Fake Things to Worry About

The Dark History Behind Ouija Boards

From the makers of Acme False Facts (TM)!

Why worry about real things, when you can worry about things that are not real? I mean, the best thing about totally imaginary threats is that they are totally imaginary. That means no one can disprove them.

Here are a few samples from our first card set, “Fake Stuff to Worry About.” Note: These are not conspiracy theories! These are purely to impress other people. Somehow.

*The National Weather Service uses ouija boards to predict the weather. All that other stuff is just for show.

*Joe Biden died of natural causes in 2017. The “Joe Biden” we see on TV is a robot with a few bugs in it. As long as it doesn’t get rained on, it’ll be okay.

*Climate Change is “real” and we’re all gonna die horribly unless we have a World Government with undreamed-of powers to control everybody’s lives and money.

*Invisible UFOs have been seen hovering over the New York Times building. The persons who saw them then disappeared.

*Donald Trump colluded with skinwalkers to keep Michael Bloomberg from being named Pope.

You don’t have to be genuinely worried about this stuff. After all, that’d mean you were crazy. But to bring these out in a deeply solemn tone of voice, with just the right Elisha Cook Jr. look in your eyes–you’ll be amazed how seriously people take you.

Elisha Cook Jr. - Wikipedia (Like this!)

You might even land a job as a nooze anchor!



‘The Snow Apocalypse of 2018!!!’ (2018)

See the source image

As it happens, it’s snowing right now, here in New Jersey, although just now it seems to have stopped suddenly.

As hard as it is to imagine, snow in the winter is… well, normal!–for this part of the country. But noozies find that very hard to imagine. Maybe even impossible.

The Snow Apocalypse of 2018!!!

I think most of us have noticed by now that the chief mission of cable TV nooze is to scare the audience. The purpose of the scares is usually to freak us into supporting Democrats and their insane public policies. Among their all-time favorite drums to beat are Climbit Chainge, COVID-19, and White Supremacists–any one of ’em gonna kill ya dead unless you give the government a lot more power. Man-made Climate Change is wholly imaginary, COVID is grossly exaggerated, and if there are more than two dozen genuine White Supremacists in a country of some 350 million people, that would be a huge surprise.

I hope it starts snowing again. I was just settling into it.

The Real World War III

521 Quicksand Photos and Premium High Res Pictures - Getty Images

Y’know what? World War III is not going to be a shooting war. They’re not going to be slinging around a lot of missiles with nuclear warheads. Armies won’t march unless they really have to.

And this world war has already started. Not just here in North America, but all over Europe and elsewhere in the world.

On one side is, for want of a better term, the Global Elite. Their objective is a global government with themselves in charge. They’ll settle for an intermediate stage of more repressive governments everywhere on earth, with “free” countries being turned into facsimiles of communist China. As long as they get to take our money and restrict our freedoms, they’ll feel they’re making progress.

Opposed to the Global Elite are the by and large undefended populations of the nations, powerful only in their numbers, which are difficult to organize effectively, and with relatively few leaders–including the most effective leader, President Donald Trump. That’s what has made him the Global Elite’s number one target.

It is a dynamic of history that there is always some fool, or group of fools, or international class of fools, who wants to take over the world. Again and again they tried military force; again and again it failed, even when it seemed highly successful at the start. So today the reliance is not on fleets and armies, but upon seduction… and lies… and fear-mongering… and misdirection. They don’t expect to beat us down; they want to suck us down. Like quicksand in a movie.

Climate Change, Systemic Racism, and now COVID-19–these have replaced outright conquest. With these the enemy hopes to have us at each other’s throats. With these they hope to confine us to our houses–if we’re still allowed to have houses. With these they hope to restrict our movement, limit our gatherings, and stifle our speech.

They mean to enslave us, and they will spend trillions of dollars to do it. If they can do it with tax dollars that we worked for and they took from us, that will only add zest to the jest.

Trust in God and resist them to the uttermost. They’ve had no end of fun with our presidential election. Pray the Lord to cut them down.


Malawi Gripped in Vampire Panic

Image result for images of malawi vampire scare

So you still believe all cultures are equal?

Well, try this on: the poor people of Malawi, a country in southern Africa, are so scared of vampires now, they’ve killed nine suspected vampires and police have arrested at least 140 wannabe vampire killers (http://news.sky.com/story/dozens-of-arrests-as-mobs-kill-nine-suspected-vampires-in-malawi-11090844). No kidding.

You’d think the authorities would, um, kind of clue people in that vampires don’t exist. Instead, the president of the country said, “My government will offer protection from these alleged bloodsuckers.” If you’ve gotta be protected from ’em, that means they exist–right?

This would be very funny if it weren’t true. Actually, it’s not funny at all. At least one suspected “vampire” was burned alive by a panic-stricken mob, and another was stoned to death. And as the country gets more and more out of control, a wave of ordinary crime has followed.

A lot of our leaders in the, ahem, civilized world promise to protect us from things that do not, in fact, exist: Man-Made Climbit Change, pumpkin spice latte racism, etc.

How scared do they want to make people–people who have already been dumbed down and stripped of brainpower by our public education system? How scared do they want us to be?

Think about it.