Tag: crazy TV listings

Byron’s TV Listings, May 6

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Garage Sale Finds: What was on TV - October 28th through November 3rd, 1978

G’day, earthlings! Byron the Quokka here, with this weekend’s most polyphonic TV shows brought to you by Quokka University, where visiting Pick-Up Sticks teams go to die. A sample from our menu:

8:30 a.m.   Ch. 03  MOVIE–Quasi-coherent documentary

In “The Lost Colony” (Syrian, 2021: 876 minutes), we have the world’s first AI robot-written script–and it’s a doozy. Why couldn’t they find the Lost Colony? Host Leonard Nimoy explains: Because they didn’t look in the right place! And all because of a simple mis-spelling! Somebody (Jason Robards) carved the world “Croatoan” in a tree when he was supposed to carve “Croatian.” The colony went to Croatia! Sir Walter Raleigh: Michael J. Pollard. Queen Elizabeth I: Jane Flintstone.

Ch. 12   DENNIS THE MENACE TO LIFE AND LIMB–Horror series

This cute little 8-year-old boy turns into a ravenous wolf every full moon, and the death toll in his neighborhood can hardly be believed. Tonight: Dennis drags a top-ranked boxer (Henry Gibson) out of his car and eats him. Police chief: Paul Anka. Annoying next-door neighbors: the June Taylor Dancers. Special guest star: Fopsy the Lizard.

8:45 a.m.   Ch. 18  CRACK-UP NEWS–News & commentary

Anchorman Bud Knish thinks everything he hears is screamingly funny, and his hysterical response to every news item has made this the Number One-rated news show in Albania! (“We’d cancel it, only it’s the most popular show we’ve got,” admits network president Pop Kavinga.) Special report: “Middle school kids who identify as insects.” Bud can hardly contain himself!

9 a.m.  Ch. 44   THE BEST OF KATYA BARBASOL–Inane chatter

Find out why everyone in Palookastan has rushed out to buy a TV set! Yes, Katya Barbasol, daughter of jailed toothpaste magnate Larry Barbasol, knows how to get her guests to admit to all sorts of crazy behavior! Tonight: Richard Deacon, sweatshop owner; Mamie Eisenhower, pick-pocket.

9:18 a.m.   Ch. 61  TO BE ANNOUNCED–(We have no idea)

(Lee says this show used to be on every night when he was a kid, although he wasn’t allowed to stay up to 1 a.m. to watch it.) We admit it: we have no idea at all as to the content or even the title of this show. It will be a complete surprise package. Personally, I can hardly wait! I hope it turns out to be jai-alai.

There you have it, folks. Grab some marshmallow peeps and settle in for hours and hours of soul-destroying indolence (just kidding!).

Quokkas tend to invite people over for a nice home-cooked meal every so often; they'll even wait for their guests by the door to greet them as soon as they arri… |

Come on in! We’re just warming up the TV.

Byron’s TV Listings, April 22

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Vintage Johnstown: More TV Guide - 1967 | Tv guide, Tv guide listings, Vintage television

Hi-ho, hi-ho! Byron the Quokka here, boys ‘n’ girls, with another weekend’s worth of fabulous TV guaranteed to grow facial hair on places where you never expect to see it! Here’s just a brief sample of the wonderfulness that Quokka University has lined up for you.

6:17 P.M.    Ch. 47   NEWS WITH JOCKO–News & commentary

It has often been said that any troop of monkeys could put together an evening news show–and News with Jocko proves it! Jocko the anchor-monkey has learned how to scatter cue cards, and Suzie Q the beat reporter has bitten five firemen. Let’s see who gets you-know-what thrown at them tonight!

6:30 P.m.   Ch. 21  MR. SOFTEE, CRIME-BUSTER–Adventure

Mild-mannered ice cream vendor Mr. Softee (Richard Boone) has very strong opinions about crime, but is afraid to express them. Tonight: A gas station robbery lands Mr. Softee in hot water with the U.S. Senate. Sen. Schmendrick: Sandy Duncan. Sen. Tickletoby: Lou Albano

Ch. 66   SQUID MAN–Heart-stopping drama

(Actually the one episode really did stop several people’s hearts, and the producers were sued.) Nestor Shylock (Martin Balsam) has a right arm twice as long as the left; or is the left arm only half as long as the right? Either way, he catches both criminals and pigeons. Tonight: An unscrupulous cabby (Andre the Giant) overcharges passengers! Mrs. Abplanalp: Mary Stupid.

