Cause of Death: Politics REPRINT

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From October 21, 2013

Thou shalt not covet…right? Like, it’s one of the Ten Commandments, you really shouldn’t break it. But how about teaching and urging people to covet? Is that a sin, too?

In a word, yes.

It has become impossible to distinguish between the rhetoric of the Communist Party of Albania in the 1960s and New Jersey Democrat rhetoric today. Now that they have the skill to target their advertising, political campaign ads for these rats pop up all over the Internet.

I have never before, in all my life, seen such a coordinated campaign involving so many candidates, all with the same message: class warfare.

“Vote for Peter Covet because he believes your tax money should go to fund education, not CEOs’ retirement packages. Vote for Mary Envy because she’d pass a law that the minimum wage has to go up every year, no matter what. Vote for Jack Thief because he won’t let corporate CEOs cut veterans’ benefits.”

My liberal family member digs this message. He thinks anyone who has more money than he does is a criminal who must be punished. To say nothing of the poor schlemiels who think “funding education” means anything but higher salaries and more lavish benefits for teachers and administrators.

Are Democrats trying to chase business out of New Jersey altogether? “You dirty CEOs! You just wait–we’re gonna get you!” What kind of idiots would business leaders have to be, to just stay here and get raped? But all the statistics show that businesses, as well as affluent individuals and families, are stampeding out of this state.

What are we who remain in this state supposed to do for jobs, once our glorious leaders drive out all the businesses? Where is the money gonna come from, for all those teacher pensions?

Why should you, the reader, care what happens in the benighted state of New Jersey?

Well, it might happen in your state, too. And when it does, you’ll know it. I promise you, you’ll hear your wallet howl.

 

Sanity Break: Funny Dogs REPRINT

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From December 8, 2016

If only dogs could talk, they might get somewhere with these arguments. It might be interesting to hear this one dog’s reasons for why he ought to be given some sushi. But all the dogs in this video have something to say–and we humans just don’t get it… whatever it is.

Animals in Crazy Places REPRINT

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Dogs up on top of the roof–how did they get there? Wild turkey raising cain in the living room–who let him in? And of course the cat in the lizard tank: note the lizard trying to keep his cool. Enjoy these odd videos!

Kooky Kolumnist: America Needs a King REPRINT

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From January 13, 2014

Were columns written for national consumption always chock-full of nutty ideas?

Writing for “Politico” on Jan. 2 ( http://www.politico.com/magazine/story/2014/01/america-needs-a-king-101691_Page2.html#.UtQcqLSowS4 ), Michael Auslin said, “To save what is left of our common fellow feeling as Americans, we need to create a position above the presidency… [L]et’s call this new national symbol our First Citizen.”

He doesn’t really mean he wants a monarchy, despite the wording of the headline. What he wants is someone to serve as “a non-partisan, non-political national symbol.” We need this because, at any given time, at least half the people hate the president like the plague, Congress has a 6% approval rating, and the Supreme Court isn’t winning any popularity contests, either. This “national symbol” would be there for everyone to love, like Mickey Mouse, only real.

He hasn’t thought this out. How would we choose our First Citizen? And since liberals hate anybody who is not a liberal, and anybody who is a liberal is bound to be hated by conservatives, don’t we wind up exactly where we started from? Only now we’d have two hated and despised big chiefs, instead of one. We would also now have two costly, vitriol-laden national elections, instead of one.

Well, what can you expect from a columnist who gives you a list of corrupt, blatant liars in the White House, and somehow forgets Bill Clinton?

The fact that Americans, by and large, hate, disrespect, mistrust, and make fun of corrupt and dysfunctional national institutions (like Congress, the press, the court system, etc.) and the corrupt, dysfunctional bastards who run the show, demonstrates that the nation has not quite lost its taste for better things. Most of our presidents since Eisenhower deserved to be hated! And so on.

I shudder to imagine an America that’s satisfied with what we’ve got today.

Cat Finds Cyclist and Changes His Life

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Praise, My Soul, the King of Heaven

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Boy, Was I Busy Today

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I really was busy all day today–one thing and another. I got out to the store very early.  Thankfully, no police officer stopped me for the outdated inspection sticker.  That is a hefty fine I assume.

