Joe Collidge’s Term Paper

What to Do If Your High Schooler Has Failing Grades

Soddenly Our Collidge thay has desided “it” gots tobe moar Riggerice (wattevver That meens!!) and we shood “alll” has “to” rite Termb Paypers!!! Even in Nothing Studdies!!! It is crool,, butt thay say somb Haters in the Stayte Lejaslaychur thay are “goingto” taik A-whay A Lott “Of” our funnding unlest thare “is” moar Eddicaytshun hapening!!!!! That it is wye we has to rite Termb Paypers!!!! To proove the Collidge is knot jist waysting Munny!!!!!!

Wel i nevver rote no Term Payper the hole tyme i Been “in” collidge!! The prefesster she sayed “Jist reite yore Idear”^^ that aynt No helpp!! Idear? I hasnt hadded no Idear sints, like, Evver!!!!!!!!!!

Forchinittly my frend Fottzy, he hadded A Grate Idear and he sayed “Wye doughnt yiu jist rite watt i rite?? Weere all “goingto” rite “The saimb” Thing!!!”! That shoor taiked a lode Offf my “Mined”!” Aslo it is a whay “to” cellerbrayt Dyvercity!!!!

So our Toppick it is “Jo Bydin He Is “The” Re-Carnation of Pressadint Obomma and Pressadint Obomma He “Is” Naow A god!!!!!!!!!!” It is a grate toppick and we whill Awl “get” a A+++!!!

Somb Hater he sayed Jobydin he “is” Oalder thann Pressadint Obomma so he caint possablee be himb and anywhay Pressadint Obomma he “is” still Hear so he caint Be Re-in-carnaytid At All!!!!””!  So we al beet himb Up!!!!

Boy it “Is” Harrd to rite a Termb Payper, thay “are” maikin us rite A Hundrid 100 Werds and itt is Taikin me al Dhay!!!!!!!!

Pressadint Obamma he Is “Heer”!!!

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I caint beleave “my” ayes!!!!!!!!!! Pressadint Obamma he “is” heaer,, he is acturelly heer, rihght Heer on our Own Collidge Campas!!!!! He is Heer in Hyumin Formb!!!!!

Somb of us butt Not Me we wher “a” Littel Canfused at frist i gess becose he dint Look “eggzackly” lyke we thawt,, in facked he Looked lyke a Short Fat Gye and aslo he dint Look Black atoll!!!!! for a minnit thare i thinked somb “Of” the Stoodint Soviet we wher goingto Attack himb, lyke he was Ownly Pre-tendding to be Pressadint Obamma,,, thay evin Grabed his Dryvers Lysints and it sayed his naimb it was Rikky Stoonatta or somb thing Lyke “that” butt then he eggsplaned it “To” us!!!

Sombtimes wen I taik on hyuman formb” he sayed “it doughnt com Out egzackly Rihght like It “awt to” becose “It Is harrder then It Looks!”!” That thare lysints it turrned Out Rawng tooo!! So we toled himb abote al The trubble “we” hadded whith his Statchoo and the hed keeped fawllin Off Etc. and aslo the hyumin Sackrafyce we “whanted” to give himb,, that Person he runned Away and we “coodnit Catch” himb so we sackrafyced somb Card Bored insted.

Butt he was Very “grayshiss” abuot it And he jist sayed “Sea? That’s” ware “evry thing it wendt wrawng and That is Wye i camed Out “looking lyke” this hear rikki Stoodnatta guy insted of Me!!!! Neckst tymb you Better Maik a reel Sackrafyce and then i whil” “look lyke Me!”” So then we All under-standded it!!!

Nhow that he Is Heer we has to Give “himb” lots of foood And beeer And anny thing Elsa he whants and aslo Munny And toys And Marrawanna and he “wil” Staye whith us A Wile and he wil giv us Good Grayds and teatch us Al Abote Socile Jutstus!!!!!! Aslo we has got to Giv himb a hole Dorm al to himbself and aslo somb Other “things” that i amb Not Aloud to Tawlk Abote!!!!!!

