My Enhanced Bio

Here are a couple of my friends at Arthur’s court. They let you take pictures now.

I read somewhere that an author can sell more books if he’s had an interesting life. I have decided that makes sense. Herewith is my enhanced biography, full of stuff you never knew about me.

I was born at an undisclosed location, and it was not until recently that I learned my true origins, which I am not at liberty to disclose. To know that I walked the earth would be a mortal disappointment to a certain powerful government.

I was a Navy Seal when they were still known as Walruses. You could look it up. In 1968 we kidnapped Mao Tse-tung, but the White House made us give him back. This incident made me cynical, so I quit government service and went on to visit countries that are not supposed to exist, but do.

For two years I advised the Steward of Gondor, and if he’d taken my advice, they would’ve all saved themselves a lot of trouble.  I have been a vacuum cleaner salesman in Narnia, not one of my more lucrative enterprises, and an estate manager for Lord Greystoke, aka Tarzan of the Apes, in the country just north of Opar–places you won’t find on any map.

I have learned the name of him who comes when you whistle for him, O my lad, and I have visited most of the royal courts mentioned in The Mabinogion. At the court of Arthur, Kay threatened to expose me as a mountebank. Unwilling to change history by damaging Sir Kay, I wandered until I drifted into the country of Obann. There I heard the Bell of King Ozias sound from the summit of Bell Mountain. I return to Obann as often as I can.

I haven’t mentioned any of this stuff in interviews. John Carter says he’ll feed me to the Green Martians if I do.


Washington State: White Students ‘Must Defer to Minorities’

The new season in higher education got off to a roaring start this weekend, when it was revealed that some of the profs at Washington State University threatened white students with failure unless they embraced left-wing stupid ideas and constantly “deferred to minorities” ( http://dailycaller.com/2015/08/31/taxpayer-funded-professors-censor-words-female-illegal-alien-and-make-white-students-defer/ ).

T’other day, the university announced it was going to “amend” this situation. Are they to be let off as easily as that? You can’t pass a course unless you say you oppose any attempts to curb illegal immigration? Parents are paying how much money in tuition to have their children subjected to this? More fool they.

***

Ha, ha, he had to go out so I come in and take over this blogg.

Boy what a big dop he is. Of coarse white studints shuld oahgt to defer to minorites. Yuo see evry interllectural knows that. Thats what makes collidge higher eddication.

So of coarse yiu shuld haveto beleave in anmesty and Globbal Warming if yuo wanto pass a corse. And of coarse yuo shuldnt be a lowed to say words like “mail’ and “feemail’ becuse that is Transphobic.

My prefesser he says whit peple are no good, exept unles they interllecturals like us, and whit peple shuld alyaws do what a minorite tells them to do, all the time. I asked dose that mean I got to try hardder to be gay? And he sad this pro-found thing, “A Interllectural is the best minorite and we can do anythingg we want.” I asked is a gay interllectural beter than a interllectural whose not gay but he dint anser me, he jist kicked me in the shin fer askin a dumm questoin.

Anhow thats what collidge is for, to fudnamenterly trandsform our cuontry and we wuld be doing it faster if stopid dops wuld stop complaning aboot how we do it. Like, no wonnder nobody Likes this stopid blogg, onlhy if you gettin money from the Kotch Brothers is you agree with this blogg.

I hop Washinton State say drop dead to evrybody complaning about perfecly resonible rules to show thos no good whit studints whose boss.


The All-Time Worst Job Ever

So how do you officially determine someone’s “gender”? For instance, for issuing a driver’s license, or deciding whether some extremely confused individual is to play for the high school boys’ or girls’ track team?

A law proposed in the South Dakota legislature suggests it be done by “visual inspection,” which is overpaid public employee talk for “looking.” ( http://rapidcityjournal.com/news/local/visual-inspection-could-be-part-of-state-law-to-determine/article_18b24dba-550f-5de9-b805-37409c4a7f5c.html#.VeShDVi1x-w.email )

“All right, now… drop your pants/pull up your dress and let’s have a nice close look-see…”

Can you imagine a more wretched job than “gender inspector,” or whatever else they’d call it? Can you imagine doing that all day? Set up a tent or a booth at the Division of Mother Vehicles office, and everybody stand in line to have your gender inspected.

