Tag: Byron’s TV listings

Byron’s TV Listings, April 15

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

multiple image galleries

G’day, fellow TV lovers! Are you pumped up for another weekend of sublime entertainment? I’m Byron the Quokka, emcee on behalf of Quokka University; and here are a few of the jewels you’ll find in our TV treasure chest this week!

6:30 P.M.   Ch. 53   COLLIDGE BOLE–Yore Fayvrit Kwizz Showe!

Grad students from the nation’s elite universities tackle brain-busting questions! “How much does a pound of feathers weight?” “Who’s buried in Grant’s Tomb?” “What were Walt Disney’s initials?” A right answer wins the lucky grad a tenured professorship in the subject of his choice!

6:44 P.M.   Ch. 08   Judy Poyson’s Kitchen–Cookery, first aid

This show has really caught on in Scandinavia! Half the country’s death row inmates say they were inspired by it. Tonight: Japanese puffer-fish with picked-at-random-with-a-blindfold mushrooms. Viewer discretion is advised.

7 P.M.   Ch. 14   PINHEADS ON PARADE–Sort of reality TV

If you’ve been feeling like a prize dimwit lately, this show will lift your spirits! You can’t possibly be as dumb as the dindles featured here! Tonight: BBC  news reporter Humphrey Phung collapses into incoherent babbling as he completely blows an interview–$500 prize to anyone who can make sense out of his, er, “questions.” You won’t be surprised when the interviewee winds up asking all the questions.

Ch. 34  MOVIE–Musical with lousy music

Malcolm Muggeridge and Sylvester Stallone star as cops who dance their way to solving crimes in 50 Days of Penance With Brother Shoshketomayov (Icelandic, 1968: 385 minutes). “Music that makes you want to poke out your eardrums!” raved the critics. Notable for a cameo by Alfred Hitchcock, who otherwise had absolutely nothing to do with this movie. Theme song: “It Only Hurts When I Can’t Find My Undies.”

7:30 P.M.   Ch. 03   THE FHAAGLNAWL FAMILY–Sitcom

You thought the Addams Family was weird? They are least were human! The Fhaaglnawls aren’t even pronounceable. They seem to be some kind of mollusc, distantly related to the octopus. Pop: Grynggwl  Mom: Ugughluu  Mrs. Schuppnagel: Unknown, but may be Debbie Reynolds. Tonight: The June Taylor Dancers prance into the family’s wine cellar… and don’t come out.

Ah! If you only knew what trouble we go to, to round up these otherwise lost TV classics. No wonder we never got around to setting up degree programs!

Hungry Quokka stock photo. Image of head, habitat, break - 88603708

(No wonder rabbits like these carrots! Byron the Quokka, signing off.)

Byron’s TV Listings, April 8

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

TV Guide Dec 18-24 1982 (2) - Flashbak

G’day, g’day! Byron the Quokka here, with another glorious weekend’s worth of fluxurious television brought to you by Quokka University, home of the International Pick-Up Sticks Tournament in 1991. Here are just a few samples:

7 P.M.  Ch. 18   U.S. GNUS AND WORLD REPORT–News & commentary

What’s up with wildebeests in America? And throughout the world? Whose ox is being gored? Says anchorwoman Felicity Fong, “If you only gnu what I gnu, you’d have a gnu lease on life!” You’ll be amazed by how tiresome this grows in only five minutes.

7:05 P.M.  Ch. 18  APOLOGY FOR U.S. GNUS AND WORLD REPORT–Disclaimer after the fact

Corporate officers of the Titanic Huge Broadcasting System apologize for the preceding program and take turns blaming it on others.

7:15 P.M.  Ch. 07  MOVIE–Probably impossible drama

In “The Three Stooges Meet Nostradamus” (Maltese, 1938: 77 minutes), the legendary slapstick team, in their one attempt to produce Serious Mainstream Drama, travel back in time to consult the sage and seer Nostradamus (Billy Gilbert) to ask who’s going to win the World Series. Guest spots by Froggy the Gremlin, Ma and Pa Kettle, and The June Taylor Dancers.

7:30 P.M.  Ch. 56  CHANGE YOUR WHOLE PERSONALITY!–Self-help

Self-taught White Witch Syl Fishwife can help you become a different person! Tonight: “How to Become Vincent Price.” Assistant: Ed McMahon. Music: Eddie and the Coccyx Busters. Bonus: Visit with Willie the janitor at the shoe store who is now doing much better as Burgess Meredith.