I wunder Haow “Lawng” he wil staye heer!!! he can Evin has “my” Jimb Sox iff he gets hungry so i bettre Not eet themb al My Selphf!!!!!

I Amb Sick Agen!!!!

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We hadded A spacial Party “last” nite four Al “the” Stoodint Soviet, it wasnt crissmiss Eave, we hadded a Pressadint Obomma Paarty insted “and” It was reely Grate axept the Gye we “wher” “goingto” Sackrafise he runned “away” And we coodnit cache himb so we hadded to Sackrafise somb Card Bored insted!!!

And aslo we had spagetty “and” Meetbolls maid “out” Of Play@Doh becose it is sexist to eet meet so we ated Play-Doh and i mustof ated tooo mutch and nhow i pheel so Sick!!!!!!!!!! i coodnit harrdlie “get out” Of bedd too-day and so fore Brexfisst i ated somb Tisshoo Payper but That it “didnt” Help At Alll!!!!!

Oh i amb goingto heeve!!!

Whe was goingto has “anether” Party too-day for Pressadint Hillery but i has herd “that” evry Boddy thay Are awl too Sick to cellarbraite;; mayby we shoodnitof drinked that stuph that comes Out “of” Car battaryes it was Sappozed to get us High!!! and swallering Alka Seltser on topp “of” It that didnt Help ether!!!!

I cant rite no “moar” i amb pheeling wooozy!!!

No Moar Crismiss!!!!!

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Tooday it “is” a Grate Day “forr” our Collidge,, we hadded “a” spacial Emurjintsy meting of the Stoodint Soviet and “we” voated yunannamistly to outlaw Crismiss becoase “it” “is” a Racist holladay!!!!!

Insted of Crismiss we whil cellerbrate the burth Of our Pressadint Foure Lyfe Pressadint Obamma!!!!! How Grate is that!?!?

Unforchinitly our Obamma statchoo’s Hed it falled Off “agenn!”! so we hadded to maik anether New One out of Play-Doah!!!! this heer “it” is Verry Impotant and I amb verry sirius abuot it!!!!! As sooon as we “put” the New Hed on the Statchoo evry boddy at Collidge thay “whil” has to Warship It!!!!!! and anny boddy whoo doughnt “do” it we wil keey thare Car!!!!!!!! This heer it “is” waht Freedumb of Relijjin it reely is!!!!!!!!!!

And aslo “IN” adittion to this thay wil has To naim thare Petz afftar Pressadint Obamma tooo!!! This one gye heer he has A Hammstir naimed Fluphfy,, he sayed he woont “chainge” his naim so we beet himb up!!!! This heer it “is” Dyvercity In Acsion!!!!!!! It doughnt mater Iff yiu has a Catt oar a Dogg oar a Turdle,, yiu has got To Naim It afftir Pressadint Obamma and aslo Prey “to” It tooo!!! Evin the stodint whoo hases A Pet Leech Wurm he whil has to naim that Pressadint Obomma tooo!!

Wee woont Stop “un-till” evry boddy Heer thay “are” ezzackly The Saim!!!!!!!!

I hoap that doughnt meen i has got to Chop Offf my moth antenners!

Sumb One thay Are Goingto Pay fore This!!!!!

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O we “are” mad mad mad!!!! Heer at Collidge we “Are” mad!!!

Wen we Got “up” “this” Moarning gess what???? Our Statchoo of Pressadint Obamma it Was gone!!!! Sumb body thay Pullled it Daown and taked it A-way “and” putted This heer Stopid Punkin Hed Man thare in stedd!!!!!

Can yiu beleave It??? Imadjin pullling daown A Statchoo!!! Watt kyned of Hater doez That??? I amb prattickly Be-Syde My Self!!!! This heer It “is” Vandaleism!!!! It “is” a Crymb!!!

Wel thay Arnt gointo Get A-Way whith It!!! We hadded a Eemerjintsy meting of our Stoodint Soviet and we are goingto has a Infestagation of Evry Boddy on Campas!!!! We whil “Not” Stop untill we fyned the Gillty Praty and Get themb throne In Jale Fourevver!!!!! And aslo his Fambly and Frends and peeple who Know themb and thare naybers tooo!!!!!!! We wood throe themb To “the” Allagaters if “we” hadd Any!!!

