‘”Higher Education”: A Model That Can’t Work’ (2018)

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Cerberus, in case you were wondering

Somehow, years ago, America blundered into the delusion that everybody–yes, everybody–ought to go to college. Why everybody ought to go to college was never made clear. ‘Cause Cerberus’ll getcha, if ya don’t?

‘Higher Education’: A Model That Can’t Work

So you wind up with two million dullards with degrees in Nothing Studies, and more debt than they’ll ever be able to pay off–especially with their microscopic earning power–and then what? But that’s another one of those questions that no one has answered.

I think I’d rather face Cerburus than our current education system.

College Costs: the Horror, the Horror

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Yesterday at the vet’s, when I heard what my bill was going to be–round it off to $500–I could not repress an exclamation. “Holy cow! I used to get a whole year at Rutgers, for that kind of money!”

Behind the counter, a woman’s eyebrows shot up almost high enough to stick to the ceiling.

“Five hundred dollars?” she cried. “You went to Rutgers for $500?”

“Well, yeah, that’s what it cost me, per year.”

She waved her hands. “I’m paying $24,000 a year!”

That’s 48 times what I paid. I wonder if the education is 48 times better.

“You shouldn’t have to pay for schooling,” said the other staffer. I don’t know what planet she thought she was on.

“People don’t value things that they don’t have to pay for,” I said. “So, yes, you should pay for your college. But not that much! Nowhere near that much!”

Really! Say you fritter away four years at Rutgers, although nowadays more and more people seem to need five years instead of four to get a bachelor’s degree. Four years at Rutgers, and you’ve spent $96,000 (not counting a multitude of mandatory fees). You’re either in the hole for it yourself, or your family’s in the hole for it, or you’ve got a whopping great student loan that you have to pay back somehow.

How do you even get a start in life, with that kind of monkey–or rather, 800-lb. gorilla–on your back?

“Yeahbut-yeahbut-yeahbut! That’s why we need universal student debt forgiveness! And free college tuition for all!”

Pure prattle. No matter what they do, someone’s still going to get left holding the bag. The only question is, who? My money’s on the undefended taxpayer.

Twenty-four gees, just to sit there getting a general college education. The real stuff, like engineering, say, costs more. The twenty-four big ones is for studying the marxist feminist aspects of that stuff that builds up between your toes.

And saints preserve us from the stuff that builds up between your ears!

(Old joke: “I thought this was supposed to make me smarter! By Jove, I’ve wasted all that money!” Reply: “See? You’re getting smarter already.”)

So Who Gets Stuck with the $1.5 Trillion Tab?

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What’s missing from this picture?

Democrat presidential candidates say canceling a total of $1.5 trillion in college student debt will stimulate the economy (https://fortune.com/2019/11/29/student-debt-cancellation-plans-economy/). Instead of shelling out $500 a month to repay student loans, all these Stupid Studies grads are going to go out and buy homes and cars, etc.

So where does the $1.5 trillion go? Does it just disappear? Who’s going to wind up paying it?

Uh… you do! You and I and all the rest of the suckers who didn’t take out enormous loans to go to college.

Doesn’t sound too stimulating to me.

Wait a sec, I have a better idea.

Defund the colleges and looniversities. Stop pouring money into them–federal grants and tuition payments. Discard this preposterous idea that everybody has to go to freakin’ college.

If you really want to stimulate the economy, big-time, and save our culture while you’re at it, get the government out of the “education” business altogether. If we must have public education–really, must we?–return control of it to the local communities where it belongs.

Cancel Everyone’s Student Debt???

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Some ideas are so profoundly awful, they just won’t go away.

New York Magazine is now beating the drum to cancel student debt and “make public universities free” (http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2018/02/lets-cancel-everyones-student-debt-for-the-economys-sake.html). It’s the usual leftid tripe: “We Must Cancel Everyone’s Student Debt, for the Economy’s Sake.” Like they really care about the economy.

