They’ve Done It To Me Again!

Angry Quokka 4" Poster by johngill | Redbubble

G’day! Byron the Quokka here: Lee is too cheesed off to write about this.

Overnight, WordPress changed the blog editing format so that now we can’t see exactly how many comments we have at any given time. That makes it really hard to run a comment contest! (And just after we ordered all those shirts, too! Grrrrr!)

Our only hope is that our tech wiz, Jill, can straighten this out. There’s this big fat long link we can use, and if she can paste it to a tool bar someplace where I can get at it, all will be well.

So keep commenting! We have quite a ways to go to hit 75,000, and we should have time enough to solve this stupid problem. You want to win a shirt, don’t you? Or a book.

I cannot imagine why WordPress keeps throwing unwanted changes at its users. Anyone would think they were trying to chase us away!

This would never happen if quokkas were running it.

We’ve Got the Shirts!


These shirts were delivered the other day, so now they can be given out as prizes to contest winners.

Be the first on your block to sport one of these noble T-shirts, decorated with a quote from moi: “If they have to kill us, they’ve lost.” And it’s all in glamorous MAGA red and white, so liberals and other college graduates who can’t read will think it’s a Trump shirt. You can then patiently explain to them that it isn’t. (Just kidding!)

All you have to do to get one is post Comment No. 75,000 on this blog–and we’re a long way from that milestone, so you’ll have plenty of time to post as many comments as you want. Y’know, some of you have been coming here regularly for years and still haven’t ever posted a comment. Why so bashful? (Or did WordPress make it hard to comment? Wouldn’t put it past them.)

So let’s begin!

We’ve Ordered the Prizes


Well, we’ve ordered these shirts as prizes in our comment contests–bright red, Xtra Large T-shirts, emblazoned with the motto, “If they have to kill us, they’ve lost.”

It would be nice if our readership numbers recovered and we had a lot of commenters competing for the prize. Hardly anybody here this morning. The numbers crashed on Jan. 18 and have never bounced back. I have no idea why that happened. Nor do I know what to do about it. WordPress swears it ain’t their fault.

Anyway… The shirts’ll be here in a few days, and we’ll make one a prize for posting Comment No. 75,000. At the rate we’re going, civilizations will rise and fall by the time we get there.

Well, it’s a cool shirt, we hope you like it.

We’ve Got a New Prize!


I know, I know–10% of the readers make 90% of the comments. So we try to pump it up with comment contests, by which I show our appreciation for those 10%ers.

To this end, we have ordered a new prize: a red T-shirt bearing the quote, “If they have to kill us, they’ve lost.” Our thanks to Phoebe for making the suggestion!

So, next time there’s a comment contest, the winner will receive one of these shirts. They’re all Xtra Large. If that’s too big for you, well, you can always use it for a nightshirt. But a lot of people like their T-shirts to be roomy.

We’ve just passed 70,000 comments, so I’m thinking 75,000 for the goal of our next contest. Stay tuned!

Clashing Contests–and Bigger, Better Prizes

Somebody–I think it was either Clyde Beatty or Amenhotep II–once said you ruin contests if you have too many of them. But sometimes it can’t be helped. Our Second Annual Christmas Carol Contest is down to its last few drops, and there really ought to be a contest–about now!–to commemorate Comment No. 70,000 posted on this site.

Byron the Quokka has pressured me to offer bigger and better prizes. Well, all right. How about this for a prize–?

USS New Jersey (BB-62) - Wikipedia

The Battleship New Jersey!

After all, the Navy isn’t using it anymore, they’ve turned it into a museum and surely wouldn’t notice if you or some other reader won it in a contest. I mean, who wants an autographed book by me, when they could have a genuine battleship instead?

And if that isn’t enough to jazz up a comment contest, here’s a prize that should really pack ’em in!

Slovenia Map and Satellite Image

The country of Slovenia!

Nestled in between Italy and Croatia, with Austria and Hungary peering over its shoulders, Slovenia makes an ideal vacation destination. And it can be yours! All you have to do is post the 70 thousandth comment to this blog. P.S.–If you win, they’d rather you didn’t change the country’s name or try to move it to a location closer to home.

Well! I guess I’ve shown Byron who can think big around here! He wants to give out a bicycle for a prize. Well, Slovenia is full of bicycles!

Let the contest begin: we need just under 2,000 comments to finish.

Happy Birthday, Whoever You Are

The Quokka. Possibly the happiest animal on earth : Eyebleach

G’day, everybody! Byron the Quokka here; and as you can see, all of us are just waiting for the chance to celebrate another birthday.

