Tag: government follies

John Kerry’s Bible Blooper

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

Like I’ve said, liberals should stay away from religion. They have no aptitude for it, and their efforts to mimic religion are, to put it as charitably as possible, clumsy.

If the Global Warming poetry, or the worship of dead dictator Hugo Chavez, didn’t convince you of the truth of that statement, perhaps you’re ready to receive a Bible lesson from Secretary of State John Kerry, an alleged Catholic.

Kerry this week told an audience that America has a God-given duty, spelled out somewhere in the Book of Genesis, to protect the Muslim world from Global Warming ( http://godfatherpolitics.com/16926/biden-kerry-need-muslim-reality-check/ ).

Hmm… I read the Bible regularly, and I don’t remember that being in there. Let me consult my Strong’s Concordance. Nope, the word “Muslim” appears nowhere in the Bible. Nothing on “Global Warming,” either.

Can it be possible that Kerry is truly, authentically so ignorant that he honestly believes that stuff is in the Bible? And is he so genuinely clueless as to believe that he will curry favor with the poor, benighted Muslims by volunteering to “protect” them? I’m surprised he didn’t call them “my little brown brothers.”

Why do libs and progs like Kerry ever invoke the Bible? They should stick to their humanistic paganism and leave Christianity alone. They will just never get the hang of it.

Help Wanted: International Monetary Fund Honcho

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

Here’s yet another example of why secular utopian schemes have never worked and never will.

It seems the head of the International Monetary Fund, the world’s most high-profile banker, is either a big fat thief or else an enabler of thieves. ( http://news.yahoo.com/imf-chief-lagarde-charged-over-corruption-case-091305188.html )

IMF chief Christine Lagarde is in hot water with the French criminal justice system. She has been accused of allowing over half a billion dollars’ worth of euros to be sucked out of public funds, by crooks, while she was finance minister. Maybe she was playing golf while they were helping themselves. Maybe she was paid to look the other way. The French appear to be taking these charges very seriously.

But don’t expect Ms. Lagarde to wind up in jail. Jail is for somebody who knocks over a gas station and gets away with $45. Members of the ruling class who steal millions of dollars, or just somehow forget to pay millions of dollars’ worth of taxes, don’t go to jail. They get promoted to higher positions in the government.

Lagarde took over the management of the IMF in 2011 after sex maniac Dominique Strauss-Kahn had to resign, having made himself a global laughing-stock. As a satyr, he rivaled Bill Clinton.

So isn’t that just too cool? Here’s the most important, influential financial institution in the world–and first it’s run by a guy who chases New York chambermaids, and then by a woman who lets half a billion bucks disappear from right under her nose and at the very least is guilty of arrant negligence, if not outright theft. If she has to resign, what’ll it be next? A Mexican drug lord? Or maybe Coach Sandusky could get a free pass out of prison to run the IMF.

Aren’t you just tickled pink that the secular humanists are in charge of everything, and have shut out Christian morality so it can never get a foot back in the door? Heck, who needs Christian morality?

We do!

What Other Country is Your Home State a Part Of?

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

Can you tell which of the items below is a real news story and which is just a satire?

A. Gov. Chris Christie called his state “the other India” and said “You’re all welcome” to come from India to New Jersey, legally or illegally, the more the merrier…

B. Gov. Jerry Brown called his state “the other Mexico” and said “You’re all welcome” to come from Mexico to California, legally or illegally, the more the merrier…

If you couldn’t decide which story was true, who can blame you? As it happens, the news story is Item B ( http://www.breitbart.com/Big-Government/2014/08/26/Jerry-Brown-to-Mexican-illegals-You-re-All-Welcome-in-CA ).

Now nobody, not even Gov. Moonbeam, can be stupid enough to believe that California’s economy can absorb an unlimited number of low- or no-income, non-English-speaking Mexican illegals without crashing into a brick wall of impossibility. Therefor, in order to say what he said, he either has to be delusional or up to no good. Flip a coin.

Is Minnesota soon to be “the other Somalia”? And pity the state that gets to be “the other Palestine.”

Is your state’s governor insane?

Not that there’s anything you can do about it! Ask any Californian.

How the President’s Wife Meddles with Your Child’s Lunch

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

It’s a sin to waste food. It shows unthankfulness to God, and un-sympathy for those of the human family who suffer from want of food.

Now, thanks to the Worst Lady and other meddlers, this sin is to be cultivated among children in our public schools, in addition to the sins which those schools already encourage, like lust and envy. When they aren’t being taught to experiment with assorted kinds of fornication, or to hate persons who are more successful than left-wing politicians and academics think they ought to be, the kiddies will learn to waste perfectly good vittles rather than have them crammed down their throats by food fascists in Washington.

