‘A Millenial Want Ad’ (2016)

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Has anyone yet figured out what we’re going to do with tens of thousands of unemployed, unemployable college graduates with degrees in Nothing Studies and experience in rioting? Wait–tens of thousands? More like millions.

A Millenial Want Ad

I’ve actually hired and had to rely on recent college graduates. I could hardly believe how incapable they were. The average middle school kid would’ve been better. The high school kids I hired part-time were definitely better.

‘”Care Bears” for College Students’ (2017)

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These are supposed to be not children anymore, but young adults. College students. But it’s getting harder and harder to tell them apart from 5-year-olds.

‘Care Bears’ for College Students

Care Bears posters are supposed to help young adults (it only hurts when I laugh!) cope with the stresses of life. Like life as a good-for-nothing college student was anywhere near as stressful as holding down a job or raise a family, or both! Besides, haven’t they got Play-Doh and lollipops to get them through the day? I mean, how stressful can it be, getting a degree in Gender Studies?

‘Higher Education’ (LOL) Feeling the Pinch

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The president of the University of Wisconsin has warned the schools in his system that times are going to be tough, financially, and advised them to concentrate on “signature programs worthy of preservation” (https://www.startribune.com/cross-orders-uw-to-prioritize-courses-prepare-for-layoffs/570267982/). This, of course, is all due to the coronavirus panic and the shutdown of our nation’s economy.

Hmm… Now what programs might those be? Women’s Studies? Transgender Poetry? Critical Race Theory? Superhero Studies? Advanced Crying?

Well, sez the prez, brace for layoffs and keep “basics” like math and English that undergraduates need, to get a diploma… “if we want the system to survive.”

They’re miffed at Wisconsin’s Republican legislature for not letting them raise the tuition, two years in a row–a measly $10,555 in-state, and $36,805 out-of-state–and they don’t know how they’re gonna keep the party going: gee, it costs money to offer all that Woke Stuff–Beyonce Studies, Lesbian Philately, blah-blah-blah. To say nothing of the remediation for all the stuff the kiddies should’ve learned in high school, but didn’t.

For the most part, America’s colleges and universities deserve to go broke, and the process should be hastened. The whole idea that “everybody has to go to college!” was never anything but nonsense. The whole thing needs to be pruned way back. We could probably erase 90% of our whole university system and suffer no ill effects from it.

Betcha anything we can do without it!

A Few Pesky Questions

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Back in the early Fifties, Froggy the Gremlin used to cut windbags down to size by interrupting them with pesky questions.

Here are a few questions that need to be asked today.

As they contribute to a solution to the Wuhan virus crisis by calling everyone a Racist who mentions that the Chinese flu actually originated in China–in a bio-warfare lab, no less–does our nooze media still serve any constructive purpose?

Is the idea that everyone has to go to college the most inane idea ever?

How well will America get by without a hundred universities awarding degrees in Gender Studies and other equally jejune pursuits?

Is it really such a hot idea to fight the virus by not enforcing the law and letting criminals plunder our cities at will? (Philadelphia’s all set to try it.)

Does the United Nations have any good reason for continuing to exist?

Do we really want our era of history remembered as the one that invented “transgender”?

And you can probably think of dozens more with no help from me.

‘Now You Can Get a Degree in Nothing’ (2016)

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It’s suicidal. Not only do we teach your people to hate their country; we also teach them to be stupid. And charge them a fortune for it!

Now You Can Get a Degree in Nothing

Today’s satire is tomorrow’s nooze.

Master’s Degree Poker

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Can these guys get me past the censor?

So Manny, Moe, Jack, and Osgood are playing poker, and Osgood draws three cards to make a full house, aces and queens. What a hand! He’s going to win big, because all the other guys are in on this pot, raising each other back and forth until Manny and Moe drop out and Jack makes one more raise–a big one. And Osgood doesn’t have the money to cover it.

Meanwhile you’re sitting in the back of the room reading what Rush Limbaugh had to say about the college admissions scandal (https://www.rushlimbaugh.com/daily/2019/03/12/white-hollywood-leftists-run-giant-scam-on-major-universities/).

“Well, Osgood, are you in or out?”

“Oh, I’m in!” says Osgood. “I’ll put up my master’s degree to cover the bet.”

“Your master’s degree? What’s that worth?”

“A lot! I’m still payin’ for it, twenty years later.”

