Since I wrote this post in 2016, my copy of Tarzan at the Earth’s Core has inexplicably turned up–on my bookcase, no less! I guess the Elf was done reading it. Took him years, though.
All those little things of yours that go missing for no apparent reason… You might have Elves.
It’s better than having Gremlins.
You’ve got to feel for this little dog. She tries every trick she knows to get the bunny to play with her–“I’ll chase you, then you chase me”–and she might as well be trying to sell insurance over the phone. Bunny’s just not interested.
Maybe she just needed a different bunny?
So two cats and a rabbit walk into a bar, and the joke runs out the back door.
Cats and a bunny are intrigued by this room humidifier. I think I would put it away if I weren’t going to be in the room. Mr. Bunny seems all to fascinated by the wires.
You can find a multitude of Dr. Anthony Fauci dolls and bobble-heads available for sale on the internet. You can even get him in a lab coat–just as if he were a real doctor who treated real patients, and not a bumbling bureaucrat.
These have many uses–as bowling pins (you’ll need ten of them for that), slingshot targets, cat and dog toys, or missiles to be thrown by hand: uses limited only by the owner’s creativity.
We are unable to confirm reports of these being used as objects of worship by National Public Radio listeners. We continue to research reports that purchase of these will soon be required by Mandate.
So go on out and buy something else! Anything else.
Look how easily these dogs slip and fall into water. Is that a quality you’d want in the person who runs your company?
It’s also a bad idea to entrust dogs with the management of money. Never lend your dog your credit card.
Somehow this cat gets himself elected chief of this herd of deer. It starts out with mutual caution and ends up with the cat in charge. Was it something he said to them? Something he promised them? I hope he represents these deer more conscientiously than our representatives represent us.
Why does the chinchilla chase the cat? And why does the cat run away?
I had no idea chinchillas were such appealing, lively little characters. All I knew was that you had to allow them to take dust baths. (Supposedly those are good for hamsters, too.)
In the 1950s there was a national fad for breeding chinchillas at home in hopes of getting rich by selling them to manufacturers of fur coats. The father of a friend of mine had a whole cellarful of chinchillas. But they don’t do well in the heat. Air conditioning is a must for them–and most homes back then didn’t have air conditioning.
I don’t know how we stood it in the summer.
Wow! Just two weeks till Christmas! Well, take some time off from feverishly preparing, kick off your combat boots, put your feet up, grab a handful of nice crunchy leaves, and enjoy this weekend’s Quokka University TV! With me, Byron the Quokka.
4:15 P.M. Ch. 16 WORLD’S BEST MOVIES–Horror/Anthropology
In “You Don’t Have to be a Baldy, Baldy” (1906), Cabbie Rudolf von Schlock (Phil Nieko) sells his soul to the Devil (John Kerry) in return for Guaranteed to Grow Hair or Your Immortal Soul Back. It grows hair, all right–and it never stops growing. In fact, it grows hair on everything you touch! Featuring Anthony Eden and his orchestra.
4:30 P.M. Ch. 07 BEAT THE RAP!–Game Show
Host Judge Garo Yepremian has four prison sentences to hand out among five contestants–and whoever can “Beat the Rap” gets to go free! This week’s Challenge: Who can swallow all the marbles in the five minutes allowed? Special guest stars: the June Taylor Dancers; Sgt. Popsky’s Drunken Drill Team.
Ch. 12 POPGUN PETERSON–Western
Can new sheriff Popgun Peterson (Harmon Killebrew) tame Draco, Arizona–“the Town Too Dead to Die”? And with a toy gun, no less? Lil the Pill: Carol Burnett. This week: the Bunchy Bunch has threatened to massacre the entire town–and there’s only Sheriff Peterson’s popgun to stop them! Song: My Femurs Hurt!
5 P.M. Ch. 22 MY SON THE SEA TURTLE–Sitcom/Tragedy
Written by William Shakespeare! Lady Molecule’s son Orlando (John Zacherle) identifies as a sea turtle and won’t come out of the bathtub! Rosencranz and Guildenstern (Kevin Branagh, Shemp Howard) can’t get him to come out and perform his duties as Duke of Flatbush. This week: withholding fresh squid from Orlando leads to a disastrous war. Lady Molecule: Elizabeth Warren.
Ch. 43 MIGUEL BORRACHO–Spanish Talk Show (CC)
You won’t need to understand Spanish to appreciate Miguel’s abuse of his guests. Watch him push special guest Carl Sagan right off his chair! And there’s always that business with the whoopee cushion. Authorities have been trying to get Miguel off the air for years now, but everyone’s too scared.
Well, there you have it, boys ‘n’ girls–a whole weekend of fantabulous TV! I found myself humming My Femurs Hurt! as I was going to St. Ives…
G’day out there! Keep it down, please–don’t want Lee to hear. This is Byron the Quokka with the most exciting news you’ve ever heard!
The prize for our next contest:
Boy howdy and yowsah! A real live suit of armor! In fact, it’s the very suit of armor Ezio Pinza wore in South Pacific until they made him take it off because he clanked too loud while they were trying to sing. Before that, the fifth Earl of Scurveyshire, Earl the Earl, wore it to the Crusades but arrived late and didn’t get to do anything.
Now, all this armor is doing is being propped up in a museum somewhere. Obviously they don’t want it! But if you’re like me, you’ve wanted a full suit of armor all your life. And now’s your chance to get one!
Let’s make it the prize for our next comment contest. I don’t think I can get it out of the museum any sooner than that. It takes a lot of quokkas to carry a whole suit of armor!
Frankly, I don’t trust the cat in this video. Neither should the hamster. He may be thinking the cats are going to give him a treat. He needs to be less optimistic.
Our cat Henry never showed the slightest interest in our pet mice. But he’d sit and contemplate our baby fence lizards by the hour. Never caught him trying to open their tank and get at them, though.