From February 15, 2014
As Global Warming continues to pile snow and ice on our neighborhood, we have observed some peculiar behavior.
We pay to park in our neighbors’ lot next door. Because our building doesn’t have a driveway or a parking lot, the only alternative is to park on the street and have our cars buried by the passing snow plows. I gave that up when some drunk totaled my car, speeding down the street in the middle of an ice storm.
Well, everybody’s been getting stuck in this parking lot lately. The owner of half of the lot refuses to have it plowed because he put down gravel in the summer and he doesn’t want the gravel to be plowed up. So it’s a mess.
Next door to the parking lot is a school. Because children must never be allowed more than a minute or two without adult supervision, when school lets out, a mob of cars descends on it–unemployed moms and dads, taking time out from writing poetry and composing geometrical theorems, have to pick up their kids, who must not be allowed to walk home.
In all weather, one of their favorite tricks is to block the entrance to the parking lot next door. But in this weather, they force their cars up the private driveway to wait for their kids on someone else’s private property. Sometimes they get stuck in all the Global Warming. The lout who got stuck yesterday grabbed a tenant’s snow shovel, dug his car free, and left the shovel lying in the middle of the lot as he drove off with his kid.
Oh, look–it’s snowing again! If only we paid higher taxes and gave up all our freedoms, our glorious leaders and scientific sages would put a stop to this weather.
And I am the Sultan of Swat.
