A new edition of 13th-century scholar Snorri Sturlusson’s history of the kings of Norway has been…
Pander Publishing has killed the project because, said a company shill, Snorri didn’t have enough “Blacks” in his story. As an Icelander who died in 1241, Snorri was not able to write about any African-American kings of Norway.
Said Pander president Popeye Schlubb. “It’s our job, as progressives, to give Minorities a leg up wherever we can. If Norway can’t generate its own Barack Obama, it’s up to us to generate one for them!
“Writing history is not enough. We are here to make history!”
Dambit awll!!! Thare reely was Cat Hares in that Woke Co-Vidd Caik we hadded “last” weak,, “thare” Was lots “of” Cat Hares “in” It and i eated a hole Lot Of that caik and i Been has Hair Bawlls evry Day!!! jist lyke somb stopid Cat!!!!!!
Sombtymes “It Is” reeely harred To Be “a” Socile Jutstus Wirer,, nhow I cant Evin Eet jim sox whith-out “geting” anether Hare Bawll!! and i amb knot “the” ownly One!!! we has al has hairbawls!!!! and It Is “a” Big Shayme becose Pressadint Obomma he kneads “us” “to” Riot and do Protist stuph but itt Is So harred “to” brake shopp Whindows wile yiu “Are” hasing a hairbawlll!! Our hole Collidge we Are alll Sick!!!!! We tryed to has a meting “of” the Stoodint Soviet twoday And wee coodnt do it evry Boddy thay was Going eck-eck-eck all over!!
And thenn It got wurst!!!!!!!
Sumb guy he tolded us We cood “cure” Hare Bawlls by drinkin lots “of” hamb berger greece,, witch we beleaved and so somb “Of” us we tryed It “and” we coodnt Evin Pick “up” a brick let aloan Throwh It!!!!! Jist thinken Abuot it maiks me feeel Horrabull!!! I whish peeple thay wood “Be” moar Cairfull of waht thay Teeched us!!!!! How yiu goingto Be a Interllectural wen thay teeching Things witch maiks yiu evin Siccker???
We “are” supoased to got a Eczam too marrow in Nothing Studies and i jist amnt reddy F”or” it!!!!!!
G’day–or not so good! Byron the Quokka here, and I dassn’t tell you where “here” is because there’s a bloke runnin’ all over Rottnest Island trying to slap a lawsuit on me. I knew these new dorms had to be good for something. They look just like tufts of grass, don’t they?
I can hardly believe there’s someone suing us–suing Quokka University, by jove!–for teaching things that aren’t true. Good grief! Do you think you can get a college accredited by teaching truth? Pull the other one! The whole academic world would come after us with shotguns if we ever taught anything that’s true.
We are in trouble because we plainly labeled our false facts “False Facts.” Guaranteed not to be true! You have our word on it! Crikey, they’re not our false facts at all, we’re just usin’ ’em for fund-raising: it’s Acme False Facts Inc. that they ought to be suing.
Well, now we’re going to have to go to the bother of luring the crocodile in from the salt marshes and luring the lawsuit wallah into the pond with the crocodile. We are told that this is what universities do with anyone who gets in their way. Well, we do want our accreditation, don’t we? When in Rome, etc.