Category: Just for Fun

We Apologize for Ms. Crepuscular (‘Oy, Rodney’)

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

Oy Rodney – Lee Duigon

To all of you who faithfully followed our advice and “stayed tuned” to see what Violet Crepuscular, The Queen of Suspense, would do by way of advancing her plot–

And then never saw a blessed thing along those lines, nothing freakin’ happened–

We can only offer the most abject apology. We have a good mind to drop her from the program. “Suspense” should mean more than just not getting on with the story! If Perry Mason ever did half the stupid stuff The Queen of Suspense does, he’d be off the air before you could say Huatzachachimutzin.

It’s no good asking us poor editors what happened. We haven’t seen the updated manuscript. Last we heard, Lord Jeremy had a 20-pound accordion, the June Taylor Dancers were loose in the woods (without being–ahem!–“loose women”), and Mr. Pudding was girding his newts for battle.

It’s all in Ms. Crepuscular’s notebook–which is written in Cretan Linear A hieroglyphs and no one can read it. I’ll bet even she can’t read it.

The long and the short of it is, we’re still waiting for Chapter DCCXLIV of that national treasure of a romance novel, Oy, Rodney, we’re every bit as frustrated as you are, and for two cents I’d give up this job and take up alligator wrestling.

Cretan script linear hi-res stock photography and images - Alamy

See what I mean? What are we supposed to do with that?

My Dry Bones

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

I might as well tell you what I’ve just found out, via that MRI a few days ago.

“De thigh bone connected to de hip bone–”

Well, not anymore. It seems the top of my thigh bone has crumbled into useless little pieces. The hip will have to be replaced. After they cut out the cancer, and whatever else they mean to do.

It’s kind of demoralizing.

Oh, let’s move on to Violet Crepuscular. All her parts are splendidly in order.

‘He Joined a Search Party to Find Himself’ (2019)

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Search For Missing Person In Forest - Stock Video | Motion Array

It isn’t every day you find yourself–and with the help of a search party, no less.

He Joined a Search Party to Find Himself

Okay, it happened in Turkey and Muslims aren’t supposed to drink alcoholic beverages–but at least the story had a happy ending. They found the guy they were looking for. And it was as easy as pie!

How often do we get to say that?

Dogs and Turtles

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I do wish I had footage of our family dog, Rags, going gaga when my box turtles ate his dog food and completely ignored his very loud protests. But what’s a dog going to do to a box turtle? Not much!

Byron’s TV Listings, Sept. 14

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ORIGINAL Vintage June 4 1988 TV Guide No Label Howard Cosell Al Michaels

G’day, boys ‘n’ gulls! Byron the Quokka here, with another weekend of axolotl-affirming television, suitable for all ages but 7 and 32. The sages at Quokka University hunted high and low for these! Here’s a sample.

6:49 P.M.  Ch. 04   WILD BILL SCHIMMELPFENNIG–Western drama

What do you get when the most lawless town in the West gets a new sheriff who’s a German immigrant, doesn’t speak a word of English, was trying to get to Hungary but wound up in Arizona, is deathly afraid of guns, and very easily bribed? Watch the series to find out! Schimmelpfennig: Jimmy-Bob Perez. Mayor Schadenfreude: Jay Gatsby.

7 P.M.  Ch. 08   NEWS WITH OTTO BLOTTO–(Exactly what you’d expect)

The nation’s most popular news show! “Makes 60 Minutes look like a horse’s backside!” trills critic Fong Hsueh-ting. Who knew the news could be so much fun if everybody in the studio was spinning-around, falling-down, nose-to-the-ground plastered? Brought to you by 20-Mule Team Borax. You can’t drink that!

7:11 P. M.   Ch. 18   MOVIE–RATED ‘R’ for ‘Ruin’

Bismal Pictures went bankrupt on this one! Not a rupee left in the vault. You’ll understand when you see it: Selassie the Wonder Dog (Italian-Moroccan, 1996: 59 minutes). The dog is actually a small man in an unconvincing costume, whose gestures and “barks” are more like those of a tree frog. Special guest star Roderick Usher ruined his career with this and had to be buried alive. Directed by a trained seal!

7:30 P.M.   Ch. 45  DANCING FOR DOLLARS–Sort of a game show

Join the June Taylor Dancers as they try to out-dance people brought in at random from the street! At stake: $500,000 prize money (divided up 500,000 ways, but we don’t care about that, do we?). This week’s challenge: a man who looks just like Fred Astaire, but claims to be a Viking. Host/emcee: Kindergarten teacher Ms. Frances Grabby… with T. S. Eliot impersonator.

Well, folks, how do you like that? Is that television or is that television!

Quokka

I wonder if anyone would mind if I took that bike in the background for a joy ride?

Byron the Quokka, signing off.

Contagious Yawning

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Here’s something that cats and people have in common.

You see somebody yawning and the next thing y’know, you have to yawn, too.

I never knew cats did that. Now I think my turtle used to do it, too.

Cats, Chicken, and Phony Crying Child

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Just because they’re animals doesn’t mean they’re blinkin’ stupid. The cats know the kid is faking it, so they ignore him. The hen investigates–briefly. Then walks away. But then she doesn’t want to play with the cats, either.

‘Memory Lane: Knightly Model Kits’

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See the source image

I’m afraid my Blue Knight didn’t turn out quite like this.

The toy universe, back when I lived in it with my brother and sister, was very rich in knights, armor and all. Imagine our delight when we got these model kits for Christmas.

Memory Lane: Knightly Model Kits

Alas, plastic swords and battle-axes wouldn’t even cut yarn; the yarn cut them when we tried. My Blue Knight of Milan never did stand quite straight–probably needed a lamp-post to lean on.

Even so–model kits were fun! I don’t know how popular they are today, but back then they gave us many happy (and peaceful!) hours. And there’s very much to be said for that.

Your Pet… Possum?

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Well, why not? My wife had a pet possum in her home, once upon a time. The baby possums–who knew?–wound up in a silverware drawer when the mother wasn’t carrying them.

I brought a half-grown possum into my room, but my mother freaked out and that was the end of that.

Shout-out to Erlene: You never had an opossum, did you?

What’s In a Name?

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Ancient King Images – Browse 251,414 Stock Photos, Vectors ...

(Why won’t it let me post an image?)

Our “Name a Character” contest is off to a slow start. Oh, well.

Sometimes all you’ve got to start with is a name. A new character enters the story, looking for a role in the plot. A catchy name might clinch it for him. Or her. Queen Gurun’s name comes from an Icelandic saga. Ryons, from Arthurian legend. Ozias, from the Bible. And some just come out of the blue–like Uduqu.

God willing, I’ll soon finish Prince Enthroned and move on to King Betrayed. The field’s wide-open for new characters. Who knows? A name you dream up might lead to an epic.

(Now I’ll try one more time to post an image. Good luck with that, Leester.)

[The old laptop let me post an image.]