‘”Higher Education”: A Model That Can’t Work’ (2018)

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Cerberus, in case you were wondering

Somehow, years ago, America blundered into the delusion that everybody–yes, everybody–ought to go to college. Why everybody ought to go to college was never made clear. ‘Cause Cerberus’ll getcha, if ya don’t?

‘Higher Education’: A Model That Can’t Work

So you wind up with two million dullards with degrees in Nothing Studies, and more debt than they’ll ever be able to pay off–especially with their microscopic earning power–and then what? But that’s another one of those questions that no one has answered.

I think I’d rather face Cerburus than our current education system.

‘Work Wanted (College Grad)’ (2016)

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The hills are alive… with college graduates trying to find jobs. Or not. Work blows. “Gee, I never had to do any work to get my Gender Studies degree. Why should I have to work now??? Ya mean no one’s gonna give me free money?”

Time to check out the bulletin board.


‘Hiring a Social Justice Warrior’

I keep telling you we’re going to have a colossal social problem, trying to figure out what to do with millions of college graduates who are unemployable, ignorant, confrontational, lazy, and, in the words of the personnel guy in this video, “insufferably annoying.”

And that’s putting it mildly.

She Took on All that Student Debt…for You

So… “why did she” take on all that student debt, earning a degree in heaven-knows-what, for some reason they won’t tell us–but why did she go so deep into the hole?

For you, you sucker. Because she wanted to work for you.

I hope you had a barf bag handy.

Yes, those long hours of molding Play-Doh into vaguely familiar shapes, learning newfangled pronouns that your Gender Studies faculty just made up the other day, all those protests, all that cramming for your final exam in Superhero Comic Book Studies, all that tearing your hair out because you didn’t get a trigger warning in advance and the misogyny in The Great Gatsby just knocked you for a loop…

She did it because she wanted to work for you.

And hey, the least you can do, Mr. Employer–oops, oops, my bad! should never say “mister”!–after you’ve hired this brand-new college graduate–who may or may not show up on time, or show up for work at all, on any given day; who will either dissolve into hysterical tears or erupt into fury if she hears anyone say anything she doesn’t like; who will demand that you treat her with kid gloves–the very, very least you can do is…

Help her pay off all that student debt! I mean, it’s only Social Justice! You pay the debt, sunshine! And here’s what you get for it.