Category: Pop Culture

Idiocy on Steroids REPRINT

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

From June 4, 2014

A fellow Christian columnist has shared this comment from one of his readers. I reproduce it here unedited, undiluted.

“Not a shred of moral relativism at all in what I said. I said all human live is valuable. I also said it is good to live one’s religious faith.

“But let’s get your your example of what you call ‘mugging and self-defense.’

“A person you term a ‘mugger’ approaches you with a display of force and, with the threat of violence, ask you to give him some property. You comply. No one dies. Everyone goes on with their day.

“The only actual ‘danger’ to human life comes when you threaten the mugger (and the mugger’s life). You may say ‘no.’ That threatens the mugger. You may brandish a weapon. If its a gun, you may open fire. Those acts certainly threaten the mugger.

“When all that the mugger wants is a little property, it is not clear why you feel morally inclined to threaten the mugger’s life. It would seem it is just easier to share your property with the person who has the monopoly of force.

“And its not clear in the case of the mugger who is actually the victim. The mugger needs property. You have property. The mugger is asking you to share. That does not imply victimhood at all. Your selfish refusal to share is what escalates the exchange in the first instance.”

Now this is imbecility of a very high order, inaccessible to ordinary dunderheads. It may only be acquired, at great cost, at a university, from tenured professors who are themselves morons.

I wonder if this guy will ever deliver the keynote speech at a Democrat convention?

So, folks, the next time a thug with a switchblade “asks” you for your property, remember, it’s immoral to resist him.

A compleat jidrool has told you so.

How About Just ‘Some’ Religious Freedom? REPRINT

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From April 3, 2015

How can America preserve religious freedom–guaranteed in the First Amendment to the Constitution–while at the same time preserving the right of homosexuals to force Christians to perform actions against their conscience and their faith?

The city of Gomorrah, New York, has the answer.

Here, the city council has passed the Kinda-Sorta Religious Freedom Ordinance, which sets up six Religious Freedom Zones around the city. Each is roughly the size of an old-fashioned public phone booth.

Explained Mayor Bill Zebub, “Anyone who steps into a Religious Freedom Zone, for as long as he remains inside it, cannot be forced to say or do anything against his beliefs. Within the zone, absolute freedom of conscience prevails.

“Outside the zone, of course, everyone, including Christians, must obey any order given by a gay or lesbian or trans person. To do otherwise is to be guilty of Hate, and Hate is a very bad emotion. It will not be allowed to exist within the city limits of Gomorrah.”

The city has authorized a Human Rights Whipping Post, with rack and thumbscrews reserved for “particularly difficult cases.”

“We got the idea from the Free Speech Zones you find on many college campuses,” the mayor said. “After all, the First Amendment doesn’t say where you have freedom of speech or freedom of religion! All it requires is that you have freedom somewhere in America. Nor does it say how large that somewhere has to be.”

Knowing Things That Aren’t True REPRINT

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

From September 22, 2013

People know an awful lot of things that just ain’t so.

Yesterday, for instance, twice in one day, I encountered the pseudo “fact” that people in Colonial America were burned at the stake for witchcraft–with Rev. Cotton Mather gleefully stoking the fires.

The truth is that not a single person was ever burned for witchcraft anywhere in North America–and certainly not in Salem, Massachusetts. As Casey Stengel used to say, you could look it up. Those persons convicted in the Salem witch trials were executed by hanging (one defendant was pressed to death, but that was an accident).

As for Cotton Mather, he was against the witch trials from the very beginning and did everything in his power to put a stop to them. He did not instigate and celebrate the witch trials. He opposed them.

Where do people get their erroneous knowledge? It matters, you see–because what folks think they know affects their opinions and their actions. When false facts translate into public policy, the results can be disastrous–for instance, in the big push to turn everything upside-down to Save The Planet from imaginary Global Warming.

We should all regularly re-examine what we think we know. There may be some surprises in store for us.

Remember this warning from the Bible: “Yea, let God be true, but every man a liar.” (Romans 3:4) It applies not only to deliberate untruths, but also to misinformation and ignorance.

 

Why Do I Even Bother? REPRINT

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

From October 25, 2013

I got an email yesterday from a reader who found one of my columns inspiring. If I could only know what I might have said to inspire her, I wouldn’t say it again.

