I don’t know whether to laugh at this, or cry.
Our Temple of Higher Education at UCLA is hiring grad students as “Diversity Peer Leaders” to fight “toxic masculinity”–do they really expect to find any kind of masculinity here?–and “microaggressions” (https://www.campusreform.org/?ID=11233). The money comes from mandatory student fees, and they’ve hired 20 of these specimens so far.
So what does a Diversity Peer Leader actually do for 13 bucks an hour?
Well, you’d better watch what you say on campus anywhere, because these clowns have the power to rat you out as a “bigot” and ruin your college career. If you or your parents had any sense, of course, you wouldn’t be shelling out big bucks to go to a fanabla factory like UCLA in the first place.
Complete the sentence and win a tin-foil hat: “I send my son/daughter to the looniversity because _______.”
Are people in America just not that interested in freedom and dignity anymore?
One of the things “we” lernt in Collidge is thare is two “menny” books Whith wite Peple in them It is reely discussting!! Espatially Histry Books! Wel our Collidge we Are doing sumthing abote That!!!
Frist al them boocks whith wite peple in themb thay Has “got to” be writ al over Agin butt this tyme With-out wite peple in them!! butt evin that “it” dont go “farr” enuohgh so we aslo thunk of sumthing Elce!!!
Our Collidge Sceints Depotment it has got Sceintits in it and Thay is “workin” on a Meddasin it whil “make yiu” Fourget evry thing yiu has red “that” got wite peple in it!!!! How abote That!? And nhow thay “want To” testt The Meddasin and yiu know what,, I has vollinteared!!
So i willl take “the” Meddasin to-nihght and Iff it works,, then to-marrow I whont be “Abel” to remebmer nothing that “has” got wite peple in it!!!This it whil make “me” feel cleen and libbarated and Inter-sexianol!!!
Some dop he Is a christin or somthing he sayed “butt waht abote Side Affects??” He is so stopid, i tolled him thare “Is nothin rwong whith” my sides and i tolled our Micro Grecian Rabid Responts Team waht he sayed “And” thay are Going “to” putt him Into Sensartivity Traning un-till his mind it “is”rihght!!!
I cant Hardlie whait four to-nihght!! It has got “my” Moth Antenners spining aruond like crazy!!
We hadded a meting of The Stodent Soviet “last nihght” and al yiu ordrinary dum fokes who “thinks” it is eazy being “a’ Introlllectural yiu dont know waht yiu “Are” talkin abote!! Yiu think its eazy thinking Up “al new” whays of makin Socile Jutstus? Yiu are jist al Stopid!!!
Butt we comed Up whith a Doozy lats nihght! This it wil reely Fix them Sex-ists! Evin ordrinary dum peeple thay auhght to be “abel to” under stand this!! And hear it is!
Iff yiu like wimmin, yiu are a Sex-ist!
Iff yiu dont like wimmin, yiu “are” A Sex-ist!
and Aslo iff yiu do not cair one Whay or another then yiu are aslo Sex-ists!!!
Lets sea yiu dum peeple get out “of” That!!!!!
Man our heds hurted becose it Was “so harrd” to Come Up whith this! Troo Introlllectural Thinking,, “it Is” harrd wirk!!That is “whye” yiu has to has a Collidge Eddication! Jist plane peeple thay “are Nott” smart Enuhgh to Think “of” stuph like this!! It maid me Dizzzy and i had “to eat” a hole paire of Jim Sox befour i fellt Normel again!! and aslo my Moth Antenners thay hert tooo!
We are goingto putt this “in” the Teechers Hand Book so thay can has a Inclusivv Clast Roomb and aslo so thay “Can” stop Micro Grecians befour thay start!!!
Thare woont be anny Moar bad thinking whenn We “get” throohgh!
Before you know it, collidge will be back in session, with millions of people flocking to the halls of higher education. And the Educators want to be sure the students are prepared to deal with the potholes on the road of life. Like, if somebody says something that upsets you…
I put it to you, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, that the looniversity has had its time on center stage and done absolutely nothing to deserve it.
