‘Whiny Students Demand Warning Labels on Literary Classics’ (2015)

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Yeah, they can’t stand violence.

How did we ever reach this cultural nadir?

Whiny Students Demand Warning Labels on Literary Classics

One thing we do know: we never would’ve got there without our colleges and universities.  More than any other factor, our country’s “education” system–the costliest in world history–has flooded the land with babbling idiots.

In 2015 they wanted warning labels on classic works of literature. We see what they do when they’re turned loose in the street–and they want us to believe they’ll keel right over if they’re exposed to “violence” in The Great Gatsby?

We have a fighting chance to save our civilization–if we defund the colleges and universities, and break the teachers’ unions.

‘Whiny Students Demand Warning Labels on Literary Classics’ (2015)

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Every now and then I wonder if the d*****bags running our colleges and universities are trying on purpose to turn their students into completely useless wastes of space. Like, for instance, when they encourage the little bozos to be afraid of what they might read in The Great Gatsby.

https://leeduigon.com/2015/06/12/whiny-students-demand-warning-labels-on-literary-classics/

“Warning! This literary classic contains depictions of activities other than shaping Play-Doh with cookie cutters and babbling about how to Save The Planet. Reader discretion is advised. If triggered into trauma, contact emergency services.”

Yeah–I think they’re doing it on purpose.

‘Whiny Students Demand Warning Labels on Literary Classics’ (2015)

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I’m still trying to understand why kids who grow up playing Zombie Blood ‘n’ Guts Holocaust every day wind up cringing in fear at The Great Gatsby. It seems some mysterious and fearful thing happens to them, the moment they enter college.

https://leeduigon.com/2015/06/12/whiny-students-demand-warning-labels-on-literary-classics/

Well, I’ve heard Rutgers students this semester are objecting to the nursery rhyme, “Jack and Jill went up the hill,” on the grounds that it’s heteronormative, ableist, sexist, racist, and harmful to the bacteria that live in college students’ brains.

We wont tollarate Triger werds!!

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We has grate news to-day!! Hear at Collidge the Inglish Depotmint have releesed a Dishin alongg whith “the” reglur List of Prohabbited O’fensive Gender Pacific nounds “And” pro-nounds like father; mother; him, her, me, my and alll. This Dishin it “is” a List of Triger Werds that no boddy thay “are aloud” to say or rite becose it wil Triger a Pisycho Loggicle Troma and if yiu says them yiu wil “has to” get Sensertiffidy Traning!!!

Hear is The Dishin i has coppyed it jist as the Inglish Depotmint thay printid it althohgh thare mihght Be “some” werds that isnt Speled careckly–:,

Artachoke Ballony Daffadill Glad Grasp (whatevver “that” meens!) In Doors Kid Lihght Noze On Peepee Pleaze Quarter Seven Untill Wite and thare is aslo some “otthers” butt i cudnt reed Them becose it taked Too long! Iff any boddy thay says them,, yiu has “to” re-port it to “the” Byus Responts Teem and Thay willl “punnish” that o’fensive Racist.

Yiu has got to edmit Our Collidges thay making “Treemendus” Progresst becose us Intrallecturals we Know “how” to combatt Racism and Sexism and aslo we has band Man-tarrupting and Man-splaning it is probly “A good Thing” for me, oops! that I amb not axackly a Man any moar! i amb part Moth fromb all them Hoarmoans that “got” Shot into me oops! Got to stop “sayin” Me or thare wil Be trubble.

 

Shaksphere he Was A Racist!!

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I has got to luaghh at al them Shaksphere prefessers thay “tern Out” to be Not Interllectural affter al becose Now thay complaning abote Triggre Warnings and aslo thay Dont “evin” know Shaksphere he had was A Racist!!!

Wee lernt al abote “it in” Socile Jutstus 101 how he dint evin rite them Stopid Plays but insted thay was writt By a Muzlim Lesbian LBGTQU wimmin from Affricka he keeped Her “in” his seller as A Slav!!!! She wrote al them playes!! evry last “one of” them!

Socile Jutstus it sayes yiu got to has Triggre Warnings on evrything and That “is” only rihght becose ohtherwyse somboddy thay mihght reed somthing Or here somthing and “it wil” Tramatyze them!! so waht’s The “big deel”??? Yiu jist put on Al “the” Triggre Warnings and then thay Can stil stoddy watever Is Left Over! Like thare Is this one play caled Tight As Ann Dronickus it is abote Cannables thay ete eech Other and aslo some Murders,, wel yiu jist Putt duckt Tape over al them Parts and only stoddy the Rest all thogh whye any boddy thay wuld “want to” stoddy any thing buy a Wite Priblidge Guy Like Shaksphere it must Be Becose thay “are” jist Racists and Knotsys and aslo Biggits.

So us reel Interllecturals we going To get Auntyfa to jist beet Up any boddy whoo dont want no Triggre Warnings and wen Hillery she Is pressadint she wil jist get ridd of Shaksphere all togedder!!!

Trigger Warnings Galore!

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Academics at Cambridge, one of the oldest and most prestigious universities in the English-speaking world, are beginning to have second thoughts about attaching “trigger warnings” to every cotton-pickin’ thing–especially to William Shakespeare’s plays (http://www.foxnews.com/world/2017/10/19/cambridge-university-slammed-over-shakespeare-trigger-warnings.html).

