Category: strange events

Pastor Gored by Mad Bull–in Church!

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

Ancient fresco showing Minoan “bull dancers”–or are these athletes not dancing, but trying to stay alive?

Well, here’s something you don’t see in church every Sunday: the pastor getting gored by an angry bull ( http://todaychristian.net/pastor-nearly-gored-to-death-in-church-sanctuary-by-raging-bull-but-the-end-will-surprise-you/ ).

It really happened, recently, at Solid Rock Church in Ohio. Right there in the church sanctuary, Pastor Lawrence Bishop was gored nearly to death by a bull. It was an unscripted part of a special church program called “Stop the Bull,” meant to address the issues of drug abuse and bullying, felt by the pastor to be particularly pressing in the Solid Rock neighborhood.

If the above link works, here is the actual video of this incident, provided by Solid Rock Church.

Gee, this is even edgier than Christian cage fighting!

Other churches around the country are already scrambling to outdo Solid Rock. “If their pastor can just about get himself killed, trying to ride a bull in church, well, we’ve got that beat!” says Pastor Rabadash Jones of Happening Now Church, Florida. “Alligator wrassling! We have set up a pool in the middle of our church and put some mighty big, mean gators in it. But I think my assistant pastor can tame ’em.”

Squawking Idiot Episcopal Church in Lenin Falls, NY, “steers clear of violence,” said Priestess Happy Octopus Starshine, “but we defy any of those cowboy churches in the Midwest to top our brothel! We’re already convinced we’re going to have to enlarge the church doors, once our knocking-shop opens. And by the way, we will cater to all seven genders. It don’t get more seeker-friendly than this!”

But according to Rev. Tom O’Bedlam, of St. Kerchak’s, in Bismuth, Minnesota, “It’s always best to stick to basics; so we’ll just go with plain old human sacrifice. Our marketing research consistently shows that to be a winner.”

If You Can’t Find a Centaur, Look for a Mermaid

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

http://ts1.mm.bing.net/th?id=JN.CnCO0ZTqddLNm5qnooC9hg&pid=15.1

Just so you know the real news still goes on, in spite of all the politics, the town of Kiryat Kam in Israel is still offering a $1 million reward to anyone who can corral the local… mermaid ( http://www.livescience.com/5642-mermaid-sightings-claimed-israel.html ).

Since 2009, various tourists have claimed to see the mermaid swimming in the blue waters of the Eastern Mediterranean. They say she does tricks. But so far no one has been able to claim the reward. Apparently the mermaid is hip to all the techniques of mermaid-fishing.

Hey, if you need a quick million dollars, why not buzz off to Kiryat Kam and try your luck?

Sometimes we fantasy writers are not so sure we’re writing fantasy, after all. People keep saying they see centaurs. And mermaids. They’re not members of the American political establishment, so we can’t assume they’re all just lying.

Can we?

It Snowed Last Night

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

We were watching one of our detective shows last night, and I happened to glance out the window.

It looked like snow was being emptied on us out of a can.

Wow, did it come down! Not long afterward, it tapered off. But by then it had brought peace and quiet to our normally noisy neighborhood.

Mostly what we have, 24/7, is the non-stop roar of engines, tires on asphalt, brakes, and the world’s worst music, as if the drivers of the cars were the devil’s hurdy-gurdy men. But last night, for a little while, it was quiet. There were still a few cars on the road, but the snow muffled them and they went by like fish in a tank.

And everything was white and clean.

All right, if you live in Boston, you’re tired of snow and you haven’t enjoyed this post. I’ve seen the pictures; I understand.

This morning, as a vicious wind whips the snow around, and chills the temperature to below zero, my wife saw one of the neighborhood muttonheads clumping around outside in cotton shorts. Can anybody tell me what that’s supposed to be about?

Oh, wait–I know! The UN Climate Panel has hired him to be a walking advertisement for Global Warming. Hey, you think it’s cold? Well, then, there must be something wrong with you: because check out that guy over there–he’s in shorts! The sub-zero temps are all in your imagination.

The Sound of Hell: Feminist Music

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

You’re not gonna believe your ears. Before you read any more, check out this video of “feminist music” ( http://funny.trendolizer.com/2015/02/feminist-music-is-the-funniest-thing-ever.html ).

Once upon a time, when you heard someone repeatedly howling and barking, you sent for an exorcist. Now they send for the BBC. And if you look closely, these banshees are reading sheet music and occasionally turn the page. I didn’t know there was musical notation for barking.

As comical as “feminist music” is, there’s also something of the odor of brimstone about it. I think this may well be what you hear when the Gate of Hell is opened.