This person castigates Christians for not being hip to various “secret” books of God (but if everybody knew about them, they wouldn’t be a secret) which reveal that human history on earth has been secretly managed by “the Annunaki,” who are FROM ORION. Don’t blame me for the caps. Throughout the email, the writer used all-caps to emphasize the importance of the Annunaki and their secret wisdom being FROM ORION.

A quick Internet search reveals all sorts of websites dedicated to this crackpot ideology. There must be a lot of people out there who have tapped into the secret knowledge that comes FROM ORION.

For those who may have forgotten, there is no such thing in the real world as “Orion” or any other constellation. The constellations are only patterns which human imagination has imposed on the stars. The three stars of Orion’s belt only seem to be close together, lined up in a row. In reality, they are millions and millions of miles apart; and if we could look up from any planet other than the earth, we wouldn’t see the same patterns in the stars and we couldn’t see Orion. So nobody, not even Annunaki, can actually be FROM ORION.

Are there that many more nuts out there, nowadays, or does it only seem that way because the Net provides a kook-friendly environment?

There’s No You in ‘You’ REPRINT

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From December 5, 2019

I know I’ve mentioned this before, but it bears repeating. To leftists, nothing matters about anyone except for what’s on the outside.

They may not even realize there can be anything on the inside. It may be that such things as character, ability, or personality are so irrelevant to liberals that they might not believe such things exist. For them there’s only your skin color, your “gender,” and whatever else is on the outside.

And above and beyond that, an insatiable lust for power over other people.

To teachers’ unions, human children are empty bags that can be filled with whatever they want to put in there. Everybody’s empty, so why not fill them? Stuff in as much progressive twaddle as you can. It’ll prime them for college.

This is all so weird, so hard to unpack. “Progressive” thought, if we may even call it “thought,” is a labyrinth from which no one can emerge with an intact mind. A lot of folks will never emerge at all. The questions it raises are unanswerable. Why, for instance, are “minorities”–supposedly wise and virtuous, just by being who they are–always shown as totally helpless and incompetent without self-hating white liberals to lead them? Figure that one out and win a Day-Glo orange traffic cone.

We are made in God’s image. It is Satan’s plan to mar that image and ultimately destroy it altogether. In destroying us, he unmakes God’s creation. This scheme he pitches to nincompoops, as he has always pitched it, as a path to becoming gods themselves. A path to citizenship in Hell.

We have spent several decades listening to these people and allowing them to kill our culture.

Now would be a very good time to stop.

Byron’s TV Listings, Aug. 16 REPRINT

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

December 15-21, 1962 TV Guide

From August 16, 2025

G’day, boys ‘n’ gulls! Byron the Quokka here, with another weekend’s worth of enlightenment brought to you by Quokka University… the college too obscure to die.

Here are three samples for you.

Saturday

11:18 a.m.  Ch. 06   TV for simpletons–GRADY PISHPOCK–(“Talk the hind leg off a donkey”)

Join host GradyPishpock in conversations guaranteed to embarrass! This week: Grady takes on Congresswoman Jan Jiffy in a debate about what’s that on the floor of the studio, just by the door. Watch Grady tie her into knots!

Sunday

9:54 a.m.  Ch. 71  Drama (sort of)–When is a swarm of insect pests not a swarm of insect pests? When it’s  PEST PEEVES WITH LYDDIE COCANOWER. This week: Lyddie “fixes those pesky caterpillars” by feeding them to grouchy neighbors. Special guest: Sgt. Bud Perkins, local police (“Actually, Ms. Coconut, these aren’t half-bad! I believe I’ll have another handful.”

7:14 p.m.  Ch. 22  Stark melodrama–LAPSY, THE BAD-TEMPERED MONITOR LIZARD

This show gives Lassie a run for the money. He is fully capable of swallowing a collie dog. This week: Tommy (Nicky Hsiang) and Dippy (Debi Moostoosian) think they’ve lost Lapsy–until the whole staff at Boro Hall runs out in a panic onto the street, screaming maniacally. And they can’t wake Officer Plugg (a department store dummy).

Say hey, can you go for these? I’m a Grady Pishpock fan, myself; but I’m undergoing treatment for it.

Byron the Quokka, signing off.

How Quokkas Selfies Help Their Population Bounce Back

(Me and my agent, Olaf Spiggit)

Do I Want Skydiving Lessons? REPRINT

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

From April 11, 2014

Someone emailed me an ad today for skydiving lessons at the nearest airport.