See, the idea is to help students avoid hearing or reading anything that they might possibly find to be at all distressing. Not knowing what traumatic experiences any one of thousands of students might have had way back, while in his/her/xer cradle, and wishing at all costs to spare them any reminders of such unhappy times, they pretty much have to trigger-warning everything.

True, Shakespeare’s plays do feature every kind of mayhem you can think of, great heaping portions of it; but if it’s going to bother you that much, why study Shakespeare at all?

But it’s not just The Bard. Would you believe it? Even law lectures, about crime, are trigger-warninged so that law students don’t ever have to hear about some of the things that criminals actually do.

One might agree, at no cost to his self-respect, that Shakespeare’s Titus Andronicus, featuring rape, murder, mutilation, and cannibalism, is hardly suitable for a dinner theater program. But we are talking about students who grew up playing Zombie Apocalypse all day and watching ‘Game of Thrones’ all night. They might find Titus Andronicus too tame for them.

But then they get to collidge and run around like chickens with their heads cut off because they’ve been taught that they are precious little snowflakes who will melt upon exposure to even the slightest heat. It’s really quite a transformation. I wonder how they do it.

Higher education: making the whole world dumber by the day.

She Took on All that Student Debt…for You

So… “why did she” take on all that student debt, earning a degree in heaven-knows-what, for some reason they won’t tell us–but why did she go so deep into the hole?

For you, you sucker. Because she wanted to work for you.

I hope you had a barf bag handy.

Yes, those long hours of molding Play-Doh into vaguely familiar shapes, learning newfangled pronouns that your Gender Studies faculty just made up the other day, all those protests, all that cramming for your final exam in Superhero Comic Book Studies, all that tearing your hair out because you didn’t get a trigger warning in advance and the misogyny in The Great Gatsby just knocked you for a loop…

She did it because she wanted to work for you.

And hey, the least you can do, Mr. Employer–oops, oops, my bad! should never say “mister”!–after you’ve hired this brand-new college graduate–who may or may not show up on time, or show up for work at all, on any given day; who will either dissolve into hysterical tears or erupt into fury if she hears anyone say anything she doesn’t like; who will demand that you treat her with kid gloves–the very, very least you can do is…

Help her pay off all that student debt! I mean, it’s only Social Justice! You pay the debt, sunshine! And here’s what you get for it.

 

College Rules Gorillas ‘Too Masculine’

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Banned! For being too “masculine” and “not inclusive” enough…

Why do I keep saying that if you actually care about them and don’t want them turned into idiots, you shouldn’t send your sons or daughters to a public university?

Well, an official at the University of Kansas has ruled that gorillas can’t be included in a jungle-themed floor decoration in a dorm because gorillas are…get this… “too masculine” and “not inclusive” enough (  http://www.campusreform.org/?ID=8171 ).

Oh, if only there were transgender gorillas! Or at least some really gay gorillas. Then college kiddies could see a jungle picture with a gorilla in it. But if their eyes should happen to fall upon the image of a, well, regular gorilla–ooh! And without even a trigger warning! We’re gonna need a bigger Safe Space!

I keep thinking these are actually satires that I’m writing, no pack of “educators” could actually be so asinine. But they are, and this is not a satire.

People who care about their sons and daughters shouldn’t send them to the University of Kansas.

Oh, and go ahead, you libs and progs out there–explain to the rest of us why this is such a good thing. If you can.

Whiny Students Demand Warning Labels on Literary Classics

At the start of the 2014-15 school year, which we’re just finishing now, collidge students throughout this great land demanded “trigger warnings” be posted on books of literature, textbooks, or any other kind of potentially upsetting material that might send a poor, defenseless student spiraling into post-traumatic stress disorder. At my own alma mater, Rutgers–they’re always trying to hit me up for money, and I always say no–some budding interllectural called for a warning label to be slapped on to The Great Gatsby on account of its “gory, abusive, and mysogynistic violence” ( http://www.nytimes.com/2014/05/18/us/warning-the-literary-canon-could-make-students-squirm.html ).

Please don’t stop to consider how the same people who grow up playing Zombie Holocaust every waking moment turn into dainty little drips who can’t read The Great Gatsby because it might be too scary for them.

This has caught on at various universities, nationwide. At the U. of California, Santa Barbara, the student government formally demanded that “trigger warnings” be placed on all sorts of reading material.

You don’t know what a trigger warning is? Don’t blame yourself. The term was invented only recently and is only used by morons in the academic world. Not at all surprisingly, the warnings “have their ideological roots in feminist thought,” according to the New York Times. Of course.

Oberlin College published a guide to trigger warnings, containing this jewel of wisdom:

“Triggers are not only relevant to sexual misconduct, but also to anything that might cause trauma… racism, classism, heterosexism, cissexism, ableism, and other means of privilege and oppression…”

I wonder which is worse–cissexism or ableism?

But here’s the kicker: someday, blithering idiots who know all about cissexism and ableism, and can go rattling on about them for hours, will be old enough to vote and hold public office. They will become the next generation of teachers, noozies, lawyers, judges, and bureaucrats.

Be afraid. Be very afraid.