Tag: imaginary threats

Fake Things to Worry About

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

The Dark History Behind Ouija Boards

 

From  January 29, 2021

From the makers of Acme False Facts (TM)!

Why worry about real things, when you can worry about things that are not real? I mean, the best thing about totally imaginary threats is that they are totally imaginary. That means no one can disprove them.

Here are a few samples from our first card set, “Fake Stuff to Worry About.” Note: These are not conspiracy theories! These are purely to impress other people. Somehow.

*The National Weather Service uses ouija boards to predict the weather. All that other stuff is just for show.

*Joe Biden died of natural causes in 2017. The “Joe Biden” we see on TV is a robot with a few bugs in it. As long as it doesn’t get rained on, it’ll be okay.

*Climate Change is “real” and we’re all gonna die horribly unless we have a World Government with undreamed-of powers to control everybody’s lives and money.

*Invisible UFOs have been seen hovering over the New York Times building. The persons who saw them then disappeared.

*Donald Trump colluded with skinwalkers to keep Michael Bloomberg from being named Pope.

You don’t have to be genuinely worried about this stuff. After all, that’d mean you were crazy. But to bring these out in a deeply solemn tone of voice, with just the right Elisha Cook Jr. look in your eyes–you’ll be amazed how seriously people take you.

Elisha Cook Jr. - Wikipedia (Like this!)

You might even land a job as a nooze anchor!

 

 

‘How to Keep a Toddler from Going Up the Stairs’ (2018)

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

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By now we’ve all learned–haven’t we?–that there’s nothing quite so scary as a threat from something that does not, in fact, exist. Man-made Climbit Change. Systemic Racism. Imaginary stuff like that.

My Grandma understood that, seventy years ago.

How to Keep a Toddler from Going Up the Stairs

The Mick-Mock doesn’t scare me anymore.

But liberals do.

The Purpose of the Nooze Media

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

1,367 Christmas Tree Farm Stock Photos, Pictures & Royalty-Free Images - iStock

Is it really that hard to find a Christmas tree?

“I sure hope we can get a Christmas tree,” my wife said. “They’re talking about this terrible shortage”–“they,” of course, being our ever-lovin’ nooze media. But then we heard that friends of ours had just gone out and bought their tree without a hassle, without having to spend a potload of money, with no shortage anywhere they looked–

And that’s our Free & Independent Democrat Nooze Media in a nutshell.

What is its purpose? To keep us “informed”? Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum! That’ll be the day. I turn on the car radio and all this bad nooze spills out of it. Ah! But that’s the clue.

The purpose of today’s nooze media is to create a state of fear that’s intended to have timorous people clinging to the skirts of the government–and willing to sacrifice their liberty if the government can offer them security. They are there to scare us and demoralize us into slavery.

This is idol worship. “Protect us by thy might, Great God our King,” the old song says. Today’s leftids address their prayers to “Science” and the all-devouring state. Give us all yo’ money, cough up all yo’ freedom–and we’ll protect you!

From what?

Oh… they’ll protect Blacky from Whitey and Whitey from Blacky, and protect us all from Climate Change and King COVID the Conqueror, and systemic racism, heteronormativity, intersectional dianetics, etc., etc.

They will protect us from the boogiemen that they themselves made up, to scare us into the shelter of their prison camps.

Government without God, government that’s not accountable to God, is an unnecessary evil. More and more of the world is falling under its shadow.

God will call those who will lead us out of it.

And I don’t think it’s gonna be the noozies.

‘The Snow Apocalypse of 2018!!!’ (2018)

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As it happens, it’s snowing right now, here in New Jersey, although just now it seems to have stopped suddenly.

As hard as it is to imagine, snow in the winter is… well, normal!–for this part of the country. But noozies find that very hard to imagine. Maybe even impossible.

The Snow Apocalypse of 2018!!!

I think most of us have noticed by now that the chief mission of cable TV nooze is to scare the audience. The purpose of the scares is usually to freak us into supporting Democrats and their insane public policies. Among their all-time favorite drums to beat are Climbit Chainge, COVID-19, and White Supremacists–any one of ’em gonna kill ya dead unless you give the government a lot more power. Man-made Climate Change is wholly imaginary, COVID is grossly exaggerated, and if there are more than two dozen genuine White Supremacists in a country of some 350 million people, that would be a huge surprise.

I hope it starts snowing again. I was just settling into it.

The Real World War III

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521 Quicksand Photos and Premium High Res Pictures - Getty Images

Y’know what? World War III is not going to be a shooting war. They’re not going to be slinging around a lot of missiles with nuclear warheads. Armies won’t march unless they really have to.

And this world war has already started. Not just here in North America, but all over Europe and elsewhere in the world.

On one side is, for want of a better term, the Global Elite. Their objective is a global government with themselves in charge. They’ll settle for an intermediate stage of more repressive governments everywhere on earth, with “free” countries being turned into facsimiles of communist China. As long as they get to take our money and restrict our freedoms, they’ll feel they’re making progress.

Opposed to the Global Elite are the by and large undefended populations of the nations, powerful only in their numbers, which are difficult to organize effectively, and with relatively few leaders–including the most effective leader, President Donald Trump. That’s what has made him the Global Elite’s number one target.

It is a dynamic of history that there is always some fool, or group of fools, or international class of fools, who wants to take over the world. Again and again they tried military force; again and again it failed, even when it seemed highly successful at the start. So today the reliance is not on fleets and armies, but upon seduction… and lies… and fear-mongering… and misdirection. They don’t expect to beat us down; they want to suck us down. Like quicksand in a movie.

Climate Change, Systemic Racism, and now COVID-19–these have replaced outright conquest. With these the enemy hopes to have us at each other’s throats. With these they hope to confine us to our houses–if we’re still allowed to have houses. With these they hope to restrict our movement, limit our gatherings, and stifle our speech.

They mean to enslave us, and they will spend trillions of dollars to do it. If they can do it with tax dollars that we worked for and they took from us, that will only add zest to the jest.

Trust in God and resist them to the uttermost. They’ve had no end of fun with our presidential election. Pray the Lord to cut them down.

 

Malawi Gripped in Vampire Panic

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Image result for images of malawi vampire scare

So you still believe all cultures are equal?

Well, try this on: the poor people of Malawi, a country in southern Africa, are so scared of vampires now, they’ve killed nine suspected vampires and police have arrested at least 140 wannabe vampire killers (http://news.sky.com/story/dozens-of-arrests-as-mobs-kill-nine-suspected-vampires-in-malawi-11090844). No kidding.

You’d think the authorities would, um, kind of clue people in that vampires don’t exist. Instead, the president of the country said, “My government will offer protection from these alleged bloodsuckers.” If you’ve gotta be protected from ’em, that means they exist–right?

This would be very funny if it weren’t true. Actually, it’s not funny at all. At least one suspected “vampire” was burned alive by a panic-stricken mob, and another was stoned to death. And as the country gets more and more out of control, a wave of ordinary crime has followed.

A lot of our leaders in the, ahem, civilized world promise to protect us from things that do not, in fact, exist: Man-Made Climbit Change, pumpkin spice latte racism, etc.

How scared do they want to make people–people who have already been dumbed down and stripped of brainpower by our public education system? How scared do they want us to be?

Think about it.