So, we’ve got, according to this article, 44 million people burdened with $1.4 trillion in collidge student debt–and we ought to just write it off, like that would make it go away, and in so doing, expand the job market somehow, maybe by magic, and get rid of “the racial wealth gap,” blah-blah. Yeah: the job market is just dying to employ tens of millions of otherwise unemployable grads with masters’ degrees in Women’s Studies and Bald Chicano Gender Studies, etc. That’ll work.

But I think there is a way to write off all that debt and let these people get on with their lives. It entails a great big trade-off.

In return for canceling student debt–which only means that the $1.4 trillion monkey will be placed on the backs of the rest of us–we get to end the whole student loan program, no more college loans for anyone, and stop all government funding to the looniversities. That will balance out the $1.4 trillion and put an end to what so-called higher education is doing to our country–filling it with tens of millions of chip-on-the-shoulder, heads-full-of-toxic-mush, no-work-ethic college grads with degrees in Nothing Studies. It will also un-employ multitudes of academics who hate this country anyway and are every bit as useless as their students. Let ’em pump gas, or work as Wal-Mart greeters. They might redeem themselves with honest work.

Looks like a square deal to me.

I Amb redy For Halaweeen!!

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Wel tonite “is” Halaweeen and Tomarrow it is Laber Day and us Interllecturals and Socile Jutstus Wirers we Are redy for it!!

I hasnt got anny Cotstomb becose i alredy got My Moth Antenners from al themb Moth Hoarmoans thay shute me up with and aslo i culdnt Think “of” an cotstomb that didnt Have “no” Cultcheral Apropation it Is jist tarrable wen yiu apropates some Poor Minorty’s cultcher so yiu Cant dres Up “as” a Which Docter or nothin!! butt it dont Mater becose We “Are” going to doo a spatial Kind “of” Trick Or Treeting!

This Halaween Nite my frends And Me wee are “going” “to” Ockupie al them stoares Downtown in Town al them No Good Captilist Bisnissmans and make Them Pay off ore Stodent Debtt!!!! that is reel Socile Jutstus!! Yiu seee we “are” Doin stopid lowsy Americka a Big Fayver jist bye Us goin to Collidge and no whay We has Got “to” pay four It our selfs!! Thay has alredy maked Enuhgh monny and Now thay got to pay!!! We wil Not go awway untill “thay” Pays it ether!!!

And then some Racist Biggit she come allong “and” she sayed we al stopid and Halaweeen it Isnt To’nite so somboddy in Auntyfa thay jist beet her Up and that wil ficks her and Her Whyte Prifflidge!!!

She Took on All that Student Debt…for You

So… “why did she” take on all that student debt, earning a degree in heaven-knows-what, for some reason they won’t tell us–but why did she go so deep into the hole?

For you, you sucker. Because she wanted to work for you.

I hope you had a barf bag handy.

Yes, those long hours of molding Play-Doh into vaguely familiar shapes, learning newfangled pronouns that your Gender Studies faculty just made up the other day, all those protests, all that cramming for your final exam in Superhero Comic Book Studies, all that tearing your hair out because you didn’t get a trigger warning in advance and the misogyny in The Great Gatsby just knocked you for a loop…

She did it because she wanted to work for you.

And hey, the least you can do, Mr. Employer–oops, oops, my bad! should never say “mister”!–after you’ve hired this brand-new college graduate–who may or may not show up on time, or show up for work at all, on any given day; who will either dissolve into hysterical tears or erupt into fury if she hears anyone say anything she doesn’t like; who will demand that you treat her with kid gloves–the very, very least you can do is…

Help her pay off all that student debt! I mean, it’s only Social Justice! You pay the debt, sunshine! And here’s what you get for it.


What’ll We Do With Millenials?

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We have a gigantic social problem looming over our country.

What are we to do with millenials?

Recent college graduates, tens of thousands of them, with their whole lives yet to live–can’t hold jobs, can’t tolerate even the most trivial adversity, saturated with an ideology that is opposed to everything America stands for, unable to relate to people as individuals but only as representatives of this or that group, guaranteed and certified 100% useless–what in the world are we supposed to do with them?

Don’t get me wrong. I enjoy the company of teens and tweens, provided they haven’t been turned upside-down and inside-out by our culture and our schools. I wish I had more of you guys visiting this blog, to pep it up a little.

