From December 29, 2024
A man walked into a bank a few days ago in Loveland, Colorado, and tried to rob it,,, but the teller couldn’t read his holdup note. As the teller struggled to decipher it, the would-be robber lost patience and walked out empty-handed. Police are still looking for him.
But dig this scene from Woody Allen’s 1970 comedy, Take the Money and Run. Art anticipates real life!
And they said a nice legible handwriting was a luxury…
From March 15, 2017
Well, I’m back from my walk, and good and cold: lotsa Man-Made Climbit Change today.
Yesterday Linda alerted us to a new “gender-inclusive coloring book” for children, The Adventures of Toni the Tampon, which teaches children that men can menstruate. (http://www.nowtheendbegins.com/liberal-insanity-new-book-toni-the-tampon-teaches-children-men-can-menstruate/) Is it really necessary to say that this is wicked foolishness?
Somewhere out there must be someone with enough public clout to offer a $10,000 cash prize to any man who can prove that he can, and does, menstruate. And women who say they’re men, because they’re nuts, aren’t eligible. Let’s see how long it takes for some guy to win the prize.
Did anyone notice that all this transgender hooey shifted into high gear after the Supreme Court stuck us with same-sex pseudomarriage? There is no appeasing these people, these culture-killers. God only knows what they’ll demand, after they get what they want by way of legitimizing “gender fluidity.” Please, Lord, grant that we never find out!
We need to find some way of protecting our children from this evil; and it probably involves protecting them from what we laughingly call “public education.”
From March 3, 2023
And if there’s no one else to push down, you’re out of luck.
Do you believe this? Sheesh, it’s getting harder and harder to tell what’s satire and what’s… well, “news.”
The National Park Service’s official Twitter account has advised park visitors “Never push a slower friend down” in a bear encounter (https://freerepublic.com/focus/f-chat/4135399/posts)… because “feeding another human to a bear is never the answer.”
So if you and your hiking partner should be chased by a bear, it’s really bad form to shove the slower human to the ground so you can escape while he (or she) gets eaten. Although how they would know you’d done that–unless someone else saw you–is a mystery.
Has this actually been a problem over the years? Or has the National Park Service, like so many other departments of the government these days, become infested with kooks and dindles who have no idea what they’re supposed to be doing? “They may be idiots, but we really need more [plug in your favorite grievance group] in government service!”
They’ll get nice pensions, though. If they can avoid getting eaten by bears.
From November 15, 2019
Oh, we shoulda listened to Isaac Asimov! Instead, it’s going all Terminator on us.
At the China International Hi-Tech Fair recently, a robot that was supposed to be an “educational tool” launched itself through a glass display case and made a frenzied attack on an innocent bystander, who was slightly injured (https://www.rt.com/viral/367426-robot-attack-china-technology/). We are unable to confirm reports that the robot growled “Die, human, die!”
I dunno, it doesn’t look so fierce to me. It looks kinda like R2D2 from Star Wars. Which reminds me–What does R2D2 take when he has a cold? Robotussin! But I digress.
It should be pointed out that some killjoy who doesn’t want us to have any fun with the nooze says the robot crashed through the display case because somebody mixed up the “forward” and “back” buttons, hit the one when he should’ve hit the other. We would rather read that the robot’s Artificial Intelligence took it upon itself to add a blood-lust program. “He must’ve programmed himself to do that!” Just because those immortal words originated in Godzilla vs. Megalon doesn’t mean they aren’t true.
Just to be on the safe side, steer clear of hi-tech fairs and bring no robots into your home. ‘Cause you never know when they might program themselves to be smarter than you and take away your stuff.
From October 23, 2016
See what happens when we don’t pay carbon tax?
The United Nations Special Panel of Smart People has brought forth evidence that Climate Change is causing statues all over the world to come to life and scare people.
“This here is a genuine consequence of Global Warming,” said Special Secretary Smart Guy Harry Hairball, “and it sure ain’t going to stop unless all them folks is throwed into jail for Climate Change Denial. Now do you believe us when we say you got to pay new taxes? Or would you rather some big old statue come busting down your door?”
Hairball said “We got lots of video proving that statues they are coming to life all over the place, and it’s all on account of Global Warming and anybody who don’t say so, they better watch out because Loretta Lynch has got her eye on them.”
Hairball added that no journalists will be allowed to view the video unless they swear an oath to preach Man-Made Global Warming.
Very nearly all journalists have already done so.
I had a bad night last night, but today’s weather was cool and refreshing, so I went outside to enjoy a cigar.
By and by, I saw something.
At the end of our sidewalks stands a mighty tree, a sycamore… and today it had a face on it. (Uh-oh! He’s getting loopy.) Yeah, I know. But I’m not talking about a new Mount Rushmore.
For this tree has a face. You have to look closely, and then you’ll see it. The mouth is in a grimace, the eyes are scrunched half shut, and the nose is wrinkled. I wash I had a photo.
It won’t be there tomorrow, of course. Things like that never are.
Do you know what your trees get up to, when you aren’t looking?
(Thanks to Susan for the nooze tip.)
“The World Humanoid Robot Games,” aka “Robot Olympics–is there any reason for this? Some 75,000 “students” from 95 countries attended this most recent one. In China–why does that not surprise me?
The robots are constructed by Lego. They’ve been doing this since 2004.
I don’t get it. Is this the successor for Krazy Ikes? (Here’s a picture of Krazy Ikes, if you’re not old enough to remember them.:
(Come to think of it, they do strongly resemble Lego.)
Are Lego robots a huge advance over human Olympians who saturate themselves with steroids? Or are they a takeoff on human beings in general–makes us laugh without knowing why?
I’m voting for the latter–and it gives me the heebie-jeebies.
South Carolina’s next governor?
I suppose I can run one more post before I see the doctor.
Gee, for some reason the Democrats want him to step down.
The candidate, one William McLeod, when confronted by police, referred to himself as “God” and “Superman.” I didn’t know either of them was on the ballot. And Superman seems to have lost his cape.
The arrest occurred in May. The whole incident was recorded by police dash cam footage.
Where do Democrats find their candidates?
Somewhere a village is missing its idiot.
(Here comes the Thing!)
We seem to be piling up bizarre and distressing nooze stories. Have people forgotten how to behave themselves?
This month in Danville, VA, a nut burst into a lawyer’s office and doused the occupant with five gallons of gasoline (https://www.thegatewaypundit.com/2025/07/breaking-virginia-lawmaker-doused-gasoline-set-fire-his/). The victim managed to run outside, but the attacker caught him and set him on fire. By some miracle of Providence, the victim hasn’t died. Police have released very little in the way of information. Only that “the attack appears to be personal.”
So what’s going on? Is it just the social media jacking things up as they compete for views; or is our culture really melting down? You’ve got a problem with someone, so you kill him?
I just heard a website host ballyhoo his site for its “true crime” offerings, as if it were some form of entertainment. (“As if?” Hum baby!)
I think I’ll sit outside and try not to think about it.
[Why The Thing? Well, they set the Thing on fire, didn’t they? But that was before anybody realized you didn’t have to wait for a flying saucer to land before you torched somebody.]
I don’t know about you, but I could use some fun today. And here it is.
Alternative history! What if the Roman legions had been composed of… mini dachshunds? There’d still be a Roman Empire, wouldn’t there? Such iron discipline! Those Huns and Gauls and Visigoths wouldn’t have stood a chance.
There’s a rumor going around that this video is AI-generated. Pshaw! Anyone who’s ever tried to train a bunch of dachshunds in classic Roman military tactics can tell you different.