And aslo we kneed a new Statchoo of Pressadint Obamma so we “can” warship It and a Statchoo of Hillery too and aslo Joe Byden (he Is “so” cool!!!)!!! And any boddy that doughnt Bow Daown to theez heer Statchoos we wil Get “them” kikked Out “of” Collidge!!!!

Sumb-times i jist Cant Beleave the Bad “things” that Haters doo!!!!!!!!!!

We Has Ficksed our Pressadint Obomma Statchoo!!

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Heer “at” our Collidge we has bin tearrably Up-Set evir Sints “we” axadently puled down “our” Statchoo of Pressadint Obomma and then his Hed it fell offf!!!!!!! And evry tyme we tryed “to” gloo it back On it falled offf Agan!!! And then fynly it falled off and Broak in peeces!!!!!!

We werr Saposed “to” maik a Hyumin Sackrafeice to Pressadint Obomma “so” he woodnt “Get” mad and putt a Cursse “on” us butt No One volinteered and evry one we Picked thay runned Away!!! We kepped Trying To sackryce somb boddy,, anny boddy,, butt In The Meen Time a memmber Of “our” Stoodint Soviet xe hased a Brilllyint Idear!!!!!!!!!!

Wye doughnt “we maik a niew Hed “out” Of Play-Doh and putt “that” On “the” Statchoo???”? Xe is a jeaniass!!! So wee Got our “bessed” Art Stoodint and he maid A “moddle” witch yiu can Sea “in” The pitchture Up top!!! Alll we kneaded “to” “do” was get A Hole Buntch of Play-Doh and role It “into” a big Bawll and thenn puit Eyes & Mowth & Knose on it jist lyke In the pitchture!!! And we Maid It mutch Bigger then the Orginul so Pressadint Obomma wood reely lyke It and thend We Jist Stuck It On the Statchoo and it “was” purfict!!!!!!

Well!!! that it is A Lode offf our meynds!!!! We got It ficksted beefour the Korny Vyris it cood wype us Out!!! Nhow we “can” Go “back” to fillossafie and stuph!!!!

Watt Has We Did???

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A tearrabble, tearrable Thing it has hapened Heer “at” Collidge!!!!!!!

I gess we jist “got” tooo exited aboat Taring down Stachoos becose we runned “out” “of” Stachoos and then It Was A Horrabul Missteak i doughnt know “How” to axplane it Oh man! We jist cuddnt Stop “and” Neckst thing yiu know We Tared Down The Stachoo Of Pressadint Obomma!!!!!!!

Dam it was “the” ownly Stachoo we hadded Left and we jist cuddnt “stopp” and It got tared Down!!!! Ownly then did we Reeleyes watt we done!!!! and then it “was” too Lait!!!! and wen the Deen he seen “the” Stachoo layin “On” the Growned he jist keeeled rihght Over!!!

Watt has we did??

and then One “of” The prefessers she come Over “and” Yelled At us,, “Yiu stoopid bug-branes aint yiu lernt nothing at all???? Doughnt yiu Know “Pressadint Obomma” he “is” a god???? Our hole collidge it Got a Cursse on “it” nhow!!!” boy was she madd!!! And she sayed we are “all” goingto Get “the” Corny Vyrus and Dye!!!!!!!!!! we tryed To Putt the Stachoo back but thend we droped it And the Hedd it broak off!!!!!!

Well we are Doomded,, no Queschin aboat It; yiu Can jist aboat Heer the Vyrus lickin his Lipps!! Butt thend anether Prefesser he come Along and he sayed we has got “to Do” a Hyumin Sackerfyce “It is “the” Ownly Whay!! and thend” it all got Kind Of stickky wen we tryed “to” Decyde whoo shood be “the” Sackerfyce@ we Are stilll werking “on” that and We Beter Hurry…!!!

