Pro-Test Evvrything!!!

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Tooday we Pro-test Focks Hunts!!!

We “are” Pro-testing evvry “day” nhow!!!! It “is” not As Eezy as it loooks!!! Becawz affter a Wile it get harrd “to” thinck Of moar Things to Pro-test!!

Lyke, yeasterday we Pro-tested this heer Racist taown Taring Daown a Hauntid Haouwse!!! Can yiu beleeve That??? Nhow the Goasts thay has “got” Noware to liv!!!! Ware are thay Sapozed to liv??

Tooday we Are Pro-testing Focks Hunnts!!!! And as sooon as we started,, sumb Bigghit Hater he say This “here it Is reedickle-us!! We hasnt Got “no” Focks Hunntz heer!!!!! We nevver hadded enny Focks Huntz!”!”! Well! Sumb-boddy thay gived himb a good harrd Kick In The Hynie!!!!! And then we beet himb Up!!!!!! Enny Thing “that” enny-boddy sez Aginst a Pro-test, IT IS HAT SPEACH!!!!!!!

We aslo got himb Expelt!!!! Thare is “no romb” in Collidge for Pro-tests aginst Pro-tests!!! THAT IS WATT FREEDIM “OF” SPEACH IT IS AWL ABUOUT!!!!

To-marrow we “Are” goingto has a reely Big Pro-test aginst wyping Bird-Doo off of “car windose”!!” Betcha diddnt Know that is Racist too!!!!! Lawng “liv” pro-testes!!!!!

I Has Fowned Sumb-Thing ‘To’ Pro-Tesst!!!!

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Sumbtymes I feeel Jellice becose “it” loocks lyke Evry Boddy butt me has fowned sumb-thing to Pro-tesst “abuout”!”! But too-day, Youreeka!!! I has gott “a” Pro-tesst “of” My Oan!!!!!! Haow grate “is” That???

Has yiu knowtissed that “thare” issnt no Gluvs in enny-boddy’s Gluv Cumportmint??? Thiss heer “it Is” a majer Skandle!!!!!! Go ahed and loock In one Gluv Cumportmint afftur a-nother!! Wahts “the” one thing yiu Will Nevver Fynde???

Gluvs!!!!!!

The hole “thing” it Is Nutthing butt Flase Avvertizing!!! Witch is cawzed by Climbit Chainge and Inkum Inny-quailatty!!!! This heer “It is” a Verry Impotent Isshoo!!! The car cumpannies thay “Are” liying “to” uss!!!!! And aslo Ghetting Awhay whith It!! And aslo yiu doughnt kneed Threee (&3) Gesses to gess whooze Be-hyned it!!! I whilll give yiu a Hint!

It”s Donuld Trumpt thats whoo!!!!!!!!

Ware “Are” awl themb Gluvs “that” shood awt Tobe in Gluv Cumportmints??? Eh? Eh?

I whil leeed a Pro-tesst to-nite!!!! And wen Pressadint Jobydin he fyndes auout,, then The furr it whil Flye!!!!!!!!!!

Quokkas Protest!

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G’day–or not! Byron the Quokka here, from Quokka University on Rotnest Island.

At an emergency meeting today of the entire faculty, we have voted unanimously to lodge the strongest possible protest to a scheme to include us in some flimgop novel with Joe Collidge and all those nincompoops in Scurveyshire. Plus toothpaste recipes by Violet Crepuscular! Crikey! Does it get more undignified than that?

Our protest has been written down on 100% recycled paper! The unimportance of that cannot be overstated. How would you like having to listen to Constable Chumley try to teach Joe Collidge the history of England? Well, mate, not at our university you don’t! We’re almost ready to start our first semester, and we don’t need that.

Here at QU, we uphold the highest standards of literature–or will, once we find out what they are.

 

 

Collidge it Is Post Poaned!

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I cant rite no assay to-day becose Collidge it Is Post Poaned!! That “is” becose we has al got to play whithPlay-Dogh it Is “a” Protest aginst Donold Trumpt so he wil Resine “and” make Hillery “The” Pressadint!

So i cant rite nothing and “it” is “no” Use tryin to get me to do it!! Yiu see wenh Trumpt he finds “out” we are al making Trump doles out of Play Doo and we Are “going” To stick Pins in them And twissed the lags off them,, he wil be tarrified and he will jist Quitt!! if he dont then his Orgins thay wil alll hurt but Good!

Jist think Of it!!! Milians and Milians of Playdo Dollys! al sticked ful of Pins! and that is Waht i wuld “rite” abuot if I was ritting “any”thing Today!!!

Yes he “is” going To “get it” now!! Now al us Introllecturals we mein Bussniss!!! No more Niceness! we Are going “To” stick himb ware it Hurts! And then he wil know we are “Not” fooling aruond no moar!! and he wil jist has to Stop doin al that Intra-Sexinality that hes beeen doing! butt i prombissed my Prefesser i wuldnt rite abote it so i woont! that way It “whil” take him by Supprize and it wil be “tooo late” for him to do nothing abote it!!!

Man Marries Tree (not a satire, folks)

Thanks to my chess buddy, Ohio Chess Fan, for alerting me to this priceless gem of news.

What do you get when you turn from the real God and worship things that are no gods?

You get this: some Peruvian nimrod of an “actor and activist” going up to Mexico to “marry” a tree–yes, I said a tree–in some kind of “Inca ceremony” ( http://latino.foxnews.com/latino/nlifestyle/2016/05/10/environmentalist-weds-1000-year-old-tule-tree-in-south-mexico/?icid=maing-grid7|main5|dl7|sec3_lnk3%26pLid%3D-1296361174_htmlws-main-nb ). Not that there ever were any Incas in Mexico.

He reckons this’ll make people stop cutting down the world’s forests. Well, duh–who doesn’t want that? D’you think I like having my whole county paved over?

But the orcs that are doing it are not going to stop because they’ve seen some dingbat get married to a tree. Like, “Ooh, we can’t pave over any more woodlands, ’cause the tree you go after with your chain saw might be somebody’s wife or husband!”

An Inca ceremony, eh? Why don’t they bring back some more of those charming pre-Columbian religious practices–human sacrifice and all that? The Incas were famous for carting little children up to the tippy-tops of very high mountains and leaving them there to starve and freeze to death, as an offering to some pagan devil.

I have done my share of cursing at developers who saw down woods and steamroll farms so they can put up yet another strip mall. They won’t care if a thousand “activists” get married to trees, Boston ferns, or patches of kudzu.

If you’ve ever wondered whether more and more people in this fallen world are getting stupider and stupider… well, I think you can stop wondering.