I’m beginning to think it has been opened, and things are coming out that ought to have been kept inside.

Are Unicorns Real?

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

http://img3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20111029104346/dinosaurs/images/b/b6/Elasmotherium1.jpg

[Before you answer, “Yes, of course they’re real–unicorns are mentioned in the Bible,” Strong’s Concordance gives us the original Hebrew word as “r’eyme,” literally translated as a kind of wild bull. Why Tyndale and the King James scholars translated this as “unicorn” is not known to me.]

I love cryptozoology, the most ephemeral of sciences. The cryptozoologists have to discover living animals presumed extinct, legendary, or even fictitious. And yet the moment they do discover something, it ceases to be a cryptozoological specimen and is immediately transferred to the realm of regular zoology.

So how about the unicorn? Did such a creature ever exist? People have been writing about unicorns, painting pictures of them, sewing them into tapestries, and grafting them into coats of arms for better than a thousand years. No one has been able to produce a graceful white horse with a long horn arising from its forehead. But in a pinch, would you accept a rhinoceros?

Not just any kind of rhino, but a prehistoric giant named Elasmotherium (see http://dinosaurs.wikia.com/wiki/elasmotherium ) which just might possibly have survived into historic times in Siberia and elsewhere, giving rise to the legend of the unicorn. Oh, please–who would see a unicorn in a big, fat, hulking, clumsy rhino? Elasmotherium had a single horn, five to six feet long, arising near the center of its forehead, rather than from the nose as in living rhinos. Paleontologists say it had long legs, “giving it a horse-like gait.” Hmm… So you slim it down a little, and you see it from a distance–it may not be safe to see it close-up–and what’ve you got?

The Jersey Devil, the mainland Thylacine, the Loch Ness Monster, Smart Growth–Oops, how did that get in there? Smart Growth has no basis in reality. When God creates things, they’re real. When we create things, they tend to be imaginary. The Lord knew what He was doing when He limited us to that.

All the same… Siberia’s a big place, no one’s seen all of it. Maybe, on few nameless square miles of steppe, bordering a nameless forest, seen by no man but a solitary hunter with a reputation as a liar and a drunk, there still survives a tiny population of Elasmotherium. And if Elasmotherium… why not a unicorn? Why not?

Buy It Now–Eternal Life!

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

The Lord Our God promises us eternal life, if we believe in and trust His Son, Jesus Christ.

But soon, if things go well for a company called Eterni.me, they’ll be able to sell you eternal life. Instead of faith or hope or good works, all you’ll need is money. Then you can, in the words of the company’s slogan, “Simply become immortal” ( http://www.scmp.com/lifestyle/technology/article/1657109/want-live-forever-tech-firm-wants-create-your-digital-alter-ego ).

Your 3-D “digital alter ego,” which presumably your family will want to keep around after you’re dead–what will it mean when this gets moved from the living room to the broom closet, or winds up in a yard sale?–will be compiled from your lifetime’s worth of digital data–that is, every little piece of junk you’ve ever put on the Internet–along with artificial intelligence, which for some individuals will be the only kind of intelligence they’ve ever had. The end product will be a convincing illusion of your presence: the “alter ego” will  be programed so that it can interact with real people as if you were still you.

They’re not yet ready to reveal the price tag. Still some bugs to be worked out.

Meanwhile, ask yourself this…

How many of our politicians and celebrities have already died and been replaced by digital illusions?

And how many of them were digital illusions to begin with?

 

Breaking News: Mysterious ‘Big Cat’ on the Loose in France

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Is it the Beast of Gevaudan come back to life?

French police and firemen and volunteers are beating the bushes some 20 miles east of Paris, trying to capture an animal that was at first thought to be a tiger. Now they say it’s definitely not a tiger, but they don’t know what it is. See the report by Business Week, http://www.businessweek.com/news/2014-11-14/tiger-on-loose-near-disneyland-paris-ties-down-french-police . There’s one photo someone took, showing the beast silhouetted against the sky: it looks like a tiger to me. But Disneyland Paris says they’re missing none of their big cats, nor has any zoo or circus reported a missing tiger.

Police are asking people to stay indoors until they can catch the critter. If you really have to go out, go by car, not by foot. Hmmm…

What’s the first thing that would make you say an animal was a tiger? Stripes, of course. But let’s say the experts are right, and this is not a tiger. (The animal’s tracks have been carefully examined.) What beast is most likely to be mistaken for a tiger?

If I knew, I’d tell. I hope this is not one of those stories that just drops out of the news without a follow-up.

