Tag: space exploration

Science to announce discovery of life on Mercury!

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From September 23, 2016

Scientists at the Obama Space Center are set to announce the discovery of life on the planet closest to the Sun.

Their statement was made in response to news reports that NASA was about to announce the discovery of life on Europa, one of Jupiter’s moons ( http://www.express.co.uk/news/science/712852/LIFE-on-Europa-NASA-alien-jupiter ).

“Just because they have a bigger budget, they think they’re the only space agency in town,” said Jango Densely, director of the Obama Space Center. “Then they go and paste up a headline that gets everybody all excited: Is There Life on Europa?  But then you read the damn thing, and what it says is that they’ve noticed ‘activity that may be–may be!–related to the presence of a subsurface ocean on Europa.’ What a load of bull! Why don’t NASA just stick to pushing Climate Change, and leave the real space exploration to us?”

According to unreliable but really kind of cool sources, the Obama Space Center plans to steal NASA’s thunder by announcing their discovery of “tiny little people” on the planet Mercury, “living in tiny little cities with tiny little buildings.”

“This is important because it proves that nothing in the Bible is true,” said a scientist who didn’t want to be named. “Only stuff that Darwin said is true. And now Attorney General Loretta Lunch–er, Lynch–is studying the possibility of investigating and prosecuting anyone who practices Evolution Denial.”

An even more confidential source said, “Don’t listen to any of them. All they found was an old Life Magazine up there.”

Why Did God Create That Planet?

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After thousands of years of admiring it shining in the night sky, we can now see that if the planet Jupiter were not where it is, and were not as mind-boggling large as it is, our own planet would be uninhabitable–a shooting gallery for comets and meteors that get routinely deflected from Earth by Jupiter being in the way. Chalk one up for God’s providence.

But now… what about Neptune? Many times the size of Earth, billions of miles from the sun, apparently locked in perpetually violent storms–what’s with that? Which of God’s purposes does that world serve? As yet we have no idea at all.

Someday we may be able to study other solar systems as closely as we study our own (which is nowhere near as closely as we’d like!). Maybe then we’ll begin to develop understanding.

God’s Creation is more than rich enough to keep us busy.

 

‘Systemic Racism’ Found–on Mars!

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ESA - Mars landscape

NASA has discovered “irrefutable evidence” of “systemic racism” on Mars–and “It’s right there for everyone to see,” says Project Director Dr. I.C. Catpee (http://stupid.com).

“It’s all there in the stones and in the dirt,” Dr. Catpee continued. “See those shadows? You only get shadows like that when there’s systemic racism around–just like on earth!”

Mars, he said, “made the mistake of not having an all-powerful central government to address the problem, and so it just festered and festered for millions of years.” He did admit that the fact that the planet had no life-forms on it inhibited the creation of a central government. “But where there’s a will there’s a way!”

Systemic racism can be found “literally anywhere you look!” he said. “Don’t let what happened to Mars happen to earth! End systemic racism now, or it will end all life on earth… although of course women and minorities will be hardest hit.”

No, Charles–*This* is How Life Started!

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New computer models and lab experiments, for what that’s worth, suggest that Charles Darwin was wrong in thinking life originated in “a warm little pond” somewhere. Now the smart money is on deep-sea hydrothermal vents (https://www.foxnews.com/science/charles-darwin-wrong-life-started-on-earth).

So far, space exploration has indicated that warm little ponds are kind of hard to come by, once you leave earth, so they’re hoping they can find some hydrothermal vents. But first you’ve got to find water, and that’s not so easy, either. But they’re hoping there’s deep water under the planetary ice sheets found on some of the moons of Jupiter and Saturn.

Meanwhile back in the lab, scientists have “re-created the environment” around Earth’s hydrothermal vents–to which they added “fatty acids and fatty alcohols” to make molecules that look like maybe someday they might sprout arms and legs and jump up singing “I’m My Own Grandpa.”

Does anybody else have a little problem with “adding” stuff to get, er, “pre-life” going? How did the original fatty acids come into being?

Really, it’s all too silly for words. But ‘naturalism’ very badly needs and wishes for there to be life on other planets, so it’ll keep on generating theories until they find some.

‘Scientists Say the Darnedest Things! (A Job for Dead Astronauts)’ (2016)

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“Mission Control, we have a problem.”

Hey! Maybe we can get life started on other planets by dumping out dead astronauts there!

Scientists Say the Darnedest Things! (A Job for Dead Astronauts)

See, the dead astronaut, besides being instantly transformed into a reliable Democrat voter, will have a body full of microbes; and when they find themselves on a lifeless planet orbiting another star, why, they’ll just naturally start evolving! Maybe by the time we’ve figured out how to get a spaceship there without the astronauts dying on the way, they’ll have evolved their own Soupy Sales.

Uh, dude! Didn’t you say Evolution, like, takes millions and billions of years for a microbe to Evolve into, say, one of those fish-things? Like, who wants to wait that long to see if your experiment works?