Category Archives: Public Education

‘Why the Good Guys Always Lose’ (2013)

 K-5 In Public Schools. A dejected and worried young girl in a classroom

I’ve never found a more reliable method of losing battles in the culture war than this, espoused in 2013 by Rebecca Hagelin.

All right, it’s a rhetorical expression: we don’t always lose. But we don’t have “gay marriage,” Drag Queen Story Hour, hyper-feminism, and a virulent strain of the Democrat Party infecting our House of Representatives because we know how to win.

I wonder if Ms. Hagelin was quite all there when she wrote this.

‘No More Math for These Collidge Stoodints’ (2016)

Who Left The Bag Of Idiots Open Funny Image

In 2016 math was too hard for, er, students at Wayne State, Detroit–so Educators replaced math with Diversity Studies.

“Diversity Studies? What’s Diversity Studies?”

It’s a joke, matey, and the joke’s on you! Even if you’re not paying tuition for a totally worthless diploma, eventually you’ll have to pay, along with all the rest of the country. Oh, yeah, America’s gonna pay for this. Tens of thousands of embittered, ignorant, unemployable ex-college students clogging up the economy and getting into trouble–yeah, we’ll pay for that.

We can always hope that at least a chunk of our higher education system won’t survive the Chinese Death Virus crisis. Hope and pray.

Daown whith Freeedum!!!

I was tied to a chair and left petrified' - BBC News

We heerded a reely Grate Lexture tooday!!! The lexturer he Sayed Noboddy shood awt to be aloud “To” “Do” Nothing annymoar not unlest The Party thay say yiu Can!!!! And this hear it whill Cawse thare “to Be” No moar Jerms andor Dizeezes!!!!

He explaned “it” reel Good! Dizeeze like the Corny Vyris it “is” cawsed by peple Doing Stufff!!! But if evry boddy thay “Are” alll Tyed Up all “the” Tiyme then thay Cant “be” spredding Dizeeze!!

Then he sayed A Reely Pro-Fowned Thing and i wil kwote himb Hear,, “Freeedum he” sayed” “it is No Goood!! Freedum it is Racist!!! alll It dose Is maik Dizzeeze al Ovar “the” plaice!!!!! Saying Things and Dooing Things it is bad-bad-bad!!!”” and aslo It maikes Climbit Chainge!!! Bettcha didnt Know “that”!” Saying Stuff it alyaws leeds “to” Trubble so he sayed “tobe On “the” Saif Syde al the peple thay shood has Gagues so thay cant Say Stuff unlest The Party taiks the Gague Offf!!”!

Somb Consurfatiff racist-hater-Biggit then he sayed that Al;l sownded Pritty Bad but we beeted himb up So he coodnt Tauk!!! and the Lexturor he sayed “Sea that Is whatt i meen! Iff he hased a Gague on,, he coodnt of sayed themb Hatful Things!!!!!”

Well wee al camed Out of “that” thare Lexture reel inspyred and “nhow” we Know that Utopia it whill come as sooon as evry Boddy thay are al tyed Up whith Gagues on and thare woont be no dizzeeze No Moar!!!! In facked i amb going to Go back “to” my shedd And “tye My Selff” Up!!!!



‘Higher Education’ (LOL) Feeling the Pinch

Napkins 33x33 cm - Happy Puppies by Wimmel Napkins

The president of the University of Wisconsin has warned the schools in his system that times are going to be tough, financially, and advised them to concentrate on “signature programs worthy of preservation” ( This, of course, is all due to the coronavirus panic and the shutdown of our nation’s economy.

Hmm… Now what programs might those be? Women’s Studies? Transgender Poetry? Critical Race Theory? Superhero Studies? Advanced Crying?

Well, sez the prez, brace for layoffs and keep “basics” like math and English that undergraduates need, to get a diploma… “if we want the system to survive.”

They’re miffed at Wisconsin’s Republican legislature for not letting them raise the tuition, two years in a row–a measly $10,555 in-state, and $36,805 out-of-state–and they don’t know how they’re gonna keep the party going: gee, it costs money to offer all that Woke Stuff–Beyonce Studies, Lesbian Philately, blah-blah-blah. To say nothing of the remediation for all the stuff the kiddies should’ve learned in high school, but didn’t.