7 P.M.   Ch. 16   MOVIE–Greek tragedy

Sharon Stone stars as Medea (Serbo-Scythian, 2004: 286 minutes), the sorceress who takes a monstrous revenge on her clod of a husband (Casey Stengel) in the classical Greek tragedy re-set in New Jersey to save money and featuring a lot of New Jersey politicians that you never heard of. Musical score by Stephen Hawking.

7:15 P.M.  Ch. 18  THE SHAME GAME–Game show

Celebrities Swede Overmayr, Joanie Pillpott, and Wu Wei-Shu team up with ordinary schlubs from the studio audience to see which team will escape nationwide disgrace and ignominy! You’ve never seen anyone so badly humiliated. With Dr. Gesundheit and his orchestra. Host: An unnamed herbivorous mammal. Music by the Local 212 Band, Amalgamated Brotherhood of Meat-Grinders.

Well, there you have it! Remember–if you missed any part of Mr. Softee, or wish to see it again… sorry, you’re out of luck.

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I just gave this guy an autograph–and then he found out I wasn’t really Dick Cavett. Byron the Quokka, signing off!

Byron’s TV Listings, April 15

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

multiple image galleries

G’day, fellow TV lovers! Are you pumped up for another weekend of sublime entertainment? I’m Byron the Quokka, emcee on behalf of Quokka University; and here are a few of the jewels you’ll find in our TV treasure chest this week!

6:30 P.M.   Ch. 53   COLLIDGE BOLE–Yore Fayvrit Kwizz Showe!

Grad students from the nation’s elite universities tackle brain-busting questions! “How much does a pound of feathers weight?” “Who’s buried in Grant’s Tomb?” “What were Walt Disney’s initials?” A right answer wins the lucky grad a tenured professorship in the subject of his choice!

6:44 P.M.   Ch. 08   Judy Poyson’s Kitchen–Cookery, first aid

This show has really caught on in Scandinavia! Half the country’s death row inmates say they were inspired by it. Tonight: Japanese puffer-fish with picked-at-random-with-a-blindfold mushrooms. Viewer discretion is advised.

7 P.M.   Ch. 14   PINHEADS ON PARADE–Sort of reality TV

If you’ve been feeling like a prize dimwit lately, this show will lift your spirits! You can’t possibly be as dumb as the dindles featured here! Tonight: BBC  news reporter Humphrey Phung collapses into incoherent babbling as he completely blows an interview–$500 prize to anyone who can make sense out of his, er, “questions.” You won’t be surprised when the interviewee winds up asking all the questions.

Ch. 34  MOVIE–Musical with lousy music

Malcolm Muggeridge and Sylvester Stallone star as cops who dance their way to solving crimes in 50 Days of Penance With Brother Shoshketomayov (Icelandic, 1968: 385 minutes). “Music that makes you want to poke out your eardrums!” raved the critics. Notable for a cameo by Alfred Hitchcock, who otherwise had absolutely nothing to do with this movie. Theme song: “It Only Hurts When I Can’t Find My Undies.”

7:30 P.M.   Ch. 03   THE FHAAGLNAWL FAMILY–Sitcom

You thought the Addams Family was weird? They are least were human! The Fhaaglnawls aren’t even pronounceable. They seem to be some kind of mollusc, distantly related to the octopus. Pop: Grynggwl  Mom: Ugughluu  Mrs. Schuppnagel: Unknown, but may be Debbie Reynolds. Tonight: The June Taylor Dancers prance into the family’s wine cellar… and don’t come out.

Ah! If you only knew what trouble we go to, to round up these otherwise lost TV classics. No wonder we never got around to setting up degree programs!

Hungry Quokka stock photo. Image of head, habitat, break - 88603708

(No wonder rabbits like these carrots! Byron the Quokka, signing off.)

Byron’s TV Listings, April 8

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

TV Guide Dec 18-24 1982 (2) - Flashbak

G’day, g’day! Byron the Quokka here, with another glorious weekend’s worth of fluxurious television brought to you by Quokka University, home of the International Pick-Up Sticks Tournament in 1991. Here are just a few samples:

7 P.M.  Ch. 18   U.S. GNUS AND WORLD REPORT–News & commentary

What’s up with wildebeests in America? And throughout the world? Whose ox is being gored? Says anchorwoman Felicity Fong, “If you only gnu what I gnu, you’d have a gnu lease on life!” You’ll be amazed by how tiresome this grows in only five minutes.