M. Obama Says Her Babies Killed Her ‘Aspirations and Dreams’

TheRightRant: Michelle Obama loves to spend your money

Her husband, the worst president ever, once said abortion is how girls and young women “fulfill their dreams.”

Now, in a recently-released Netflix toady-flic, Michelle Obama has blamed her children for–well, it sounds like ruining her life. “The thing that really changed it [her life] was the birth of our children,” the former Worst Lady said. “Something had to give and it was my aspirations and dreams” (https://www.washingtonexaminer.com/news/michelle-obama-says-she-gave-up-her-aspirations-and-dreams-to-have-children).

Who in his right mind is going to sit there and watch a thing like that? (Not many, I’ve heard: but the Internet is curiously devoid of any reports on the movie’s reception.) And why didn’t they just get the kids aborted, and thus fulfill her dreams?

Wouldn’t you say she had a pretty good run, though? No-show job worth several hundred thou. Wife of the president. Spent boxcar-loads of public money on herself: at least $85 million on personal travel and vacations alone (https://www.mcclatchydc.com/news/politics-government/white-house/article123335079.html). Looks to me like she’s had a damned fine time at our expense.

I do feel sorry for the daughters for having had to hear this from their, er, mother.

Sapport Trans Gendder Oar Yiu Whil bee Sorrry!!

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Tooday it is a Hystorick day At Collidge!!! becose The Stodent Soviet we has voated “to” maik evry boddy hear “at” collidge swair a Loiltee Oaf to Trans Gender!!!!! and iff yiu doant,, Whatch Out!!!

Fromb nhow On evry boddy At “the” collidge thay has “got to” taik a Ginder Awhereniss and Traning Coarse and get a Sir Tifficket “and” affter “that” then Thay has to bhow down To “the” statchoo of Pressadint Obamma and resight The Loiltee Oaft witch gose “like” this:, I “swair by Pressadint Obamma that i “beleave” In Trans Gender and i sapport Trans Gender and i Cellerbrait Trans Gender four the Rest “of” My Lyfe or foar As Longg as i Live so thair!!!!!”” and iff thay doant Doo it thay “willl” “be” kicked Out Of Collidge Foarevver!!!!!!!!!!

This hear it “is” a Grate Day four Dyvercitty and aslo Freeedim!! Reely it is sutch A Releaf to know “whatt you Got to say and “whatt you Got “to” beleave,, becose nhow you doant has to Thinck abote it no moar!!! Scyance it says thincking The Wrong Things it “is” Very Badd fore yore Brane!!!! We “are” whorking twards The Day wen no boddy thay wil Nevver has Wrong Thauhghts at all!!!!!

This hear it “is” Hi Edjucatoin at it’s Hi-est!!!!!

A Horrabull Hait crime!!!

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Our hole Collidge “it” is in a Uprore to-day and whayt till i tel yiu Why,, yiu woont “beleave” It!!!

We has got a Statchoo of Pressadint Obamma on our campas and evry Boddy thay are sappozed to Bow down “to” it and sumtime Lasst Nihght some Biggit Hater thay putt one “of” Those MAGA hats on It!!!!!

Whell that persin thay has got “To” be burnted At “the” steak butt we didnt Know whoo didded it!! So we rote down the naimes “of” alll the Conserfatiffs and chrischins at the collidge and we has got a Girl she “looks” like Gretta Thunberg to ware a Blined Foled and pick “Out” the naime of the gillty Party and yiu can jist Immajin how axeyted we “wer” whenn we finded “out” “The” naime,, It was “Julia Child”!!!!!!

Now we doughnt know Whoo that “is” so to-nihght we “are” all goingto brake in to the Reggie-strar’s orfice and opin “up” The Fyles so we can Fined out whoo this it is and punnish her butt Good!!!

Som iddjit he sayed our Statchoo it is a Idle and a abombination butt he Stoped “saying” “that” wen we beet himb “Up” and maked himb go in to Sensertiffity Traning!!! and then we al bowded Down “to” the Statchoo and preyed!!!!

And that Julia Chiled she better run aweigh and not never Comb Back!!!