Tag: Halloween 2021

I Amb Drackuler!!!

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

Dracul: See the haunting cover for the Dracula prequel | EW.com

Oman! To-morro “it” is Hallaween and I amb all “set!”! I amb goingto “be” Cownt Drackuler!!!! and i has a reel Scairy cosstomb for it too!

[Editor’s Note: Someone has asked me why Joe Collidge thinks Halloween is tomorrow, when it was last week. The answer to that question is “Because he’s an idiot.”]

Somb of yiu probbly doughnt know “abote” Drackuler! He was a Vampire!!! Thay cawl themb that becose a Vampire he wares “a” Black sute like a Umpire in a bawlgame!! The reel Drackuler he livved long Ago “in” whatt “is” nhow Nibrasker but it was cawled Trancilvainyer back Then!!!!! He hadded a cassle And “cood” tern hisself Into A Batt!!!! How cool “is” that???

Thare is lotts “Of” mooveys abuot Drackuler, i think i seen one once,, he Was “in a” Car or sombthing!!! Then he drincked somb blood!!!!! He hased theeze big teeths and i bett he wares “one” “of” themb MAGGA hats too but i amb hear At collidge and i coodnt fyned no MAGGA had and I woodnt “whare” one annyhow!!!!! Like thare Is “a” limmit!!!

So to-morro i whill Put “on” “my” cosstomb and Scaire peeple so thay wil Give “me” Candy!!!! Woodnt “that” “be” grate iff thay Thawt i reely amb Drackuler!!!! Mayby thay wood give me muney tooo!!!!!!

Our Halloween Ride

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DIY Halloween Decorations: Includes FREE Witch Hat Pattern

We like to ride around town on Halloween, looking at the decorations on people’s homes. I don’t have high hopes for this year’s cruise, because it’s been raining like mad all week and who wants to set up decorations in a driving rain? But the overall mood of the country is hardly what you’d call upbeat.

These witches, like the ones pictured above, seem pretty popular this year. All we have is a plastic pumpkin dangling from a tree. It does a bang-up job of scaring off hobbits: haven’t seen one all year.

If it turns out to be an exciting ride after all, I’ll give yiz an update.

‘A Halloween Story’ (2017)

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Image result for images of scary witch

My mother made me a costume like this in fifth grade, and it really spooked the other kids.

I like to re-run this story on Halloween. It might be the best short story I’ve ever written.

A Halloween Story

Really, it would ruin everything if I told you what was under the mask. Too many writers try to dominate their readers’ imaginations. But really, you can’t scare anybody as badly as he can scare himself.

‘Liberals on Halloween: No Fun Allowed’ (2018)

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Image result for images of finger-wagging liberal

Yes, I know today is not actually Halloween. I’ve saved up a good oldie for tomorrow.

Today we’re going to ride around town enjoying the Halloween decorations… such as they are.

Liberals on Halloween: No Fun Allowed

From what I’ve seen so far, decorated houses are at an all-time low this year. It’s like someone came along and sucked all the joy out of Halloween. Hmm… I wonder who that could’ve been.

Guvermint Thay Wil Maik Me Ritch!!!!!

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Pumpkin head Stock Photos & Royalty-Free Images | Depositphotos

I jist fowned Out that the guvvermint thay whil Pay “yiu” a Milyin Dolors or sumbthing for crosing “the” Boarder!!!!! So sumb of us hear “At” Collidge we whil go daown thare and Cros “the” Boarder!!!!! and then we whil Be ritch!!!!!! heck it shoodnit be tooo Hard “to” Sneek into Mecksaco!!!!!!!!!

But frist it is Hallaweeen to-morroh and i got “to Gett” “a” Cosstomb so i can “go” Trick Oar Treeting!!!!! Sumb idjit thay seen my Moth Antenners “and” sayed “Yiu awlreddy got a Cosstomb” and that maid me Pheel Bad so i hadded “to go To” the Saif Spaice for a wile and do Play-Doh!!

I has de-sided to putt my Hed incide “a” Punkin and pree-tenned to be a Jacko Lantrin!!!! That whay no boddy thay whil “see My” Antenners!!! Then I whil get Candy!!!!! Ownly wen I whent Lassed Yeer somb Laydy “she” gived me theese heer Toooth Payst cookys,,, and thay maid Me Sick!!!!!

Sumb-day i wood lyke “to” has “a” Cittazin Of The Whirld Cosstomb and “get” A jobb in “the” Guvvermint!!!!

A Halloween Gimmick

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We share a foyer with the apartment next door, whose tenants have chosen to celebrate Halloween by setting up these little figurines in the foyer. They are activated by motion sensors; so every time someone opens or closes the door, or moves in anyway, these figurines flash lights and chant “Trick or treat, smell my feet, give me something good to eat!” Then they cackle maniacally, like Alexa on a bender.

After about the 50th repetition of this, it gets somewhat annoying. And we’ve got 21 days of it to look forward to.

Somewhere out there, in all probability, is someone who has been driven mad by these very figurines. We don’t even get that many trick-or-treaters. The only way to get them here is to forget to buy candy for them.

I’ve always enjoyed Halloween, but this is adding a burden to it.