Author: leeduigon(patty)

I have lived in Metuchen, NJ, all my life. I have been married to my wife Patricia since 1977. I am a former newspaper editor and reporter. I was also the owner-operator of my own small business for several years. I wrote various novels and short stories published during 1980s and 1990s. I am a long-time student of judo and Japanese swordsmanship (kenjutsu). I also play chess, basketball, and military and sports simulations.

My Books Are Selling…?

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Image result for images of bell mountain series by lee duigon

I got the quarterly sales figures for my books today. When I finished wailing and rending my garments, I comforted myself with the knowledge that at least they’re doing better than some other books, including these:

Hobart and Gzunt Go to the Foot Doctor. The oddly misshapen twins both think they have corns, but it turns out that nothing’s wrong.

The Homeless Person’s Guide to the Stock Market. They’re kidding, right?

Toward a Digital Future for the Teaching of Welsh Dialects in Tanzania’s Secondary Schools, with Japanese Subtitles. This one’ll set you back $549.99. No takers yet.

Joe Collidge’s Larn To tel Time! Boook.
This is the definitive manual for persons approaching their 35th birthdays and still in undergraduate studies, who have not yet mastered the skill of telling time by a clock or watch.

I’m sure there are others.

Why Do We Love Cats?

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There are some awfully cute cats and kittens in this video.

I love my cats because they’re like children to me, except they never grow up and go to collidge (where you never grow up at all).

Memory Lane: Mandrake the Magician

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[Editor’s Note: I’m kind of steering clear of miserable news this weekend, although it seems to be costing me some readership. Oh, well…]

When I was a boy I looked forward to the color comics in the Sunday paper. Flash Gordon, Little Lulu, Archie, Mark Trail–and Mandrake the Magician. Lee Falk, who went on to create The Phantom, came up with Mandrake in 1934. The comic strip outlived its creator and only stopped running in 2013. I had no idea.

Mandrake the Magician always went around in his magician’s duds, along with his best bud, Lothar. Lothar wore a fez and a leopard skin, finally getting real clothes in 1965–after, I suspect, many a chilly winter. Lothar was an African chief with super-powers of his own. And there was Princess Narda to complete the team. She and Mandrake were engaged to be married, which they finally did in 1997. It was a very long engagement.

My favorite line in this comic strip–Patty and I still use it–was, of course, “Mandrake gestures hypnotically.” The subject, usually a bad guy, was instantaneously hypnotized to see and feel whatever Mandrake planted in his head. We may be thankful that Mandrake never entered politics.

To borrow a motto from World War II paratroopers, “It’s foolish but it’s fun!” I mean, really–always to be wearing a great big cape and high silk hat? Or leopard skin and fez? Don’t magicians ever change their clothes? Or do they just have whole closets full of capes and shiny dinner jackets?

Mandrake, I might add, was a personal friend of the Emperor of the Galaxy. It ensured him always to be able to find a parking space. If magic can’t do that for you, political pull surely will.

Fun in the Supermarket

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One of the things that makes grocery shopping bearable, if you go to the same supermarket all the time, is that customers and store employees get to know each other, if not by name, at least by sight. We can then go on to exchange pleasantries with the checkout clerk.

Yesterday at the Stop & Shop, the clerk told an ancient joke which quickly led to more of the same–the older and cornier, the better. Here are some of the jokes we swapped.

*What did the buffalo say to his son when he sent him off to college?

“Bye, son.”

*Did you hear the one about the three eggs?

No.

Two bad!

*What is the difference between here and there?

The letter t.

By this time all of us, including the woman in line behind us, were having a good laugh. Hey, it was fun!

And these jokes were downright paleolithic. I mean, this is how the guys used to kill time while they were waiting for the mammoths. Julius Caesar probably groaned to hear these jokes.

Human interaction–one of those little bits of God’s stuff that can brighten up your day.

Look Who Rejected the Hymn

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Would you believe this was part of a church denomination’s general assembly?

Today’s hymn (see below), In Christ Alone, has a controversy to go with it.

Written by Keith Getty and Stewart Townend, the hymn quickly caught on and was popular in many churches–so much so, it wound up being included in those churches’ new hymnals.