This is not just a blog; it’s a fellowship. We’d like to announce everybody’s birthdays. Would you believe it–nobody had a birthday in July.

Anyway, if you’d like birthday greetings here, just leave the date in a comment somewhere, anywhere, and I’ll copy it into my book.

Oh! And don’t forget the comment contest! We’re shooting for Comment No. 64,000, as in “The $64,000 Question.” We still have over a thousand comments to go–but come on, let’s have some fun with this, let’s enjoy some scintillating conversations here! Here, I’ll start the balling rolling with a couple of deep questions–

Why isn’t pick-up sticks an Olympic sport?

Why aren’t there any lost cities in Australia? [Careful! That’s a trick question!]

Whatever happened to Hires Root Beer?

C’mon, humans! Let’s get this blog rolling again!

What’s the Next Contest?

50 Quokka Facts: Smiling, Baby-Flinging, Selfie Kings ...

G’day! Byron the Quokka here, happy to report that the prizes for the last two comment contests have gotten to where they were going and it would be okay to start a new comment contest if it wasn’t still too soon to do it.

Y’know, we’re trying to start a world-class university here, aren’t we? They don’t just spring into existence out of nowhere, do they? Like Athena from the forehead of Sherlock Holmes. No, fellow mammals–it takes a lot of work, meticulous planning, and constant care. Otherwise these college types show up and turn it into Stupidville. That is not on the program for Quokka U.!

But what does Lee want me to do? Run more contests! Like I’ve got all this time on my paws! Can I help it if the blog’s month of July fell flat on its face coming out of the starting gate? Who do I look like–Walt Disney? (Actually we have a quokka who’s a dead ringer for Walt Disney: you couldn’t tell them apart.)

Yeah, I remember, we had the Bell Mountain Movie contest that everybody wanted to read about but only three readers ever entered. There was something wrong with that contest, but I don’t know what: it was before my time. Maybe if he had a quokka running it… But I am not going to volunteer to run a second movie contest!

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m trying to get Flora Fauna, the creator of The Smallpox Twins, to come here as a guest lecturer.



Prizes to Come (We Promise!)

Meet the Quokka

G’day! Byron the Quokka here. I hate to get on Lee’s back, but I had to remind him that he’s got to send out the prizes won by Watchman and Ina in the last two comment contests. Those would be autographed copies of his latest book, His Mercy Endureth Forever–which took longer than expected to be published, and then it took him ages to lay his hands on a couple of mailers.

I mean, heck, I’d do it for him, but who ever expects to see a quokka in the post office? So he says he’ll do it as soon as he can, probably next week. I won’t let him forget! I’d really like to see this done before it’s time for the next comment contest.

Quokka to the Rescue!

Basil Zempilas: What the quokka we so excited about? Let's not ...

G’day! Byron the Quokka here–as “troubleshooter,” if you can believe it.

This blog is barely limping along, lately, and I’m supposed to do something about it. Like I haven’t got enough to do, founding Quokka University! I mean, we just found out the NCAA doesn’t have anything for pick-up sticks–how dumb is that?

Right! We’re playing to an almost empty house, Byron to the rescue, all hands on deck, etc., etc. And we just had a comment contest (he hasn’t yet mailed out the prizes–I hope there’s nothing wrong with him), so we can’t immediately have another one.

How about a contest to think up a really interesting contest that’ll get readers excited all over the world?

That’s my suggestion!

Consider the trouble shot.

New Milestone Comment Contest!

Is the Quokka a Real Animal?

G’day, everybody! Those quokkas up there in the picture are a few of the deans we’ve picked for Quokka University. From left to write, clockwise: Dr. Jimbo, Dean of Something or Other, Dr. Mimsy, Dean of Flattery, and Dr. Reggie, Dean of Play-Doh–every college needs a good supply of Play-Doh!

Lee has just told me he wants me to run another comment contest, like I don’t already have enough to do. This is a big one, though: we’re shooting for Comment No. 60,000! It takes my breath away, just thinking about it.

Just now we have 58,085 comments, so we need 1,915 more. Lee thinks he’s giving it plenty of lead time, but I dunno–something tells me we’ll hit 60,000 faster than he thinks.

And what about the prize? What’ll you win if you post No. 60,000? If it was up to me, it’d be a bicycle, or a ship–but I just work here, y’know? The guy wants to give out one of his books as the prize. I guess you can’t blame him. We’ll see–maybe I can talk him into something a little snazzier than that.

Anyway, let’s start the ball rolling with some sharp, witty, subcutaneous comments!