7:05 P.M.  Ch. 18  APOLOGY FOR U.S. GNUS AND WORLD REPORT–Disclaimer after the fact

Corporate officers of the Titanic Huge Broadcasting System apologize for the preceding program and take turns blaming it on others.

7:15 P.M.  Ch. 07  MOVIE–Probably impossible drama

In “The Three Stooges Meet Nostradamus” (Maltese, 1938: 77 minutes), the legendary slapstick team, in their one attempt to produce Serious Mainstream Drama, travel back in time to consult the sage and seer Nostradamus (Billy Gilbert) to ask who’s going to win the World Series. Guest spots by Froggy the Gremlin, Ma and Pa Kettle, and The June Taylor Dancers.

7:30 P.M.  Ch. 56  CHANGE YOUR WHOLE PERSONALITY!–Self-help

Self-taught White Witch Syl Fishwife can help you become a different person! Tonight: “How to Become Vincent Price.” Assistant: Ed McMahon. Music: Eddie and the Coccyx Busters. Bonus: Visit with Willie the janitor at the shoe store who is now doing much better as Burgess Meredith.

Ch. 61   GILLIGAN’S ISLAND: EVOLUTION!–Sitcom with philosophical overtones (Can’t wait, can you?)

What if the castaways on Gilligan’s Island, never, ever got picked up, and also continued to live for, like, millions and millions of years, and never got so badly on each other’s nerves that they flew into homicidal rages… Would they evolve into some other, higher, form of life? Special effects by Mrs. Botchy’s fourth-grade class. Science advisor: Bill Nye. Skipper: Andy Ptah. Gilligan: David Duchovny.

Well, that’s that, boys ‘n’ girls! Actually it’s not, it’s just a sample. We’ve got a whole weekend’s worth of stuff out there.

10 Incredible Quokka Facts - AZ Animals

Are you ready to rock? Ready to roll? Byron the Quokka, signing off.

Byron’s TV Listings, March 11

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

Garage Sale Finds: What was on TV July 31st through August 6th, 1982

G’day, me hearties! Swab the forecastle, raffle up the yardarm! Byron the Quokka, talkin’ sea-talk as you study our exclusive menu of weekend television. (All right, I don’t actually know who’s excluded from the menu!) Settle down with some nice chewy leaves and enjoy these shows.

7 P.M.   Ch. 07   GRANDPA TARZAN–Sitcom

Walter Brennan–his last role–played a Tarzan rendered stiff and crotchety by old age and barely able to swing across the living room, let alone from tree to tree. This week: Cheetah (Gregory Peck) signs Tarzan up for an insurance policy that he doesn’t need: especially since he currently thinks he’s old-time New York politician Roscoe Conklin. Jane: Sandy Duncan. Boy: Rod Steiger.

Ch. 12  DANCE, YOU SUCKER!–Game Show/Drama

Win a tryout with the June Taylor Dancers and a guest star’s role in their up-and-coming movie, Honey, I Busted My Coccyx. Competitions: Log-rolling, Doubletalk, Singing While Gargling, Getting Dressed Backwards. Host: Some guy who won a Pulitzer. Scorekeeper: Carmen Miranda.

7:15 P.M.   Ch. 03   MONSTER NEWS–News & commentary

Ever wonder what it’s like to watch a news program geared to werewolves, vampires, ambulent mummies, etc.? Anchorman Scoop Pooper wonders about it all the time, so the network created this news show especially for him! None of the stories is true, but Scoop doesn’t know that. Watch him get excited! Sports: Jaroslav Hasek. Weather: Dame Maggie Smith.

7:30 P.M.   Ch. 24   HANG ‘EM HIGH, CHOU EN-LAI–Western

What if the Old West had been in Communist China? What if Premier Chou En-Lai had been a wandering ex-sheriff banished from his town for composing unbearably bad poetry. This is the show that has it all! Chairman Mao: Red Skelton. President Nixon: Linda Hunt. Mrs. McGillicuddy: Yi Wan-Shu. Song: “I’ve Got Spurs That Jingle-Jangle-Jingle.”