The Presbyterian Church USA considered putting it in their hymnal–but only if the authors agreed to change the words of one line: from “the wrath of God was satisfied” (by Jesus’ death on the cross) to “the love of God was magnified.” The authors refused, so In Christ Alone isn’t in the PCUSA hymnal.

The PCUSA! Who pranced around costumed as animals and pagan gods at their 2010 General Assembly (http://www.staffordcarson.com/2010/08/pcusa-general-assembly/)–and just try and see the video of that embarrassing display. They pulled it off the Internet. Trust me, you wouldn’t have believed your eyes.

This may be the flattest of the flatline Protestant denominations. They ordain unrepentant, openly-practicing homosexuals as ministers and elders of the church. They are hemorrhaging members and probably won’t be here anymore to greet the next century.

And they don’t want hear no “wrath of God” talk! ‘Cause there ain’t no wrath of God! All their feminist theology professors at the seminaries say so.

Within  various flatline denominations there is a movement to reject the doctrine of the Atonement. Excuse me! If Jesus was not taking the punishment for our sins, not paying the bill for them, then what was He doing on the cross? Why was He there? Because it seemed like a good idea at the time?

We should weep for the apostasy of churches.

Church Offers ‘Star Wars Nativity’

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Source: Church Offers ‘Star Wars Nativity’

By Request: ‘In Christ Alone’

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Requested by Linda, In Christ Alone. Beautiful!

There’s a story that goes with this hymn, but I’ll have to say it till I get back from the nursing home.

 

Cat on a Not-Tin Roof

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First question: How did she get up there in the first place?

Second question: At the risk of being mistaken for a rocket scientist, how hard would it be to go back in and open one of those windows?

I got a neighbor’s cat down from a porch roof once just by leaning a plank against it, which the cat eventually used. I have no idea how or why he got up there. It’s just one of those inscrutable things cats do.

Bonus Video: Aslan’s Music

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For no other reason than how good it is to hear, this is Aslan’s theme music from the BBC’s 1988 Chronicles of Narnia. It’s short, but it never fails to move me. And these movies were the last Christmas present I got from my father before he died. I have many reasons to treasure them.

Performed by the Philharmonia Orchestra.

I Buyed A Time Mashine!

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Image result for images of big cardboard box

Wel i has reely did it now!!! I amb going “to” Change The Whorld!!

To day this hear guy he mayjers in Physick and he “says to”” me do i Want to “buy” a Time Mashine! and i say “butt it is jist a Card Bord Box!” and he say “no It only Looks “like a” Card Bord Box acterly it is a Time Mashine and yiu can Travel In Time, i wil Selll it to yiu for jist $5 dollars and than yiu “can” Travel Inta the Futchure!! wel i didnt Have no $5 dollars whitch is becose of Inequallity and i think reel hard and i says Butt “how do i know It werks??” and he sayed Simpal, jist clime in and close It Up afftar yiu and wen yiu come out agian it will be the Futcher!!” and i say OK butt how wil i know its reely the Futchure??

So he shoes me His whatch and sayes “Look waht Time is it now?” butt i am not so Good At “telling Time,” thay didnt teech me it in Gender Studies so i had to ask and he toled me It “is now” 2:12 p.m. jist go in the Box and close it” whitch Is whatt i done and thare I amb in Side the Box and i thohght i was In It “kind of” long but than he sayed “Now opin the Box and clime out and see waht Time it is now” and Holy Cow! “It is 2:15 P.m. yiu has travvled 3 minits inta The Futchure!!”

Wel finely he selled it to me for jist #1 dollar and 26 scents witch was al I had butt now I can travvle into the Futchure!!!! I whanted to Thank him but than he “went Away” reel fast!

And So hear’s waht i amb going to Do!! I amb going to travvle Inta The Futchure and Stop Donold trump from evver being Borne so he cant get Elecktid Pressadint and Hillery she “wil be” Our Pressadint insted!!!

and al them dum and stopid peple whoo vhoted for him Thay wil get a reel supprise that thay wont like!!!