Tag: comic book movies

New! Racial Glasses for Your Racist Eyes! REPRINT

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Silly Glasses Images, Stock Photos & Vectors | Shutterstock

 

From  May 13, 2021

Why go to all the trouble to make a black Superman movie (https://www.inverse.com/entertainment/dc-black-superman-jj-abrams-clark-kent) when anyone can just put on a pair of glasses that lets you see anyone in any color you please? Besides which, who goes to the movies anymore? There’s nothing to see.

Ah! But imagine you’re watching a Superman movie and just burning up inside because Superman is white. What do you do?

You put on a pair of Co-lor-Spex from Pdgaa Products–and presto! Everyone in the movie, even in the crowd scenes, is black! No more whiteys anywhere. Buy a different pair of Spex for every color!

And they work with pictures in books, too. And TV broadcasts. And for stuff streaming on your computer. Even the nooze!

With Co-lor-Spex you will never again–never!–have to see people who aren’t the right color. But wait, there’s more!

Pdgaa’s crack research team is working on All Day Co-lor-Spex so that every person you see in public or in private will be in the color that you want to see! You’ll never again see anyone who’s in the wrong skin color!

And they’re only $1.99 a pair! Order yours today!

 

Movie Crashes and Burns Before It’s Released

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Marvel Studios Unveils A New Look At 'The Marvels' And ...

I think I finally understand what Roberto Duran meant when he said “No mas! No mas!”

The Marvel Cinematic Universe (oh, forsooth), in  conjunction with Disney Groomers Inc., has a new movie that has incurred disastrous ratings even before it’s been released (https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/movies/movie-news/the-marvels-box-office-bombing-opening-1235644758/). They’re already making excuses for it.

Some reviewers speculate it might be “superhero fatigue” finally catching up with Hollywood. Gee, ya think? Enough with the goofy costumes already! But let’s make this easy: Is there anybody up there on the screen who’s not a superhero?

So this new movie, The Marvels, is anticipated to bottom out financially, “a new low for Marvel Studios.” Well, how many yopes in costume can one planet absorb? It’s like there’s only one movie out there and they keep on making it, over and over, plugging in irrelevant changes that change nothing. All right, two or three movies. Leave room for Disney’s sex-with-children campaign.

I wonder if the problem is, they got stuck in “superhero” mode and never took the next step–“super-duperheroes.” What’s that? The Babylonians already did that, thousands of years ago–and look where they are today? Maybe “Jumbo Super Duper Plus-Size Heroes.” That might do it.

‘Gay Superhero’ Movie Bombs

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Electric Movie Quotes From Shazam! Fury Of the Gods

What do we have to do to make it stop?

Words can hardly express how sick I am of movies inspired by freaking comic books. Not that I watch them. Just reading about them is bad enough. What do you say of a population that never outgrows comic books?

DC Comics, with behind-the-scenes backing by Warner Bros., has come out with a “Shazam 2” sequel featuring a “gay superhero” named Pedro (https://www.westernjournal.com/dcs-gay-superhero-film-bombs-box-office-hollywood-running-excuses/). His Hispanic name indicates he’s a twofer.

The movie boasts “an incredible representation of ethnicity across the boards,” babbles the star.

Question! How do we know Pedro is “gay”? Does he announce it repeatedly? Does he wear a feather boa? Do we see him romancing another guy? Like, how many ways can they find to make this disgusting?

And I’m sure that incredible representation of ethnicity will just pack ’em in. You’re gonna need a bigger theater, boss.

Oops! What’s this? “Shazam 2” is a box office bomb? Holy moly, who would’ve thought it?

It’s good news that this monstrosity flopped; but bad news that it was made at all.

Another $70 Million Down the Drain

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Warner Bros. DC 'Batgirl' Movie Officially Canceled | The Mary Sue

New definition of “countless”: the number of movies made from comic books

Warner Bros. has shelved what they’re calling an “unspeakable” Batgirl movie, won’t even release it as streaming video, let alone show it in theaters–in short, nobody will see it (https://nypost.com/2022/08/02/batgirl-movie-gets-shelved-by-warner-bros-source/).

They’re admitting to a $70 million cost, but some sources say it was closer to $100 million. And that’s before having to pay for publicity, distribution, etc., etc.

It was a cooperative venture between Warner Bros. and DC Comics–yeah, they’re still making $100 million comic book movies, they think we all stop developing at 12 years old. But DC’s “Extended Universe” project (whatever that is–why would I know?) is going belly-up and it looks like Warner Bros. has decided to cut its losses while the cutting is good.

Gee… How bad does a movie have to be for its own company to call it “unspeakable”? We could have something truly unique here. I almost want to see it! I mean, can anything really be that awful?

Probably a question that we shouldn’t ask.

Woke ‘Thor’ (How Badly Do You Need to See a Movie?)

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11 Female Thor ideas | female thor, thor, thor cosplay

Used to be a Norse pagan god. Now… crapola.

If you have some rare medical condition, 100% fatal, curable only by exposure to really wretched movies, then here’s another stupid comic book movie for you–Thor Love and Thunder, perpetrated by Marvel Comics and those jolly kiddie sex-groomers at Disney (https://www.thegatewaypundit.com/2022/07/avoid-costs-thor-love-thunder-unless-like-woke-movies-even-rock-people-gay-babies-queen-king/).