8 P.M.  Ch. 67  MOVIE–Pretentious twaddle but otherwise great

In Who Gots What You Gots? (Australian-Latvian, 1998: 256 minutes), a clone of Jerry Mathers stars as a corrupt film-noir prosecutor who falls in love with Babbly Bertha (Joan Collins), a poetess whose personal stamp collection is worth a good $15 of anybody’s money. Can Orville Redenbacher (himself) protect her? Thief With a Heart of Gold: Jim Backus.

There! If you can find TV anywhere in the world that’s half as good as this, you’re welcome to it!

Quokka | San Diego Zoo Animals & Plants

Byron the Quokka, signing off–and these leaves are just right.

Byron’s TV Listings, Feb. 18

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

TV Guide – Saturday, March 24, 1979 – Retro Hound

G’day, folks! Byron the Quokka here–and I missed the Super Bowl because I thought it was the Stupor Bowl and couldn’t find it… Anyway, here’s a sample of this weekend’s stupendous colossal television brought to you by Quokka University.

4:30 P.M. Ch. 08  FLASHING WITH YOUR CLOTHES ON–Reality (?) Show

Can you get in trouble by flashing with your clothes on? Will people shriek and drop packages before they realize that you aren’t showing anything they shouldn’t see? Join host U Thant as the Flasher Crew shakes up a crowded Wal-Mart… and creates a dilemma for police. Special Guest: Thor Heyerdahl.

Ch. 15  EYEWITLESS NEWS–News for simpletons

Anchor Dan Rather doesn’t know he’s on the air, so he sits there making goofy faces and morally questionable gestures. In fact, none of them know they’re on the air, and their natural witlessness takes over. No news value–but wait’ll you see Sam Donaldson get all tangled up in his underwear, trying to dress himself.

4:45 P.M.   Ch. 22  GREAT RECIPES USING TOOTHPASTE–Cooking

Violet Crepuscular doesn’t only write suspense: she lives it! Watch the fun as convicts from the State Prison volunteer to taste her latest creations. This week: Asparagus & Toothpaste with Sausages. Special Guest Star: some old guy who wandered into the studio and can’t find the way out.

5 P.M.  Ch. 31  MOVIE–N.Y. Yankee Baseball/Horror

In “The Vampire of the Right Field Bleacher Seats” (Cuban-Dutch, 2013), Yankees’ star Dave Winfield spoils his own acting debut by playing two characters at once, and neither one of them the role he was cast for. Plot (as we call it): A right field seat in Yankee Stadium becomes a death sentence until Detective Lieutenant Jim Nast (Betty White) can collar the Rogue Vender (Froggy the Gremlin). Song: “I Miss My Coccyx!”

Ch. 55   THE HAIRBALL KID–Sitcom

12-year-old Herbert S. Klein (Abe Vigoda) is a super-hero with a problem: being part cat, every time he gets excited, he tosses up a hairball. Super-villain Ace King (some guy from Baltimore) thinks he can use that in his scheme to take over the world–Can Herbert stop him? Mrs. Nazgul: Paula Prentiss. Chief Swinburne: Bill Harzia. Egyptian Mummy: Not Yet Identified.

I don’t know about you, but boy, howdy, I can’t wait to watch these! I thought I heard them singing “I Miss My Coccyx” in pick-up sticks practice.

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Byron the Quokka, signing off.

 

Byron’s TV Listings, Feb. 11

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

tv guide siskel and ebert 1987

G’day, g’day to all that may, chicken-fat canning begins today! Byron the Quokka here, trying my hand at poetry. Meanwhile, here are some samples of Quokka University’s weekend TV offerings.

5 P.M.  Ch. 02   HYPOCHONDRIAC HEAVEN–Game Show

Last week’s champion, Lorna Doone (allergic to rectangles), takes on challenger Terry Mildew (“My cat gave me leprosy!”) in The Battle of Horrific Symptoms. Host: Bud Collier. Featured: Dr. Pillpop’s Medicine Show.

Ch. 06  SECRET NEWS!–Inane News and commentary

You won’t understand a word of this broadcast unless you have Uncle Flabby’s Secret News Decoder Dial! Special tonight: “World War III Breaks Out.”  Featured: The June Taylor Dancers make like dandruff and “flake off.”

