It is said that Sargon II had a “curious bird” named Whoopsie who could sing the Assyrian national anthem; but I don’t believe it.
These birds are smart enough to interact and play with humans. And you’d swear they have a sense of humor. Betcha they do.
We’re still trying–unsuccessfully–to email my column to Newswithviews. I am wiped out with frustration. Meanwhile, Joshua wondered how to pronounce my name, so I thought I might elaborate on that.
My paternal grandfather was born in Paris and came here as a boy. Our original surname was “Duigou,” and you can imagine how that got mangled: “Dooey-Gooey” springs to mind. So he changed it to “Duigon.”
My mother’s German surname wasn’t much better: “Leis,” pronounced “Lice.” So they took to pronouncing it “Lease.”
All my life I’ve heard my name botched and butchered. “Doo-jee-on.” “Doo-gan.” One man pronounced it “Dugong,” an animal related to the manatee. Once at Sunday school, when they were handing out attendance badges, the superintendent called me up to the stage as “Diggin.” Which inspired me to exclaim, “My name ain’t Diggin, it’s Duigon!” I think that happened when I was ten years old.
Six measly letters–how hard could it be? I mean, it’s not “Suppiluliamas,” is it? But he was king of the Hittites, and it was probably dangerous to mangle his name. And you could always call him “Your Majesty” if you got stuck. I have to settle for “Hey, you.”
Anyway, the correct pronunciation is “Dui”–as in “ruin” or “bruin”–“gon.” I can live with “Dwee-gon.” I strongly believe that Mickey Mantle or Willie Mays would never, ever have become stars if either of them had been saddled with my name.
“Wow! I read a really good book by… well, some guy, whatsisname…”
*Sigh*
This dog’s name is Stella. She likes to drive into huge piles of dead leaves. Her work in that field has come to the attention of the hiring committee at Quokka University; and they’re whispering behind fans in the drawing room, these days, that Stella may be in line to become QU’s first Dean of Student Capers.
I’ve had cats and I’ve had rats, but never at the same time. Our rats were wonderful pets, smart and affectionate. If rats could live ten years, they’d be reading and writing and starting businesses. It doesn’t seem odd to me that a cat and a rat could become best friends. That’s domestication. Wild cats and rats–yeah, that’d be odd.
(Thanks, Susan, for sending us this video)
(Note: Our friend Erlene, who once had a badger for a pet, is all right, but has a lot she needs to do for her son; and her computer’s not working up to snuff. Let us keep her in our prayers.)
Here’s a South African conservation team trying everything they can think of to keep their honey badger inside his enclosure. They can’t! He’s really much too smart for them. The only thing he doesn’t know how to do is forge papers.
Don’t you hate movies that call themselves “The Movie”? I mean, what else would you think it was?
Anyway, time for a bit of coziness. Can’t beat cats and babies for that.
Note to parent with fantastically bad idea: Do not allow your toddler to play with electrical appliances. The cat won’t always be around to make him stop.
Really, this is pathetic–big, strong dogs afraid of fuzzy little cats. Okay, a few of the dogs are cat-sized; they get a pass. But the others? For shame.
How scary is a cat? My little painted turtle used to live in hope that Henry the cat would feed him. He’d paddle all around, looking up expectantly at Henry–who was sitting there because, I think, he liked to watch the turtle. Who knows what was really going on between those two?
Lost a ton of time trying to get the accursed evil computer to work, so there’s only time for a short video.
Kittens chasing ping pong balls. Don’t you wish you had that much energy? Although an adult human with that much energy might be exasperating company…
You’ve got a nice little backyard pool, and you live in New Jersey–that’s safe, right?–and the last thing you expect to see when you look out the window is a whole family of bears cavorting in your pool. A mother bear with five cubs.
They liked the swing set, too.
You will notice that none of the humans involved chose to run outside and try to chase away the bears.
What a good time they had!
Greetings, earthlings! Byron here, your official spokesquokka for Acme False Facts, introducing the newest collectible set, False Facts 7.0.
The nooze has been just so bleak and dreary lately that Acme stepped up its production schedule–we need False Facts! How else are you going to impress people? Even a poor benighted platypus can stand tall, delivering genuine False Facts that nobody else in the room ever heard of! Here are just a few samples.
George Washington’s real name was Harvey, but he had it changed to confuse King George III of England. It worked. In fact, it drove the king mad, trying to work out who was who.
The ancient Minoan civilization on Crete went out of business because no one could speak their language–not even themselves.
Since the invention of The Forbidden Emoji, at least 96 persons who used it in their social media posts have gone missing. We’d have to be crazy, to show a picture of it.
Kumquat College now offers a degree program in Paranormal Etiquette.
Nikola Tesla invented a yo-yo that didn’t work.
It’s perfectly safe to have a pet wolverine in your house. Don’t let anyone tell you different.
By the year 2052, according to a peer-reviewed study by Acme Scientific Studies Inc., half the people in the Holy Roman Empire will look like Greta Thunberg. The other half will have fled the country.
There you have it, folks! Seven zingers. Want people to think you’re smart for knowing things that they don’t know? Acme False Facts to the rescue! Remember–it’s not what you say, but how authoritatively you say it!