Let’s face it–the classic hoaxes of the 19th century–like the Cardiff Giant–look like absolutely nothing, compared to the hoaxes of the 21st. “Systemic Racism” is catching up fast, but “Man-Made Climate Change” is still in the lead.
NASA has discovered “irrefutable evidence” of “systemic racism” on Mars–and “It’s right there for everyone to see,” says Project Director Dr. I.C. Catpee (http://stupid.com).
“It’s all there in the stones and in the dirt,” Dr. Catpee continued. “See those shadows? You only get shadows like that when there’s systemic racism around–just like on earth!”
Mars, he said, “made the mistake of not having an all-powerful central government to address the problem, and so it just festered and festered for millions of years.” He did admit that the fact that the planet had no life-forms on it inhibited the creation of a central government. “But where there’s a will there’s a way!”
Systemic racism can be found “literally anywhere you look!” he said. “Don’t let what happened to Mars happen to earth! End systemic racism now, or it will end all life on earth… although of course women and minorities will be hardest hit.”
The Democrat governor of Castrovia (“Our 57th State!”), His Excellency Woody Winkie, has issued an emergency executive order that from now on, motorists in Castrovia must drive on the left side of the road instead of the right.
“I know it’ll be a little confusing for a day or two, and maybe cause a couple of minor fender-benders,” chuckled the governor, “but believe me, what with the White Virus ravaging the world, this is probably our best way to combat systemic racism.”
Changing the driving rules, he added, would also combat income inequality, Climate Change, white privilege, and belly-button lint.
“And if we need to do more, we’ll do more,” Winkie said. “The next step will be to declare the state’s official language to be Austrian.”
To vote for Gov. Winkie’s re-election by mail wherever you are, whoever you are, just send a note to the Castrovia Elections Collective.