Hear At our Collidge we are prowed of hasing the Best Divercity Traning pogrom ever!!! Thay has one aslo at Minnisoda State butt thay must got a Lot “of” whimps up thare becose “so Manny” of them thay “got to has” counciling becose thay Get all trigered and then thay “jist” cant take it! (https://www.campusreform.org/?ID=11047)
at Minnasoda thay Are trying “to” get purfict Socile Jutstus wel yiu Cant make “a” Omblit whith-out braking Eggs!! Yiu has got “to be” Toughh iff yiu Whant to get ridd of al Micro Grecian!! So hear At our collidge yiu dont get No tedy bares and Play-Doh untill yiu “has” finnished al “the” Whorkshoppes!!! Aslo the collidge thay had to higher a lott of new Divercity Axperts and Spatialists so Natcherly the Tution it had to go Up!! Some Racist he camplaned abote it So ate of us We “beet” “him” Up!!!
I wuld tel yiu “al” the Things we suposed to Learn only somb of them thay are Reely “hard to” Spel and yiu wuldnt under stand tham “anyhow” un-lest yiu hapen “to” “be” a Interllectural like me!! Ordrinay dum peple yiu jist “Cant” teech them Intosexional Communile Sistamic Oprestion and Other “technicle” Stuff like that! Wel our Collidge requirres evry Stodent “to” take al “The” werkshoppes and thay has got to keep takin them agin and agan un-till thare Minds thay “are” rihght!!! Somtimes yiu got to tye them Up so thay Cant “run away”!! Thare was one Biggit he “kept” doing Micro Grecians untill thay locked himb in the Swet Box for three hole dayz!!! After that,, he “had” reel goood Divercity!
Wuld yiu beleave it?? i acturelly Fourgot I was ellected to the Stodent Soviet “And” I misssed a buntch of Meetings!! so i maid Sure “I” shoed up Last Nihght “and it”” was a good Thing I “did” becose wee has voted To bann the Bibel fromb our campas!!!
Whe desided to “do” it becose the Collidge LGBTQIAMW Inclution Concil thay Asked “us” to done it becose thare “is” Alll that hat speach in the Bibel and lots of christin Prifflidge tooo! so nowe yiu cant Has no Bibel hear at Collidge and yiu “beter” Not becose iff we ketch yiu whith One we will Take It “away” and aslo put yiu in Sensertiffity Traning like fourevver!!!!
and than some Ijjit he sayed Wel waht abote “our Freedem to reed any Thing we wannt?? so” six of us wee jist Beet him “up” he is only A Racist annyweiy!! Freedem meens yiu shuld auhght to reed jist the Book’s “on The” List!!! The Books that thay Are “not” on the List yiu cannt reed becose thay got hat speeach in them!! And aslo tooo meny Big Wirds witch them wirds thay are Micro Agrecian!! and aslo Triger Wirds!
Wel i amb prowed of “waht” wee done Lasst Nihght and neckts time may be we Wil bann Moar Racist Book’s!!
(Thanks to Linda for the news tip)
I keep forgetting, so tell me again: you send your sons and daughters to these looniversities because__________ (fill in the blank).
According to a “Guide” published by the University of California, saying you’re not a racist is a sure sign that you are a racist (http://www.shtfplan.com/headline-news/university-of-california-guide-saying-im-not-racist-is-racist_03142018).
It’s one of those “microaggressions,” you see, that instantly tips people off that you’re a no-good Racist even if it’s “unintentional” on your part. Whatever you say, whatever you do, proves that you’re a Racist. So is whatever you don’t say, whatever you don’t do.
It’s also a microaggression, according to this great institution of higher education, if you’re “using the term ‘politically correct’ as a pejorative…” Oh, how base! Oh, how despicable! Actually to use the term “politically correct” as a pejorative–it makes you want to sit down and cry!
The only rational response to this bilge–other than saving your money and just not going to these stupid colleges at all–is not to care. Just don’t care. Feel free to answer with a lustily-blown raspberry.