No, I’m talking about young people with degrees in Gender Studies and Social Justice, burdened by a load of student debt, who go stampeding for the Play-Doh and the Safe Space at the first little hitch in life that comes along, who want a participation trophy just for breathing. You can’t talk to them without triggering a trauma. And if you can imagine them trying to bring up children of their own, you have a more vivid imagination than I do.

So what are we supposed to do with them? They won’t be able to support themselves. Imagine hiring Joe Collidge to do anything more complex than sweep the floor.

I wish I knew the answer to that question.

I Got a Job!!!

Imajjin how up set i Was this weeek wehn I fond out my dad he got a lowyer and somhow my dad he got oute of payin my Stodent Dedt and he stuck me with it!!!! For my frist 5 yeers hear at Collidge now i got to pay them $150,000 dollers!

Wel i toled my prefesser abuot it and “he” sayed No promble, “yiu can Work Offf this” dedt, thare is a new Job opening with the Collidge at its Haul of Scentiffick Exspearmints! Al yuo got” to doo is sit in a cage and peple thay wil pay to Wach yiu eat sox and undies and aslo to seee yore Moth antenners growin out of yore four head! and i sayed “A Cage, yiu meen lyke in a zooo???” But he sayed the Cage wil jist be to proteck me from stopid peple tryin to grab my Antenners to seee if thay is reel which thay is and that wuld Hurt!! And he sayed “It wil bee the most interllectural thing yiu” has ever done!!

Thare is other Scentiffick exibbits in the Haul aslo, next to me thare is a life Size Dummy of Donold Trump and iff yiu payed them 50 scents yiu Can stick “a” pin in it! And thare is aslo a Wite Privlidge Booth ware yuo pay a $doller and go inside and get cussed at enuf to last yiu All Weeek!

So my frist day at my New Job this old guy he sayes “Wel how abuot that! a genuwine old-fashened Geek!” and i sayed “yiu meen” a geek like a computer guy? and he sayed No, “backe in the Old days a Geek was sombody you payed to wach Him” bite off chickin’s head!” But its allmost as good he sayed “to wach you eet a pare of Undies” and Wiggle them Antenners” round and round!

So that is My job now and i get payed 5 $dollers a day so i can pay offf my Dedt in no time! and probly i wil get A raise affter i got My “degreee in” Gender Studdies wich shuld be any yeeer now!


Is It Time for College to Die Out?


Our university system is a dinosaur; and it’s getting awfully expensive to feed this dinosaur. Is it time for college to die out?

In a word–yes.

With over $1 trillion in student debt weighing down our economy, with kids sitting in college classrooms for five years, maybe six, and coming out with degrees in Gender Studies and $200,000 in the hole, what are we getting out of our university system?

According to the Education Testing Service, the outfit that administers the SATs, precious little ( http://fortune.com/2015/03/10/american-millennials-are-among-the-worlds-least-skilled/ ). ETS tested for job skills among persons 16 to 65 years old, in 23 countries; and the scores posted by American “millenials” (born after 1980) were described by ETS as “abysmal.”

What can’t our college students and recent graduates do? ETS found they really stink at literacy (including the ability to follow simple instructions), practical math, and “problem-solving in a technology-rich environment.”

Look, folks, this is what happens when you decide that everybody–yes, everybody–has to go to college and get some kind of degree. So the college system expands enormously to take in millions of students who have no  bent for scholarship and really need to be out in the real world, getting work experience. You know they’re not going to be able to earn degrees in engineering or Renaissance poetry or physics, so you keep ’em sitting in the classroom for four or five years of prolonged adolescence until they are rewarded with altogether useless degrees in altogether useless pseudo-subjects.

The university was originally set up for scholarship, and scholarship is not for everybody. Many are desperately bored by it.

So you wind up with these millions of young people who can’t do bupkus, who’ll never get out of debt, who live at home and occasionally work part-time.

You also wind up with a whole class of nudnicks who are good for absolutely nothing but “teaching” useless subjects to students who turn out to be useless.

Please don’t argue that someone needs a college degree to get started in a career in any field, you just gotta have one…

ETS has proved you wrong.