“What’s it a degree in?”

Osgood’s chest swells with pride. “Superhero Studies, dude! From Humbug University.”

He places the diploma on top of the big pile of money in the center of the table.

“I’m out,” says Jack. “I can’t match that.”

‘The Fantasy (Or Should I Say Hallucination) of Universal College’ (2012)

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Do you believe it? Six years go by, we change presidents… and libs are still squawking for “free college” for everyone, courtesy of the defenseless taxpayer. It sounded then exactly as it sounds now.


Somehow burdening ourselves with several million more angry, ignorant, unemployable, bunco victims with useless degrees in Gender Studies, Beyonce Studies, and Oakum Picking is supposed to give our country “the world’s smartest work force” (translation: See that guy sweeping the floor? He has a master’s degree in Superhero Studies!) and make us “more competitive” with the other countries. What would we be competing for? A national bankruptcy award?

‘Diversity Been Very, Very Good to Me!’

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(Thanks to Sidney for the news tip)

I missed this when it happened in 2016: the University of Michigan awarded some bozo a salary of $385,000 to be a “chief diversity and inclusion officer” (https://www.michigancapitolconfidential.com/22910). It was part of an $85 million “diversity plan” which would bring a golden age of “inclusive scholarship,” whatever the deuce that is.

Coincidentally, the looniversity raised tuition 3.9%.

Think about it: $85 million for pure, unadulterated crapola. Think about that while you break your backs working to pay your kids’ tuition. Think about it when they finally graduate and come back home to live in your cellar because their degrees in Gender Studies and Wise Women of Color Super-Hero Studies disqualify them for any gainful employment.

I wonder what the chief diversity and inclusion officer earns now, two years later.

Somehow I just haven’t got the heart to look it up.

A Market Waiting to be Filled: College Degree Removal Service

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With virtually everybody going to college and earning (or buying) some kind of degree or other, and with so many degrees awarded to mastering perfectly useless or inane fields of pseudo-study, employers are no longer much impressed by a job applicant’s status as a college grad. A hamster can probably get a degree, as long as someone pays his tuition. It’s gotten so bad, even applicant-helping websites like “Jobscan” are admitting that there are times when you definitely want to leave your college degree off your resume (https://www.jobscan.co/blog/education-on-resume/).

But we need to go a step farther. Why should your college degree follow you, like a felony conviction, all through your life? Why should a spate of youthful carelessness and gullibility render you forever unemployable?

If you’ve got a degree in Superhero Studies, Lesbian Literature, or whatnot, don’t give up hope! You’re in exactly the same position as some poor devil who, in a moment of folly, had himself decorated with a big fat tattoo that now embarrasses him to death.

Well, he can go to a tattoo removal service and get this emblem of shame permanently erased from his skin. And someday you ought to be able to do the same to your superfluous college degree. Sooner or later someone will devise a way to purge this embarrassment from all your records, leaving you unencumbered in your quest to find a job.

Whoever’s first to grab this market is gonna make a lot of money!

Default on Student Debt–and Lose Your License

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Remember debtors’ prison–they throw you in the clink until you pay off your debt? Really stupid idea, wasn’t it? Eventually they discovered that it’s next to impossible to pay off anything while you’re in jail.

But if we really do know better nowadays, how come 22 states revoke your driver’s license, or even your professional license, as punishment for failure to pay off your student debt? (http://www.jwj.org/in-22-states-your-student-debt-could-cost-you-your-job) You could read all about it in this recently updated Jobs With Justice article, if only WordPress hadn’t killed all my news links.

Let’s see, now… You go to collidge and run up a $200,000 student debt–and when you can’t keep up with the payments, they take away your right to drive a car, or even revoke your professional license. Either way, you probably lose your livelihood and certainly lose your ability to pay down the debt. Bad enough you’ve got a master’s degree in Gender Studies or Superhero Studies and it isn’t worth the paper it’s printed on. But just try to get and keep a job if you can’t drive to work. And just try paying down a debt if you haven’t got a job.

America would be better served if there were some other punishment for student debt default–suspending the defaulter’s right to vote, that would be a good start. Refusal to grant student loans in the first place to anyone “studying” completely useless subjects.Why should the taxpayers loan anyone money to get a degree in Lesbian Chicano Studies?

But it’s just plain mean to take away some poor collidge grad’s ability to eke out a living serving up slurpees at his hometown Seven-Eleven.