“Look into my eyes!”
I don’t want to get scooped on this scandal, so I can’t keep mum about it any longer.
This, we are assured by thoroughly unreliable sources, is The Big Scandal That Ties It All Together–Russian collusion, the Coronavirus, Jeffrey Epstein, emoluments, transphobia, dance fever, Roswell, and the 1919 World Series.
All of them orchestrated by Donald Trump–who, incidentally, is not really Donald Trump.
Now don’t ask me for details, because this time House Democrats are determined to keep it all under wraps. This time no one, not even Adam Schiff, knows the identity of The Whistleblower. This time no one will be allowed to know the exact charges laid against the man who calls himself Donald Trump. This time the Guilty verdict will be announced before the trial–if there even is a trial. There’s a Georgetown law professor who says the House can remove the president from office without a trial and without involving the Senate.
This is… The Real Bombshell. Forget the thousand stupid little nothing bombshells that went before it. This time we’re looking at Kaboom City.
It also has something to do with Climate Change, but that’s all I dare to say about it.