Robbie Update

robbie picture

We’ve finally heard from the vet (no one was able to get to the office yesterday). Robbie’s blood work is in. Her numbers are a little better, but she’s not out of the woods yet: we must slightly increase the dosage of her thyroid medicine. She’s 14 years old, and more dramatic treatment is out of the question.

But she still likes to run up the stairs full-tilt after using the litter box, and in most other ways seems her normal self. Fun is still fun, as far as she’s concerned. But she needs to put some weight back on.

Holy smoke–it is quarter to two already?

I wish I had a sled.

I Couldn’t Do It

Shovel Snow Pile High Resolution Stock Photography and Images - Alamy

Well, the moment of truth has come and gone, and I just couldn’t shovel out Patty’s car: couldn’t even shovel my way to it. We had some freezing rain on top of the snow, and it made the snow very, very heavy.

My wife, my editor, and my neighbor all warned me off taking on this job, so that was a vote of 3-0, the nays have it. I did try, but thought it wise not to try too hard.

I love snow, but this is too much of a good thing. How we’re going to get out to buy groceries is a mystery to me.

Once upon a time, I could’ve done it: twenty years ago or so. Oh, to be 50 again.

Can’t get my blog views up, either. *Sigh*

Teenagers Wanted!

Lazy Billings Teenagers Refuse To Shovel Snow for $10

It has arrived: the moment of truth. The moment I put my boots on and wade out into a foot and a half of snow. The landlord has not plowed our parking lot, nor the driveway, so I’ll have to see what I can do. My wife and my editor have both sternly cautioned me, “Don’t kill yourself out there! People like you, they might keel over…” I chose not to ask for an elaboration of that.

What we need around here, and don’t have, is… teenagers! Half a dozen teens with snow shovels could clear that driveway as quick as boiled asparagus. I know because I was a teenager once. A bunch of us would get together to clear the snow off Tommy’s Pond so everybody in the neighborhood could ice-skate.

Nobody’s going to ask a bunch of 70-somethings to do that.

Really, people need to appreciate teenagers. If they haven’t been turned into chowderheads by public schooling, Hollywood, and social media, they’re bright and lively and a good influence on adults. Good company, too.

Well, dawdle no more. Get out there and shovel.

Trying to Solve the Freakin’ Problem

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My mouse has been spewing out long lines of gibberish whenever I try to use a capital letter. Now it’s not doing it because I’m telling you about it.

I have just loaded a new image. All right, where’s the stream of gibberish? Ain’t there. Patty’s watching me. You are reading this. The computer waits till I’m alone.

Patty knocked a bunch of crumbs out of the keyboard. That seems to have solved the problem. I hope.

P.S.–Would you believe it? Crumbs in the keyboard! That really was the problem. Live and learn.

WordPress: ‘Nope, It Wasn’t Us’

Make Your Own Sock Puppets - #1616000 – Faber-Castell USA

Not that it’s my fault or anything, sez the WordPress Happiness Engineer, that on Jan. 17 my viewer numbers crashed and have yet to come back–and it’s certainly not their fault, either, they hasten to add. Blame it on the Bossa Nova.

To remedy the situation, it is suggested that I “develop a social media presence.” Does that mean “Go out there and irritate people?” Maybe do some videos with a sock puppet. Yeah, that’ll pack ’em in.

They hint that I might write content that’s a wee bit more provoking than my usual fare. Heck, that’s what TV noozies do. But I’d really rather stick to telling the true, as far as humanly possible. I realize that slams the door on my career prospects in cable nooze, but I can’t help it.

Anyway, I haven’t done anything different, WordPress hasn’t done anything different (so they say; honk if you believe them), and the only idea I have left is to try to get my Twitter page up and running again. Or should I try another platform altogether–something new, maybe? I’ll have to ask.

Meanwhile, this blogging year got off to a great start and then hit a trip-wire…

I Might Disappear Today

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I have to find out why, on Jan. 17, my viewer number suddenly crashed and have never recovered. That means a visit to the WordPress Happiness Engineers.  Because it’s discouraging and maddening to keep writing and writing and just watch the viewership shrink by the day.

The last time this happened, last year, it was for three and a half months. Then it un-happened.

I’ve also got a brand-new computer affliction! When I go to type a capital letter, I get a nice long string of gibberish! This makes it take twice as long to post anything.

So I might be out of the saga for a few hours, trying to get things fixed. Fat chance of that–but one does have to try.

Ingenious! The Cornish Room Heater

How did anybody ever figure this out? Simple but effective!

This simple little device, assembled from easily available elements that you probably already have, can actually heat your room–a very good thing to know, in case of power failure. All you need is a plate, a saucer, a flower pot, some pennies, and a tea candle. It sets up a convection current that will heat a space for several hours.

Amazingly inventive.

Kowabunga! We’ve Got Snow!

58,679 Blizzard Photos and Premium High Res Pictures - Getty Images

Actually what we’ve got is two or three years’ worth of snow packed into a single snowstorm. This ain’t supposed to let up till tomorrow.

My wife thinks it might wind up setting a record, but that’d take some doing. I remember one snowstorm in which I had to put on my waders to go outside. Even then, it was up to my hips. And then for some reason, on my way around to the back of our building, I slipped and fell. And forsooth–I couldn’t get up! The snow was too deep, I couldn’t get any purchase. And I wondered, “Yipes, are they gonna find my skeleton here, come spring?”

So records are hard to come by; and in the meantime, I’m just going to enjoy watching the snow come down, and revel in not having to go to any stores. Finish up the blogging, smoke a cigar, watch a movie… I need a rest.

A Blog Milestone (But Where Is Everybody?)

2001 Topps Combos #TC16 Ironmen Lou Gehrig/Cal Ripken Jr at Amazon's Sports  Collectibles Store

WordPress tells me that today I have blogged for 2,400 days in a row (“He must be crazy”). Lou Gehrig played 2,130 baseball games in a row; Cal Ripken, 2,632. But baseball is harder than blogging.

Anyway, I suppose 2,400 days in a row is something to be thankful for. But it’s frustrating and mystifying to see the low viewership numbers I’ve had since Jan. 17. Up until that point, I was flying high. But on the 17th someone or something shot me right out of the sky, and I haven’t been able to recover. If there were only something I could do about it…

But there you have it–2,400 consecutive days. Horatio the Life Coach Jumping Spider says I should eat more bugs. Thanks, dude. (I don’t know… Even if it worked… bugs! Feh!)

Astonishing philosophical reflection: If Violet Crepuscular were a real person, would I be fictional?

Are We Going to be Snowed In?

Heavy Snowfall in America - YouTube

Well, here we go again–with a National Weather Service forecast of three straight days of snow, heavy at times, etc., etc. Starting tomorrow, they say: at the moment, there’s not a cloud in the sky.

So we bought some extra food, extra cigars, just in case we can’t go shopping Monday; but what I’ve learned from these melodramatic weather forecasts is to expect two or three inches of snow, followed by lots of rain. That’s what almost always happens.

If the point of these forecasts is to scare us, all right, fine–they’ve scared their audience. But aside from that, what good are forecasts that almost always turn out to be wrong? Who have they got working for the NWS, and how much is it costing us? Is it possible they really do use ouija boards to predict the weather?

I would enjoy a few inches of snow. I’d enjoy sitting by the window, watching it. Maybe catch up on my reading. I got Sir Walter Scott’s Kenilworth for Christmas: a stay-at-home snow day would be ideal for starting that.

Let’s just see if they got it right this time. I’ll keep you posted.

Note: There wasn’t much panic to be seen at the supermarket on Friday. Maybe people are having crisis fatigue.