And I wonder what they’ll say if they fail to catch the animal.

Now You Won’t Need an Operation to Change Your ‘Gender’

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

Here’s the story: I leave it up to you whether to laugh or cry.

Because it ain’t fair to ask people to have their parts cut off before men can say they’re women or women can say they’re men, the city of New York is contemplating a move to make it easier for one of these poor lost souls to change his or her birth certificate to list him or her as a member of some sex other than the one he was born into. See the Associated Press report from Nov. 10 (sorry, can’t get the link to work), “NYC weighs easing birth certificate gender changes.”

So now if a man wants to change his birth certificate to make it say he’s a woman, or a woman wants to change hers to say she’s a man, all they would need would be a letter from “a licensed health professional” who has no integrity whatsoever to say that Duke really is a lady or Flossie really is a man.

Has truth ceased to have any value among us at all? Does it have any meaning?

We pile our sins all the way up to Heaven, and add new sins that our fathers never thought of.

I do wonder what God sees in us. I really, truly do.

Britain Moves to Abolish Adulthood

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

Hey, what if your brain was aging faster than the rest of you? Uh-oh–dementia’s just around the corner, right?

Well, they’re gonna do something about it–in England, at least. As the Telegraph put it yesterday, “The new system of screening, devised by Public Health England (PHE) means patients will be told how their brain is aging, compared to those with healthier lifestyles, in a bid to shock them into changing their ways” ( http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/healthnews/11203786/Middle-aged-to-be-told-brain-age-in-war-on-dementia.html ).

Well, gee, what’s wrong with that?

“Officials behind the idea say they hope the warning will encourage people to make major changes in their lifestyle, which will reduce their chance of dementia. But critics said the plans were ‘heavy-handed and intrusive’ and would frighten millions of people–without giving them an accurate forecast of their true risk of dementia [emphasis added].”

This new scientific technique–lying to people to get them to do what you want them to do, because, after all, it’s really good for them and they’re just too stupid to appreciate your wisdom–was first given respectability in the Great Global Warming Hoax, and is now spreading throughout science. It has been borrowed from politics.

Remember how I asked, a few days ago, at what point will these people feel they have enough power over us, and won’t want any more? And the answer was, of course, that they will never, never reach that point. They will never have enough.

I guess the British government could say to its people, “Well, you leeches and deadbeats, you’ve made us responsible for your healthcare, so you’d jolly well better do as we say! If you think we’ll sit idly by while you all develop dementia because you didn’t run laps and do push-ups when we told you to, you’d better think again!”

And so the English people, once one of the great nations of the earth, are reduced to perpetual childhood by their own government and its hired Experts. Eat this, don’t eat that. You can’t smoke anymore. Hands off that cupcake! Get up from the couch, you lazy sod, and run 15 laps around the block.

That’s where they’re heading.

And we, poor fools, are right behind them.

They Don’t Know Shinola About Ebola

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

The headline says it all, right? First they tell us you can’t catch it, Then they tell us you can catch it from a sneeze. They tell us there’s nothing to worry about, no need to ban incoming flights from Ebola-land, and anyhow quarantines don’t work–and then they won’t let a U.S. Army unit come home from Ebola-land, but ship it to Italy and quarantine it there.

If you can’t make head nor tail of it, well, neither can the CDC. Not even with President Barack Ebola’s new Ebola Czar, the guy from Solyndra, who was last seen making half a billion of our taxpayer dollars disappear.

If nothing else, this crisis does reveal the vast incompetence of Big Government and Big Science. These leaders, these experts, who insist they are qualified to interfere in our lives and micro-manage our affairs, these anointed idiots, have imported Ebola into our country and don’t know how to contain it. They do not know what they are doing.

Look at Obamacare. Does that look to you like they know what they’re doing? Or even care?

These people aren’t competent. They are also without morality.

Tuesday, Election Day, we have a chance to punish a lot of them by voting them out of office.

But you can’t do that by staying home or voting third party. And please, spare me the bromide about what a bad guy I am by voting for the lesser of two evils. Does it make me a better person if I vote for the lesser of three evils instead of two?

It may already be too late to prevent Ebola from establishing a permanent foothold in our country.

But if it does, please remember that it was the Democrats who insisted on importing it, and refused to do the absolute basic Job No. 1 of any government–to protect its citizens from harm.

Meanwhile, it must now be abundantly clear to even the most limited intellect that neither Big Government nor Big Science can live up to its advance billing. They must both be cut down to size. They have too much of our money and only know how to make mischief with it.