Yea, verily, it has been decreed by our glorious president’s wife that, from now on, ye shall eat only what she and the holy government priesthood decide what’s good for you. Selah.

It’s the Healthy, Hunger-Free Kids Act. Who could possibly be against anything like that?

The kids who are told they have to eat this stuff.

I’ve taught in public schools. I’ve seen how kids in the cafeteria scarf down cake, cookies, candy and soda instead of real food. I admit it’s a problem–but not a problem that can be solved by high-and-mighty nabobs trying to force kids to eat healthy, low-calory, not very filling foods.

The kids rebel, refuse to eat the government health-food, and it winds up in the garbage can.

Mass institutionalization of children has never been a good idea, and this new tofu-and-lettuce jihad is only the latest example of how it doesn’t work. Short of tying the kids down and force-feeding them, it’ll never work.

So don’t sell all that junk in school! Get rid of the vending machines. And don’t confront the kids with a lot of la-dee-dah prepackaged lunches that they don’t want to eat. You could even be really revolutionary and leave it up to parents to send their kids to school with lunches made at home.

Everything this administration touches turns to trash. And if God is pleased by this massive waste and disrespect of food, you can knock me over with a feather.

The Vice President of Gomorrah

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

Hey, boys and girls! We’ve got a new definition of “civilization.”

Loopy Uncle Joe Biden, the vice president of the United States, says “gay rights” is what defines a country as civilized ( http://m.680news.com/2014/06/24/biden-protecting-gay-rights-defines-a-nation-as-civilized/ ). Considering that the very concept of “gay rights” didn’t even exist until some years after Joe became a U.S. Senator, what does this tell us about his grasp of history?

By Joe’s standards, the only civilization in all of world history, until the modern “gay rights” (translation: homosexual supremacy) movement came along, was that of Sodom and Gomorrah.

According to the worst presidential administration in history, the great mission of America is to promote “gay rights” far and wide, and to lean hard on defenseless African countries who are unwilling to adopt this most depraved aspect of a depraved Western culture. Gee, I wish they had announced that in 1776–don’t you?

This is necessary, say our ruling malefactors, to combat a global wave of anti-“gay” violence.

What bunk.

Do you know what kind of violence doesn’t bother them? Anti-Christian violence. Compared with the massacres of Christians throughout Nigeria and Syria and elsewhere, and systematic, brutal persecution of Christians in many countries worldwide–all of it easily documented–“anti-gay violence” is downright mythological. It is nothing.

They also never object to real violence against real women, especially as practiced in the Muslim world. You never heard any of these depraved Democrats utter a peep about that.

Yes, occasionally a “gay” gets murdered. So do a lot of other people. But compared to what is being done to Christians and to women in many countries of this fallen world, our ruling hypocrites ought to be ashamed even to mention it.

But the ability to feel shame is alien to reprobate minds.

Do Centaurs Speak Esperanto?

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

The scientific world is all agog over claims that a centaur has finally been taught to speak a human language.

Aided by grants from Columbia University and the U.S. Dept. of Education, a captive centaur named “Mr. Bill” has become fluent in Esperanto, the artificial language intended for international use.Prior to his instruction, says the project director, Mr. Bill could only speak the centaurs’ language–“an ugly combination of neighing, snorting, and reality-show cliches.”

In a mere six weeks, and at a cost of only $16 billion, Mr. Bill was able to read an Esperanto translation of Dr. Seuss’ Hop on Pop.

Mr. Bill is being held at a secure facility operated by the federal government’s Division of Stupid Wastes of Money. It is said he has made friends with a goat-footed Faun named Charley–who, although efforts have failed, so far, to teach him any human language, has learned to whistle Pop Goes the Weasel.

When Charley and Mr. Bill converse, they don’t speak Esperanto, Centaurese, or Faunish. The Division plans to spend another $8 billion to find out what language the faun and the center speak to one another.

Most of the Division’s money has already been earmarked for an expedition to Hawaii to find and capture a Giant.

Argentina’s Secretary of Thought (ROFL)

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

You’re not gonna believe this.

As reported by The Telegraph, “Argentina’s President Cristina Kirchner has created a new post: secretary for strategic co-ordination of national thought” ( http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/southamerica/argentina/10880243/Argentina-appoints-new-secretary-of-national-thought.html ).

Yeah, ha-ha, very funny..,. but I’m afraid this is no satire.

The guy who got the job as Secretary of National Thought “said the idea was ‘to build networks among academics and intellectuals who are thinking about joint projects in Latin America,'” The Telegraph reported. He denied it has anything to do with trying to achieve “uniformity of thought” in Argentina.