Tomorrow I will drop the car off for inspection.

I have a few things lined up for tomorrow–hopefully they will get done (or mostly done).

A great deal warmer today.  Not warm, but warmer than it has been.

Now I will go start my supper.

God bless everybody.

Patty

This is Boo and Snoopy on their special orthopedic dog mattress.  Will tell you about Snoopy tomorrow.  He is the most recent member of my daughter’s pack.

My Daughter’s Cat Star

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This is Star when she was a kitten.

My daughter read about Star and her siblings, who were thrown from a moving car.  She called the Charleston Animal Society, for whom she had worked as a volunteer and said  “I want that kitten as soon as she is better.”  Because the organization knew her, she got the little girl.

Star was the only survivor.

As you can see, she is living the life of Riley now.

I know all of you are sympathetic to animal causes, so I thought you would like to see another success story.

Catch you later

Patty

 

On Turning 65 REPRINT

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From May 8, 2014

Tomorrow, God willing, I will have completed 65 years on this planet and will become an official and bona fide Senior Citizen. To avoid hurting my feelings, some people will call me “older” instead of “old.” Somehow, in defiance of the rules of English, “older” has become not so old as “old.”

Who ever thinks he’s going to wind up 65 years old?

I take comfort in the words of Casey Stengel, who said, “A lot of people my age are dead. You could look it up.” And in the words of Solon, who, when asked what made him so brave against the tyranny in Athens, said, “Old age.”

I have already been accused of being just too damn old to understand and appreciate the wonderfulness of the libs’ ‘n’ progs’ program for America. If only I were younger, I would celebrate sodomite pseudomarriage and easily see the need to give the government vast new powers to deal with threats like Global Warming and racism.

Heaven forbid.

I don’t feel like an old man. I can still play basketball as poorly as I ever played it. Freddy the Pig and Rick Brant still delight me. My wife and i can still amuse ourselves by making rude noises, especially when a certain politician’s face appears on our computer screen. And Last of the Summer Wine has taught me that you’re never too old for fun and mischief.

Still, it’s a major milestone, and I thought I ought to say something.

I would very much like to be still here to see secular liberalism crash and burn, discredited forever, its proponents heaped with shame and chased out of office forever.

This afternoon would be a good time for that.

Scurveyshire’s Reddle Craze REPRINT

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30+ Romance novel cover parodies ideas | romance novel covers, romance, book humor

From November 29, 2020

Introducing Chapter CCCXCIII (Chapter CCCXCII seemed to be missing) of her epic romance, Oy, Rodney, Violet Crepuscular writes, “Olaf Skraeling’s diabolical plan to win the hand of Lady Margo Cargo by disguising himself as a reddleman has worked too well! All of Scurveyshire has gone absolutely mad for reddle-ing (or should it be ‘reddling’?), and he suddenly has so much business that he has no time to woo the rich widow!”

She takes the opportunity to soliloquize about the pitfalls of crime, adding certain lewd comments about her neighbor, Mr. Pitfall. We will spare the reader. Feel free to tear out those two dozen pages.

Suddenly everyone in Scurveyshire wants everything reddled–doors and windows, dogs, children, tools, underclothes… “They’ve all gone mad!” cries Lord Jeremy Coldsore. They have even reddled the bearded barmaid at The Lying Tart. Desperate to curb the craze, Lord Jeremy summons Constable Chumley and orders him to arrest the reddleman.

“Withy me aw’ yon firthin mizzle, m’lord,” demurs the constable. His keen police instincts aroused, he already knows the reddleman is none other than Mr. Skraeling, and therefor that worst of all malefactors–a fraudulent reddleman.

“Just do it!” sighs Lord Jeremy.

As for Lady Margo, now that her upholstered wooden leg has been duly reddled, she has attempted to play hop-scotch with some of the reddled children. Hopping awkwardly from one box to the next, her glass eye falls out and shatters on the slate. The children, horrified, run away screaming.

“I must now interject my recipe for cat-food turnovers with a dab of toothpaste on the crust,” Violet interjects. It plays hob with the novel’s continuity.