is this? No viewers! No one has visited this blog today!

Hello, where is everybody? Yoo-hoo! Where have all the viewers gone?

I promise to put up a new post after I have my breakfast. Meanwhile, yo, come on–give me some support here!

Socialist Utopia Running Out of Toilet Paper

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Socialist utopia news update (via today’s Drudge Report): The workers’ paradise of Venezuela reports an acute shortage of–uh-oh!–toilet paper. They’re also kinda low on milk and sanitary napkins and a few other frills; but the big problem is, they’re running out of toilet paper.

Suspecting a sly capitalist plot, government goons–er, troops–have seized the toilet paper factories. [Question: Why didn’t they listen to the Global Warming crowd when Sheryl Crow suggested people be restricted to just two sheets of toilet paper per visit to the john?] The government has ruled out any possibility that its own heavy-handed interference in the manufacturing and supply sector of the national economy could be in any way responsible for shortages. It must be the work of enemies of the people.

But not to worry, America: it can’t happen here.

Because if we run out of toilet paper, a few copies of the 2,500-page Obamacare legislation ought to supply a whole town for a week.

Yes, it’ll hurt, using copies of Obamacare in loo of toilet paper.

But then Obamacare is going to hurt us no matter how we use it.

 

The Greatest Radio Play That Never Was

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

I’m feeling much better today, thank you. And I’ve had a rather vivid memory of something that never was, but really should have been. Have you ever had that experience?

This thing I vividly remember, but which never happened, is a feature-length radio play–a split-your-pants funny parody of The Hound of the Baskervilles starring Jack Benny and the cast of his regular weekly radio program, way back when.

[Note: If you’d rather have the story straight, and are a radio drama fan, I heartily recommend Jim French Productions’ The Hound of the Baskervilles, starring John Patrick Lowrie‘s absolutely perfect Basil Rathbone imitation as Sherlock Holmes.]

Really, I can just hear it in my mind’s ear. The Hound cuts loose with a horrifying howl, and Rochester as the Baskerville butler says, “Please tell me that’s just Lon Chaney out there, boss… trying to get back that two bucks you borrowed from him last Christmas.” And Jack Benny as Henry Baskerville replies, “I’ve already paid him this month’s installment!”

I’ve got Don Wilson to take over the Dr. Watson role, and Dennis Day, Mary Livingston, and Mel Blanc. But because Jack Benny himself would be perfect as Baskerville, I’m short a Sherlock Holmes. Rathbone was a guest on Benny’s program sometimes–we’ll get him to do it.

Mary to Jack: “As you value your reason and your life, Sir Henry, avoid the moor.”

Jack: “But it’s the shortest way to the Goodwill store!”

I’m sure you can dig it.

We Can’t Get Rid of Sleazy Public Figures

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

Well, I’m sick again, so don’t expect much from this post. I won’t describe my symptoms, except to say they’re painful and disgusting.

A little song has been going through my mind, one which my mother used to sing to me when I was a tot:

I love me, I think I’m grand!

When I go to the movies, I hold my hand.

I put my arm around my waist,

When I get fresh, I slap my face.

Then I read on Free Republic that some disgraced public figures are back in the news. Hot dog.

Gennifer Flowers is back, telling British newspapers all about her intimacies with Bill Clinton, and how Hillary swings both ways, yatta-yatta–oops, my stomach won’t stand this. Will these people never go away and leave us alone? Must we be constantly reminded that we are governed by weirdos? But they love themselves so much, they just can’t stay out of the news.

And Tom DeLay is back. Three years ago a kangaroo court found him guilty of corruption on a massive scale. Now an appeals court has overturned that conviction, on the grounds that the evidence presented by the prosecution didn’t about to a hill of beans. The question FR readers are asking is, “So where does he go to get his reputation back?”

Something is wrong here. Tom DeLay gets wrongfully convicted, finally vindicated by a higher court after three years of wrangling, and his political career is over, kaput, kaflooey. But Slimeball Bill and Hardball Hillary just go on and on forever. You’d think she’d be toast, after what happened in Benghazi–but no, she’s presidential timber. After Benghazi, she’s gonna get a curtain call.

How much more of this can we stand?

 

Swedish Court: Public Masturbation OK

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

[I apologize in advance for the unedifying content of this post. This is, however, news. And I believe it tells us something about where our Godless civilization is headed.]

From The Drudge Report today: A Swedish court has ruled it’s all right to masturbate on a public beach in front of other people, as long as the act is aimed at no one in particular. How they could ever be sure of that, I dunno.

The ruling just might make Stockholm, Sweden, the wanking capitol of the world. They can’t really be going to Swedish beaches to swim in that subarctic water–can they?

Civilization falling on hard times? Public masturbation to the rescue! It’s only a matter of time before someone sets it to music and has a killer video. Then it’ll become a new civil right–something which the rest of us will have to “celebrate” or else be accused of a hate crime. Soon there will be parades in the streets of our major cities. Wear galoshes.