How long will it take them to discover that a lone musketeer can’t do much, even if he is a secretary? So, presto! They create another huge bureaucracy, the Ministry of National Thought, complete with a new horde of unionized public employees, etc. *sigh*

I’ll bet you absolutely can’t wait until this catches on in the U.S., Canada, the U.K. and everywhere else. Secretary of National Thought–brilliant! Why didn’t we think of that! Can we get Michelle Obama to do it? Oh, she’s busy telling people what to eat? Ooh-ooh, I know–Michael Bloomberg! The ideal man for the job.

Man, we could have it so you can’t think without a thinking license, and someone could invent, like, a monitor you can wear on your forehead so they’ll always know what you’re thinking and can jump on you if you have any bad thoughts about our beloved president…

Can I wake up now–please?

I’m Back

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

Five hours in the dentist’s chair yesterday, complicated root canal plus brutal and barbaric removal of a poor old wisdom tooth–nevertheless, here I am. But the next time anyone wants to do anything like that to me, they’re gonna need a net, tranquilizer darts, bloodhounds, and expert Australian aborigine trackers.

So what did I miss while I was getting mangled? Quite a bit, of course. Among the items that stick out are these.

Some Global Warming jackass warns us that Washington, D.C., will soon be underwater. To a lot of folks, that sounds like the answer to a prayer.

Gov. Moonbeam Brown, in the midst of one of the worst droughts in California’s recent history, warns that Lost Angeles Airport will soon be underwater because of Climate Change. I wish some reporter–dream on!–would have asked him this:

“OK, Governor, let’s say this scary story of yours is absolutely true: rising sea levels are all set to inundate LAX. Are you asking us to believe that you guys in the government can actually stop this from happening, if only we pay higher taxes and turn our lights out at 8 p.m. and not use our cars anymore? You can actually hold back the sea?”

Gee, King Canute the Great couldn’t do that. But the purpose of his demonstration was to declare himself only a man and nothing more.

That kind of humility has no place in politics today.

If you need humility lessons from some guy nicknamed “The Great,” you really need humility lessons.

USDA to Grandma: Read the Kids Government Bedtime Stories

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

Oh, how I wish this was an April Fool’s joke! But it isn’t. Sadly enough, it’s true. See http://freebeacon.com/issues/usda-to-grandparents-read-government-bedtime-stories-to-encourage-healthy-eating/

In a project costing almost $9 million of your dollars, the USDA is offering grandparents a little book of government bedtime stories to “show how much they love and care about their grandchildren.” The storybook is called “The Two Bite Club” and you can read it here ( http://www.fns.usda.gov/tn/two-bite-club ).

In one of these tales from the government crypt, Gramma Cat plies her kittens with those irresistible dainties, “broccoli, yellow apples, low-fat yogurt, and ‘hard-cooked’ eggs.” If they try two bites of each, they get “a certificate of participation.” At the end of the story, a kitten says, “I am so proud of myself. I tried some new foods and I learned about My Plate.” Good job, kitty. You’re a genius.

You know, if my grandma had ever read me anything like that, I would have feared for her sanity.

Hey, if this works, we’ll probably see a lot more government bedtime stories. “Once upon a time, in a magical land called America, capitalist warmongers kept income unequal and made all the workers sad. But then along came a brave young prince named Lord Barack…”

In retrospect, I am amazed the USDA didn’t treat us to some healthy eating bedtime stories featuring “two moms” or “two dads.” And how about some Global Warming bedtime stories, while we’re at it?

Father in Heaven, I pray: please sweep away these people, and wipe their works off the face of the earth.

Scotland Scheme Rivals Obamacare for Wickedness

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

The Scottish Parliament last week passed a law assigning each and every child in Scotland to a government-appointed “overseer” (see http://www.thenewamerican.com/world-news/europe/item/17748-citing-un-treaty-scotland-assigns-overseer-to-every-child ). This folly is already being challenged in court: who will turn out to be the John Roberts of Scotland?

Everywhere in this fallen world, freedom is being hunted down and killed–most commonly, in alleged defense of someone or other’s “rights”. In Scotland, the government proposes to devour the family in obedience to the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child. Children’s rights–get it? Let us set aside a minute for hysterical laughter.

One wonders if the peoples of the Western world have lost all self-respect, that they consent to be herded and prodded like cattle by a collection of fools, criminals, perverts, and wackos whose like we see today. Doubtless the people of Scotland elected these creatures to Parliament.

This legislation includes a presumption of guilt: it sees parents in Scotland, all of them, as incompetent and inadequate at best, and liable to be criminally abusive at worst. They just can’t raise their kids, so the government has to ride herd over them.

A word of warning, folks.

These people are not herding you to paradise.