Ch. 61   GILLIGAN’S ISLAND: EVOLUTION!–Sitcom with philosophical overtones (Can’t wait, can you?)

What if the castaways on Gilligan’s Island, never, ever got picked up, and also continued to live for, like, millions and millions of years, and never got so badly on each other’s nerves that they flew into homicidal rages… Would they evolve into some other, higher, form of life? Special effects by Mrs. Botchy’s fourth-grade class. Science advisor: Bill Nye. Skipper: Andy Ptah. Gilligan: David Duchovny.

Well, that’s that, boys ‘n’ girls! Actually it’s not, it’s just a sample. We’ve got a whole weekend’s worth of stuff out there.

10 Incredible Quokka Facts - AZ Animals

Are you ready to rock? Ready to roll? Byron the Quokka, signing off.

Byron’s TV Listings, April 1

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

TV Guide 3-9 September 1966

G’day, g’day! And welcome to another weekend of fantabulous TV brought to you by Quokka University, arranged by me, Byron the Quokka. Here’s a mere sample of our glorious menu.

7 P.M.   Ch. 09   SHADOOF!–Classic sitcom

The man they call “Shadoof” (Clint Walker) doesn’t know what that word means, and neither does anybody else. You won’t know, either. Tonight: Shadoof gets caught up in a illegal gumball racket. Mr. Big: Linda Hunt. Zorro: Fernando Lamas. (We don’t have any shadoofs on Rottnest Island, so don’t ask me what it is!)

Ch. 12   BASEBALL–New York Yankee Rejects vs. Parkville Home for the Aged

Red-hot prospects who never made the team take on 80-plus-year-olds at Municipal Landfill Stadium. Announcers: Gary Abdel-Shawabti, Stammerin’ Joe Jugurtha, Marcel Marceau. Sponsored by Magma-Fest Beer, “When you’re having more than six.”

7:30 P.M.   Ch. 22   SUPER-SNAIL–Adventure

Incompetent gardener Hector Oops (Sir John Gielgud), bitten by a were-snail, develops snail-like attributes and launches into a career of slow-motion crime-stopping! Tonight: Have the June Taylor Dancers (Themselves, the whole gang of them) kidnapped a man who’s stayed awake too long? Super-Snail investigates!

7:41 P.M.   Ch. 36   COMPULSIVE LIAR NEWS–News & commentary

Not a single word of it is true! Anchor Roger Dimmsdale (not his real name) interviews a man who falsely claims to be President Lyndon Johnson. Consumer reporter Ellen Melon (not her real name, and she’s not a real reporter) pans bathroom products that do not in fact exist–Dran-O For Kids and Newman’s Own Borax Shampoo.

8 P.M.   Ch. 61   MOVIE–Almost-classic film noir

Some guy from my high school class stars as private eye Ogden Nash in “I Live Face-Down, You Crummy Clown” (Tibetan, 1969: 22 minutes). Set in a Florida alligator farm, “the rhyming detective” tries to nab a serial murder (Debbie Reynolds) before she can qualify for a guest spot on “Hollywood Squares.” Host: Peter Marshall. Widely-condemned music by Joe Frazier and the Knockouts.

So there you have it–better stock up on goodies before the shows start!

Quokka running along pavement, Rottnest island - License, download or print for £12.06 | Photos | Picfair

On my way to get more scrumptious leaves!

Byron’s TV Listings, March 18

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

Garage Sale Finds: What was on TV - October 28th through November 3rd, 1978

G’day, out there! Byron the Quokka here with another weekend of fabulous TV brought to you by Quokka University. Honest, someday we’ll offer courses in something! Meanwhile, here’s a sample of our weekend menu:

7:30 P.M.   Ch. 08  MATT BODICE, P.I.–Mystery/adventure

Bodice (Sen. Hiram Fong) infiltrates “the Church of Evolution,” where he finds the members evolving backwards into murderous primitive ape-men! Mr. Rogers: himself. Grannie: Irene Ryan. Murderous primitive ape-men: Themselves (don’t ask!).

Ch. 14   WORLD NEWS WITH ITCHING–News with a stupid gimmick

Have you ever wondered how news anchors and reporters could do their jobs if they were uncontrollably itchy and couldn’t stop scratching? This show lasted only two weeks on CNN, where it had the highest ratings of any other news show on the network. Host: Greta Thunberg. Sports: Rutherford B. Hayes (itchy beard).

