If you’ve lost your marbles… blame it on the cat–and then start looking under furniture.
I never thought to provide any of my cats with marbles, and now I wish I had. Their fun was always fun for me.
Category: Just for Fun
Walking with Norbert
For those of you who haven’t yet discovered him, Norbert the therapy dog is an Internet star with zillions of fans. He’s 15 now, but still going strong. The way he trots around reminds me of several kinds of toys. All of them sweet and wonderful.
‘Good Grief! The Giant Baboon’ (2018)
Oh, that’s just too big!
Baboons are pretty tough customers just as they are; but imagine if they were as big as full-grown human beings.
I was sick yesterday, I’m playing hooky from physical therapy today–because the weather’s nice and I want to sit outside and write–and I’m tired–so I will leave it to the readers to generate wisecracks involving baboons, regular or king-sized.
So Who Needs a Chicken Coop?
This family keeps a rooster in their home. He crows when his favorite girl comes home from school. He also plays hide-and-seek, and runs around in that funny way that chickens have–always makes me smile.
Hitching a Ride… From a Dog
You’d swear this dog has done this job before, lots of times. Does he have a learner’s permit, or a driver’s license? He really does seem to know what he’s doing. More so than some of the humans on the road.
Warning! June Taylor Dancers Alert! (‘Oy, Rodney’)
“I have posted this video to show you what Scurveyshire is up against,” intones Violet Crepuscular, The Queen of Suspense, introducing Chapter DCCXLIII of her interminable epic romance, Oy, Rodney.
“As you would know, if you’d been paying the least little bit of attention, the medieval sorcerer, Black Rodney, has it in for Scurveyshire,” Ms. Crepuscular reminds her loyal readers. How many of those there are, is anybody’s guess. “He has transported the June Taylor Dancers from the 1950s to the 1850s. This video will show you why!”
“Have you ever seen anything more fiendish?” she crepusculates. “Mr. Pudding and his newts will be hard-put to save the shire from this!” It turns out that certain species of newts are immune to accordion music. The guy at the pet store told me so.
With her usual commendable foresight, Ms. Crepuscular has already equipped Lord Jeremy Coldsore with a 20-pound accordion. To those who object that he hasn’t the foggiest idea how to play it, Ms. Crepuscular replies, “Shut up!”
Tune in next week to see what happens.
Winding Up Your Puppies
When puppies bark at an inanimate object–a toy frog, say–does that mean they think it’s real?
This wind-up toy frog does a good job of winding up two puppies.
(You should’ve seen my turtle’s reaction to a porcelain female turtle…)
Good Afternoon, Mr. Spider
Feeling somewhat weary today, I sat outside to have a cigar and rest from work. I wound up intently watching a small jumping spider wandering the grounds in search of… food? Love? Adventure? Or some combination thereof.
I am not an arachnopile, far from it–but I do like jumping spiders, with their quirky little movements. And most of them, if they see you, try to hide. I like bashfulness in a spider: much nicer than aggression. I watched this one execute a few jumps before he disappeared into the shrubbery.
If I ever have to build an ark, I’ll make sure to provide space for the jumping spider–if he hasn’t already provided it for himself.
Byron’s TV Listings, Aug. 31
G’day, boys ‘n’ gulls! It’s the end of August and I’m Byron the Quokka, bringing you THE BEST TV you ever saw, courtesy of Quokka University. Here’s a sample:
2:32 P.M. Ch. 8 MOVIE OF THE WEAK–(Produced by Monkeys)
Chook-a-Chooky-Choo (Burmese, 2016: 349 minutes) was, and still is, the first feature film ever produced entirely by monkeys! “Now I can die!” said reviewer Oswald Fungus (but he didn’t). Honest, you won’t believe this script! Starring some 100 monkeys of all kinds. No human input whatsoever!
2:45 P.M. Ch. 14 STATE OF THE UNION SPEECH BY THIS GUY WHO THINKS HE’S PRESIDENT–Self-Explanatory
T. Calpurnius Posthole’s annual State of the Union message typically draws more viewership than any other non-president’s State of the Union speech. We could televise these all day and not run out of them! Today’s speech is expected to call for the expulsion of fictional characters as candidates for public office. Moderator: Gumby
3:00 P.M. Ch. 26 MANSTER!–Half-sitcom, half-melodrama
A two-headed carnivorous monster, who was once a famous TV news reporter, tries to settle down anonymously in the quaint suburban town of Hoy-Hoy, New Jersey–where shoplifting is legal. Junior Kefoozle and LeRoy Shimp star as the Manster, the two of them squeezed into one costume. Mrs. Mbumba: Julie Christy. Neighborhood Scamp: Lorne Greene.
Ch. 41 SIDEWAYS NEWS WITH LARRY ZYBYSKO–News, of course: why else would they call it ‘News’?
Pro wrestling legend Larry Zybysko delivers today’s headline news while reclining sideways on his desk. He is renowned for his difficulty in reading the teleprompter! Weather: Gloria Gorgo (from under the desk). Sports: Blackbeard the Pirate (don’t ask!).
Well, that oughta be enough to get you started!
Byron the Quokka, signing off…
Cat, Chicks… and a Sanity Break
Is God trying to tell us something? Show us something? “It can be this way for you, you foolish humans! Pay attention! Look!” The arch-predator cuddles baby chicks and their mother hen drifts into sleep… If they can do it, so can we.