Tag Archives: seeker-friendly churches

‘”Star Wars” Pastor Doesn’t Want His Church to be “Too Christian”‘ (2016)

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One of those things I never worry about is Christmas-time church services being too Christian. But in case it worries you, there’s a pastor in Germany who has a solution to the problem.


Tailoring your church services around a popular movie series looks like a sure-fire way to pump up church attendance. If you get bored with Star Wars, you can start on the Harry Potter movies, or Rocky, or Jurassic Park–any old franchise will do.

I can’t remember which apostle it was who first worried about Christianity being too Christ-centered, but I’m sure this pastor in Germany could tell you.

Water Slide… Baptism?

Image result for images of water slide

All right, you’re not gonna believe this.

When St. Paul said, “Let all things be done decently and in good order” (I Corinthians 14:40), he probably was not thinking of anything like what’s going on at the Elevation Church in Charlotte, North Carolina.

There they have installed a great big water slide, and you zoom down the chute into a pool to get baptized ( http://babylonbee.com/news/elevation-church-debuts-water-slide-baptismal/ ). The pastor might also squirt you with a super-squirter.

The idea is to get as many people baptized as quickly as possible.

Somebody’s church has more money than is good for it.

I mean, why don’t they just stand on the roof and throw water-balloons at the passersby below?

I’ve heard of “seeker-friendly” churches, but this is ridiculous.

‘Star Wars’ Pastor Doesn’t Want His Church to Be ‘Too Christian’

While the German government is pulling out all the stops to do away with Germany as a coherent nation, the pastor of Zion Church in Berlin recently held a Star Wars-themed religious service, complete with very silly people wearing Darth Vader masks and carrying toy light sabers ( https://www.yahoo.com/tv/german-church-celebrates-star-wars-sunday-122152630.html ), the Associated Press reported recently.

This is taking “seeker-friendly” to new depths.

Pastor Lucas Ludewig said the Star Wars service was a big success and pulled a lot of people into the church. Pay heed to his words:

“It’s great that there are subjects that people are interested in. They trust us to make them part of the church service without making it too Christian or too Star Wars, but to find a good compromise.

Gee, if only the early Christians had thought of this. They could have installed statues of the Roman emperor in their churches, and as part of the Christian worship service, burned incense to the emperor’s image and hailed him as a god.  Wouldn’t that have been “a good compromise”?

Y’know what? I don’t think everybody understands that Star Wars is just a movie. Something that somebody made up.

And I’m pretty sure more and more pastors don’t understand what a church is for.

Pastor Gored by Mad Bull–in Church!

Ancient fresco showing Minoan “bull dancers”–or are these athletes not dancing, but trying to stay alive?

Well, here’s something you don’t see in church every Sunday: the pastor getting gored by an angry bull ( http://todaychristian.net/pastor-nearly-gored-to-death-in-church-sanctuary-by-raging-bull-but-the-end-will-surprise-you/ ).

It really happened, recently, at Solid Rock Church in Ohio. Right there in the church sanctuary, Pastor Lawrence Bishop was gored nearly to death by a bull. It was an unscripted part of a special church program called “Stop the Bull,” meant to address the issues of drug abuse and bullying, felt by the pastor to be particularly pressing in the Solid Rock neighborhood.

If the above link works, here is the actual video of this incident, provided by Solid Rock Church.

Gee, this is even edgier than Christian cage fighting!

Other churches around the country are already scrambling to outdo Solid Rock. “If their pastor can just about get himself killed, trying to ride a bull in church, well, we’ve got that beat!” says Pastor Rabadash Jones of Happening Now Church, Florida. “Alligator wrassling! We have set up a pool in the middle of our church and put some mighty big, mean gators in it. But I think my assistant pastor can tame ’em.”

Squawking Idiot Episcopal Church in Lenin Falls, NY, “steers clear of violence,” said Priestess Happy Octopus Starshine, “but we defy any of those cowboy churches in the Midwest to top our brothel! We’re already convinced we’re going to have to enlarge the church doors, once our knocking-shop opens. And by the way, we will cater to all seven genders. It don’t get more seeker-friendly than this!”

But according to Rev. Tom O’Bedlam, of St. Kerchak’s, in Bismuth, Minnesota, “It’s always best to stick to basics; so we’ll just go with plain old human sacrifice. Our marketing research consistently shows that to be a winner.”

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