Tag Archives: new pronouns

Our New Yeer’s rezzalutoins!!

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Whell, jist in Time,, i joyned our collidge’s Pro Choyce Cacas! and thay has gived Us “alll” a liszt of New Yeer’s Rezzalutoins!! The Pro Choyce Cacas thay maded al Our “choyces” fore us,; how grate is that??? Al wee has to do Is “obay” themb!!!

And hear thay are!

We Rezolfe to whare only “the” Cloathes the Cacas says we “has” got to whare Evry Day!!

We Rezolfes to reed “The” Handmade’s Tail over and ovar agin and keap Reeding it so we know “it bye” hart!!

We rezolfes to get Inta Canfrontaycions whith christins and conserfatiffs Evry Day and keap Doingit “untill” thay Minds thay are rihght!!!

We rezolfes to go to Bed evry Nihght wen the Cacas say we shuld!

We rezolfe only “to” use themb brandnew Pro Nouns that the Cacas thay has jist maded Up,: like Gzee and Gzaa and Gzuu and Lunnabunna and a “lot of” Others,, i has not yett Bin Abel to memberyze themb alll, “thay are” for al the New Genders that has got “to be” Re-speckted!!! Al themb Old Pro Nouns thay “are” Trans Foabbick!!

Aslo we has got to say “the” F Bomb at leest Oncet in evry sentints becose this hear it Willl aleavvyate globbal Povverte and Sex Ism!! I all reddy started Doingit but that stopid lee he is “goingto” deeleet al my F Balms!! [Editor’s note: You got that right, Joe.]

And aslo tooo we Rezolfe to Hate all the hatters and biggits That are “arond” hear on the Campas and to Hate themb “until” thay jist Drop Dedd!!!!!

So thoze thay are all “The” Rezzalutoins that The Pro Choyce Cacas thay has choze for us!!


The New, All-Purpose, All-Gender Pronoun

Do we really want to be filling up our jails with persons whose only crime was to use the wrong pronoun, and so offend a Transgendered Person? [Editor’s Note: there is no such thing as a “transgendered person.” There are only persons who say they are transgendered persons.] Oh, sure, it’s a crime, all right. But why should honest armed robbers, carjackers, murderers, and thieves have to share their cells with these hate-crime merchants?

But one thing government can do is actually make it impossible to commit this particular hate-crime! Huh? you say. How? you cry. Simple!

Just plug in this sound every time you need to use a pronoun. It will serve for all possible pronouns. Everybody is able to make this sound, although I have no idea how to spell it. Maybe it can’t be spelled. So let this symbol, (&), represent this sound:

There we have it! What could be easier? “Poor Sandy! Did you hear what happened to (&)? Well, (&) was downstairs and (&) phone rang and when (&) ran up to get it, (&) fell…” As if by magic, all hate-crime pronouns disappear.

Indeed, the same general principle might be applied to ALL objectionable language! “(&) think (&) (&) (&)…”

And no one ever need be offended again.


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