Sumbtimes Gender Studdies “it” is So hard butt our Prefesser xe knows “that” and xe Dont whant us “to” get al Stresszed Out so tooday xe taked Awaiy our Tecksbook becose it “Is” hard four us to reed thare Are a lott “of” big Words in “it” and makes Us feeel so Bad and so insted fromb now On wee wil Studdy car toons and graffic novles!! And aslo we wil get More Play Doh!
xe aslo gaved us This hear graffic Novle it “is” caled Oy Rodney and ze sayed we shuld Oauhght to studdy it to fined al “The” micro Gresions and biggity thats In it!! Xhe aslo ze sayed we Got to whach Out four al “the” Wite Privvlidge that in it and then We whill has a Test witch it shuld Not be “two hard” becose Al we “has to” Do is go out And key cars!!!
This hear Oy Rodney it “is” jist tarrible!!!! That is becose “it” shoes jist wat Wimmins thay is Up “aginst” and aslo thare “Is” a lot of Sexule Horassmint in it tooo;, It makes “me” so Mad i has to Stopp and play whith Play Doh til my Moth Antenners thay stopp twitchin And wuld yiu beleave it I got in trubble for That!!! The prefesser xe sayed “Cant yiu” stop “that?? it is distracking al The “othher” stodents”! Wel i cant Help it its becose Of “al” them Moth Hormoans thay shot me Up whith to try to get my cromo-Soames to turn intto Wimmin cromo-Soames and i cant Help It if “the” exspearmint it dint work!!! So xe mayed me ware this hear Pointy Hat so no one thay “wuld see” my Antenners!
O wel! in jist Fyve moar yeers I “wil” Get my Batchler’s Deegree in Gender Studdies and “Than” i can start on My Masters! and Eaventurly i wil Be a reel Intrallectural!!!
We lets see “that” stopid gye Lee “get” Out of this one!!
See, now he gots “to” change his Name becose It is one of them Canfedrate Notzi names and “iff” he Keeps On using it than he willl be gilty of hat speach!! Like it”s the Same thing “as” being named Hittler whitch is aslo a Canfedrate Notzi name! and it wil affend evry one Whoo sees it Or heres it! and he “has got” To erace it from al his stopid boooks too!!
Jist let himb “trye” to fined a New Name for his self that Isnt some kined of Micro Grecian! If he cal his self Tom welll thats a Notzi name tooo! And he cant Take no Minorty Name neether and cal his self Peeair or Toshiro or Mbemby becose than it Wuld be Cultchurel Apropiation whitch its not alloued!!! so now he “cannt” wright nothing Or say nothing he jist “have to” Shutt Up!!!! Becose whattever he sayes it makes him “a” Whight Stuprimassist and Auntifa wil come and get him! Ha ha ha!!!
Meenwile at the Collidge we getting Rid “of” all Whight Notzi names of Streets and billdings and boooks untill thare isnt None of them lefft! We thunk this Up becose we are Intrallecturals and al yiu Ordrinary dum peple yiu has got to Obay us it “is” fore yuor own Goood!!!!
Hear at Our Collidge thay has started Yogur class for alumini and Interllecturals and i think Yogur “it is”” somthing that yiu “eat” butt i supose “it” is aslo al Theese hear Yogur Extrasizes and I gess yiu eat “The” Yogur afftar yiu “do the” Extrasize.!
So i runned over to the Stodent Centaur to get in “the class” and thay Toled me i culdnt Unlest i has Yogur Pants and i dint Know “waht” to “do” becose I dont know waht Yogur Pants thay look like!! and al i culd Think “of” saying was yiu Doing “the Micro Gresion on me!”” so thay let me in the Class whith-out Yogur Pants!
Now i amb al Soar from doing The Yogur and one “of “” my Moth Antenners it got bent and it sure herts!!! But that “it is” a Smalll price to Pay “becose” Yogur it keep yiu From turning “in-to” a christin, the Instrocter she sayed Yogur “it teeches” yiu That Yiu Are God!! How Abot That!!! it is jist “Waht” my prefesser he been sayin Al Allong, first yiu takes Gender Studies corses like me and than Yiu assines youself Whatevver gender yiu whant and yiu Can evvin make Up one iff yiu “dont” like any of the Genders that got listed “in” the Stodent Gyde and That “is How” we Creeights our selfs! and than i eated Some Yogur butt in Al Onesty i like jim sox bettter!!