8 P.M.   Ch. 66   BACK TO HIGH SCHOOL!–Reality TV

The contestants are all convicted felons who’d been given a choice: state prison, or back to high school. This is about the ones who chose high school… and never came back. Principal: Ragnar Hairy-Britches. NOTE: The ACLU has condemned this show as a cruel and unusual punishment as forbidden by the Constitution. Especially the episodes about dating.

Ch. 71  MOVIE–Historical Mish-mosh

Could a pair of American cowboys (Roy Rogers, Gene Autry) have prevented the Norman conquest of England in 1066? “Conquer This, Podnuh!” (Ethiopian, 1989) explores this fascinating might-have-been. King Harald’s bodyguard: The June Taylor Dancers. William the Conqueror: Tim Russert. Queen Matilda: Paris Hilton.

8:30 P.M.   Ch. 41  THE FLOBSTERS–Totally tasteless sitcom

It’s the ritziest neighborhood in Boonton, New Jersey–or was, until the Flobsters moved in. This week: Moko’s efforts to clean his clothes subject the entire neighborhood to unendurably rancid odors. Meanwhile, Dayzee (Gloria Scott) is caught hiding in the mayor’s house again. Moko: Jerry Springer. Mayor Schwab: An unidentified cartoon character.

I don’t know about you, but I’ll be watching these wonderful shows today!

50 Cute Puppy Pictures That You Need to See — Puppy Pictures ...

Bloody computer! Wouldn’t let me post pictures of anything but puppies. Byron the Quokka, signing off (I know when I’m not wanted!).

Byron’s TV Listings, March 11

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

Garage Sale Finds: What was on TV July 31st through August 6th, 1982

G’day, me hearties! Swab the forecastle, raffle up the yardarm! Byron the Quokka, talkin’ sea-talk as you study our exclusive menu of weekend television. (All right, I don’t actually know who’s excluded from the menu!) Settle down with some nice chewy leaves and enjoy these shows.

7 P.M.   Ch. 07   GRANDPA TARZAN–Sitcom

Walter Brennan–his last role–played a Tarzan rendered stiff and crotchety by old age and barely able to swing across the living room, let alone from tree to tree. This week: Cheetah (Gregory Peck) signs Tarzan up for an insurance policy that he doesn’t need: especially since he currently thinks he’s old-time New York politician Roscoe Conklin. Jane: Sandy Duncan. Boy: Rod Steiger.

Ch. 12  DANCE, YOU SUCKER!–Game Show/Drama

Win a tryout with the June Taylor Dancers and a guest star’s role in their up-and-coming movie, Honey, I Busted My Coccyx. Competitions: Log-rolling, Doubletalk, Singing While Gargling, Getting Dressed Backwards. Host: Some guy who won a Pulitzer. Scorekeeper: Carmen Miranda.

7:15 P.M.   Ch. 03   MONSTER NEWS–News & commentary

Ever wonder what it’s like to watch a news program geared to werewolves, vampires, ambulent mummies, etc.? Anchorman Scoop Pooper wonders about it all the time, so the network created this news show especially for him! None of the stories is true, but Scoop doesn’t know that. Watch him get excited! Sports: Jaroslav Hasek. Weather: Dame Maggie Smith.

7:30 P.M.   Ch. 24   HANG ‘EM HIGH, CHOU EN-LAI–Western

What if the Old West had been in Communist China? What if Premier Chou En-Lai had been a wandering ex-sheriff banished from his town for composing unbearably bad poetry. This is the show that has it all! Chairman Mao: Red Skelton. President Nixon: Linda Hunt. Mrs. McGillicuddy: Yi Wan-Shu. Song: “I’ve Got Spurs That Jingle-Jangle-Jingle.”

8 P.M.  Ch. 67  MOVIE–Pretentious twaddle but otherwise great

In Who Gots What You Gots? (Australian-Latvian, 1998: 256 minutes), a clone of Jerry Mathers stars as a corrupt film-noir prosecutor who falls in love with Babbly Bertha (Joan Collins), a poetess whose personal stamp collection is worth a good $15 of anybody’s money. Can Orville Redenbacher (himself) protect her? Thief With a Heart of Gold: Jim Backus.

There! If you can find TV anywhere in the world that’s half as good as this, you’re welcome to it!

Quokka | San Diego Zoo Animals & Plants

Byron the Quokka, signing off–and these leaves are just right.