It’s possible the law might not be passed. There are lawmakers in South Dakota who want to throw out the whole gender business as being beneath the dignity of South Dakota and suitable only to those liberal wackos in New York and California. They are thinking of not even listening to whatever someone says his or her or its “gender” is and just getting the info from a birth certificate.

Currently they are trying to deal with a public school “policy”–overpaid public employee talk for “complete absence of thinking”–that lets high school boys play on the girls’ team if they insist they are girls, and vice versa. There is some sentiment in the legislature for not allowing the whole society to be overturned for some debatable benefit to an almost nonexistent micro-minority.

Meanwhile, don’t forget. No matter what they do to you, no matter what you do to yourself, every single cell of the millions of cells in a male human body contains a Y-chromosome, and every single cell in a female human body doesn’t.

So what we are talking about, really, is bending over backwards to accommodate an imaginary minority.

And then some poor schmo is gonna wind up earning a living by looking at strangers’ genitals all day.


A Ruling-Class Pervert

Actually The New York Post’s headline yesterday was much, much better: “Woman says estranged husband’s twisted sex demands gave her PTSD,” as in post-traumatic stress disorder ( http://nypost.com/2015/08/31/wife-has-ptsd-from-husbands-twisted-sexual-antics/ ).

The thing about this messy divorce is that the husband is “the top administrator for the Nassau County District Attorney’s Office.” That is, his job is to see that people are punished for breaking the law.

According to the wife’s divorce papers, this champion of law and order literally drove her nuts with the disgusting things he insisted that they do together. Gee, what kind of things? The kind described to the court as “predatory and extremely depraved.”

Hey, look, this is a Christian blog site. If you really want the gory details, click the link to the Post article.

So… the condition of our culture doesn’t matter, does it? Is that what you think?

But our culture is the petri dish wherein grow all these depraved characters, who then crawl out to become our rulers, our opinion-shapers, and our whoopee crowd.

If you want to know what’s wrong with our culture, look at the kind of people it generates to rule over us, and look at the moral character of many of its citizens.

This is what we get when we turn away from God and abandon His moral laws for non-laws made up by fools and reprobates. But don’t take my word for it. Read Romans Chapter 1. You’ll find it in the Bible.


More of Your Tuition Dollars at Work

I wonder what you have to do, to get a job as a “vice chancellor for diversity and inclusion” at a major university. Do you have to be an absolute idiot, or will they settle for a big fat dope?

At the University of Tennessee-Knoxville, the resident big fat dope is calling on all students to use, from now on, really silly words that other idiots made up, instead of ordinary English pronouns ( http://townhall.com/columnists/michaelbrown/2015/08/31/zis-is-what-i-call-social-madness-n2045757 ). This self-imposed Babel is supposed to do away with hateful, oppressive “binary gender” pronouns like “he” and “she” and replace them with “gender neutral” slop like “ze” and “xe,” “zirs” and “xyr,” or–I think I’ll stop now.

For this you run up $100,000 of student debt? For this you sit in a classroom for five of the best years of your life instead of being out in the real world, earning money and gaining experience?

This twaddle is supposed to reflect the newly-discovered “fact” that there are a great many genders rather than that crummy old male-and-female thing.

Which is a lie.

Here is a simple truth, easily acquired in any high school biology class, which you can trot out whenever you need to confound these people.

No matter what the surgeons do, no matter what kinds of chemicals are pumped into or out of the bloodstream, no matter what mannerisms he adopts, every single cell in Bruce Gender’s body remains forever male because it contains a Y-chromosome.

There is no such thing as a “transgendered person”. Period.


Public School Cuisine

There are at least 10,000 reasons not to send your kids to public school, and here’s one of them–the food is awful ( http://eagnews.org/thanksmichelleobama-school-resumes-students-begin-posting-skimpy-lunches/ ).