5:30 P.M.  Ch. 11  LET PUPPETS RULE YOUR LIFE–(Don’t ask, we just work here)

Tired of being a puppet? Try being the puppet of a puppet! Why make decisions, when Spunky and Gargo and Burpy and The Gang can make them for you? Just phone in your predicament and then do exactly what the puppets say! Host: David Hasselhof and hair.

5:45 P.M.  Ch. 16  MOVIE–Brilliant thriller that never got a break from critics who were only trying to show off

In “Dog My Cats” (Tahitian, 1993), Soviet super-spy Anatoly Przhykwoffskyvich (Tom Jones) defects to Siberian Intelligence–only to discover that Siberia is part of the Soviet Union and all he’s done is make a fool of himself. Billy Martin: Omar Sharif. Natasha: The tall chick from “Rocky and His Friends.” Song: “I’m Itchy All Over.”

6 P.M.  Ch. 34  TEN THOUSAND YEARS OF OPPRESSION–Sitcom

Lulu (Heather Locklear) runs into big trouble when the ice gives way under her gourmet hockey team; and at home, Ginger (Debbie Reyolds) and her mata-mata turtle are arrested for poaching eggs. Cloak of Invisibility Salesman: Sorry, couldn’t see him. Special cameo appearance by William Howard Taft.

Now that’s what I call a TV schedule! Please excuse me while I try to find a rhyme for “schedule.”

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Byron the Quokka, signing off!

Byron’s TV Listings, Jan. 28

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

The Essential TV Guide Fall Preview Issues of the 80s, Part 9: 1985! | Branded in the 80s

G’day, everybody–Byron the Quokka here, with another weekend of life-altering TV programs brought to you by Quokka University. Would you believe these great shows have been left just lying around? Here’s a sample:

6 P.M.  Ch. 02  CHUCKLEHEAD NEWS–(Self-explanatory)

They’re not the least bit embarrassed by the label “Chucklehead”! This crack news team, assembled by anchor Jimmy Fraud, has a motto: “We’re honest about our dishonesty! We tell the truth about our lies!” Uh, wait a minute… Isn’t that two mottos?

Ch. 08  MOVIE–Apocalyptic vision 

In “The Attack of the Co-ed Dinosaurs” (French-Tasmanian, 1958), they went overboard in the cutting room and tossed out all but 20 minutes of this film–but it’s a great 20 minutes! Eddie Albert stars as a man in a rubber tyrannosaur suit who terrorizes a small town dominated by Rosemary Clooney and her songs. Directed by the United Nations.

6:30 P.M.  Ch. 15  GENGHIS!–Sitcom

Genghis Khan (William Shatner) retires as a world conqueror and moves to Speedwell, New Jersey, to raise guinea pigs. This week: Mrs. Genghis (Jane Austen) and her mother-in-law (Willa Cather) get arrested for practicing alchemy and not getting any better at it. Will the Khan bail them out? Chief Mogan: Liberace. Speedwell Police Force: the June Taylor Dancers.

Ch. 33  SURVIVE IF YOU CAN!–Game show

Follow the fun with emcee Sandy Duncan as contestants are stranded on tiny islands populated by army ants, poisonous snakes, hideous tropical diseases, and ferocious tribes of cannibals–and the one who lives the longest wins a Fogo Industries Prefab Tool Shed!

7 P.M.  Ch. 61  PARANORMAL PETE–Explorations of the unknown

A ghost haunts a stapler; a Good Humor man can’t remember his past life as Brad Pitt; did extraterrestrials build the Macy’s department store in Grogboro, Iowa, that no one else remembers building? Pete Runnels explores these and other unexplained mysteries that no one can figure out! Guest: Susan Duckweed.

Well, there you are! Whoever called TV a vast wasteland obviously never saw any of these shows!

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(I love that bicycle!) Byron the Quokka, signing off.

Byron’s TV Listings, Jan. 14

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

tv guide sears portrait studio 1987

G’day, g’day, calloo, callay! Byron the Quokka here, with weekend TV guaranteed to blow your socks off! Here’s a small sample:

5 P.M.  Ch. 06  ROLLER DERBY NEWS–Waddaya think? News + roller derby

You want to be informed, so you watch the news. You want to relax and enjoy life, so you watch roller derby. This show lets you do both at once! Today: Strategic Arms Limitation Talks; and the Oklahoma City Manglers take on the Maine Coon Cats. Anchor: Randomly selected from the audience.

