Comment Contest: Last Call

Editorial office Black and White Stock Photos & Images - Alamy

Lately I’ve had twinges of nostalgia for my old office at The Bayshore Independent. Roasting hot in summer, ice-cold in winter; no windows; desk, ancient manual typewriter, walls festooned with clippings; old computer half the size of a refrigerator; huge volumes of back issues: a poor thing, perhaps, but my own.

How would you like to have a luxurious office, much nicer than that mess in the picture? Maybe nicer than mine–where Rip Torn once sat for an interview?

I want to wrap up our comment contest by Thanksgiving, so I can begin the annual Christmas Carol Contest. It won’t be easy: we still have some 300 comments to go.

Ordinarily the prize would be one of my books, autographed, or else a nice red T-shirt that says “If they have to kill us, they’ve lost.” But if I can swing it–only if I can swing it–you might win an editorial office of your own. Then all you’d need would be a weekly newspaper you can edit.

All comments are eligible, with these few exceptions: nasty remarks about other readers, ads thinly disguised as comments, or just plain babble. Other than that, anything goes.

Can we get those 300 comments? The lucky reader who posts No. 300 will be the winner.

One can only wait and see.

About That Comment Contest…


Only 527 comments to go before hitting that magic 100,000 mark! And if you’re the one who posts No. Hundred K–well, boy, howdy, you can win a cool T-shirt just like the one pictured above. If the picture weren’t so blurry, you could read it: “If they have to kill us, they’ve lost –Lee Duigon.”

I do hope we can wrap this up before Thanksgiving, when our annual Christmas Carol Contest kicks in.

I gave one of these shirts to someone I know and he is now running a health food store.

Any and all comments are eligible, with the following exceptions: cuss words, abuse of anyone else on this site, thinly-disguised commercials, or stuff that’s just so far out there on the Left, it would be a shame to acknowledge its existence.

Can we do it? Another 500 comments in the next two weeks?

(If you ask me what I mean, that counts as a comment!)

The Next Comment Contest

Quokka Eating Leaves Stock Photo - Download Image Now - Quokka, Animal,  Herbivorous

Don’t get so carried away with eating tasty leaves that you forget to enter the comment contest.

G’day! Byron the Quokka here, with exciting news about our next comment contest. So first examine this picture.

Egypt: Hidden corridor in Great Pyramid of Giza seen for ...

That’s the Great Pyramid, of course–one of the Seven Wonders of the World. See that white stuff on the tip? Yes, we’re working on making that the prize for the next comment contest, for reasons which will soon become obvious. If we play our cards right, the contest winner will be awarded with a luxury apartment way up there!

Currently we’re just short of 99,000 comments; and when we finally hit 100,000, well, that’s a big deal! And whoever posts No. 100,000 deserves a fabulous prize. A luxury apartment atop the Great Pyramid! Your friends will go absolutely mad with envy.

So far today we have no comments, so the field is wide open. You may be the lucky winner!

Let’s see if we can wrap this up by Thanksgiving, when our annual Christmas Carol Contest kicks in.

Win Your Own Sea Serpent!

I’m trying to breathe a little life into this blog. It isn’t easy. But we’re only 3,000 comments away from 100,000, and something ought to mark the occasion.

How’s about we make the prize your very own oarfish? These enormous fish are frequently mistaken for sea serpents; but you can get a little one that’s only twelve feet long or so. They can grow up to 30 feet, so be prepared to enlarge your aquarium.

Shipping costs, don’t ask–like, do you want an oarfish or don’t you? This is for 100,000 comments. Do you think this happens every day?

Any better ideas out there? I’m listening.

We Have a Winner!

King Tutankhamun, facts and information

Sorry, everybody, but the deal fell through (never really got off the ground) and the winner of our comment contest will not, after all, be awarded the gold mask of Tutankhamen… or anybody else’s, either.

Comment No. 96,000 was posted yesterday by Phoebe. She already as the T-shirt, and those little army men who come alive at night while you’re asleep, so I guess her prize will be an autographed copy of Behold! 

To those who complain about the same few people winning all the contests–well, don’t you think I’d like to have scads of readers equally prolific in their comments? The more comments you post, the greater your chance of winning. Most of our regular commenters have already won, some more than once.

The next goal here will be 10o,000 comments. That’s a big flashy number and certainly deserves a prize. Believe me, folks, the door is open for more comments. I only delete obnoxious Far Left crazies; and that’s a public service.

Onward to 100 thou…

Comment Contest: Win a Genuine Viking Ship!

