Waht??? No Gradurassion???

Winnie the Pooh 6" Plush Red Graduation Cap and Gown Diploma w/ Tags Disney  | eBay

“We” jist got somb TEARRABLE NEWS!!!!!

Ar Collidge thay jist anounsed “that” thay Arent “goingto” Gradurate ennyone this yeer!!!! No deegrees!!!!!! Waht a shok!!!!!!!

Butt at leest thar’e dooing “it” “foar” “a” Good Reezin!!!! The reezin tha’re Not gradurating ennyboddy is To Pro-test Sisstembic Racism!!!!!!!! Nhow I un-derstand!! Evin So, It was a shok!!!

Insted “of” a Deegree,, thay Are givving “us” theeze heer Winny the Poo doles lyke “the” one in The pixture!! The Deen she sayed “”That whil hoald yiu Un-till awl vestridges of Racism and Wyte Struprempacy thay are No moar!”!”!”

So we awl gots “to” stay anether Yeer to git our Diplomer “butt that whil Ownly maik yiu a hole Yeer beter eddicated” she sayed!!!! Well I gess a Deegree In Nothing Studdies it “is” werth the waight!!! Its too bad I flunked Nookuler Fizzicks!! I whil has to fyned anether Miner Sujbeckt! Mayby try Cal-Culiss!

We whil aslo be aloud to creeyate Our Own Diplomers butt thay woont Count! But it whil be Good Practiss iff enny “of” us go Into Guvvermint!!!!!!

Are You Happy With Your College Degree?

Useless Degree Stock Illustrations – 3 Useless Degree Stock Illustrations,  Vectors & Clipart - Dreamstime

Odds are almost 50/50 that you aren’t!

But if you have a degree in (LOL) Journalism… well, 87% of you who have ’em regret having gone to college and paid through the nose to get one (https://thepostmillennial.com/journalism-is-most-regretted-major-for-college-grads).

[I don’t know what’s so terrible about a Journalism degree. Heck, it’s one of the easiest jobs in the world. If you’re on TV or radio, simply recite the Democrat talking points. If you’re at the keyboard, simply type in the Democrat talking points. What could be easier?]

Coming in second in the “What the hell did I do that for?” derby is a degree in sociology, with 72% of those who have them wondering why they bothered. The survey covered 1,500 students in various disciplines–and found that on the whole,. 44% of persons with college degrees “regretted” getting them.

We are not told how satisfied numbskulls are with their degrees in Nothing Studies, Superhero Studies, Lesbian Backwards Poetry Studies, Chicano Calisthenics Studies, etc., etc.

Maybe those are the degrees the holders are satisfied with.

‘Win a Free Collidge Eddication!’ (2018)

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Washme Hall

Unless my crystal ball has stopped working, we’re soon going to hear a lot of talk about “free college education for all.” What a fabulous idea! But Fimbo College is two years ahead of the curve.

Win a Free Collidge Eddication!

This higher education is practically a guaranteed ticket to a lifetime’s unemployment! And all in return for just a thousand cereal boxtops! That and an official college degree in Gender Studies–what more could you possibly ask?

‘Revoke All Their Degrees!’

Coronavirus bursts the US college education bubble | Financial Times

Sinking faster and faster…

Fishmouth Community College has announced a plan to revoke all the associate degrees earned by everyone who voted for President Donald Trump in 2020.

“And not only that!” said College President C. Babbington Whoremaster. “We’re also gonna take back everything they ever learned while they were here!”

The debate now focuses on whether anybody ever did learn anything at Fishmouth.

A Personal Note: I triple-dog dare Rutgers University to take back my degree! In fact, I’m kind of offended that they haven’t yet tried to do that. I mean, come on–I supported President Trump with everything I had! How dare they ignore me? Hey, Rutgers, here I am!

Tell you what. If you want my Political Science degree, you can freakin’ well buy it back! And make sure you adjust for inflation: I want the 2021 cost of tuition.

