Requested by Phoebe, Were You There When They Crucified My Lord? I found this clip of Mahalia Jackson singing it on the old Ed Sullivan Show, in black-and-white. Ed introduced her as “one of our greatest stars.” Which she was.
Month: June 2023
It’s Curtains for These Kittens
No, no, I don’t mean they’re doomed! I mean it literally, not metaphorically–kittens having a very good time with curtains. I can laugh as I watch it because they’re not my curtains. (Robbie doesn’t do curtains anymore.)
‘The 300th Chapter of Oy, Rodney’ (2019)
Sandy Becker with Geeba-Geeba (left): he carved these puppets himself
You know how modest I am, and how I hate to blow my own horn, lest someone snatch it from my grasp and blow it back. But I think this Oy, Rodney chapter from four years ago may be the funniest thing I’ve ever written.
Hey, gimme a break, it’s Sunday, I want to sit outside and rest. Besides which, the chapter really is funny and a good laugh is a blessing from the LORD.
Are there any regular nooze stories you’re mad at me for not covering today?
Mt. Scurveyshire Erupts (‘Oy, Rodney’)
“Kaaaa-BOOM!” writes Violet Crepuscular, introducing chapter DCXLII of her epic romance, Oy, Rodney. “Mount Scurveyshire has erupted! The roads are already choked with refugees fleeing to Czechoslovakia.”
[Excuse me. The regular editor plotzed when he read that last sentence. He had to be locked in a padded cell for his own good. I have been named to replace him because my knowledge of history and geography is no better than it should be.]
The krikitt match goes on, though. “It’s tradition,” explains Lady Margo Cargo, in a candid aside to the reader. “Krikitt has been played here since the time of Piltdown Man. We can’t let a volcano hold us back!”
Despite the tremendous noise, Mt. Scuuveyshire has produced little more than a bump in the ground. A ragged urchin plugged the hole with his poor tattered garment.
“I do not mean a sea urchin!” adds Ms. Crepuscular. “Sea urchins are pachyderms. Or something. I mean a poor little orphan boy named Zaph-enaph-Kraputni. How is that for bringing home the suspense! I’ll bet none of you saw that coming!”
I think I’ll put a thumbtack on her chair. There is a limit to the abuse a substitute editor must take.
No-Nooze Sunday
Never mind the nooze. God gives us flowers.
All this garbage in the nooze will still be here tomorrow, with more garbage heaped on top of it. I don’t want to write about that stuff today. Do you want to read about it?
I know, I know–somehow I’ve lost 50% of my viewership. If I write about what everybody else is writing about, will I get those readers back?
The villains will still be on the stage tomorrow, we can boo them then. We can even throw stuff at them. Pushback is way, way, way overdue!
But God says we need a day of rest. Let this be a day of rest.
‘A Prayer for Our Country’ (2020)
We need to keep praying for our country. What–did you think the wicked would take time off from trying to devour us?
You know they’re looking for another “pandemic” or some other “emergency” to lay on us in time for the 2024 presidential election, so they can go back to mail-in voting and all their other tricks.
Will they get away with it again? You know they never stop.
‘Gaudete’ (“Rejoice!”)
No hymn requests, so I had to find a hymn on YouTube and this is the first one that came up–Gaudete: “Rejoice! Christ is born of Virgin Mary.”
And really–if that doesn’t happen, we haven’t got a prayer.
The Paper Bag’s Revenge
Who has had a cat that never got caught in the handle of a shopping bag? Those handles always get their cat, sooner or later. And you have a cat rocketing all around the place, trying to shake off the scary, rattly bag.
Memory Lane: Playground Chatter
The planet Mars–without the scary clouds
Do people have an inborn compulsion to believe things that make no sense at all?
I remember a day at school, in the playground, with a rumor that had the whole fourth grade buzzing. It came in two parts.
*One: The government had a secret plan (which somehow all these kids found out about) to blow up several atomic bombs on the moon… just to see what would happen.
*Two: Every time they talked about this plan, “two dubular clouds appeared on Mars.” Because of this the plan was canceled.
Not one of us had even the foggiest idea what a “dubular cloud” was, but we all believed the rumor and found it rather disconcerting. I was sure I’d Heard It On The News! and it was therefor true. The Martians were out to get us, just like in the movies. Who knew what they were up to, out there on the dark side of the moon?
The scare died away when nothing happened. I don’t remember what new foolishness replaced it. Nor can I remember how I first heard of dubular clouds. But I never heard of them again.
I’m not prepared to say the news has become any more reliable since then. That goes for its viewers, too.
Byron’s TV Listings, June 24
G’day, all! Byron the Quokka here, with this weekend’s glorious TV brought to you by Quokka University. Here’s a sample of our menu:
7 P.M. Ch. 36 WRONG CHOICE!–Game show & propaganda
Everyone has the freedom to make the right choice–but heaven help you if you choose wrong! Learn how to make right choices by watching what happens to contestants who choose wrong! Host: Matilda Ringworm. Sponsored by the FBI!
7:30 P.M. Ch. 16 SKINWALKER THEATER–Drama
Is your town overrun by skinwalkers? Hire a pair of skinwalkers to catch the skinwalkers! This week: Skinny (Del Crandall) and Walkie (Barbara Billingsly) hunt down a ring of skinwalkers who terrorize the local Stop & Shop. Store manager: Mandy Lifeboatz.
Ch. 23 PHANTOM LAUNDRY–Cartoon
This experimental cartoon show, geared to adults who hardly deserve the title, centers on a family of laundry thieves in a town that has no laundromat. Silent voice-overs by Marcel Marceau kind of thinned out the ratings. But many viewers locked up their laundry after watching an episode or two.
8 P.M. Ch. 06 ‘YONGARI, MONSTER FROM THE DEEP’ MEETS ‘THE SEVENTH SEAL’–Incredibly creative existentialist drama
What do you get when you mix a Japanese-South Korean monster movie with a murky black-and-white Swedish thingy by Ingmar Bergman? You get 144 minutes of navel-contemplating mayhem! Special guest star: Pee Wee Herman. Not-so-special guest star: the owl trainer from What To Do When Your Pets Don’t Like You.
And that’s that! Digging up these shows is hard work! I’d better settle down and watch a few of them.
Gotta sleep sometime! Byron the Quokka, signing off… zzzzzzz….