Tag: lillibulero

15 Minutes of Cinematic Twaddle

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

Image result for images of malice aforethought with ben miller

Did you ever decide to watch a movie because it stars an actor whose work you’ve really liked, so far? We fell into that trap the other night–Malice Aforethought, supposedly an English murder mystery. The bait was Ben Miller, a very funny comedian who’s also a pretty good actor.

You would be justified in walking a mile out of your way, in snow or rain, to avoid seeing this movie.

In fairness, we could only endure about 15 minutes of it, stubbing it out when a certain seduction scene turned out to be so ham-fisted, so inane, so jejune, as to start me whistling Lillibulero. It was that or throw something.

Once again, it set me to thinking… Here is a movie made by professionals, costing heap big sums of money. They hired real actors, real writers, a real director, and a real crew. Every day they had the opportunity to view the rushes and see how it was shaping up so far. And yet the result managed to be both fatuous and offensive.

How does a movie this bad even get made? Obviously it was going to be one ludicrous sex scene after another, with somewhere a murder mystery thrown in, if they ever got around to it. Why didn’t Miller’s agent read the script and threaten to shoot him if he agreed to appear in this clunker? Somebody should’ve been shot for this.

If people who actually make movies for a living can produce a mess like this, what does it suggest about any idea to grow the government and give spectacular new powers to equally inept and foolish individuals?

You can always turn off a rotten movie. It isn’t so easy to get rid of rotten public policy.

Are There Any Computers That Don’t Have Hillary’s State Dept. Emails on Them?

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

Why is this man smiling (if that’s what he’s doing)?

[This is the stuff I refrained from writing about this weekend.]

I write fantasy novels. And if I write ’em too far out, the readers will say “Oh, pshaw!”, or something to that effect, and just stop reading.

So I wouldn’t dare write something like, “And just when it seemed Hillary was home free, hundreds of thousands of her emails turn up in Anthony Weiner’s laptop, where they were found by FBI agents investigating his lewd communications with a teenage girl; and her whole campaign gets derailed by Weiner the Wanker…” Nope, I couldn’t put that in a fantasy novel. It’d be too.. well, fantastic.

And FBI Director James Comey does the equivalent of a man running back into a burning building, after escaping the fire by the sky of his teeth, in shouting from the housetops that he’s re-opening the Clinton investigation–and I’m not sure any of the current explanations of this extraordinary behavior convince me. Back in the summer, he let Hillary skate, gave her a “Get Out of Jail Free” card for activities that anyone else would’ve been imprisoned for… and now he puts himself in harm’s way? Just because his colleagues at the FBI despise him for his cowardice? Because even his wife despises him for it? Because no one at the Justice Dept. will even nod to him anymore when they pass him in the halls? I dunno… I’m just not sure those explanations work.

Maybe John Mortimer (Rumpole of the Baily), Lawrence Sterne (Tristram Shandy), or Mel Brooks (Blazing Saddles) could write this. Yeah, I can see it as a Tristram Shandy episode, and practically hear Uncle Toby whistling “Lillibulero” as Clinton tries to shove the whole thing off on The Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy and naughty Russian hackers.

But I’m much too timid to write a mess like this!

‘The Ballad of Hillary Clinton’

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

To be sung to the tune of Lilliburlero (above)

The Ballad of Hillary Clinton

There once was a woman of evil intent, Hillary-pillory-billyboy-oh!

She wanted to run things and be president, Hillary-pillory-billyboy-oh!

Hillary-pillory Hillary Clinton, hillary-pillory-billyboy-oh!

She wanted to run things and be president, Hillary-pillory-billy-boy-oh!

She studied Alinsky’s radical rules, Hillary-pillory etc

Played us all as a nation of fools, Hillary etc. [Refrain]

“My husband was chief, so I should be, too,” Hillary etc.

“I’m as crooked as he was, and smarter than you,” [Refrain]

“My Clinton Foundation’s as rich as can be,” etc.

“I’ll do you a favor if you pay my fee,” [Refrain]

When they left the White House, she wore a fake frown, etc.

They stole everything that wasn’t nailed down [Refrain]

Well, that’s it. Lillibulero is a folk tune from Ireland, adopted by the British Army in the 18th century, and whistled by Uncle Toby Shandy whenever he had to let off steam. So feel free to add or amend verses as needed.

 

Gotta Re-visit ‘Tristram Shandy’!

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

That catchy tune in the video, to which the redcoats marched in Stanley Kubrick’s Barry Lyndon, is an old Irish melody called Lillibulero. First published in 1661, Lillibulero gained a kind of immortality thanks to author and  clergyman, and proto-Abolitionist, Laurence Sterne.

In his utterly wild and wacky novel, The Life and Opinions of Tristram Shandy, Gentleman, whenever things get confusing, which is most of the time, two of his characters, Uncle Toby and Corporal Trim, have a habit of whistling Lillibulero.

I had to read this book in college. I enjoyed it, but I was young then and I strongly suspect I would enjoy it even more if I read it now. Maybe I will get a copy of it for Christmas. I’m just dying to read it again. It was first published in 1759, but don’t let that throw you. This book is just plain funny!

All those years, though, I had no idea what Lillibulero sounded like. I realize now that I must have heard that melody dozens of times without knowing it was Lillibulero.

And here’s something else that’s funny. My wife found me listening to the tune on the computer, and asked me what it was. She has never read Tristram Shandy, and so never heard of Lillibulero.

And then, just before bedtime, she was leafing through a Daphne DuMaurier story when a reference to Lillibulero jumped out at her. “That’s twice tonight!” she said. “You know what? That’s weird!”

It’s with real pleasure that I look back on those ineffectual, benign, and profoundly harmless characters, Uncle Toby and his faithful batman, Corporal Trim–not to mention Tristram’s hopeless and constantly losing battle to organize the story of his life.

Yes, I’ve got to get back to Shandy Hall. But in the meantime, at least I can now whistle Lillibulero.