The never-ending cascade of paperwork regarding Aunt Joan today featured [trumpet fanfare] a summons to jury duty.
Joan died in April. If she were still alive, she’d be 91 years old.
Maybe they could set up a ouija board in the jury box and get her input that way.
Heck, if she were a registered Democrat, she would surely be voting in November.
“I’m from the government, and I’m here to help you”–not.
Remember this? The North Carolina Dept. of Motor Vehicles freaks out over a license plate that says “kumquats.” Apparently some ijjit complained that “kumquat” is Racist or something. Maybe it’s coded language for Climbit Change Denial.
https://leeduigon.com/2016/09/13/state-dmv-goes-ballistic-over-kumquat-license-plate/
At the very least it’s Cultural Appropriation. I think.
Back when I wrote this harmless little satire, that’s all it was. Real life has had four years to catch up to it, and I’m afraid they’re almost neck and neck by now.
https://leeduigon.com/2014/06/16/do-centaurs-speak-esperanto/
Why are so many cats so scared of cucumbers? It ought to be investigated, and here are some of the questions that should be asked.
Would the cat be startled by any object that you surreptitiously placed behind him while he was eating, or is it just cucumbers?
Would she be afraid of the cucumber if you first called it to her attention while still holding it, and then put it down where she could see it?
Do objects that look like cucumbers produce a strong reaction?
Are the cats who are startled by cucumbers easily startled in other circumstances?
Whatever you do, don’t contact your Congressman and ask him to get the government to fund a study of cats being scared of cucumbers. He will only wonder, while hastening to spend the money, why he didn’t think of that before.
The great thing about snow is, it’s just right for preserving footprints. Especially monster footprints.
Here is someone who found a minotaur’s footprints in her yard. She did some research and discovered they must have been made by a minotaur. Somewhere there must be a handbook that shows you what minotaur tracks look like, and how to tell them apart from those of a raccoon or a deer.
A minotaur is half-bull, half-man, usually a strong, bad-tempered guy with a bull’s head. King Minos, King of Crete, used to keep one in his labyrinth. He fed it Greeks. You could look it up.
We’ve warned you that centaurs are real, and they’re pussycats compared to minotaurs.
A spokesman for the President’s Committee on Centaurs, Minotaurs, and Unipeds has denied that there is a government conspiracy to cover up the existence of such creatures. Last year Congress authorized a budget of $615 billion for the committee. This year, says the spokesman, “We will need more–lots more! Minotaurs are becoming a real problem, sneaking around people’s back yards on snowy nights. Sooner or later, somebody’s gonna get eaten.”
A spokesman for the Congressional Scientific Committee on Centaurs, Minotaurs, Unipeds, and Persons With Their Heads on Backwards has stated that these creatures have become active because of Global Warming. “They’re sure to kill a lot of people,” he added, “unless we can pass one helluva huge tax increase. Then everything will be nice again.”
See that picture? It was taken inside a state-run psychiatric hospital–a facility recently abandoned and left to rust and rot. In fact, if you search for “images of abandoned psychiatric hospitals,” you’ll find a whole photo gallery.
Here’s another abandoned hospital, on the outside. Nice, isn’t it? And inside it’s full of metal and plastic and equipment and furniture that could have been salvaged, and should have been–but wasn’t.
Before we surrender absolute power to the government (so they can Save the Planet, or achieve Social Justice, or whatever), maybe we ought to take a closer look at what governments do with the power they already have.
In my home town some years ago, they decided they needed to expand the middle school. So they spent two years building a great big extension, at a cost of millions of dollars. And very shortly afterward–while we were still paying for it!–they decided that they didn’t need the building after all, and shut it down. (So first we expand the schools, and then, almost immediately afterward, we contract them. Some folks just can’t make up their minds.) They left it shut down for a few years, refusing to do any maintenance, so they could later plead that the building–which we were still paying for!–was now unuseable, might as well sell the property and let the school be torn down so we can have some more condos.
At least if some developer’s bright idea goes belly-up, he’s stuck with the tab. Knowing that, the private sector does try to avoid disastrous money-losing schemes.
But we are on the hook for government’s disastrous money-losing schemes.
And please don’t forget how efficiently government protects New Orleans from hurricanes.