For the most part, America’s colleges and universities deserve to go broke, and the process should be hastened. The whole idea that “everybody has to go to college!” was never anything but nonsense. The whole thing needs to be pruned way back. We could probably erase 90% of our whole university system and suffer no ill effects from it.

Betcha anything we can do without it!

How To Not get ‘the’ Viris!!

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See this hear coing? Iff yiu cary It “in” yore pockit,, yiu cant Get “the” Corny Viris!!!!!! I hadded “to” Paiy this Gye al “my” Munny for It becose “it” “is” Salad Gold!!!!

At frist i was Reluctrint to bye It,, i thinked this hear It “is” jist a Pitchure of Mikky Maose!! waht do i Whant whith a pitchure Of Mikky Maose?? He sayed well “that jist Gose to Showe watt yiu know, stopid!!!” it Torns Out “it” is NOT Mikky Maose at al–wow!! it is Pressadint Obomma diskyzed As Mikky Maose!!!!! How abote That!!!!!

And whole Onto yore Hatts, yiu know “watt” “this” Coing it does??? It Stopps yiu frumb ever Geting “the” Corny Viris!!!!!!!!! Yiu can dump “a” botle “of” Viris Watter rihght “on” yore Hedd and yiu “stil woont” Get it!!! Becose Pressadint Obomma he woont “let” yiu “gett It!”! He is diskyzed as Mikky Maose to foool The Viris!!! And aslo The gye he sayed the Viris it is Affrayed “Of” Dizzny chactotors!!!! He has aslo got “a” coing whith Hillery she Is diskyzed as Gooofy!!!! i wood Love to has that One too but i hasnt got “No” moar Munny!!! and thare is anether Coing whith Burny Sandras he is Diskyzed as Dunnold Duckk!!!

The gye he sayed “Yiu “are” luckie yiu camed Allong wen “yiu” did,, this hear it Was The “last” Pressadint Obomma Coing i has for sayle!!”! He sayed he gived me “A” Disscount becose i has got a Onnist Fayce!!!!!


‘We’re Living in Jurassic Park’ (2015)

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In the original Jurassic Park, the slimy lawyer tries to hide in the john but the T. rex gets him anyway. More than a few people cheered that scene.

But as a metaphor, the movie works even better: more and more dinosaurs are getting lose and raising cain with our own Jurassic Park.

Yeah, yeah–Settled Science and Real Smart Politics were going to make it all so wonderful. But now the T. rex is out, eating people and wrecking stuff. We prefer to call it a virus. But really, it’s not the only hungry dinosaur on the loose. Our whole globalist project has melted into chaos.

As it was bound to.

As Bayard Rustin once said, “There sure are a lot of stupid smart people.”

Here’s What the Universities Are Doing with Their Bailout Money

Conceptual finance image of burning pile of money, dollar bills ...

Billions of dollars in coronavirus relief funds have been poured into our country’s looniversities. What do you suppose they’re doing with it?

Why, hiring new “diversity czars,” of course! (

A few examples: University of Tennessee-Knoxville, over $19 million; Salem State, over $6.5 million; University of Texas-San Antonio, over $29 million.

And they’re all using the money to hire new “diversity” administrators, to further “our broad commitments to inclusion and engagement,” blah-blah-blah. Gotta meet those “diversity goals”!

While many of us wonder if we’re going to survive the economic hardships and dislocations dumped on us by the Chinese Communist Wuhan Death Virus From China, our colleges are using our tax money to provide totally useless cushy jobs that have nothing to do with anything beyond pursuing their inane contribution to “transforming” America into a Third World socialist basket case. Our money is being pissed away for this.

You’d think our government would defend us and take back all the funds now being squandered on pseudo-education. You’d think America would have learned, the hard way, that our supply of money is not freakin’ infinite and should not be wasted on pernicious foolishness. Are we never going to learn that lesson?

Stop funding the universities. Just stop it!

They’re Banning ‘Gatsby’ Again The Great Gatsby: Robert Redford, Mia Farrow, Bruce ...

A couple of years ago, some of our, um, colleges banned it. Now a local school board in Alaska has banned it–one of the great books in American literature, F. Scott Fitzgerald’s The Great Gatsby ( For its “controversial content,” don’t you know–“language and sexual references.”