Byron’s TV Listings, March 4

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

CTVA - US TV Listings - 1974

Jambo, boys and girls! Byron the Quokka here. Are you ready to rock? Are you ready to roll? Or would you rather just stretch out on the couch and watch the fabulous TV shows that we’ve lined up for you? Like these, for instance:

7 P.M.  Ch. 41  LADDIE THE GATOR–Drama (of a sort)

This show was an attempt to one-up Lassie–if a collie can do it, surely an alligator can! This week: Laddie has to figure out the combination of the lock before Grandpa Jeb (Jose Cuervo) suffocates inside the airtight steamer trunk. And the June Taylor Dancers (themselves) keep distracting him! Grandma: Cheryl Ladd. Fritz the Alpaca: Himself.

Ch. 54  NEWS FOR NUDES–News & commentary

Everyone seen in this broadcast is stark naked! (You’ll be amazed by how en-erotic that can be!) Tonight: Anchorman Ted Koppel gets stuck to his chair, Sen. Mitch McConnell delivers a speech from his shower, and Buffalo City Councilwoman Mandy Pumps freezes to death, leading a protest march.

7:30 P.M.  Ch. 08  TOM DUNG, PRIVATE EYE–Crime drama

The world’s most accident-prone private detective (Yuan Shih-Kai) finds his life in danger after he falls into an open man-hole. Can Junior (Roy Rogers) pull him out? Or will Junior fall in, too? Criminal Who Gets Away: H.P. Lovecraft. Song: “I’m in the Mood for a Blubber Sandwich.”

7:38 P.M.  Ch. 09  MOVIE–Unbearable suspense

In “I Wake Up in High School” (Latvian, 1967: 364 minutes)), Moe Howard stars as noted physicist Hector Lopez (with the real Hector Lopez playing the real Moe Howard), grappling with tainted orange juice supplied by the KGB. Mrs. Malloy: Susan Anton. Russian Chess Master: Joe Besser. Larry and Curly: Themselves. Is this how time travel was invented?

8 P.M.  Ch. 22   LASSO THIS!–Western drama

Trail boss Ingemar Thorlaksson (Willie Mosconi) can’t figure out why his herd of longhorns keeps disappearing on the way to Peking. Could it be because he keeps driving them into the Pacific Ocean, mistaking it for Butler’s Creek in Kansas? Chief drover Rowdy Patel (Rod Stewart) tries to convince him to drive the herd to Dodge City instead. Mrs. Abernathy: a member of the studio audience. Gerald: He’s outside on the sidewalk.

Well! I’ll betcha anything you’ll want to see every show we’ve got! I think I saw Mrs. Abernathy in a movie once. It was one of those samurai movies, with Shakespeare.

Quokkas: why we need to look beyond the smile - Australian Geographic

Hurry up with those snacks! You don’t want to miss anything! Byron the Quokka signing off.

Byron’s TV Listings, Feb. 25

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

CTVA - US TV Listings - 1976

G’day, fellow TV connoisseurs (however you spell it)! Byron the Quokka here, with another weekend of gloriously edifying TV viewing brought to you by Quokka University. Honest, any day now, we’ll start offering courses. Meanwhile, here’s a sample of red-hot television:

3 P.M.  Ch. 09  DEADLY DANCERS–Crime Drama

The June Taylor Dancers star as high-kickin’ women who are also the Mob’s favorite hit men! Tonight: A rival mob boss (Hugh Downs) trains fierce armadillos to attack the Dancers. Joey Colooch: B.D. Wong. Thutmosis III: Unknown Egyptian actor who came in out of nowhere. Song: “Afflicted by Chiggers.”

Ch. 12  STICKS & STONES–Game show

Celebrity guests are pelted with sticks and stones by the studio audience! (It’s OK, they’re well-paid.) Last celeb standing wins a 5-film contract. Tonight: Chuck Connors, Cher, and Elizabeth Warren. Host: Wayne Newton (until he gets plunked, too).

3:30 P.M.  Ch. 18  TENTACLES!–Sitcom (we think)

See Alvin the Octopus in his breakthrough role as Mr. Squidgy, the air-breathing, short-tempered giant octopus who teaches English Grammar at Jim Bob Booker High School. Don’t say “ain’t got no” in Mr. Squidgy’s class! This week: Mr. Squidgy helps honor student Mary Sue (Heather Locklear) rob a bank. Principal: Sophia Loren.