I can think of any number of people who would want me to take them, preferably with a defective parachute; but I think I’ll take a pass on this.

Risking one’s life for God, family, or country is sometimes necessary. But to risk it because it might be entertaining? I don’t think so. No, I’d rather watch Columbo episodes.

Julius Caesar was a brave man, physically. He always fought in the front line, with his troops behind him. But he would have thought it folly to climb a dangerous mountain just because it’s there, or swim with sharks, or go skydiving just for fun. I’m with him there.

Because, you see, my life is not my own to do with as I please. God has a claim on it first, along with my wife, my family, my friends, and those causes which seem right to me. It’s not mine to hazard by jumping out of an airplane just for fun.

So,no thanks–but I think I’ll stick to basketball. That’s hazardous enough for me.

I’ll leave the extreme sports to the libs ‘n’ progs. May they never get enough of them.

A Silly Old Ass REPRINT

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

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From May 18, 2019

We got a communication yesterday, unsolicited, from an alleged adult who says he’s “sick of rich old white men” running for president. We must note that he himself is a rich old white man.

Is it possible there are registered voters out there who really, truly think that skin color, sex, and age are important things to be considered, in choosing a president? I mean, does this guy even understand what a president is, and does? That “president” is a job–and that to do it well benefits the whole world, but to do it poorly can bring to large numbers of people hardship, frustration, loss, and even wounds and death.

As for being “rich,” let’s see… hmm… when was the last time an indigent was elected to high public office in America? [Riffles through history] Ooh-ooh–never! No poor homeless person has ever been elected to anything!

What we are hearing from, here, is a silly old ass who seems to think being “a woman of color” or something, or at least young and poverty-stricken, would by some weird alchemy make you a good president. It is a shame that he can vote. It can’t be a good thing to let utter chowderheads vote.

Heaven help us, if they ever again get to choose a president.

Soaking Your Brain REPRINT

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

From July 20, 2012

I grew up on comic books. On a rainy summer day, what could be better than a stack of comic books? Superman, Batman, Aquaman, Green Arrow…

But I also grew out of comic books. I wanted more than comic books could offer, and real books took their place. Not that I wouldn’t enjoy an occasional reunion with Uncle Scrooge or Blackhawk, and I’d go out of my way for Little Lulu. But I’m not going to marinate my brain in comic books!

Have we become a nation of 10-year-olds? Is our imagination so undeveloped, so abbreviated, that we can’t get into a story unless it’s all laid out for us in pictures?

Yeah, probably.

But you don’t have to restrict yourself to comic books. You can go to movies based on comic books. You can marinate yourself in video games about zombies and hit men and then go to movies based on the video games. Or you can watch TV and soak up shows about the movies about the comic books.

Should the destiny of a great nation be decided by voters who have steeped their brains in comic books? Who, every four years, when they are told that they’re passionately interested in Olympic swimming, gymnastics, and track, actually spend many hours watching swimming, gymnastics, and track? It’s really rather frightening, how obedient we are.

You know that Lex Luthor has just got to be at the bottom of this.

 

They’re Doing It to Us Again…REPRINT

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

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From March 10, 2018

There are many scientific studies, including one from the government’s own Center for Disease Control, declaring that Americans don’t get enough sleep (https://www.wsj.com/articles/americans-dont-get-enough-sleep-cdc-study-finds-1455818427). In fact, says the CDC, fully one-third of us is sleep-deficient: less than seven hours of sleep a night poses a risk to one’s health.

So what is that same government preparing to do to us this weekend?

Why, take away an hour of our sleep, of course!

Yes, it’s Daylight Savings Time again, which means we have to turn our clocks ahead an hour tonight and then, for the next week or so, be short on sleep or else be late for everything.

Is this really stupid, or what?

Bad enough we have neighbors aiming floodlights at our bedroom windows, sedentary jobs that wear us out without benefit of exercise, and a disintegrating culture to stress us out. On top of all that, they’ve got to take away an hour of our sleeping time.

Why don’t they spare us this? Is this just another one of those things that government does because it’s done it for so long, everyone’s forgotten the reason for it–if there ever was one–and nobody thinks anymore, they just freakin’ do it?

Yeah, probably.