Doh! “Sexual references”? Has the school board looked at its own K-12 sex education curriculum lately? Holy cow! It’s practically the Kama Sutra. Gatsby would have to be about a hundred times dirtier just to be in the same area code as “sex ed.”

They banned five books. The only other one that I’ve read was Catch-22, banned because characters who are guys in the army talk and act like guys in the army. I read it in college. On one memorable occasion in the classroom, the instructor was reading a particularly vivid passage aloud when one of the students fainted. We all thought he was kidding at first–but nope, he really fainted.

When I was in high school in the Late Bronze Age, everything on our required reading list was just plain boring. Silas Marner–which was worse, that or The Forsyte Saga? I think they were trying to put us off reading, permanently.

Up in Alaska, the five banned books were cut from the reading list of the High School English Elective Curriculum.

Just to show you where their heads were at, the school board’s vice president said of Gatsby, “If I were to read this in a corporate environment, I would be dragged into EO.” I think “EO” means “Economic Opportunity”–sort of a workplace thought police. You don’t want to be reading novels that’d suggest you were an Enemy Of The People.

As a high school student, I’m sure I would not have been mature enough to appreciate The Great Gatsby. If I were a public high school student today, I would already be up to my eyebrows in lurid sexual content and foul language: our popular culture is a polluted pond, and we’re the fish stuck swimming in it. How any single book would even be noticed in the avalanche of filth that’s dumped on us every day, is more than I know.

Meanwhile, the local bookstores say these titles have suddenly begun flying off the shelves.

Wanted: Celebrities for Quokka U.

Quokka - Description, Habitat, Image, Diet, and Interesting Facts

G’day, everybody! Byron the Quokka here; and that’s me, talking on a cellphone. Most of us quokkas don’t have cellphones. There’s always a human around to let us use his.

And oh, crikey! If I told you who I was talking to, you’d never believe it! This person is so famous, your wallpaper would fall off the wall if he ever came into your house!

We want to make Quokka University someplace special. We think the best way to do that is to have as many celebrities as we can walking around the campus. We’re not offering degrees or having courses, so we kind of need these celebrities. You’d think America could spare a Kardashian or two.

The problem is, most of the celebrities that we quokkas consider celebrities are hardly celebrities at all, as humans see it. I mean, we would go positively bonkers if we could ever meet Harold J. Flotsam! Just thinking about it makes my joints all rubbery–I have to sit down. But I am told most humans have never even heard of him. Sheesh! How could you miss him?

By the same token, a lot of celebrities that humans consider celebrities are not celebrities at all, as quokkas see it. Someone was trying to explain to me who Beyonce is, and I just fell asleep.

And then there are Tasmanian devils’ biggest celebrities, but that’s just ridiculous.

Well, as you can see, it’s a thorny problem, but we’re working on it. We won’t stop till Quokka U. proudly takes its place among the world’s great universities!

Hear’s how We wil Beet The Vyras!!

Coronavirus outbreak triggers a global run on face masks - Pacific ...

We has helded a Emergintsy Meating tooday of our Stoodint ((see! i rememmber how to spel it!!)) Soviet to maik Up “new” Roules for fiting The Corny Vyrus hear at Collidge!!! Hear “are” sumb of our Smartist New roules!!!

*Masques yiu Must ware themb “at” al Tymes,, evin wen yor’e Eeting!!!!! No moar taiking “the” masques off Ever!!!!!!!!!!

*Frumb nhow On yiu has got to “stay” at Leests Siks Feeet Aprat wile hasing Sex!!!

*No moar Tawking alloud,, Unlest yiu are tawking aboot Socile Jutstus!!

*Yiu Cant “go” no-ware Annymoar!!!!

*Manditorry Play-Doh it is man-daited!!

*Frumb nhow On yiu has to ware At Leest twoo (2!) Shurts and threee (3!) shoos at Al Tymes!!!

Thare “are” “a” Lot moar of themb but i has fourgot waht thay “are”!!! My pen it runned oaut of Inc wile i was “trying” to rite themb daown and i cuddnt rite “a” Noat to no boddy to borro thare Pen!!!!

Theeze hear Meshures thay wil Keeep us Saife fromb the Vyris!!!!!!!!!!

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