Ch. 11  Movie–Science fiction with stock footage

In “Here Come Those Dagnabbed Mammoths Again!” (Bolivian, 1967), rampaging woolly mammoths flatten the same Indian village every time the poor sods rebuild it. Is the solution to be found in Elmer’s Glue? Sylvia Porter: Raquel Welch. Louis Rukeyser: Mike Mazurki. Village people: The Village People.

5:30 P.M.  Ch. 41  SQUANDER!–Game show

Contestants start out with $50,000 each and have only 20 minutes in Jim Bob’s Dept. Store in which to spend it. First to spend the whole $50K gets to keep the money; losers have to keep the things they bought–and pay for it! Host: Edgar Allan Poe. With Francisco Franco and his Orchestra.

Ch. 16  THERE GOES THE NEIGHBORHOOD–Comedy/drama

Rocky (Al Roker) and Debi (Linda Hunt) fight back when The June Taylor Dancers go mad and start stomping everybody’s front lawns. Sgt. Foozle: George Raft. Two gentlemen from Verona: two gentlemen from Keasby, NJ. Song: “I Can’t Get No Stupefaction.”

6 P.M.  Ch. 76  FASTER, FASTER, WAGON-MASTER!–Western

This show was internationally condemned as a ham-fisted ripoff of Wagon Train when it came out in 1960; but since the 2020 discovery that Wagon-Master had been secretly produced by the Royal Shakespeare Company, now the critics like it. Tonight: Major Binky (Soupy Sales) has a revolt on his hands: people don’t want to pull their own wagons anymore. Mrs. Gesundheit: Dame Judith Anderson. The Gargoyle Twins: (don’t ask).

Well, that should do it for you! Certainly does it for me!

Meet The Quokka, The Smiling Marsupial Of Western Australia

Byron the Quokka, signing off.

Byron’s TV Listings, Dec. 10

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

CTVA - US TV Listings - 1974

[I have to soak my head, after that last post. Over to you, Byron!–LD]

G’day! Byron the Quokka here for Quokka University, bringing you weekend TV that will make you think you died and went to Paramus, NJ! Here’s a mere sample of it.

5:46 P.M.  Ch. 74  100% FAKE NEWS!–Just what it says: fake

Here’s the gimmick: Anchorman Dan Rather is the only person involved who doesn’t know the whole thing’s fake! Like, we tried to tell him, but after a while you just give up, know what I mean? Tonight: How Donald Trump started the Trojan War. Special guest: A very large earthworm.

6 P.M.  Ch. 04  SEANCE WITH THE STARS–Incredibly poor taste

Join Sophie Tucker, Nestor Chylak, Susan Sontag, and Jackie Chan, with medium Madame LaBonza, as they try to make contact with celebrities who have passed over. Tonight they’ll be seeking sure-fire stock market tips from Pharaoh Ramses II, who has had a very long time to study the market and develop his own theories. Featuring the June Taylor Dancers.

Ch. 10  ROLLER BASKETBALL, MIAMI BEACH vs. KYZYL–Sports

What happens when you combine roller derby with basketball? Chaos! Mayhem! Fabulous injuries you never saw before! The Kyzyl Wahoos defend their Central Asian championship against the Miami Beach Vestment Lice. Miami Beach is not in Central Asia, but never mind. Play-by-Play: Jimmy Durante, Anne Klein.

6:30 P.M.  Ch. 16  BEAT THE CROC–Game show

Who can swim to the other end of the pool first–our celebrity contestants, or a hungry crocodile named Jimbo? Host Patrick MacNee whips up the crowd as the croc closes in! This week’s frantic swimmers: Susan George, Walter Cronkite, Bette Midler. With Jay Nehru and his orchestra.

Ch. 42   MOVIE–Defies description (call it a ‘Western’)

“Bats Over Broadway” (Canadian, 2004) combines the talents of Steven Spielberg, Reggie Jackson, Julia Child, and Bela Lugosi in a 4 1/2-hour spectacle that former President Jimmy Carter called “knuckle-crackin’ good!” But that’s only because he was in it, too, as The Pitiful Beggar Who Has Nothing Wrong With Him. Chief Kalfastoban: Roddy McDowell. Themistocles: a boyfriend of Sharon Stone.

Well! How d’ya like  that selection? Makes me want to curl up in the dry grass and munch on shiny green leaves!

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Byron the Quokka, signing off!