Canadian Cops Take Down ‘Star Wars’ Bad Guy (Oops!)

The Force was not strong with the 19-year-old restaurant employee

Armed officers of the Lethbridge, Alberta, Police Service drew their guns and physically tackled a 19-year-old woman in a Star Wars “Stormtrooper” costume (

She was in that costume as a publicity stunt for a Star Wars-themed restaurant just yards away. Cops pounced on her–giving her a bloody nose–because she was carrying a plastic toy Star Wars “blaster.”

William Shatner–Capt. Kirk knows about these things!–tweeted his “contempt” for the Lethbridge cops and asked, “Are you blind, chief?” The chief had been trying to wriggle off the hook by saying they had to jump the girl because she hadn’t complied quickly enough–he seems to have had “instantaneous” in mind–with the order to drop the “weapon.”

To be fair, there are toy guns that look enough like the real thing that a police officer would have to be crazy to take a chance on it. But here the Star Wars costume just outside the Star Wars restaurant should’ve at least hinted that this was not a situation to be taken seriously.

Is it just me–or, during this coronavirus panic and The Great Quarantine, have more and more police officers been acting more and more like real stormtroopers?

Keep it up, guys, and your reputation will be shot. Leftids already hate you. Don’t make normal people hate you, too.

‘Star Wars’ Not Diverse Enough?

Not “diverse” enough? really?

Right–you hear the word “diverse” and you know what’s  coming.

Now, too many people already take Star Wars a lot more seriously than they ought to. That happens a lot with science fiction. People keep forgetting that it’s fiction.

Well, now we’ve got homosexual activists saying the next Star Wars movie–that would be Star Wars VIII (good grief), already in production–had better have some “gay” characters ( ). The Star Wars franchise is owned by Disney, the evil empire famous for its kow-towing to organized sodomy. Surprising they should even have to ask.

Anyhow, say the activists–great gloms, am I sick of activists–science fiction is about “advanced societies” which are bound to embrace every kind of aberrant sexuality you can think of. And that there are not enough “gay” characters in the movies–just try to guess what’s coming–“creates an unsafe environment”! What–no “climate of fear”? You left out “climate of fear”?

It doesn’t occur to these activists that maybe one of the reasons studios don’t like to pack their films with deviants is because then a lot of people wouldn’t go to see them. And never mind bringing the kiddies! I’m afraid the real world isn’t quite as enamored of homosexuality as the activists like to think. (If it were, they wouldn’t have to constantly resort to the courts to impose their agenda on the rest of us.)

Besides which, you twollops, this is Star Wars! So what if the Amoeba-thing from Zontar is “gay”? Like, how could you tell? Since when is the famous “Star Wars bar scene” not “diverse” enough?

But a day without making yet another new demand is, for the activists, a day not lived.

How to Stop a Rapist: Use ‘The Force’

A top national broadcaster in Finland–please don’t ask me to pronounce or spell his name–has recommended that women use… well, magic! to protect themselves from rape ( ).

It has been suggested that the guy was only joking. Well, if it was a gag, considering the rape epidemic unleashed on Europe by its loony leaders and their mass importation of lawless Muslims, it was in very poor taste.

So… if you think some low-life means to rape you, all you gotta do is hold up your empty hand, Star Wars-style, and push him back without touching him. I’ve seen this in kung-fu movies, too, and it always works. But if, in the unlikely event that it doesn’t work on the back streets of Helsinki, then you must do it with two hands. And if that don’t work, clout him with your purse.

It has to be something like that because Finland, like most European countries, allows no meaningful methods of self-defense. You can’t have a gun, pepper spray, or a nice Crocodile Dundee knife. Makes it easy pickin’s for the criminals.

After you successfully beat down a rapist using nothing but The Force, proceed immediately to your nearest Star Wars church and give thanks to Obi-Wan or whatever.

Do they understand, anymore, that Star Wars is a movie? Not real? Something they made up in Hollywood? Do they even understand that anymore?

You tell me.

‘Star Wars’ Pastor Doesn’t Want His Church to Be ‘Too Christian’

While the German government is pulling out all the stops to do away with Germany as a coherent nation, the pastor of Zion Church in Berlin recently held a Star Wars-themed religious service, complete with very silly people wearing Darth Vader masks and carrying toy light sabers ( ), the Associated Press reported recently.

This is taking “seeker-friendly” to new depths.

Pastor Lucas Ludewig said the Star Wars service was a big success and pulled a lot of people into the church. Pay heed to his words:

“It’s great that there are subjects that people are interested in. They trust us to make them part of the church service without making it too Christian or too Star Wars, but to find a good compromise.

Gee, if only the early Christians had thought of this. They could have installed statues of the Roman emperor in their churches, and as part of the Christian worship service, burned incense to the emperor’s image and hailed him as a god.  Wouldn’t that have been “a good compromise”?

Y’know what? I don’t think everybody understands that Star Wars is just a movie. Something that somebody made up.

And I’m pretty sure more and more pastors don’t understand what a church is for.

Church Offers ‘Star Wars Nativity’

Please, say it ain’t so! I’m afraid it is, kid.

Right here in my home state of New Jersey, a five-church outfit called Liquid Church–is that anything like liquid lunch?–has set up nativity scenes with Star Wars characters instead of the Holy Family ( ). Exit Mary, replaced by Princess Leia. Exit Joseph, replaced by Han Solo. And so on.

Why have they done this? Says the pastor, “As a church, we want to be dynamic, engaging, and culturally relevant.”

Sounds like an epitaph to me. Inscription on the tombstone of a dead and buried church: “We were culturally relevant.”

God save us.