4 P.M.  Ch. 03  HERE AND NOW–News and commentary

Exclusive fairy news! Gnomes and goblins, too! Anchored by Anderson Cooper handcuffed to his desk! Tonight: “Do Those Big Gigantic People We Keep Seeing Really Exist?” Mibbly Buttercup’s award-winning series on the existence of “human beings”. Tonight: A gnome on a beetle hunt insists he saw a human mowing his lawn.

Ch. 31  MOVIE–Paranormal, with just plain silly

Former U.S. Sen. Hiram Fong stars as a frustrated camel salesman in “Humps, You Sucker!” (Canadian, 1986). No one on Staten Island wants to buy a camel! In desperation, salesman Oleg Gesundheit (Fong) finds evidence that aliens from Orion are involved! Mrs. Portnoy: Nancy Culp. Hermann Hesse, famous German author of books that were trendy in the 70s: Mickey Rivers.

Sheesh! I don’t know which of these I want to watch first! I think I’ve seen all Alvin the Octopus’s movies…

Rottnest Island Quokka Pictures | POPSUGAR Smart Living

And look at this–I’ve got a date! Byron the Quokka, signing off!

Byron’s TV Listings, Feb. 18

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

TV Guide – Saturday, March 24, 1979 – Retro Hound

G’day, folks! Byron the Quokka here–and I missed the Super Bowl because I thought it was the Stupor Bowl and couldn’t find it… Anyway, here’s a sample of this weekend’s stupendous colossal television brought to you by Quokka University.

4:30 P.M. Ch. 08  FLASHING WITH YOUR CLOTHES ON–Reality (?) Show

Can you get in trouble by flashing with your clothes on? Will people shriek and drop packages before they realize that you aren’t showing anything they shouldn’t see? Join host U Thant as the Flasher Crew shakes up a crowded Wal-Mart… and creates a dilemma for police. Special Guest: Thor Heyerdahl.

Ch. 15  EYEWITLESS NEWS–News for simpletons

Anchor Dan Rather doesn’t know he’s on the air, so he sits there making goofy faces and morally questionable gestures. In fact, none of them know they’re on the air, and their natural witlessness takes over. No news value–but wait’ll you see Sam Donaldson get all tangled up in his underwear, trying to dress himself.

4:45 P.M.   Ch. 22  GREAT RECIPES USING TOOTHPASTE–Cooking

Violet Crepuscular doesn’t only write suspense: she lives it! Watch the fun as convicts from the State Prison volunteer to taste her latest creations. This week: Asparagus & Toothpaste with Sausages. Special Guest Star: some old guy who wandered into the studio and can’t find the way out.

5 P.M.  Ch. 31  MOVIE–N.Y. Yankee Baseball/Horror

In “The Vampire of the Right Field Bleacher Seats” (Cuban-Dutch, 2013), Yankees’ star Dave Winfield spoils his own acting debut by playing two characters at once, and neither one of them the role he was cast for. Plot (as we call it): A right field seat in Yankee Stadium becomes a death sentence until Detective Lieutenant Jim Nast (Betty White) can collar the Rogue Vender (Froggy the Gremlin). Song: “I Miss My Coccyx!”

Ch. 55   THE HAIRBALL KID–Sitcom

12-year-old Herbert S. Klein (Abe Vigoda) is a super-hero with a problem: being part cat, every time he gets excited, he tosses up a hairball. Super-villain Ace King (some guy from Baltimore) thinks he can use that in his scheme to take over the world–Can Herbert stop him? Mrs. Nazgul: Paula Prentiss. Chief Swinburne: Bill Harzia. Egyptian Mummy: Not Yet Identified.

I don’t know about you, but boy, howdy, I can’t wait to watch these! I thought I heard them singing “I Miss My Coccyx” in pick-up sticks practice.

Quokka Stock Photos, Royalty Free Quokka Images | Depositphotos

Byron the Quokka, signing off.

 

Byron’s TV Listings, Feb. 11

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

tv guide siskel and ebert 1987

G’day, g’day to all that may, chicken-fat canning begins today! Byron the Quokka here, trying my hand at poetry. Meanwhile, here are some samples of Quokka University’s weekend TV offerings.

5 P.M.  Ch. 02   HYPOCHONDRIAC HEAVEN–Game Show

Last week’s champion, Lorna Doone (allergic to rectangles), takes on challenger Terry Mildew (“My cat gave me leprosy!”) in The Battle of Horrific Symptoms. Host: Bud Collier. Featured: Dr. Pillpop’s Medicine Show.

