Category: Just for Fun

I Amb A Vollintear!!

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

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One of the things “we” lernt in Collidge is thare is two “menny” books Whith wite Peple in them It is reely discussting!! Espatially Histry Books! Wel our Collidge we Are doing sumthing abote That!!!

Frist al them boocks whith wite peple in themb thay Has “got to” be writ al over Agin butt this tyme With-out wite peple in them!! butt evin that “it” dont go “farr” enuohgh so we aslo thunk of sumthing Elce!!!

Our Collidge Sceints Depotment it has got Sceintits in it and Thay is “workin” on a Meddasin it whil “make yiu” Fourget evry thing yiu has red “that” got wite peple in it!!!! How abote That!? And nhow thay “want To” testt The Meddasin and yiu know what,, I has vollinteared!!

So i willl take “the” Meddasin to-nihght and Iff it works,, then to-marrow I whont be “Abel” to remebmer nothing that “has” got wite peple in it!!!This it whil make “me” feel cleen and libbarated and Inter-sexianol!!!

Some dop he Is a christin or somthing he sayed “butt waht abote Side Affects??” He is so stopid, i tolled him thare “Is nothin rwong whith” my sides and i tolled our Micro Grecian Rabid Responts Team waht he sayed “And” thay are Going “to” putt him Into Sensartivity Traning un-till his mind it “is”rihght!!!

I cant Hardlie whait four to-nihght!! It has got “my” Moth Antenners spining aruond like crazy!!

Sloths and Heavy Machinery

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Well, all right, only one sloth in this compilation is trying to operate sophisticated machinery. As you can see, moving extremely slowly minimizes the risk of getting into serious trouble.

The ones with the masks are three-toed sloths; the others are two-toed.

More Delightful Critters

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Ms. Violet Crepuscular has a pet earwig named Horace who was not included in this compilation, much to her dismay.

I’m a sucker for these critter compilations. There’s always something in ’em that you really like. The interaction between the dog and the somewhat spoiled little boy–that’s one for the books.

Did I Do That?

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

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These remarks may strike some of you as a little weird. But writing fantasy novels does tend to lean a bit in that direction. And there are always readers who are curious about what it’s like to be a writer. So here goes.

I’m editing Bell Mountain No. 11, The Temptation, which means I have to read it attentively. And although I do know I made up the characters that populate my books, it doesn’t feel anymore like I made them up! They feel like real people that I really know.

When I’m actually writing a book, I’m too deeply involved in writing it to respond to what I’ve written. So when I read it, much later, it’s a whole different experience–almost as if someone else wrote the book, not me. I read a passage that gets to me and find myself thinking, “Oh, I didn’t write that! Did I? Could I?” It feels like these characters, places, and events came into print through me and have a real existence that has little or nothing to do with me. As if I were more a chronicler than a creator.

I wonder if other writers feel these things. I know she isn’t, but at the same time I just can’t shed the notion that Gurun (that’s her, pictured above) is a real person who is even now doing things, experiencing things, that I don’t know about.

I believe the people I read about in the “news” are real, don’t I?

“Never heard of ’em,” says Gurun.

Baby Sloth Time!

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This is Edward, a baby two-toed sloth, and it’s feeding time.

There was a great 19th-century chess master, Elijah Williams, who was nicknamed “the Bristol Sloth,” but probably not because he was such a cute baby. Someone calculated that Williams, on the average, took two-and-a-half hours to make a single move.

Even Edward can probably beat that.

Some Very Silly Dogs

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The dogs in this video are terrified of cats. Isn’t that disgraceful? Like, they should have to turn in their dog badges and apply for positions as mice. But I’ve also seen videos of cats who are afraid of mice. Shameful.

P.S.–Please, please don’t let your cat or your dog out on the street. It’s dangerous enough for humans, the way folks drive these days.

Rats! (They’re Really Quite Nice)

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Rats make truly lovable pets. They’re very, very smart: if they lived longer, they’d be composing symphonies. They’re affectionate, adaptable–just think of them as small cats with hairless tails.

I have seen videos of cats opening someone’s purse and taking the money–to do what with, who knows? In this video, you’ll see a rat do it. I suspect a cat put him up to it.

The Great Horn of Pokesleigh (‘Oy, Rodney’)

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“I have anticipated great interest in the origins and history of the Great Horn of Pokesleigh,” writes Violet Crepuscular, introducing Chapter CLXXXV of her epic romance, Oy, Rodney. In Chapter CLXXXIV, the village blacksmith blew the horn to disperse a dangerous peasant revolt throughout Scurveyshire.

“The Great Horn of Pokesleigh has been kept by the smiths of Scurveyshire–real smiths, I mean, not just people named Smith–since the year 818 A.D., when King Alfred the Great gave it to Mandrake, First Earl of Scurveyshire. He was also the last earl, as the result of a tragic accident with gumballs, and the Horn was left in his will to Horny Tom the Blacksmith, to make up for unpaid bills.

“Throughout history the Horn has been blown to ward off dire emergencies. It is said William the Conqueror was deathly afraid of it. Before the incident described so vividly in Chapter CLXXXIV of my epic romance, Oy, Rodney, the last time the horn was blown was in 1678, to end a plague of click beetles.

“The Horn is said to be a genuine prehistoric woolly rhinoceros horn overlaid with pure gold contributed by the Saxon Ladies’ Garden Club in 993 and engraved with mystic pictures of centaurs, unicorns, and strangely disturbing not-quite-human faces. It takes a mighty man to blow it, and he will never be the same afterward. In 1484, blacksmith Big Ned Wigwam blew it to avert a catastrophic battle in the Wars of the Roses and was hanged by Richard III, who had had big plans for that battle. Other smiths came to equally bad ends. This has discouraged them from blowing the horn just to whoop it up for New Year’s.”

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All of this is very interesting, but it does nothing to get Lord Jeremy Coldsore’s foot healed so he can marry Lady Margo Cargo.

Meanwhile, the complete re-upholstering of Lady Margo’s sprawling country house continues, despite some over-zealousness on the part of the upholsterers. An attempt to upholster the aquarium housing Oswin the Crayfish had to be vetoed at the last minute, before any real damage could be done.

We are not told what “Pokesleigh” is or was.

Cats & Puppies (Oh, My!)

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They don’t always hit it off right away, do they? The puppy wants to play; the cat would prefer to evaluate the situation. It must be fun to watch their interactions develop over time. I mean, they’ve gotta get along better than my two cats do with each other…

My, er, Sales

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

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I got my quarterly book sales figures, a couple of days ago. The less said about those, the better. You’d think the gaudy covers would attract more readers. But I guess people have to see them first.

Riding my bike this morning, I was stopped by an old one-eyed, one-legged man on a crutch. He had a snow-white beard and was dressed in ragged robes. But he claimed to be clairvoyant, so I paused to listen to his predictions.

“You will embark on a long sea voyage which will never get to where it’s going,” he said, “and at the end of it, you will not be elected president. Ooh, wait! You won’t be going to sea, after all. I wonder if I should have said ‘going to seed.’

“You will meet a man who will have no influence on your life. He will ignore you, and you will ignore him.

“When you turn the next corner, you will come to a hill. You will pedal up the hill and then coast back down.” I didn’t think much of that prediction. I pedal up that hill, and coast down it, several times a week.

“That will be twenty dollars, please,” he added. Before I could hit upon any kind of witty reply, he disappeared. That saved me twenty dollars.