I have thought, again and again, “Now we’ve finally hit bottom!”

But you know what?

I don’t think there is a bottom anymore.

 

 

Turning Children into Freaks

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

Hey, parents! Here’s yet another example of what the public education establishment thinks ought to be pumped into your child’s soul.

Pushed into school classrooms and libraries by Scholastic Books, named a National Book Award finalist, and honored by the American Library Association in “Best Books for Young Adults,” Luna by Julie Peters (2006) tells the heart-warming story of a teenage boy who wants to be a girl. Why? Because that’s “his true self,” says the amazon.com blurb. “But are Liam’s friends and family ready to welcome Luna [that’s what he calls himself when he’s poncing around in his sister’s clothes and makeup] into their lives?”

This is the dreck they want your children to be reading. The boy “must free himself to become the woman who lives inside him,” says a review in… wait for it…the School Library Journal.

What is the bloody point of this? More importantly, how can parents be content to sit around watching the Kardashians and college football while a bunch of perverted screwballs rams this toxic waste into children’s brains?

Why are “educators” so fired up to get boys turned into girls? And what will be the next goody out of the public education job jar? Are they going to take us to The Island of Doctor Moreau? From turning boys into girls and girls into boys, is it such a giant step to turning humans into beasts?

We are creating in this age a grotesque parody of human life at which posterity, a thousand years from now, will laugh incredulously and use it as the stuff of horror stories. They won’t believe we ever did such things.

So long, Black Beauty. Bye-bye, Hans Brincker, or The Silver Skates. Books for young readers used to be beautiful and edifying.

Someday God will wake the human race from this nightmare. Pray He does it soon.

The Vacuousness of ‘Being Spiritual’

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I have two neighbors who have deserted Christianity in favor of “being spiritual.” At least that’s what they say. When they’re not simply “spiritual,” these jidrools claim to be Buddhists. I doubt they know the difference.

The one volunteers for Hudson River clean-up cruises (we don’t live in New York), then comes home and walks her dog on other people’s property and doesn’t pick up after it. No amount of protest seems to make an impression on her: no Golden Rule here. I guess that’s part of being spiritual. She also goes to art movies at ridiculous prices. She hasn’t worked in donkey’s years.

The other has Buddhist prayer flags hanging all around her property, and an outdoor hot tub, and the mother of all floodlights–which goes on in the middle of the night and wakes me up because it’s aimed right at my bedroom window. When you’re spiritual you don’t have to think about things like that. I don’t know how she affords all these gew-gaws; she doesn’t work, either. Maybe spiritual people don’t have to work.

The both like to get together with friends occasionally and all do yoga on the front lawn, with the cars going by. It’s not a pretty sight.

Mind you, neither of these individuals has ever been within 1,000 miles of a Buddhist culture. I remember an ad I once saw in one of the Jersey shore papers: “The Bugville Buddhists will make their annual trip to the Atlantic City casinos on such-and-such a date.” I think this tells us all we need to know about folks who say they’re “spiritual.”

Their point is, Anything but Christianity. Christianity is not cool. It won’t get you into the whoopee crowd. No one will mistake you for a celebrity. And of course it really isn’t Christian to let your dog poop on someone else’s yard and let your floodlights shine into someone else’s bedroom window in the middle of the night. It ain’t Christian, but it sure is spiritual.

Who’s Buried in Alexander the Great’s Tomb?

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

Alexander the Great, who claimed to be a god (or at least half a god), died in 323 B.C. Some 300 years later, Augustus Caesar visited Alexander’s tomb in Alexandria, Egypt, and saw the body, which was preserved in solidified honey. In 215 A.D. the Roman Emperor Caracalla popped in to pay his respects to Alexander. After that, Alexander and his tomb disappear from history.

There was a ton of ballyhoo in 1991–remember?–when a Greek archeologist claimed to have discovered the lost tomb of Alexander. The ballyhoo went away when she said mystical talking snakes told her where to look.

So where is it? The ancients believed that whoever possessed Alexander’s body would rule a prosperous and stable empire. Plus you could probably get a fortune for it if you sold it on eBay.

So a lot of people are still trying to track down the elusive conqueror, whether to sell him, make him the centerpiece of a new theme park, or clone him and run him for president. The possibilities are endless. But first you have to find the tomb.

My cats say he’s hidden somewhere in Canada, they don’t know exactly where. I have also heard (never mind from whom!) that the mummy has already been resuscitated and is now a big man in reality TV.  Certain commentators think the Bilderbergers have him. There is even a theory that the body of Alexander the Great has been processed into capsules and ingested by important people who paid $1 million each for them because they want to be even more important.

If you have any solid information as to Alexander the Great’s whereabouts, and you don’t know what to do because Unsolved Mysteries is long gone, please contact this blog at its secret toll-free number.