Y’know, that’s a pretty great idea, if we’re ever in a position to do it: force the colleges and universities to refund the money of anyone who’s unsatisfied with what they got by way of higher education. A lot of goods and services come with money-back guarantees; but I don’t think public education could survive it. Do you?

Forbes: 1 in 3 Recent College Grads ‘Underemployed’

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Democrats are all yapping about “universal college,” free tuition (translation: the defenseless taxpayers foot the bill), etc., as if we didn’t already have nearly universal college.

But Forbes Magazine, citing figures from the New York Fed, reports that one out of three  college graduates have jobs for which no college degree is required–and for recent grads, that figure climbs to 44% and sometimes up to 50% (https://www.forbes.com/sites/prestoncooper2/2017/07/13/new-york-fed-highlights-underemployment-among-college-graduates/#4636218e40d8). That is, half of them have jobs for which no degree is required–which means their degrees are irrelevant.

And they’re earning less money than they used to, too. Fifteen years ago, underemployed college graduates earned, on the average, a little over $45,000 a year. They weren’t all sweeping the floor in the 7-11: some non-degreed jobs paid very well. But now only one in three grads earns that much.

But they’ve still got to pay off their student loans. Ouch!

“Could the college degree become the new high school degree?” Forbes asks rhetorically.

Once almost everybody had a high school degree, a high school degree stopped being worth anything. You can get one without learning to read. Just show up.

As we expand “higher education” to take in almost everybody, the same thing is happening to a degree from a college.

And the Forbes article doesn’t raise the issue of totally worthless degrees in Gender Studies and Superhero Studies and the like: imagine the underemployment rate, and the earnings, for grads with those degrees.

Back in the 1970s I found my B.A. in Political Science not a help but an impediment, Phi Beta Kappa key and all. Wherever I applied for a job, I ran into the brick wall called “You’re overqualified.” It seems I was qualified for nothing but to go back to college, which I didn’t want to do; I just couldn’t sit in classrooms anymore.

We are always told that a college degree is indispensable for success in today’s economy.

I don’t believe it.

College is Gold!

We’ve been hearing a lot about supposedly “worthless” college degrees in “ridiculous” subjects like Intersectional Feminist Literary Theory or Superhero Studies. But I’m Dr. Credulous, and I’m here to tell you that your “worthless” college degree is money in the bank!

What if your employer needs to know whether a new sales policy he’s contemplating is suitably intersectional, contributary to Social Justice, subtly microaggressive, or insufficiently non-transactional? Who’s he gonna call–some know-nothing IT guy? Heck, no–he’s gonna call you!

Today’s college graduates are tomorrow’s Democrat voters! Today’s college grads are tomorrow’s societal influencers!

So be proud of your master’s degree in Gender Studies! After all, it took you seven or eight years to earn it, not to mention that crushingly massive student debt. Be proud of being part of the wave of the future!

I’m Dr. Credulous, and I know about these things.

Leading Tarzan Scholar Fired!

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One of America’s foremost Tarzan scholars, and chairman of a leading Tarzan Studies department, has been dismissed from his professorship at Watta State University–for declaring that Tarzan of the Apes was not a real person.

“It throws our whole Tarzan Studies program into an uproar,” said University President C. Whittington Schamm. “We don’t want students thinking their degrees in Tarzan Studies are worthless!”

In a controversial paper, Professor Harlow Tumbly argued that Tarzan could not possibly have been a real person.

“Take all them there lost cities he discovered in Africa,” said Dr. Tumbly. “Why, if he really was to go to each and every one of them, and do all them things the books say he done there, well, it would’ve taken him upwards of a hundred years to do it! No, it just ain’t possible!”

Dr. Tumbly was almost fired last year when he tried to get his students to read the actual Tarzan novels instead of comic books. “Them books are very different from the cartoons,” he said at the time. “I finally read some of them this summer, and they sure surprised me! I ain’t read no book in quite a long time, so these here came as a kind of revelation to me. I didn’t know they could put so many pages in a book.”

Having been stripped of his academic tenure, Dr. Tumbly now faces a trial by a students’ court on charges of Enlarged Microaggression. If convicted, he could be defenestrated.