Yep, the new menus suck every bit as much as last year’s. This is thanks to the 2010 Healthy Hunger-Free Kids Act–honestly, if you were in Congress, would you dare vote against kiddies being healthy and hunger-free?–which gives Worst Lady Michelle Obama, whom no one voted for, a way to get involved in what other people’s children eat.

Bear in mind there is nothing intrinsically wrong with this food, and that it is a sin to waste it. The problem is, it’s just not food that any normal kid would eat. I wouldn’t choose to eat it, either. And when they give a big fat wing-ding at the White House, paid for by the hapless American public, you can bet your eyes they don’t serve any of this stuff.

When they’re not busy renaming major geographical features, cramming illegal aliens into the country, and making confetti of the Constitution, the pair in the White House like to poke their noses into everybody’s private business.

But don’t take my word for it. Click the link and see the pictures of what will confront America’s public school children when their summer furlough is over.

Would you eat it?


Prez Renames Mt. McKinley

No, I’m not pulling your leg. President *Batteries Not Included really has taken it upon himself to rename Mt. McKinley, the highest mountain in North America ( http://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/obama-renames-nation%E2%80%99s-highest-mountain/ar-AAdLF9D?ocid=ansmsnnews11 ).

Who does he think he is?

It will now be Mt. Denali, a name by which many of the native peoples have called it for centuries. If that strikes you as only fair, please bear in mind that most of the geographical features in North America, natural and man-made, used to have names other than the ones they have today. Do you want to start changing all the names back to what they were 500 years ago?

Mt. McKinley was an easy target because it was named for a white male Republican. Had it been dubbed, say, Mt. Al Sharpton, or Mt. Margaret “Abortion Goddess” Sanger, or Mt. Dan “Mr. Homofascist” Savage, there is no way that name is going anywhere. But who was going to stand up for poor President McKinley?

It would be more productive and more just to start naming landfills and Superfund sites after our current national leaders. The Mitch McConnell Solid Waste Collection Site. The Hilary Clinton Toxic Waste Reservation. Enter at your own risk.

Because it won’t be so easy to get out.


Another Mystery of God’s Creation

“Lake guns” have been around for hundreds of years and we still haven’t figured out what causes them.

These are booming noises heard over bodies of water. In 1850 James Fenimore Cooper wrote a story, “The Lake Gun,” about the mysterious boomings heard over Seneca Lake in upstate New York. But the lake guns are known from all over the world, under a variety of names.

Among the causes proposed are mini-earthquakes, sonic booms, methane gas, ghosts, UFOs, meteorites… and none of them stands up to investigation. The simple fact is, nobody knows what causes lake guns.

My wife and I used to hear them occasionally, over Barnegat Bay. The water always seemed to be unusually calm when the lake guns spoke. Elsewhere, they can be loud enough to move alarmed residents to call police.

We don’t know what they are. They’re cool, they’re a little bit scary, and we don’t know what makes them go boom.

Unraveling all the mysteries of God’s physical creation is a task that will keep us occupied for as long as human beings are on earth. We don’t know–apart from what the Bible teaches us–how non-living matter can acquire life. We don’t know how many species of insects there are.

But we do know that Jesus Christ is Lord–Lord over all we know, and Lord over all we don’t know. As we inquire into the mysteries of creation, let us remember whose creation it is.


Hymn: ‘Holy, Holy, Holy’

I’m not altogether comfortable with the fancy setting, but this hymn needs a big, powerful organ, and an enthusiastic choir, to do it justice.

This was a favorite in the church I grew up in, whose building still exists, but the spirit is gone out of it.

The imagery of the hymn’s second verse is from Chapter 4 of Revelation.

And as I recall it, the term “Blessed Deity,” used here, was originally “Blessed Trinity.” Don’t ask me why anyone would change it.


Comic Relief from Allen Sherman

A lot of you are too young to remember this guy, but he was a riot. Here’s one of his major hits, “Hello, Mudda, Hello, Fadda” from 1963.

I don’t know about you, but I can use a laugh.


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