Gokstad Ship: The Story of Norway's Most Famous Viking Ship

Comments on this blog have sort of slowed down, and with the comment contest goal at 96,000 (another thousand to go!), it just seems like it’s taking forever to get there.

Guess I ought to bump up the prize. Like for instance–

Win a Genuine Viking Ship! The lucky reader who posts Comment 96,000 wins a genuine Viking ship, currently on display at some big-time museum in Norway. Vikings come extra, you’ll have to hire them yourself–but the ship itself is free, free, free (plus $85,999,99 for shipping and handling)!

Now you can terrorize the coastline and fill your ship’s hold with plunder!

What’s that you say? A ship of this kind doesn’t have a hold? Hey, go harass a grizzly bear or something–we’re busy here!

Of course, you can still win a cool T-shirt or an autographed book if that’s what you want; but this is probably the only way you can get your hands on a genuine Viking longship.

Heating Up the Comment Contest

Professor hi-res stock photography and images - Alamy

This could be you!

We do have a comment contest going–whoever posts Comment No.96,000 wins–but it’s going rather slowly. I wonder if I need to offer more attractive prizes.

So how about this? The winner of the contest gets a full professorship in Higher Mathematics, with full tenure and fantastic benefits. I was going to say “at a world-class university of your choice,” but I’m not quite sure I can swing it. But they do have an opening at Fatzovich U. in Bukharin City, Kazakhstan, and I expect we can offer that.

Otherwise the winner will have to be content with either an autographed copy of one of my books or a nice red T-shirt that says “If They Have to Kill Us, They’ve Lost.”

So let’s get cracking with that contest, before that opening at Fatzovich gets filled by some casual passerby. All comments are eligible except for nasty or silly stuff that cheeses off everybody else.

(No, Byron, I cannot see my way to offering a bicycle.)

Comment Contest: Fabulous Prizes!

Actually it’s just one prize, but holy moly!

The Peacock Throne and today's date…. – A New Beginning

Win the legendary Peacock Throne of Persia! I mean, if these delicate negotiations go just right. You never know when those guys are gonna back out of a deal.

But first somebody has to post Comment No. 96,000 on this blog, and then we’ll see about prizes. Just imagine, though–you’ve got the Peacock Throne! Set it up in your yard and watch people bow down as they pass: they won’t be able to help themselves.

Our you could win an autographed copy of one of my books (your choice), or a cool T-shirt that says “If they have to kill us, they’ve lost.”

Sorry, we are not offering live peacocks. The neighbors complain about live peacocks.


Win Fantastic Prizes!

3,079 Catapult Stock Photos - Free & Royalty-Free Stock ...

Your own working catapult, for instance…

I wonder if the problem with the contests that I offer here is that the prizes just don’t turn people on. An autographed book, for instance. Where’s the fun in that?

Here are a few prizes that have been suggested by persons who don’t know what they’re talking about.

Cloak of Invisibility. For one thing, I can’t post a picture of it because it’s invisible. It costs a fortune and is super-easy to lose. And also you can’t put it on backwards because then it makes everything invisible to you.

Full-scale working catapult. Show your neighbors who’s boss! This catapult can hurl a 100-pound stone a full 300 feet. And you don’t need a license for it! Don’t believe me? Stop in at your local police station and ask how to get a catapult license.

The key to Fort Knox. Not allowed, actually. The government will just make you hand it over. They’re very touchy about that.

Magic helmet that grants wishes. Sorry, but they stopped making these some 20 years ago and some doofus wished they’d forget how to make them.

Besides which, our Christmas Carol Contest has as its purpose to spread Christmas cheer and get us ready for the Christmas season. Let’s keep those carol nominations coming.

Win a Ph. D. in Nothing Studies!

Propeller Beanies With Optional Motors And Neck Clamps (Hella Chic)

Believe it or not, we have only 20 comments to go to Comment No. 91,000 and a winner in our comment contest!

To sweeten the pot, I have asked Fimbo University to provide a free doctoral degree in Nothing Studies. Be the envy of every single person you have ever known! And, unlike Joe Collidge himself, you won’t have to spend a minute in a classroom. All you have to do is be the lucky reader who posts Comment No. 91,000!

And if the deal falls through, there are still nifty prizes available–1) an autographed copy of one of my books, or 2) a cool T-shirt that says “If they have to kill us, they’ve lost,” or 3) a little bag of plastic army men. But you’ve gotta be in it to win it!

We were also looking at a deed to the Taj Mahal, but someone in the Indian government has let us down. Fap!