Tag: april fool

Absolutely Amazing Historical Trivia

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

Great Pyramid of Giza - Wikipedia

In what may be the earliest-known April Fool’s prank, Thutmose III compelled the priests of Amon to skateboard down the north face of the Great Pyramid (the usual practice was the south face)–without telling them about the pool full of crocodiles at the bottom. That was a real knee-slapper!

Anyhow, here are a few little-known facts of history you can trot out to amaze your family and friends.

*Alan Hale, the actor, was the real Prince of Wales. He didn’t like to say so.

*Professional wrestling was originally a religious ritual practiced by Lutherans.

*Carnivorous rabbits–described as “furry piranhas that live on land”–are increasingly a problem in Australia.

*In 1998 the undeclared and largely unnoticed war between the United Kingdom and Portugal was resolved by a friendly game of bridge. Portugal won the game and was awarded ownership of Wales.

These mind-boggling historical tidbits are brought to you by Acme False Facts Inc. We guarantee all our facts to be 100% untrue.

Biden Plays Jai Alai!

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

At great personal risk, our secret correspondent has smuggled this video out of a closely-guarded vault–a video of “President” Joe Biden playing the undoubtedly strenuous sport of jai alai.

He’s the one with the black stitching where he split his pants.

All that time he was supposedly hiding in his cellar, The Big Guy was playing jai alai. Which makes us wonder why the Democrats took such pains to make it look like he’s always at death’s door and about to spill all that’s left of his marbles all over the carpet.

He also likes to climb trees, said another source. “If he sees a tree he likes,” said the source, “well, no one can  stop him–up he goes! Just like a squirrel.”

To which we hasten to add… April Fool.

 

The World’s First Phony-Baloney Chess Robot

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

Image result for images of the turk chess automaton

In the spirit of April Fool, let me introduce you to the famous chess “automaton,” The Turk. ( http://www.chessgames.com/perl/chessplayer?pid=77026 )

Built in 1769, and destroyed in 1854 by a fire in a museum in Philadelphia, The Turk toured Europe, playing chess against some of the most famous people of that time and usually defeating them. The Turk wiped up the board with Napoleon–but I don’t think Napoleon was all that talented a chess player.

However much audiences marveled at the prowess of this primitive robot, they might’ve gotten just a bit cheesed off if they’d known The Turk’s secret. Inside the cabinet–half of which was filled with a lot of gears and flywheels that served no purpose other than to snow the audience–was a human chess player, usually a very good one, who directed the movements of The Turk’s chessmen. The Turk wasn’t really a robot at all!

Granted, compared to Global Warming, “The Russians stole the election from Hillary!”, or the claim that men can menstruate, The Turk was a very small and unambitious hoax, hardly noticeable. But in its day it was a most successful hoax, and some of the smartest people in Europe fell for it.

As they always do.

Exec Order Bans… Mr. Potato-Head

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

This classic children’s toy was first brandcd racist in Rhode Island in 2000 ( http://www.slate.com/articles/news_and_politics/chatterbox/2000/09/is_mr_potato_head_racist.html ).

Breaking News: Now, by Presidential Executive Order No. 33,478,609, the federal government will confiscate all Mr. Potato-Head sets, new and old.

Why?

“It was bad enough that Mr. Potato-Head, ever since he was invented in 1949, spread and promoted racism,” said White House spokesperson Valerie Schlemozzle. “But now we know that Mr. Potato-Head also spreads homophobia, Climate Change Denial, Gender Change Denial, cissexism, and ableism. And the President has decided, Enough is enough!”

Starting the week of May 1, Attorney General Loretta Lynch explained, anyone found in possession of a Mr. Potato-Head toy will be shot.

“Our president knows he has but a little time left in office, and his wrath is very great,” said Ms. Lynch. “He will not leave office knowing that Mr. Potato-Head is still out there!”

April Fool.

This Just In (Some Very Hot News Flashes)

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

http://thumbs.modthesims2.com/img/7/6/8/4/8/MTS_kwillag-800409-CentauressGroup.jpg

Secretary of State John Kerry has been rushed to a hospital in Abu Dhabi for the emergency removal of the last shred of his integrity. “It was making him very sick, even though it was almost too tiny to detect,” said the attending surgeon. “Now that he has no integrity at all, he will be able to appease Iran with a clear conscience.”

Schmendrick Pictures will spend at least $190 million remaking the classic movie, Gigli, according to a confidential source within the studio. Universally considered to be one of the world’s worst movies ever, the new Gigli will add a startling twist: all the male roles will be played by women, and all the female roles by men. Stars Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck will be back, but with their roles reversed. “We’ll make back all the money we lost on the original, and then some!” said executive producer Edsel Volt.

There is now no polar ice cap at all, says Global Warming guru Al Gore. “The aerial photos that show a polar ice cap have been faked by Climate Change deniers,” said the–harrumph!–Nobel Prize winner. “We know who they are, and it’s only a matter of time before they’re arrested and tortured. Wait’ll you see what they confess to!” When asked about eyewitness reports of an ice cap, Gore parried, “Shut up!

Japanese scientists have invented a robot that does absolutely nothing except to demand free goods and services and threaten to riot if it doesn’t receive them.

Finally, hikers in the Canadian Outback have spotted a whole group of migrating centaurs, and photographed them. Unfortunately, the photos have been confiscated by Scholastic Books. So have the hikers.

And that’s today’s news–April 1, 2016.