You may remember–why you should, that’s another story–how, five years ago, Marvel went full-throttle woke with some of its stuporhero characters (turning the Norse god Thor into a goddess with huge knockers, for instance) and, in the interests of “diversity,” promptly took a bath. Turned out normal people don’t much care for Marvel’s vision of “diversity.”

So now they’ve made this goofy Thor movie with Disney, and they brag about how “gay” it is. In the words of one reviewer, the movie features “gay rock men having lava babies.” It is “off the charts woke,” he says.

I anticipate no difficulty at all in staying away from this movie. Idiots in the movie industry refuse to see the writing on the wall, and are doubling down on their teachers’-union vision of life.

Let’s have a party when they declare bankruptcy.

‘Coming Soon–Crappy Movies’ (2013)

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I’ve heard the average movie costs about $100 million to make. You could do an awful lot of good with that much money, and still have some left over for a freakin’ movie.

I shudder to think of what was paid to produce these 2013 clunkers.

Coming Soon–Crappy Movies

I mean, how could you possibly decide which was worse–movies based on comic books, with (ugh!) super-heroes; or The Great Gatsby with a rap “music” soundtrack? Like, what if you had magical powers to get rid of them forever–but you had to choose only one? What a dilemma!

No, You Don’t Turn into Spider-Man

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Black Widow Spiders, Worthy of Fear? | McCloud Services

Three boys in Bolivia, aged 12, 10, and 8, were hospitalized for a week after purposely getting a black widow spider to bite them (https://nypost.com/2020/05/25/boys-let-black-widow-bite-them-in-hopes-of-turning-into-spider-man/).

Why did they do that?

Because they saw a Spider-Man comic-book movie and wanted to acquire super-powers… like Spider-Man.

Twelve’s a little old for that, don’t you think?

Many years ago you used to hear occasional stories of some kid using a towel for a cape and jumping off a tool shed because he thought the cape would enable him to fly like Superman. Superman was big on TV in those days.

Kids do stupid things sometimes. They’re not old enough to know any better. It’s why we don’t let them drive cars, enter into binding contracts, or vote.

I hope Nancy Pelosi doesn’t see this news item. She’ll want to lower the voting age to 12.

Too Much of a Bad Thing?

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Trick or treat?

Ah, yes, of course–another blockbuster comic-book movie. Or is it something more than that?

Avengers: Endgame, three hours of so-and-sos running around in superhero costumes, opened in China a few days ago–and proved to be a bit too much for a  21-year-old woman in the audience.

This poor lass was rushed to the hospital crying uncontrollably, with difficulty breathing–they had to give her oxygen–chest pains, and hands that went numb, plus finger spasms. She also needed some counseling (https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/life-style/health-fitness/health-news/a-woman-lands-up-at-the-hospital-after-crying-too-much-watching-the-avengers/articleshow/69081306.cms).

“She’s definitely a real fan,” someone commented on social media.

Uh, hello, anybody there? It’s a movie based on comic books. All right, three hours in a movie chair, that might make you cry. Just being in China at all would make some people cry. Crikey, what would’ve happened if she’d had to watch Old Yeller? And I found Bambi rather upsetting; but I was only a little kid at the time.

Well, crying over a movie, that’s one thing. Having to be hospitalized because of a movie, that’s off the scale.

We’ll have to wait and see whether it happens more than once with this movie. And if it does…

Hey, don’t look at me! I don’t know what to do about it.

Oh, Noooo! No Gays in ‘Black Panther’

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There’s just no pleasing leftids. They’ve got their first black superhero in his first black superhero comic book movie, The Black Panther–and they’re beefing about there being no “gays” in the movie (http://sandrarose.com/2018/02/black-panther-packed-action-diversity-no-gays/).

There are rumors that “gay” scenes were cut from the movie, but Marvel Studios says no, never happened.

Obviously the only thing that’ll float their boat is another movie featuring a “gay” superhero with a fabulous cape. The Calico Catamite. The Silver Sod. Filigree Fairy. I mean, really–you’re Hollywood, you just can’t sleep at night unless you’ve done something to befoul our culture.

And then some other victim identity group will be jealous and there’ll have to be a caped superhero for them, too. The wheelchair-bound, in-a-coma, lactose intolerant, here illegally, totally incompetent, unintelligible, ADHD superhero  with shaving cream on her head instead of hair.

Oh–and please watch out for intersectionality. Y’know what? It just totally doesn’t matter what that is.

This is what happens to a Godless civilization.

Libs Turn Movie into Political Event

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Now you can’t even go to a movie anymore without some “activist” shoving a voter registration form under your nose and babbling about “electoral justice.” At least that’s what happens when you try to see the new comic book superhero oh-gimme-a-break movie, The Black Panther (https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/voter-registration-black-panther_us_5a88616ae4b05c2bcacb7088).

This particular caper is the work of The Movement for Black Lives, which is “an ecosystem”–what?–“of black leaders and organizations fighting every single day,” blah-blah, and bugging people at the movie house is their “Electoral Justice Project.”

It would be a hard call to decide which obsesses liberals more, race or politics. Well, here they’ve got a two-for-one. And any time a leftid uses the word “justice,” watch out: it doesn’t mean what you and the dictionary think it means.

It goes without saying that the movie was created to make money. Well and good. But there’s something fishy about this particular movie. By and by we’ll be able to see exactly what it is.