‘Tain’t just dogs and cats who crank themselves up! We’ve got ’em all–even a lizard that plays with a cat toy. I’ve had at least 15 different kinds of lizards, and never saw anything like that before. And if you can figure out what the cockatoo is doing with the plastic cups, you need to apply for a job as a clairvoyant.
This toy was a hot item in 1960, and my brother, then eight years old, got one for Christmas: Remco’s Bulldog Tank. Battery-powered, its mighty caterpillar treads would take the tank up and down steep hills of my mother’s books, all the while making a not entirely hopeful wheezing noise. Our family’s home movies show it doing that while my brother watches in angelic rapture.
Best of all, it shot! Boom! Well, not “boom,” really. It went “click.” It fired these plastic projectiles and ejected brass shell casings. Y’know something? I don’t think I’ve ever seen a tank in a war movie eject a shell casing. But they must have, right? I mean, you can’t have the turret filling up with shell casings.
I wonder if they still make toys like this for kids–or do they try to make out like there’s no more war, we don’t need tanks to protect us from the bad guys anymore? Meanwhile, the same children deemed too emotionally fragile for a Bulldog Tank spend hours every day playing Zombie Massacre video games. Go figure.
Obviously this cat knows it’s called a catwalk for a reason: cats walk on it. There are also strangely-garbed humans looking like they’ve recycled their old bedsheets into clothing; but then fashion is ridiculous no matter where you go. And that’s another thing the cat knows.
Hmm, let’s see… How far would I have to push this story, to turn it into satire? What? You say it’s there already? And it’s not satire? Holy moly.
Elmhurst College in Illinois is offering emotionally shattered idiots–er, students–“space” in which to “process” the traumatic results of this year’s midterm elections (https://www.campusreform.org/?ID=11504). Here students can crumple into fetal position and be sustained with cider, coffee, hot chocolate, and treats.
Can you say “infantile”? And you’re paying how much to send your kids to be “educated” there? Please explain how that does not qualify you as crazy.
In 2016 the college provided its students with a “group cry” over Donald Trump’s election as president. There was wailing and gnashing of teeth.
Crikey, I thought they were all happy over Democrats creeping back into a small majority in the House of Representatives. Hey, move over, I want some space, too! ‘Cause I get depressed whenever any Democrat is elected to anything, anywhere.
Maybe the college has simply taught these overgrown babies to be unhappy all the time.
Somehow it reminds me of an exchange in I, Claudius. The old, clapped-out pervert of an emperor, Tiberius, to the young, even worse, even crazier pervert, Caligula: “I shall make you my successor! Rome deserves you!”
Caligula: “Is this a joke, uncle?”
Tiberius: “Not yet–but it will be.”
Two years after I wrote this post, Uduqu’s still here, still pursuing his dream to be the first Abnak to write a book (or read one, for that matter).
https://leeduigon.com/2016/03/27/how-one-of-my-characters-grew-old-uduqu/
I can only speak for myself, but this is one of the most fun things about writing fiction: the way characters walk into the story for just a page or two, and the next thing you know, they stay! You should see what Redegger the vice boss gets up to in His Mercy Endureth Forever. And I knew no better than Lord Chutt what Zeriah was going to do after she was elected Judge of Obann.
I think the unexpected is a sign that you’ve made your characters real.
I had never heard this lovely hymn until today: Sing to Me of Heaven, here sung a capella by the Hope Singers. Background sets by God the Father.
For those of you who are new here, we take hymn requests: so if there’s a favorite hymn you’d like us to post, just say the word and we’ll do the rest.
Step right up and see a cat flush a toilet! And another cat turn somersaults. And yet another dance with his reflection in a mirror.
Funny, I could never get my lizards to do any of those things. But then they probably aren’t built for somersaults.
“Hey, Tucker! Shut up or we’ll hurt your family!”
Okay, America. You let Democrats get some of their power back this week. Now take a closer look at what you voted for.
On Wednesday night some twenty “protesters” assembled at the home of Fox News conservative commentator Tucker Carlson to spray-paint anarchist symbols on his driveway, make a lot of noise, and scare his family (https://www.apnews.com/5aa41068747f4e41b39947f761462f96). “They were threatening my family to get me to stop talking,” Carlson said.
Washington, D.C., police are investigating the incident as “a possible hate crime.” Gee, ya think?
So far none of the left-wing noozies has applauded the incident and several have expressed disapproval of it. None of these same people seemed to mind when Democrat mobs assaulted Republican politicians and members of the Trump administration, screaming in their faces and chasing them out of restaurants.
Voters, you wanted the Mob Rule Party, and now you’ve got it. Bon appetite.
I was anctious Twoday to get to “the” Stodent Soviet meting wee Are “goingto” Out-law and Ban al Hate Fackts becose thay “are” jist hat speach and No One “canbe” aloud to say Them anny moare!! axept wen i got Up “tooday”” i was sick!!!! I didnt knowe It At frist but than somboddy thay toled me “Yiu has got Spotts all” over “yiu” and wen i wented to “The” Infermery the norse she sayed i got Meezles!!! no wunder i feeled so Bad!!
But i whasnt “goingto” let That “stop” Me fromb going two The Meting so i whent and wen i sitted Down than evry boddy thay strated Moving Awhay fromb me like i hadd Coodies or somthing! and i sayed “wahts the Mater whith al of yiu???” and somboddy thay sayed “wel yiu Got Meezles and “That” is a Dizzeese and it is Cantajiss and i dont wanta ketch it fromb Yiu”!!!
i ansered “Now see,, That “Is” jist waht we meen, That is a Hate Fackt and i amb jist a victimb!!!” and yiu “has” to ignor them Meezles lyke thay wasnt Thare!!!”” and our Commissarr she sayed “Yiu know waht? he is Rihght!! Sayin he got Meezles, that reely Is! a Hate Fackt and we can not Akknollidge it so evry boddy yiu has got to Moove yore ” Chares back “up Clost To himb!!!”” So evry boddy thay didd that becose we Are “Not” goingto “pay” no Attentchin to No Hate Fackts anny moare!!
And then Sombthing beuttifull It hapened!! The Commissarr she sayed “Wee has lett a Hate Fackt hurt Joes Feeelings! so now we has to has a Groope Hugg!!”& so we done a reely long And Sqkwishy groope Hugg untill “My” Feeelings thay whasnt hurt no Moare!!! and we spendded al Day twogethar singin hapy songs!!!
and Now i dont feeel so Goood and mayby iff I ete somb Jim Sox i wil feele beter!
God’s handiwork reveals its maker. Fernando Ortega celebrates God’s handiwork in Creation Song, requested by Joshua.
I love being able to look out my window and see the golden leaves on all the trees, and the bright red head of the woodpecker as he hops up and down the trunk. It tells me, “God is nigh.”
I am sure there will be no leaf-blowers in Heaven.