Ch. 06  SECRET NEWS!–Inane News and commentary

You won’t understand a word of this broadcast unless you have Uncle Flabby’s Secret News Decoder Dial! Special tonight: “World War III Breaks Out.”  Featured: The June Taylor Dancers make like dandruff and “flake off.”

5:30 P.M.  Ch. 11  LET PUPPETS RULE YOUR LIFE–(Don’t ask, we just work here)

Tired of being a puppet? Try being the puppet of a puppet! Why make decisions, when Spunky and Gargo and Burpy and The Gang can make them for you? Just phone in your predicament and then do exactly what the puppets say! Host: David Hasselhof and hair.

5:45 P.M.  Ch. 16  MOVIE–Brilliant thriller that never got a break from critics who were only trying to show off

In “Dog My Cats” (Tahitian, 1993), Soviet super-spy Anatoly Przhykwoffskyvich (Tom Jones) defects to Siberian Intelligence–only to discover that Siberia is part of the Soviet Union and all he’s done is make a fool of himself. Billy Martin: Omar Sharif. Natasha: The tall chick from “Rocky and His Friends.” Song: “I’m Itchy All Over.”

6 P.M.  Ch. 34  TEN THOUSAND YEARS OF OPPRESSION–Sitcom

Lulu (Heather Locklear) runs into big trouble when the ice gives way under her gourmet hockey team; and at home, Ginger (Debbie Reyolds) and her mata-mata turtle are arrested for poaching eggs. Cloak of Invisibility Salesman: Sorry, couldn’t see him. Special cameo appearance by William Howard Taft.

Now that’s what I call a TV schedule! Please excuse me while I try to find a rhyme for “schedule.”

10 Incredible Quokka Facts - AZ Animals

Byron the Quokka, signing off!

Byron’s TV Listings, Feb. 4

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

CTVA - US TV Listings - 1974

G’day out there! Byron the Quokka here, with another weekend’s worth of sustainable TV brought to you by Quokka University. Here’s just a sample:

6 P.M.  Ch. 14   THE TOTALLY PLASTERED 6 O’CLOCK NEWS–News and slosh

Anchorman Poopsie Whippersnapper slurs and mumbles his way through the day’s news as inebriated staffers collide with studio furniture and absent-mindedly start fires. Canadian Mist canceled its sponsorship of this show, but it was quickly picked up by the lesser-known distillery, Old Souse. Sports: Some guy face-down on the floor, we can’t see who it is.

Ch. 51   NEWS FOR SPIDERS–News and commentary

What does the daily news look like to a spider? Anchors Don Fapp and Wendy Bendy, plus all the reporters in the field, wear realistic spider costumes, to reassure real spiders that they have friends in big-time journalism. All news written “with a spidery slant.” Tonight: “Tasty bugs you can catch in the Governor’s Mansion.” Featured: the June Taylor Dancers… with eight legs.

6:30 P.M.  Ch. 22   MISS VIOLET’S KITCHEN–Cooking show

Best-selling romance writer Violet Crepuscular’s real love is gourmet cooking! Tonight she’ll show you “Six Fantastically Creative Uses of Toothpaste”–in cabbage rolls, hors d’ouevres [Search me if I spelled that right!], clam chowder, and three more unexpected dishes. Guest taster: Retired wrestler George “The Animal” Steele.

7 P.M.  Ch. 06   MOVIE OF THE MONTH–Adventure, herpetology

Irving Kallikak stars as actor Burt Lancaster, and Lancaster stars as Irving Kallikak, in Don’t Look Now, But Here Come the Giant Tree Frogs (Indian-Estonian, 2008). A laboratory clean-up goes wrong, and gigantic tree frogs escape to wreak havoc among trees and buildings that can’t support their ponderous weight. General Fizzle: Martin Balsam. Miss Mississippi: Marla Maples. Doc: Joe Pyne. Sneezy: Simon Oakland.

7:30 P.M.  Ch.14   THE SCARLET COCCYX–Historical sitcom

Who is “The Scarlet Coccyx”? The mad bishop (Joey Bishop), the brawling woman with a headache (Patty Duke), the goofy teenage werewolf (Michael Landon)–it could be anybody! This week: Detective Inspector Yogi Shubushu (Matt Damon) thinks he has a clue to The Scarlet Coccyx’s real identity, but nobody cares.

And those shows, boys ‘n’ girls, are just the tip of the iceberg! We’ve been collecting stuff like this from dumpsters all over Rottnext Island.

Australia, curious Quokka with bicycle on Rottnest Island ...

Byron the Quokka–inspecting wheels and signing off!